Chapter 33: Sweet Tastes
It is healed, Tom’s words echo in my mind. As I look into the mirror in the bathroom I doubt that my back will ever be healed. Tom said I can take the bandages off which means that what I am looking at is as good as it gets. A tear rolls down my cheeks. For as long as the bandages were on, I was spared the sight of how bad it was. Now I can’t hide away from the mass of mangled flesh that is my back.
I lower my head and steady myself on the sink. I am ugly, this is ugly. Rage will cower away from this, his tortured soul won’t deal with the hurt I will project for the rest of my life. I am a monument to pain, the pain he feels in him. He will draw away from me and I will lose the one thing in my life I want to keep. A whimper leaves my mouth as the thought grips my insides.
“Iris?” Rage is outside the bathroom door.
“I am coming,” I try to hide the agitation in my voice but to no avail.
The door slams open and I grab the towel to cover myself up, mostly my back. Rage walks closer dressed only in his jeans and searches my eyes. He invades my personal space and leans over me.
“You are sad,” his thumb wipes a tear off my cheek.
“No, no,” I don’t want to burden him, “I just got out of the shower.”
He leans closer and catches another tear with his lips. He tastes the salty sadness and glowers down at me. He isn’t mad at me. He is mad at himself. He blames himself for all the wrongs around him. I can’t have it.
“I am OK,” I pull the towel closer to cover my back. “I will be right out.”
“Iris?” he requests.
“Yes?” I look into his eyes and feel lightheaded.
“Iris?” he hovers over my lips.
I look at him and I gasp. I have shared the same room with him for a while now and I still can’t get over how perfect he looks. His eyes captivate me and there is something intense in his eyes, more than usual, more than anything and I am completely mesmerized by that look. His eyelids narrow as he takes my whole body in before pinning me with his eyes.
“Are you hiding your scars from me?”
My mouth falls open in surprise. I say nothing but guilt is painted on my face, I know as much. And above all fear, fear that he will ask me to see.
“Never do that again!” he barks coming closer, his whole body glued to me.
I simply nod. There is no way I can find myself denying him anything he asks of me. I don’t want to, never will.
“Now...” he pulls closer and rips the towel off my hands.
“No!” I yell as I stand naked before him, glued to his body.
He says nothing, just spins me around till his front caresses my back. I look in the mirror and I bite my lip at the sight. He towers over me and I look so small against him, pale against his colorful body. My skin is prickled but I am not cold. I am hot, flaming, boiling being stark naked against him.
For a while neither of us moves. I dare look up on him through the mirror and my thighs tighten when I catch his hungry gaze. He licks his lips, growls deep in his throat and I forget all about my back. Till he throws his gaze down upon my marked skin. I shut my eyes as if I can prevent him seeing my scars.
“I said. Never do that again!” he lowers into my ear and I lose my breath.
I don’t dare to move. I just keep my eyes lowered waiting for this to be over. Soon he will move away from me, disgusted or afraid or distraught. I know what sight my back offers. Lashes upon lashes, some deeper than others, all creating a hideous landscape that might once have been human skin but not anymore. Two things can one feel seeing this: pity or repulsion and I need neither. Not from anyone, certainly not from Rage.
A few seconds pass and I can feel his eyes on me as if his look is tangible. And then his fingers start to slowly trail the scars one after the other, old and new. His touch is like a light feather and the hairs on my whole body stand in attention as goosebumps form on my skin where he touches me. My body is tense but it’s for a different reason than aversion. A knot is tied in my stomach and I feel a pressure between my thighs that becomes unbearable as he keeps on torturing me sweetly with his touch. He suddenly stops and I whimper at being deprived of the sensation. Before I have the chance to protest, I feel something new. My eyes look up and I inhale sharply. It’s his mouth! He is kissing each and every scar on my back.
The wave of emotions coming over me is overwhelming and I can focus on none. I feel ashamed and ready to scream at him to stop. But at the same time there is a sweet, flooding feeling that has my tongue glued to the roof of my palate and I bite my lip to keep from screaming in ecstasy. He says nothing, just pulls closer and keeps mapping my back with his lips and tongue, leaving soft kisses along the way, making the pressure between my thighs so unbearable I push them together to relieve it.
“You are so fucking sweet, Iris,” he growls against my skin and I shiver with pleasure.
His lips and tongue travel north all the way to the small of my back while his hands touch me, pushing my long, wet hair out of the way. These scars that have brought me immeasurable pain now gift me with utter bliss and is all because of him. I close my eyes and lose myself in the moment, letting go of anything else, my past, my future, my pain, my losses. There is only me and him and the only thing that matters is his touch on my skin. My thighs clench tight at this new-found feeling and I rub them together, trying to find a satisfaction I never knew I needed.
“Fuck, Iris. You smell so good,” his words are enough to make me sigh deeply.
I feel his hands move lower kneading the flesh with his strong fingers. I can tell he is taken over too and his breaths are hotter on my skin. His touch is more demanding, exploring as if he needs to conquer my every inch and I gladly let him. Right here and now I am all his, every cell of my body, every fiber of my being, every thought in my head. I hear him curse under his breath, then he gathers me to him and walks out into the bedroom.
“Fuck, this smell is driving me crazy,” he snarls as he puts me on the bed.
He climbs on propping both elbows on either side of me, lowering his body close. His broad chest sinks to me, his soft skin grazes my nipples and I throw my head back at the contact.
“Look at me!” his voice is heavy, low.
I do as he orders and I dare caress his strong arms. His warm breath sends me to overdrive. This the closest we have ever been and I mourn for the days I have missed being so near, so exposed, so cherished. And then he kisses me, taking my lower lip in his mouth before his tongue slips into my mouth. I twine my arms over his neck and pull him even closer.
“Iris, I want to...Fuck! I need to...” he breaks the kiss violently.
“Yes, please,” I am not sure what I am urging him to do, just letting him know that I don’t want him to stop.
His lips fall back on mine with intensity and then he moves to my neck and he does not stop, kissing his way down to my chest.
“You are so fucking beautiful, Iris,” he cups my breast and flicks his tongue over an erect and eager nipple.
I writhe under him and I feel the bulge in his jean against me. My hands can’t reach enough of him, his shoulders, his arms, his hair. My panting and touches urge him more, scared that at any moment he will stop this sweet torment. He doesn’t stop, he takes one hard peak in his mouth and sucks.
“Rage,” is all I can say when this new sensation hits me.
But he is not done yet. He shifts his body and just moves south, kissing my skin softly. He then pushes my thighs open and I stop breathing altogether. I look down at him at my most hidden place and I am so taken I forget to suck in air. I have never seen a most beautiful thing in my life. His tattooed arms are pushing me further open and his attention strays to my wet core. I feel the need to shut my legs but there is a voice in my head that says I am just talking crazy. I am not moving a muscle at all. He does, moving closer, his breath caressing me, taking me to places I never knew existed.
“That smell...Your smell. I want more of it,” he whispers.
He closes the gap between his lips and my core and he places one kiss on it. My body has a will on its own and upon feeling him there I arc and shake uncontrollably. There is no way my body will handle all that sweet force. Rage uses his strong arms and pins me back down on the mattress exactly where he needs me to be. He does the same thing over and over again. He kisses me like he is kissing my mouth, his tongue pushing my lips open, licking the juices that start trickling down. He isn’t silent. He is moaning deep inside his throat, the kisses and the vibrations make me shiver. I gasp for breath each time he licks over me and I grip the sheets on the bed tightly.
“Am I hurting you?” he stops.
I look down at him with my cheeks flushed, breathless. I can’t talk, it is impossible for me to form any coherent thought. So instead of an answer I reach down and run my fingers up his shaved sides and grab his hair as I grind slowly against him. He chuckles but this time it is not one of those cruel chuckles he usually offers. This time he is relaxed and amused.
“I guess I am not hurting you, then,” he resumes his kisses.
Only this time he stops focusing on my core and places kisses on my inner thighs and my mount. And at some point he finds a spot that makes me lose control sighing audibly.
“You like that, right?”
I moan something unintelligible. Like doesn’t even begin to describe the incredible feeling that washes over me.
“Iris. Tell me you like that,” he needs to hear it.
“Yes, yes. God, yes,” I nod eagerly as I look down in his deep blue eyes.
He flicks his tongue over the little knob once more and I throw my head up, tagging on his hair. He seems fueled by my reaction and keeps on licking and nibbling, sucking and kissing, making me feel like I am floating. My heart is racing fast, my breaths become more and more shallow and I feel a swelling wave inside me, ready to break a dam of emotions. I sigh his name over and over again, completely out of my mind. The moment he slips a finger gently between my folds, I fall off a cliff into a sea of bliss. I scatter in a thousand sweet pieces, my mind barely registering what is happening to me. All I know is that this moment is the best of my life.
“Oh, my god. Rage!” I call out unable to control myself anymore.
“Goddamn, Iris! So fucking sweet.”