What I Needed

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Chapter 33 ~ Regret

Jakobe’s P.O.V.

The girls mission was a success, thank fuck for that, I was definitely dubious about sending them in but when I heard Priya’s conversation with that fucker Cage, I was elated by her actions. Even on a mission where we had discussed she was free to use whatever tact she could to extract information, she remained loyal.

Brutus did not watch the visual feed or listen in, he knew she was going in as ‘The Distraction’ and when we saw her lock lips with Stephan ‘stabber’ Blyth, we all cringed, no one game enough to tell him what was going on, After all, Brutus, when he gets going, is brutal in his fight.

We sat around Deon’s desk being informed on what Ovella had learned.

“…And so Frasier Saltora is offering a warehouse full of ecstasy for the loyalty of his men against us.”

“How the fuck did you get that information?” Brutus leapt to his feet.

She looked up at him incredulously, “can it Brutus, carry on Vell,” Deon growled at him.

“Stephan told me he was going to screw them over, said that he had no reason to go against The Road Warriors, said the fight wasn’t his and he’s simply meeting with him to obtain the pills. When the time came to show up, he simply wouldn’t be there and allow the MC to dispose of him, that way he would end up in front with one hundred per cent profit...”

“Do you think that’s what he would actually do?” Deon questioned.

“I believe so; he’s really cocky and thinks the rules don’t apply to him. Has some theory about how, if he lets the underworld take care of each other than he will be left as the only supplier.”

“Do you think he caught on to any of your probing questions?”

“No, I bat my lashes, flashed some skin and looked at him like he was a god. His main focus was on getting a fuck from me, there was no way he would realise what he was saying. There was one thing though; I began to fill his ego, standard lines…”

“You’re so dangerous, I can feel myself getting wet,” Priya interjected. We all furrowed our brows at her.

“It’s so wrong that I’m undeniably attracted to you right now,” Ovella continued.

“You must be packing more than just ‘big’ muscles?” Priya laughed.

“How are you so clever? I feel so imbecilic next to you, smart and sexy, what a man.” Both the girls were now in hysterics.

“Wait, wait, wait… did he answer with… but babe, your job is to hang on my arm and look beautiful, I will always take care of you,” Priya’s voice deepened in mock imitation.

Ovella snorted, “So close, he said… It’s a man’s job to take care of the beautiful things he cares for.”

“Is that the questions you ask?” Vell nodded at Deon looking perplexed. “So you feed their ego and they just tell you everything?”

“Stroking the ego does not work on everyone, but he is a showboater, I knew it the moment he said ‘welcome to MY casino’ he likes to flash his power in your face.”

“So what was the one thing?” Brutus interrupted the playful banter, always the one to get straight to the point.

“Huh? Oh, where was I? Yes, Stephan said this will all be going down within the next few weeks, which means…”

“We have a timeline,” I interrupted her excitedly.

“Great work Vell, right, Brutus you contact The Red Riders, we helped them we’re calling in our favour, tell them to pack heavy and to bring that crazy fucken Sheriff, oh and Brutus… Insist on the Sheriff’s toys. Trigger we need Boomer and Flicker on Inventory, mention the Sheriff, Boomer has a man crush on that man, he’ll work harder…”

“Deon?” Aja spoke up for the first time since they had arrived back.

“Yeah Mum?” he looked concerned.

“While I was sitting at the pokie machine, losing money, two of the waiters were talking, one of them mentioned how his girlfriend and the other girls from housekeeping had been so busy setting up floors 7,8,9 and 10 ready for some VIP’s arrival, if there is 15 rooms to a floor, each capable of holding 8 per room? Then by my calculation, Frazier Saltora is bringing his entire force, I’m guessing that’s 480 men heading our way.”

“Mum, you’re fucken amazing!” Deon screeched and turned to Brutus. “Get those boys on the road as soon as possible.”

“On it,” Brutus replied exiting the room.

“First thing tomorrow morning we hit Gathering, we need to plan. Stephan said a few weeks, which means they are sticking around, my guess, to scope out the territory, well we’ve got scoping of our own to do.” He turned to Kitty, “I saw that handy work of yours on Priya’s camera, Kitty, we underestimated you, you done great.” Kitty beamed up at him with pride.

Ovella and Priya exit Deon’s office, leaving Kitty, Aja and I behind.

“You done great Kitty, really proud of you,” I praised her while Aja and Deon spoke about organising the rooms for The Red Riders.

“Thanks, Trig, how is he?” She looked genuinely concerned.

“He’s not too good,” I answered honestly as her face fell.

“Do you think I made the wrong decision?” I sucked back a sharp breath, how do I answer that?

“Do you think you made the wrong decision?” She looked up at me with watery eyes; she was still wearing her blue contact lenses.

“Honestly?” I nodded, “sometimes.”

I offered her a small smile, “you guys were warned by everyone and as a result, you were lumped with massive consequences, both of you should never had to face this, but you did and now we have two broken hearts and the only person that has an answer your question, is you.”

Kitty clasped my shoulder tightly then removed herself from the room; guess her pretending she liked that idiot Grant got her thinking. I was worried about Leighton, he needed a focus, he needed his dad.

“Hey Deon, I have an idea…”


Leighton’s P.O.V.

Kitty Kat had been avoiding me and it broke my heart more, yes, I acted irrationally at first but I was terrified. Truth was, that is the future I wanted with her and now everything is shattered into a million unfixable pieces. If only she knew, if only she could see how much I regret that day, I should have fought harder, Priya and dad said they would both stand by us; I would have made a great father, why? Because I have a fantastic role model. Why couldn’t this have happened when we were older? Now I’ve lost the one person that meant the most to me in this world.

I sat there, in my room, drowning my sorrows in a bottle of butterscotch schnapps I stole from the bar, I tried to steal something harder but I had limited time and I panicked, damn, I really wasn’t a man at all. The schnapps was yummy, way better than the beer I stole two nights ago but I would never tell anyone that. I didn’t really know anything about drinking, but this is what they did in the movies when their hearts were broken and mine would never be whole again, drunk it is.

My mate Adam had been texting today, trying to get me out to join him at a party but we were on lockdown, so this was the next best thing, I couldn’t tell Adam we were on lockdown of course. Dad had been checking on me a lot, he was an awesome man. Compared to some other parents, I was really lucky.

I heard a knock on the door and quickly screwed on the lid, tossing the bottle under my bed, “come in.”

“Hey Leighton,” Priya poked her head through the door. “Mind if I come in?”

“Sure, what can I do for you?” I grasp the remote and paused my depressing playlist I was listening to.

Priya walks in with her bright green eyes and her awful blonde hair, though I’d never tell her that. I liked her Auburn hair, I liked that she had a unique look, when I saw all of them dressed in their blonde get up, my stomach turned, Kitty Kat looked unbelievable, that’s when I knew for absolute certain, she was moving on without me.

“Just wanted to check up on you… you know… since you were in the limo?” My face paled.

“H… h… how did you know?”

“When the partition came down, I noticed your reflection in the front glass window…”

“Do you think she saw?” I rushed out panicking.

Priya chuckled, “don’t think so, she never said anything, and your dad will kill you if he found out you were there the whole time.”

“I had to… oh god, I had to be there, in case she needed me… but she didn’t need me, she doesn’t need me, she’s never needed me.”

“Leighton, you’re sixteen… sixteen, you have a lifetime to get over this heartache and a lifetime of more heartache to endure, you are an amazing kid and so handsome, this isn’t it for you, you will find love again, your heart will heal, I promise.”

“Priya, that’s just it, you’re not meant to find your soul mate this young, but I did, Katie-Anne was it for me. I know that no one believes me, that they think this is just some young idealistic romance, that my heart will heal but it won’t, I want a future… with her, only her. My goals were set and she was at the very centre of it all and now, I’m left with a black hole inside my chest and I don’t know how to fix this? I just want her back, want what we had back; even if it’s without sex, I just need her. Dad said I feel this way because she was the first person I’ve ever slept with but it’s just not true, I know what I feel inside, this torment isn’t because of a ‘first love’ lost, it’s because I lost my soul, my everything, I lost my will to live.”

She exhales deeply, “Leighton, I’m so sorry, truth is, I had hoped you two would have that storybook romance too, that you would never break up and live the rest of your lives together, solely in love with only each other but life is a cunt and just when you are at your happiest, it hands you a whole pile of shit for you to shovel through, how you come out at the end of it shapes the person you become. If this is what you really want? If she is what you really want? Then give yourselves some time, don’t give up. You will either find your way back to each other or find someone else, there are no guarantees in life but you are not the only one with your heart broken, hell, look at Deon and Nevaeh, we have all been through this and as sad as it sounds, we also, all thought we wouldn’t survive… anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I’m not going to tell your dad you were there but don’t pull that shit again. I love you, despite your dislike for me and I will always be there for you no matter what but I want you safe, just as much as Jakobe. I can’t heal your heart, I wish I could but I can’t, you want to be reckless, fine, be reckless but just remember, every decision you make now, will impact on whether or not, Kitty takes you back. So if you wanna drink yourself stupid just remember that Katie-Anne despises alcohol, you think she’ll want someone who turns to the bottle because of a slight hiccup?”

“H… how did you know?”

“The bottle slowly rolled back out from under the bed when I first walked in.” I snapped my head to the side and saw the evidence against the side wall. I groaned at my stupidity, “schnapps?” Priya giggled.

“It was the first thing I could grab,” I rolled my eyes.

Priya stood up full of amusement, “yep and the fact that it tastes delicious has nothing to do with it… I’ll be around if need me.”

She moves to the door, “Priya? I don’t… dislike you; at all, in fact, I actually am really glad you’re with my dad.”

She whips around so fast with glassy eyes and a befuddled look on her face, next thing she’s on top of me with her arms wrapped around me while I stiffen, unsure on what to do, “thank you,” she sobs before retreating, “sorry, it was just really nice to hear that.”

This made me smile and a blush furiously took over my face, wayward tears rolled down her cheeks as she stares lovingly at me, huh, lovingly… guess she really does love me. I was relieved though when she left, it made me feel awkward but happy at the same time, my mum never loved me the way Priya and dad do… it is… nice.

A couple of days had passed, the place was electric, The Red Ridders were heading our way and apparently, the wanker after Priya was in town along with his men. Dad and Priya were busy and Kitty and I were pulled from school, Aja had lied and said we had the chicken pox with a fake note from the Doc.

My room, to make matters worse, was right across from Kitty’s, as I was walking in she happened to come out, we both paused, staring at each other, a lot was forming in my head, yet I could say nothing. My eyes fell to the floor gathering tears; I just opened my door and closed it behind me.

There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to express but how do you show someone how sorry you are? That you were a dick and you acted like a dick?


There was a light rapping at the door; it was stupid of me to think it was her and if it was dad? I really couldn’t be bothered talking to him, so I said nothing and slumped, face down, on my bed.

I heard the door open, “dad, not today please,” I mumbled into my covers.

“It’s not your dad.” I turned over quickly recognising the voice that haunted my dreams.

“Kitty Kat?” My heart began to pound fiercely in my chest as a lump formed in my throat; she slipped in and closed the door behind her, resting up against it.

My eyes were wide with shock and surprise, what the hell was she doing in here? I moved quickly, picking up the sprawled papers, I’d been drawing, off the bed and the floor and chucking them onto my desk. “Ah, you can sit down, if you want?” I offered.

“No thanks Leighton, I’m fine here.”

I nodded, resting on the edge of the bed with my elbows on my knees, looking up at her with a furrowed brow. “You alright?”

“No, are you?” I soundlessly laughed shaking my head side to side.


She slid down the door, pooling at the floor in a crumpled heap. “I… I…” she closed her mouth and huffed, closing her beautiful brown sad eyes.

“I miss you, Kitty Kat,” I couldn’t help it, it just fell out, strained and even her pet name got caught in my throat but she just stayed there, leaning back with her head against the door. “I was an idiot.”

She scoffed and opened, revealing a storm brewing within the deep dark brown irises. “It hurts so much Leighton.”

“Kitty Kat, please listen to me?” I dropped to the floor, crawling on my hands and knees to her, “I should never have put you through that, I should never have put you through any of this, I love you, I will always love you, if only you could see just how sorry I am, feel, how sorry I am.”

“Enough, I think the mountains of letters you’ve slipped under my door says it all.”

“But you don’t love me anymore,” it sounded like a question, it wasn’t.

“Ha,” she wipes away stray tears with the heel of her palm, crossing her legs under her, “I wish it was that easy.”

For the first time since finding out she used to be pregnant, I had hope. “You mean you do?”

“Of course I do Leighton, I never stopped, but you were an asshole, you threw me out of your room when I need you the most…”

“I was scared,” I cut in.

“And you think I wasn’t?” her voice rose and anger washed over her face.

“I regret everything, how I acted, that I didn’t stop you…”

“We weren’t ready for a child.” She halted me.

“But that is what I want with you, eventually… Kitty, I love this life, when I’m eighteen, I want to prospect, patch in and then make you my Old Lady, mine forever…”


NO!” I cut her off with a fierce cry and allowed the tears I’d been holding back to fall, wrapping my arms around her as she pooled at the foot of my door. “You Kitty Kat, you’re what I want, I can’t live without you, I’m so fucken sad, this torture is horrifying. I cry all the time, I feel like my chest has caved in on me, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, Jesus, I can’t even think straight…”

“You’re just missing sex…”

“You honestly think that’s all you were to me? Hell, I would take another beat down by Deon just to prove to you, I LOVE YOU. No sex, if that’s what it takes? We clearly weren’t responsible the first time round, so no sex, just be mine again, please? Please, Kitty, please?”

I sat there with my legs over top of hers and my head hung in my hands, “Please Kitty Kat?” I sobbed, praying, wishing, pleading with everything I had in me, that she would give me just one last shot.

Her soft delicate hands cupped the sides of my neck and I tilted my head to face her in yearning, yearning for a dream I’d hoped she’d want too. With droplets of salty liquid trailing paths down her tinted pink cheeks, “I love you, Leighton.”

When her soft supple lips met mine, I knew, right then and there, I would never blow it again, never, this is all I want, this is all I ever needed.

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