What I Needed

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Chapter 43 ~ Deon

Nevaeh’s P.O.V.

No, no, no, no, no. It can’t be? It wasn’t? It was, how could this happen?

I couldn’t breathe, I needed air but there wasn’t any, why is there no god damn air? I could feel the blood drain from my body, my heart smashing against the inside of my chest. There they all were, all of them, staring at me.

I could feel the perspiration as it sprung from my forehead and under my arms, my vision began to blur, air I needed air. I had to fan my face; I needed to create some form of wind.

“Eva?” Priya stood up from her seat with eyes the size of saucers.

I tried to lick my excessively dry mouth, turning my head, noticing for the first time, the tables were filled to the brim with The Road Warrior members, fuck, the entire club is here. My tongue running along my dry cracked lips, failing to produce any lubrication, how did I manage to miss an entire room full of bikies?

“Little Angel?” I whimpered as Deon pushed my nickname passed is full delectable lips, the lips that haunted my dreams, from the face that tore at every fibre of my being, night after night, he was the only thing I ever dreamed of. In front of me sat the man I loved more than life but tried to hide from for so long. He didn’t want me, yet, I couldn’t turn off my feelings for him. He said it, to my face, I was just a fuck, an easy replacement, I was nothing to him but for almost an entire year, I have cried myself to sleep, yearning to be back in his arms. Why is there no god damn air anywhere in this shithole diner?

The tears welled in my eyes, I wished they wouldn’t, my body was betraying me, why was there no fucken air? The pen and pad fell from my hand, the sound as it hit the floor, echoed through the room as I gripped at my chest, scratching it, fuck I need to breathe.

The entrance door pings, my panicked eyes shoot up to see Valerie walking in with the pram and baby, she was frantic and rushed.

“Veah honey, I’m so sorry,” she pushed baby into my hands and kicked the brake on the pram to park it beside me, “the twins have had a fall at school, they have been rushed to hospital, babies aren’t allowed in the x-ray department, I can’t look after Rex today.” She took off out the door as I held my tiny two month old against my chest.

My mouth agape as I tried desperately to suck back air.

“Nevaeh,” my arsehole boss screeched from behind me, “how many times have I told you? You can’t have a baby in here. You’re fired.”

I heard Priya scream back, “good, she doesn’t need your shit arse job anyway.”

But I did, I did need this job, I was up to my eyeballs in debt, I needed it. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I could feel the tears rolling down my face as Deon looked at me like he was about to kill me. White dots began to appear in my vision, I heard Priya’s voice again but this time it was slightly muffled as if she were a long way away, “Jakobe, grab the baby!”

Then the lights went out.

I could hear muffled yelling; my eyes were heavy and hard to open. My head pounded and pulsed like I had a vice around my skull and it was being tightened.

“This was your big fucken surprise?” Deon? Was that Deon’s voice? Why am I so disorientated?

“I told you this ‘property’ held the key to our future.” Trigger? No, shit, did I drink something? I don’t remember drinking anything.

“Property Trig, property… as in land, that’s what you made me believe.”

“I never stated it was land.”

Deon growled menacingly, “you made me believe…”

“Fuck off Deon, you believed what you wanted too, so here she is and I would bet my left nut that’s your fucken baby from her reaction.” I could hear loud footsteps and then a door slam.

No, no, please let this be a dream, this isn’t real. He can’t see me like this, so weak and pathetic.

I managed to finally pry open my eyes, where the hell was I? The king size bed was warm and lush, so comfortable, maybe I could just cacoon up here and all my problems would disappear. This was far different then the single mattress on the floor, Rex and I had been sleeping on. REX?

I shot up, my head was spinning. I blinked furiously and gripped my pounding head, “Rex?” I panicked, pushing off the covers as I tried to stand.

Immediately, I was captured by the strong muscular arms that ignited my soul, I looked up in confusion, my hand needed to know this wasn’t a mirage and I stroked his freshly shaved face. His unbelievable scent of masculinity ensnared me senses, “Deon?” I croaked out in disbelief.

“What have you done Little Angel?” My face twisted from confusion into blind hatred and anger. Me? What had I done? Fuck this cunt, fuck him and his lies. Fuck him for knocking me up and then throwing me away like garbage.

I pushed Deon off me; surprise filled his face, “where is my son?” My tone dripping with deadly venom.

“Your son? Or our son?” He spat back through gritted teeth.

My brows shot up but I said nothing, he knew, there was no denying it; instead, I flopped back defeated onto the bed. All fight dissipated, Rex was our son, both mine and Deon’s. “Please don’t take him away from me,” I wiped my hands over my face, collecting the fallen teardrops before sitting up. “Please Deon, you have no idea what I’ve been through to keep him, please don’t take him away, he means everything to me.” I was begging, I knew right then and there, I could sink no lower.

“So it’s true,” he sneered, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come back to me?” he knelt down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. God, I hate that I still love this man.

“You didn’t want me, you threw me away.” My whisper was like a thousand knives stabbing me all over again.

“FUCK!” He growls murderously. “No, damn it… I did want you, I’ve always wanted you. I said those stupid things thinking you would stay and fight with me, I just needed you to stay and you were leaving me, leaving us. I didn’t think, fuck, you have no idea how much I wish that day never happened.”

His admission hit me in the face like a cold dead fish, his beautiful browns glossed over, filling with salty liquid, his emotions were at the forefront, “you did… want me?”

“Of course I did, I don’t fucken know what to say, I’m not good at these things Little Angel. Fuck, when I saw you standing there and then him…”

I slid down onto the floor, drawing my knees to my chest, in between his crouched legs, my teary eyes finding his. “Please don’t take Rex away from me.”

“You think I would do that? You think I’m that kind of an arsehole?” He sounded the words as though I had hurt him, slashed at his heart.

“I don’t know what to think,” I squeaked out, “I’m so scared of losing him.”

“You gave him my father’s name?”

“I didn’t know what else to call him, I thought, maybe one day, that if he ever came looking for you, you would at least listen to what he has to say because he had your father’s name.”

Deon blew out a heavy sigh, planting his bum on the carpet, his legs either side of my body. “I’m so fucken sorry… everything is such a mess.” I sat there is silence, trying desperately to arrange the thoughts in my head as he ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You made me believe I was worthless...”

“I know,” he growled, “I know, I’m sorry because… because I never should have pushed you away, I never should have said those things and I’m damn sorry I knocked out your brother in my jealous insecure rage, you were my light and I… I destroyed you.”

My chin sat quivering, atop the back of my hands, which rested on the tops of my knees as I watched him, captured by how breathtaking he was. The tears of so much pain still streaking my face, “you shaved your beard and cut your hair?”

He chuckled silently, “yeah, this morning.”

“You look handsome.”

He gave a crocked smile to the side of his mouth, “it’s almost dinner time, shall I order us something?”

“Shit,” I paled, “Rex hasn’t eaten?”

“Relax, Priya, Ovella and Kitty are looking after him, there was formula inside a bag in the pram but you didn’t have much else in there, so Leighton, Trigger and Brutus went to the shops… although, I’m pretty sure they brought the entire store.”

My heart swelled and I drew my lips inside my mouth, trying to hide the smile forming on my face. God, how I missed these crazy people.

“How did you find me?”

“Trigger found you; the prospects and him went on a run and discovered you were here.” My mouth formed an ‘o’ motion, “are you hungry?”

“I’m fine, I just want my son.”

“Our son,” he snipped, “he looks like me, god does he look like me.”

“Well, that was inevitable, you are his father.” We sat there just looking at each other; I couldn’t believe Deon was actually in front of me.

“You should have come home, Nevaeh.”

I swallowed the thick knot in my throat, “I couldn’t, you didn’t want me.”

“Yes I did,” he snarled. After a long pause, he finally speaks, “how’s your brother Little Angel?”

Anger, once again began to fill my insides, “My brother can get fucked.”

“Why?” He could sense the change in my demeanour and the cold tone as I spoke.

“Because he sold me out, tried to hand me over to our father, I had to run, to hide, they were going to make me pay for testifying.” I soundlessly laughed, “Do you know what’s really fucked up? The arsehole even put all his medical bills from the hospital in my name; So now, I owe them thousands of dollars, the whole stupid thing is, I knew he was like our father, I just didn’t want to see it, I made myself believe he was good.” Deon’s face twisted as hatred swept across his handsome features.

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I don’t want you to take care of it Deon, I have to stand on my own two feet, I have to be a strong mum for Rex.”

“Little Angel, I hit him, I caused that bill, I will take care of it… and then, I will take care of him and your father.”

“Deon, you can’t just come here and rescue me…”

“Fucken hell Nevaeh, it’s not about rescuing you, it’s about making this whole thing right again.”


“No, it’s been too long… and as for you… you need to come home.”

“Deon,” I growled, “this is not a Priya situation, you can just ride in on a magical Harley and fix my life…”

“This is not a negotiation Nevaeh; we have a son, a fucking child. I don’t want him to grow up without the love of his Old Man, without…” But he stopped himself. I took a risk and placed my hand on his forearm, the warmth radiating from his body, so fimilar and so missed.

Please say it, just say it, please, I need you to tell me because I can’t live without you any longer. All these months without him was pure torture, I loved him so much. Please want me Deon, I begged in my head, Please.

“Without?” I implored, praying to myself that he would tell me, he still loved me, that we weren’t over. I wouldn’t survive if he didn’t want me anymore.

“I haven’t been with anyone else, just so you know.” A sob tore from my throat as what felt like my chest caving in, “there was never anyone else, just you, always just you. I need you.” The words dripped from his mouth like honey, I needed him too, more than I could ever express.

I opened my legs, slipping them in between the gap of his thighs and underarms and wrapping them around his back, pushing my burning core against his. My lips finding solace in his as they pressed together, his hands on my back, pulling me as close to his chest as possible. “Do you still love me?” I whispered, so afraid that this is all some exhausted fantasy I’d cooked up in my head.

“I will always love you, I will never stop, have never stopped.”

Those words were like glue, fixing everything that was broken, he was all I ever needed; all these months of pure torment seemed too faded away as his tongue grazed against mine with passionate fervour. I loved this man; I never stopped, all I ever wanted was this man, my own piece of heaven, my personal addiction.

“Can you forgive me Little Angel?” He whispered against my lips.

“I already have.”

His magnetic caress as his lips locked with mine, sent a bolt of enthralling excitement straight into my core, his tongue luring me in with such promise. He loved me, he wanted me, he had missed me.

Our heated moment was interrupted by a knock at the door and we both moaned at our moment being intruded upon. The door flew open to Rex’s cries filling the lustful haze.

“I’m sorry Eva, he won’t stop.” Priya entered, followed closely by Jakobe, Brutus, Leighton, Ovellla and Kitty.

I regretfully extracted myself from Deon and stood, grasping my two month old and holding him firmly in place against me chest. “It’s okay, he needs vibrations, it seems to calm him.”

I began to hum, the melody emanating from my breast bone halting his cries. Music was the only thing that relaxed Rex, I think from being in my belly and hearing my voice for so long and feeling the vibrations when I forcefully belted out, note after note.

Kitty handed me his nappy bag and I pulled out a bottle, walking to the microwave of the little room, heating it and then testing the temperature against my wrist before placing the rubber nipple in his mouth. He latched on immediately and began suckling.

Settling down on the chair, still humming softly and rocking back and forth, Rex’s frustration disappeared from his mind as he slurped back the formula. “Brutus?” I pointed to my upper lip, indicating he had no moustache, “you look good,” I smiled and continued the soft melody as he tipped his head in thanks.

Deon ran his hands over his face as the others eyes flicked between him and I, “Alright,” he exhaled. “Do you have a car Little Angel?”

I shook my head side to side, still rocking and humming back and forth.

“Brutus, you and Ovella hire a car and buy a car seat, oh, and organise a trailer for my bike…” He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed Brutus a platinum credit card.

“I could drive…” Priya began.

“NO!” he growled, “no, this is my family, I’m driving.”

“Deon…” I tried to interject.

“Little Angel, don’t. This is our son, ours, yours and mine, I love you, we need to fix this.” His tone meant finality but I still tried to object.

“But, Rex and I…”

“I told you, this is not a negotiation, I’m taking my family home.”

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