Not Good for the Heart

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Short stories featuring tol and smol husbands, Xander and Chip from the Baked Series. Uwa! Eep! This isn't good for the heart ;A;

5.0 28 reviews
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An Unexpected Purchase

Saturday afternoons were never intended for extravagant surprises or exciting new things; at least that seemed to be the case for the family of three, typically found gathered around the couch with a tub of homemade ice cream or brownie dessert, absorbed in the latest episode of Master Chef. Unfortunately for them (who preferred to stay indoors except for Xander for morning runs), cuddling on the couch and enjoying desserts was not what they were doing this Saturday afternoon.

“You really didn’t have to come along,” said Chip, raising his gaze to meet his husband’s. “I would have headed straight home after getting them at the usual store.”

Xander laughed, pinching his nose in a teasing manner. Chip sneezed. “It’s been some time since the three of us spent some time in a mall together, so.”

Tiny husband poked Tol husband’s abs, stating that they could do so on any other weekend. “This mall’s boringly expensive,” sighed the former. “It’s the optician I’m going for. Once I get my usual contacts, we’ll be heading right home.”

“We could always do some window shopping,” Xander reasoned, seemingly adamant on spending time outside. “Right, Giselle?”

“I don’t think we need new windows,” his sister frowned. “But I don’t want Chocolate Chip to buy contacts…glasses look nice. On him.”


Apparently, Giselle’s fondness for eyeglasses on her brother-in-law had somehow translated to a general fondness for…for eyeglasses, in general. Upon arriving at the optician, she’d scanned the open shelves and display cases, stepped in and out of the store, staring at a couple of designs that Xander could tell at once she liked.

“Chip! Come to get new contacts?” The store assistant greeted him with a wave, sliding out from behind the counter. “It’s been a while! They are…?”

Tiny husband realized that he’d forgotten to introduce his family. “Oh! My family. Um—this is Xander, my husband. This is Giselle, his sister.”

“Have they come to get their eyes checked too?” She laughed, seemingly ecstatic that he’d brought two new customers. “You definitely need to do an eye test, though. It’s been…what, more than a year? Since you last came by.”

Chip nodded, sheepish. “Y-yeah. I’ve been using the laptop a lot recently.”

“Alright. You guys have a seat,” she pulled up a couple of swivel chairs—the kind that had round cushions on the top—and sat the three by a display case full of expensive frames. “I’ll get James. He’ll do the test real quick. Meanwhile, you’ll be getting the usual?”

“Mhm!” He nodded.

“No circle lenses?”

Chip held up his hands, shaking his hand and forcing an awkward laugh. “No thank you.”

“But you’d look so cute in them,” the store assistant held up a brand-new catalogue, flipping through the pages filled with pictures of pretty-looking people. “Color contacts? No?”

“Ah, no thank you. I don’t think I’ll look good in them,” or in anything at all, said Chip to himself, giving himself a mental nod for internal approval of himself. Hehe.

Xander was quick to disagree.

“He’ll be fine without all that,” said tol husband first to the assistant, before doing a hundred-eighty. “Chip looks best in nothing.”

Tiny husband’s face turned into an ;A;


They’d started off with the typical cover test; using a lollipop-shaped black plastic to cover one eye while testing the other before moving on to the slit-lamp examination (okay, I need you to put your chin over here and look through the hole…yes, okay now the other eye). Then there were the lenses.

“Alright, all you have to do is read out the letters on the screen, as fast as you can and without squinting,” eye-doctor James adjusted the test-frames before handing it to Chip. The latter put it on, forgetting how big and heavy those were. “Ready?”


Tiny strawberry began reading out the letters that were getting increasingly small and nearly incomprehensible. The letters changed to numbers, then back to letters while eye-doctor James continued to adjust the frames accordingly, changing the lenses and replacing them with another. As he was writing the converted numbers on a notepad and leaving the screen untouched, the family of three were made a new discovery.

“The last one wasn’t an 8, Angel,” Xander had teased, standing behind his husband throughout the examination. “It was a B.”

At once, both Chip, Giselle and eye-doctor James turned to him.

“I thought I had bad eyes,” his sister was the first to say.

Tiny husband was, very naturally, worried. “A-are you sure, Xan? I mean, these lenses look pretty accurate…”

“Actually,” James interrupted, giving the monitor to his left a quick glance. “It is an 8.”

It took Xander a good moment to realize that he was wrong and his pride had been stained but most importantly—that he no longer possessed that amazing twenty-twenty eyesight he was so proud of. Uh oh.

“You’re…not serious, are you?”

James stepped aside. “You can take a look and see for yourself if you want.”

“Er, no thanks,” said Xander as he sat down, quiet.

Chip turned to him, looking quite like how a bunny would look if they were a mad scientist, what with the test-frames and strange red and black corrective lenses slotted into the spaces.

“Xan? Do you, um…would you like to do an eye test?”

What the three had intended as a calm and relaxing day at the mall, window shopping and perhaps stopping by for a smoothie or afternoon dessert, turned out to be a day’s worth of secrets revealed.

Twenty-twenty-vision-Xander turned out not so twenty-twenty after all, and the examination deemed him worthy of a pair of eyeglasses. Giselle had laughed and picked out a bunch of ridiculous frames for him to try on, and to please her, he did. While the store assistant had been characteristically ecstatic with the addition of a customer and a resulting increase in her overall sales, she had not expected tol husband to look absolutely stunning even in the most absurd of frames.

While Giselle continued to pile bright red, cobalt blue and grass green frames on the display counter, Chip himself had picked out a handful for his husband to try on.

“Angel, what do you think of these?” Xander turned away from the mirror and toward his husband with a pair that the latter had picked out.

Tiny husband took one glance at the other and proceeded to nod very vigorously, speechless as he stared at the absolute god before him. Okay no, just—he was very attractive. Only, he wasn’t able to get the words out no matter how hard he tried. It was simply illegal; how Xander could look amazingly attractive in everything. Unfair!

“So…you like these?” Vigorous nodding.

“Y-you, you look really good,” tiny husband managed in a whisper.

Xander was sold; both by the eyeglasses and his very adorable husband who continued staring at him the rest of the way home. It made him slightly (only slightly) reluctant to take them off, and also oddly fond of wearing glasses now.

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