Chapter 55- The Right Words To Say
Taylor tilted his head to the side, “Did I like what?”
“The kiss, Taylor. Her kiss. Did you like it?”
“I broke it off before it went any further. So no.” He replied, leaning down to the crook of her neck and placed a trail of butterfly kisses along the softness of her skin.
Kate leaned into his kisses and moaned when he touch her sensitive spot. His lips felt warm and wet as he began to suck on her skin.
“Is she beautiful?”
Taylor pulled away and gave her a hard stare. “I’m trying to seduce you and you keep talking about Romella. Do you want to spoil the mood?”
The small distance that he created between them as he stared down at her was just enough for Kate to be able to breathe and gather her thoughts.
“No. What I want is for you to tell me if you felt attracted to her?” She snapped, pulling her trap back to its original place.
Taylor raked a rough hand through his hair. ” What do you want me to say Kate?” He snapped back at her, “You want me to tell you that yes, she is fucking beautiful and yes, she does have a body that is made for sex? or no because she fucking dyed her hair red and it fucking reminded me of you, reminded me that that colour was only meant for you and that you were waiting for me, here - at home?!”
“Then why didn’t you come back Taylor. You said you didn’t kiss her, do you mean to tell me that stay up all night and what? Talked?” Her eyes slowly narrowed back at him suspiciously, “Did you fuck her?”
His jaw twitched,“It’s like a never ending roller-coaster ride with you isn’t it?”
“Is it?” She slid herself down from the countertop. “My bags are already packed Taylor and I’m just one word away from storming out of here and never look at your face again.”
She was being serious. He could tell. Her jutted chin, thightened lips and cold yet beautiful amber eyes told him so.
“I didn’t fuck her, Kate.” He hissed, “We only talked. I told you I broke it off the minute her lips touched mine.”
“Then I’ll ask again. Why didn’t you come back last night?”
Taylor sighed heavily, ” I left the club at around four and was on my way over but Kayla called. She was crying and far too drunk to drive, so I went to pick her up at the lounge. She needed someone to talk to and I am the closest thing she has to family.”
“That’s nice.” Kate said politely.
Taylor’s eyes narrowed. What was this? Why did it feel like he was setting himself up for a trap? When all he wanted was to hold her in his arms and maybe finally tell her how he felt about her.
A bitter smile spreaded on her lips, “Did it also cross your mind to call me? I stayed up all night waiting for you, Taylor.”
Fuck. Taylor hissed under his breath. Had he know that she would wait up the he would have.
“Kate,“He said, reaching out his hands to her.
“No,don’t.” She slapped at them. She didn’t want to be in his arms, not now. Not when she was still angry at him. He would only make her forget. Forget why she was angry in the first place.
The look on her face pained him. Why couldn’t he get this right with her? She had already threatened him of leaving and his heart was still thumping painfully at the thought of her following through with her threat.
But talking about feelings was never one of his strong qualities. His father had made sure of that. And for as long as he could remember it feelings never really did serve a purpose to him but now, standing infront of Kate -- he couldn’t seem for the life of him find the right words to say. And he wanted so badly to say them.
“I’m sorry, okay? I thought that you’d be sleeping. Look, can we not do this now? I haven’t slept either and I just --”
“Maybe we should just... take a break.” Kate said, staring blindly at him.
“Yes, you’re right. Let’s just take a break and we can finish this after we’ve both gotten some sleep.” He said, holding out a hand to her.
But Kate didn’t move, nor did she accepting his hand.
“No Taylor,“she shook her head back at him, “I mean we should take a break, break. All of this seems a little too complicated for two people who’s just having sex, don’t you think?”
Taylor blinked, unmoved as he stared back into her eyes, “You mean, end this? What we have?”
Her eyes fluttered close as she nodded her head, fighting the tears. What were they doing exactly? Fighting each other, yelling at each other and for what? She seemed to be the only one who was emotionally investing in this because he had made it very clear since the beginning that this, whatever they had going - was only temporary.
She needed to wake up from this deluded dream of hers and start thinking about herself, what was best for her, because at the end of this - she was sure that she would be the only one who would be left broke and bruised to the core.
So she drew in a deep breath and put on one her finest fake for show, “Which isn’t much right?”
Taylor took a step back, the another one and another one. His brows touched as confusion swept on his face.
“You’re ending this? Us?”
“Not forever,” she said but it was a lie, the only one that she had to say that she didn’t break down and completely lose it. After a while she would get over him, she promised herself. ” I just, I need some space.”
“You can’t leave Kate.” He told her, “Do honestly think that I’m going to just let you go?”
“You can’t stop me, Taylor. I am not one of your possession. You don’t get to keep me here just for your own benefit. I’m going back home.” She said, walking out of the room.
Taylor watched as she brushed past him.
Is that what she thought she was to him? Something to just make the time pass with?
He didn’t waste anytime following after her. And when he cross the floors of his living room, he caught up with her as she was about to make her way up the stairs.
“Is that what you think you are to me? A possession. Really Kate?”
Her right foot halted and hovered over the first step at the sound of his voice.
“Aren’t I ?” Kate threw over her shoulder. He basically plans her entire day for her - and in between going to work and visiting her grandmother, he would keep her here. Like a loyal pet waiting for its master to come home.
Taylor’s brows furrowed. How? Was it because he on kept her here? Never went out? Wasn’t it enough that they got to spend their time together?
Taylor sighed,“Then fine. You can do what ever it is you feel like doing.”
“I am. I’m leaving.”
“Kate,” oh hell! That’s not what he had meant by that. He only meant that she could choose to do whatever she felt like doing while staying here.
“I can’t do this anymore Taylor. I thought I could. I thought I could kiss you and make love to you without --” she stopped, biting back - without falling in love with you.
At first she thought that it would be easy. He made it seem easy - with his overbearing ways but then, somehow he ended up making it so difficult for her to not fall for him.
“Without what?” Taylor moved closer to her.
“It doesn’t matter.” She replied, stepping on the first step.
“Without what Kate?” He took another step. “Without falling in love with me?”
“In love with you?” She laughed, or hoped the sound she made was a laugh. “Oh, that ego of yours is unbelievable, Taylor! Why would you think that I’m in love with you?”
“Are you?” He asked, wishing that he could see her face but she seemed so determined to have her back turned to him. Maybe he was a fool to think that she could feel the same way he did. His heart gave an unsteady lurch. This wasn’t going right. He couldn’t be the only one that felt this undeniable pain of losing her, of not being with with her. She had to love him. All those longing kisses and the were she looked at him as if there wasn’t any other place in the world that she would rather be than in his arms. No way - no way had she been faking it.
“I won’t let you go, Kate. Not now, not ever.”
It pained her to hear him say those words because she did want to stay. She did love him. But he didn’t and staying would only hurt her more. She wouldn’t be able to keep lying to both him and herself and eventually, she would hate him for not feeling the same way.
This needed to end.
So she tilted her head to the side and stole a quick glance at him. The sight of him nearly broke her heart but she stay strong and fought to keep her voice from shaking.
“Well, tough.” She said before marching up the stairs.
Tough? Tough!? That all she was going to say to him. Tough?!
“Damn it Kate!” He feet rushed up beneath him. He wasn’t about to just let her go like that. “What do you want from me?” He snapped, watching her disappeared around the corner of the hallway. Oh, hell! He hadn’t meant to it like that. He had intended to ask her what she wanted him to do in order to change her mind. He still yet had to tell her how he felt ... but he could feel his chances slipping away. He had never seen Kate so cold and removed.
“What do want me to say? ” He added when he finally made his way up the stairs, then let out a curse at the words that had just left his mouth.
Her feet wouldn’t stop. She entered her bedroom and grabbed her bag from the bed.
Tell me that I at least mean something to you, her heart cried out. That all those tears I cried last night wasn’t invane. That I won’t wake up someday you and find that you’ve replaced me.
She manoeuvred her way around the bed to take her suitcase but stop when a very frustrated Taylor blocked her path. He snatched the bag from her. It’s was the only thing that came to mind and he acted rather quickly and was sure what to do now.
She daggered pierced into his skull, her chest was heaving heavily and she looked just about ready to wring his neck.
“Kate? I said--”
“I heard what you said.” She snapped then lowered her eyes to her bag. “What do you expect me to say to you, Taylor?”
“That you’ll stay.” He said, as if this were all too simple to need an explanation.
Her heart, her stupid, stupid heart which had been Oh so close to melting, quickly began icing over.
“Here? With you?”
“Yes.” He said, taking a step towards her.
The word came like a blow, knocking Taylor into a dead stop. ” What do you mean no?”
Kate licked her lips. Don’t look at me that way, she thought. As if you really love and not just want me.
And when she made no move to reply, he took another step closer to her.
She brought a hand up, silently begging not to come any further.
Kate,” he cleared his throat, “I know that I’ve upset you but--”
“Upset?” She interrupted him mid-sentence, “It that what you think all of this is about?” She gazed at him under her lids. If did then he really was a clueless asshole.
“Why should I stay? There’s nothing keeping me here, just you - standing in my way.“She added.
“You should,” his features soften and his eyes were the saddest she had ever seen.
“Because -” he bit out then stopped, searching for the right words to say and when he did, he tossed her bag back on the bed and grabbed on to her upper arm so that she wouldn’t run away. “Because, I’ll miss you. I always miss you. Because I’ve grown attached to having you around and just when I think that I’ve had my fill of seeing your beautiful face, I find myself craving for your smile, starving for your kisses and longing for your touch. I’ve been so used to being alone and now I can’t even sleep without you in my arms.” He paused, loosening his grip and moved his hands to her face.
“Kate,” he whipered, taking a final step towards her until he was only a breath away from her lips. Her eyes and nose were pink. His heart swelled at the sight. But she was beautiful - was still as beautiful as ever. “You can’t leave, not now, not ever. Not when I’m so madly and completely inlove - with you.”
Kate stood absolutely still tried, really tried to keep the hot tears at bay but couldn’t.
“Taylor, --” Her heart danced.
“No,” he shook, “let me say finish. I know I said that this was only suppose to be temporary and I know that you may not feel the same. But all I’m asking is that we give this - us a try and if after a few weeks you still feel like leaving me, then I won’t stand in your way.. no matter how hard it will be - I’ll let you go.”
“Taylor, “she choked, ” I can’t.” Her lips quivered as they curved at the sides.
His hands released hers and he stepped back but Kate immediately lurched her body towards his, wrapping her arms tightly around him with her head pressed against his chest.
He had just told her that he loved her. Now how the hell was she suppose to leave?
“I won’t let you send me away,” she mumbled against the warmth of his chest, “Not after everything you’ve said. Taylor --” she pulled back and looked up at him, “I love you too.”