I have fallen apart completely and although I managed to convince Cameron to not press charges against my father, I have so many other issues to figure out still. I need to have the big conversation with my parents now that my lies have been brought to their attention. As much of a relief that it is to no longer have secrets weighing upon me, I dreaded the conversation that was about to come with my dad and I step inside.
The entire drive home I thought about possibilities and how I can approach the situation but as I pull into the driveway and see that my dad has already arrived, all of my thoughts leave which causes me to be at a loss for words.
I don't make it to the door when it swings open and my mom stands there furiously, "What have you done, Olivia?!"
"Mom, please just hear me out..." I attempt but it falls on deaf ears.
She shakes her head and laughs in disbelief, "Oh no, that isn't happening. You put your father in an impossible decision and he could have gotten fired because of your inappropriate behavior. When did you start pimping yourself out?"
"Oh my god, mom. I'm not pimping myself out!" I try to defend myself but it's obvious that my mom has already made her mind up about me. Regardless of the lies Cameron told me, he never made me do anything that I didn't want to. Yes, he was a master at getting me to fall for him but my feelings were genuine, and that's on me, "I'm sorry about what happened with dad... But I got Cameron to not press charges and in my defense dad knows that as a police officer he can't react like that while on duty."
"That boy taunted him and degraded you to do so."
"Maybe he did, but in any other situation dad would have been calm. He acted as a father before he acted as a police officer." I shake my head slowly, "That's not my fault, mom. I admire dad for putting his family before his career but you can't be mad at me for this. I've done what I can and got all charges dropped... I would never have let things go as far as they did if I had known."
"You may have been able to get the charges dropped but your father has been suspended for sixty days, Olivia," My mom's voice is stern and dripping with disappointment. She never has been good with hiding her true emotions but I don't think she wants to hide how disappointed she is with me right now, "He is so much older than you."
"Only seven years, mom."
"Seven years is a lot for someone your age!" He voice raises and she grips onto her perfectly curled hair, "We didn't raise you to be so reckless. I'll be honest, I really didn't like you with that Lucas boy but this Cameron seems like trouble and you should have known better. You're so smart, honey. Why did you allow him to manipulate you?"
It occurs to me that all of this arguing is taking place at the front door and my mom still have not let me in. She's being loud enough that I would not be surprised if neighbors could hear the arguing.
"Do you think I would have have allowed it if I knew what his intentions were from the beginning? Of course I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have allowed myself to grow feelings for him if I knew it was all fake, but I didn't. I had no idea that he was using me," I become frustrated that my mom acts like I had control over the whole thing. I was just as much in the dark as everyone else but because I fell for Cameron I'm considered to be a dumb little girl.
My mom looks me up and down, disapproval clear on her face as she folds her arms over her chest, "Is that why you added purple in your hair? To make yourself seem more adventurous for him?"
I definitely wasn't about to say yes even though Cameron is in fact the reason I dyed my hair tips purple. I can only imagine what my mom would say if she knew I allowed a boy to influence my look unknowingly.
"Of course not," I lie for what seemed to be the millionth time in the past few months, but this lie is small and reasonable. Trying to impress a boy is something that any girl has done in their lifetime whether they know it or not.
My conversation with my mom seemed to be going around in circles. I try my best to explain my side of the situation but she continues to judge me terrible decisions, understandably so, but that doesn't make hearing it from her any easier.
There are some things that my mom just doesn't get, including the feelings that I had developed from Cameron whether it be a bad decision or not. My mom doesn't understand that I had no idea what Cameron was hiding from me, instead she believes that I walked into the ring of fire knowing and willing.
The judgement is a lot to handle, even from all of the lies I deserve to be lectured for, it's my feelings for Cameron that is an unfair judgement. In life, you can't control who you develop feelings for, your heart and mind does something of its own and the next thing you know you have this strong pull towards someone.
I couldn't control that if I tried.
Against my mom's wishes, I leave the house and drive. I have no destination in mind but I know that I need to be alone. I'm internally hurt, my emotions are drained and in any other circumstances I would go to the person who had become my biggest comfort, but I can no longer confide in him, nor do I want to see him.
It isn't until I see Roxy walking in the center of the road that my train of thought gets interrupted. She seems drunk almost, trying to walk as though the yellow line is a tight rope and she's about to fall. Luckily for her there isn't any other cars coming.
I stop my car and open the door, jumping out to see what is going on.
"Roxy? What are you doing?" I ask her, "You could get hit!"
I hurry towards her, grabbing her arm and turning her to face me. Her face is red with dried tears, the black eyeliner and mascara painted on her rosy cheeks. She looks exactly what anyone would see as miserable. I'm unsure what's going on but I had never see Roxy in this state before.
"Are you okay?" My words are that of genuine concern, slowly beginning to guide her toward my car.
Roxy is quick to stop, rejecting my attempt to bring her to my car, "No... No, I'm not going with you. I'm not going with anyone."
"Roxy, what is going on? You look scared or heartbroken."
"I'm both," She admits, sniffling as her hands cover her face in complete devastation, "I can't do this anymore."
What the hell is going on?
I panic, unsure what she means and unsure how to help her. I feel helpless and completely unaware of how to handle a situation like this, "Tell me what's going on... I can call Cameron."
"No! Don't. Please don't call him!" She begs, becoming more panicked than I am already.
Cameron had always been there for her, so her not wanting him here is concerning to me. This isn't a situation that I can handle on my own. The only person I could even think of being here is Cameron but Roxy is one hundred percent against it for some reason.
"Okay, in order for me to not call Cameron, you're going to need to tell me what's going on..." I try to bargain with her, hoping that it will work.
A few cars pass us by but we don't seem to get their attention which I'm thankful for. God only knows how Roxy would react to a stranger approaching us at this point. She seems fragile and as though she's barely hanging on by a thread.
"Olivia, mind your own business and just leave!" She suddenly yells at me and I know better than to leave her. Something seems really off and I'm concerned for her well-being.
"I'm sorry, Roxy. But I know you're here and this has become my business. What kind of person would I be if I leave you here knowing you're clearing dealing with something?" I can't leave her now, I'm already involved whether she likes it or not. She seems mentally unwell which reminds me of the weekend Cameron was away. He said it was to take his sister to a therapist in a different city, now that I know Roxy is his sister, it all seems to make sense.
Roxy suddenly collapses on the street, breaking down into an uncontrollable crying fit, "I don't want to be here... I can't deal with living with the memory of.... of his...."
She stops and I've become more invested than I had previously been, "Who? What is this memory you're fighting with? Roxy, if you can talk to me, maybe I can help you."
"You can't help me... No one can," She looks at me with sad eyes and for the first time I can see the pain she's bearing, "Once its been done, there's no forgetting."
I slowly take her hand, helping her off of the road and trying to talk to her in a more reasonable way, "Did someone hurt you?"
She doesn't respond, instead she only nods through her tears.
"How? With viole--"
"I was raped," She says before I can finish. Her voice is quiet but monotone, although emotions are barely visible the pain is clear and I can see that the words have made her numb.
Rape. Roxy was... Raped. I hate that word and I hated what it meant. Roxy's body was no longer hers in some sense, someone had taken away her choice to give herself to whomever she wants, instead, she was touched without consent and all of her rights were just thrown away.
I'm not sure how to handle this situation, I can only imagine the pain and terror this has brought to her but I will never fully understand the feelings of a rape victim.
"I don't need pity," She manages through her light sobs, "I did it to myself... I-I gave the wrong impression and he thought... He thought I wanted..."
"No, don't you dare say that!" I take her hands and squeeze them gently, trying to be as supportive as I can be without pushing Roxy further away, "Did you say no? Did you tell him to stop?"
She slowly nods her head.
"Then this is not your fault," I remind her, "Did you tell anyone? You need to help yourself and if the guy is still out there..."
"Olivia, I have seen a therapist for nearly a year, it doesn't take away what happened. Of course he's still out there but I can't say anything because..." Roxy stops in her tracks and doesn't finish her sentence.
"Because what?" I ask.
Roxy shrugs her shoulders and looks away from me, "Cameron will get in trouble."
"Cameron? What does this have to do with Cameron?"
I'm lost, unsure how Cameron could get in trouble for this incident that occurred with Roxy. I know that Cameron's a real jerk but he loves Roxy, he would never allow something like this to happen which is why Roxy's words make no sense.
Roxy pulls her hands away from me and shakes her head, reluctant to tell me anything more, "I already said too much."
"No you haven't. You only left me wondering what the hell Cameron had to do with this!" I try my best to get through to her but she's stubborn, much like her brother. Unlike Cameron, though, Roxy is much easier to break and open up, regardless of the pain, "I want to help you. You shouldn't be carrying this around by yourself when there's so many people who care about you."
I see Roxy grip onto her dark locks as she struggles with her internal pain, finally, as she lets go of her hair she looks at me and answers it all, "I was raped at the bar... By his friend Vincent. Cameron doesn't know but I was under age and it happened at his business."
Although I know Vincent is a creep and a monster, nonetheless, I'm stunned. What Zoey had told me so long ago was true, Vincent hurt girls but there never had been proof nor did anyone step forward. If Cameron knew that his sister had been a victim of Vincent's abuse, he would never have let him off with it. I saw how he reacted when Vincent was forcing himself on me, but Roxy is a completely different story - his sister.
Roxy has to tell Cameron, it's the only way she will ever get any kind of closure.