This is the second time in this short amount of time that I’ve been at the police station. This time, under difference circumstances.
I walk down the hall of jail cells, people on each side but I’m not focusing on them or their obnoxious catcalls. My destination is at the end; the cell that held Cameron.
As I get closer I see him sitting on bench, waiting to be placed in a different cell that he will be using until his trial. He could be in jail for months, that was still to be determined.
“Cameron...” My voice cracks and when he looks up at me he seems broken, completely empty.
His white shirt is stained with dark red blood, the same blood that stained his hands. He was untouched, though. Vincent didn’t get a chance to throw a single punch in Cameron’s direction was really terrifying. I saw a different side of Cameron, an aggressive and truthfully scary side. He was defensive of his little sister which is enough to make any girl admire him, but when he’s angry he’s intense.
“She’s uh... she’s in for questioning,” I tell him. I was brought in for questioning and so was Roxy, the police are waiting on Vincent to wake up, hoping that he will wake up.
Cameron nods his head, “You too?”
I only nod.
“What do you think of me?” He surprises me with the question and I’m not sure what he wants to hear, “Do you think I’m a monster? Are you afraid of me now?”
“No,” I answer instantly, not hesitating. I’m not afraid of Cameron, I know his reasoning for his actions and although I don’t believe that violence is the answer, he did the only thing he knew he could do to protect his sister, “You were protecting Roxy.”
“And you’re okay with how I handled things?” He challenges me, “You don’t look at me differently because I’m sitting behind bars with someone’s blood on my hands.”
“What do you want me to say, Cameron?” I’m exhausted, this entire night has been a complete mess and now it just seems like Cameron is playing with my emotions, insisting that I say something different than what he wants to hear, “I don’t know why you care what I think of you. We aren’t together so what I think doesn’t matter.”
Cameron stares at me quietly, his eyes seems to be staring right into my soul but I can’t seem to tear my gaze from his. It’s intense and almost as though we can read each other’s minds; we don’t have to say anything, we know what the other is thinking.
There has always been something about Cameron, but regardless of my attraction to him, I’m not sure I can ever forgive him for what he did to me. He may have actually developed feelings for me, but I’ve had enough bad relationships in my life to not want to take the chance on another jerk. I can’t emotionally handle getting my heart broken again.
“I care about what you think because I know that our connection was real whether you choose to believe it or not,” His voice is quiet but deep, he’s insistent and I can hear in his tone the seriousness that he’s maintaining, “I know that I fucked up with us, but I also know that you still have feelings for me. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here.”
“Of course I care, Cameron. But that doesn’t mean I will ever let you into my heart again... I won’t. You crossed a line that went too far and I can’t just forget that,” I shake my head, refusing to let him in again, “What you did was with good intentions to protect your sister, but you put a man in ICU. He could die, Cameron. That isn’t okay because you let your anger take over and you do stupid things.”
“Tell me more,” His voice almost sounds taunting, but I think he really does want to hear my opinions; bad or not, “Get it out, Olivia. Tell me how bad of a person I am, tell me how much you hate me for hurting you.”
That’s the worse part, I don’t hate him. I still look into those dark, brooding eyes and my heart flutters. I nearly lose my breath at the sound of his voice and when it comes down to it, I can still imagine the feeling of his hands on me, holding me, touching me.
“I don’t hate you, that’s what makes it so hard to give you up. You’re an addiction, Cameron. I feel like I’ve taken heroine and I crave more even though I know that it’s bad for me. That you’re bad for me.” I have no other way to explain it, just like a drug, my life has spiraled downward since I met Cameron, and just like withdrawals, I struggle just being around the thing I’m trying desperately to give up. Somehow I still find myself in his presence, only making this harder on myself.
It would have been easier if I just stayed away but something inside of me felt like I should come here to see how he is doing and to update him on Vincent’s condition.
Cameron seems to ignore the fact that I tell him he’s bad for me, instead, he only uses my comment to his advantage and puts me in an impossible situation, “You crave more, so what does that mean for us?”
“It means nothing for us. I meant what I said, I can’t be with you knowing your motives when we started...”
“I get that, but I’m sorry, Olivia... I’ve given you your time and space, but I need you to know that I’m not just going to sit back and let you go. I fucked up but now that we have something really fuckin’ amazing, I’ll do whatever you need me to do for you to give me another chance to prove myself,” Cameron’s gaze is intense and a part of me is in awe by his words, the other part of me is irritated that he won’t take no for an answer. He has no other choice but to accept my decision, “You can’t deny our chemistry... Sexual, emotional... I’ve connected with you on a whole other level. I’ve opened up to you in ways I never have before. I don’t do that with just anyone, but that’s just it... You’re not just anyone. You’re Olivia Brooks. The girl who drives me wild and gives me a reason to try and be a better person. I had a plot in the beginning, but it was the beginning. I had no intentions on having real feelings for you, that should count for something.”
It’s completely unfair for him to put this pressure on me when I know what I need, regardless of if it’s what I want. Of course it isn’t what I want. In a perfect world this would have never happened and I could be with Cameron without feeling insecure, but that isn’t the case. I can’t be with him without thinking that somewhere deep down he’s only using me.
“It does count for something. You tried to hurt me but you ended up hurting yourself also,” I take a step back, shaking my head and holding my hands forward so he can’t interrupt me, “It isn’t happening Cameron. I may be young but I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I’m not some weak girl who will allow some guy to hurt me over and over again.”
“Fuck sakes, Olivia. I made one mistake, you can’t--”
“I can do what I want,” I cut him off just as the door down the hall opens.
It’s Eddie. He walks towards Cameron’s holding cell with some papers in hand and once he approaches us, he glances towards me, “I have information to give Cameron, without his consent, you can’t be present.”
“Just tell me what you need to,” Cameron urges him, annoyance in his tone.
“Okay...” Eddie takes a deep breath, “Vincent is awake, he has decided to press charges against you and based your past record, with this assault charge, the minimum a judge will give you is 24 months in federal prison.”
“Two fucking years? And what are you giving that rapist?” Cameron snaps at Eddie and I understand his point, but I’m also distracted by knowing that Cameron will be locked up for at least two years, “How many girls have he hurt? I’ll serve whatever time I need to, but at least do something about this fucker.”
Eddie shakes his head, “Unfortunately I have no information on him at this time. Of course our officers will be looking further into it, but as of right now there’s a full investigation that has to be done before it can be decided if a trial needs to be done.”
Cameron doesn’t say anything else but the look on his face says it all. He’s defeated and has given up, my heart is breaking for him and although it hurts to see him in this situation, I need to remind myself to not let my sympathies for him cause my mind to blur. I can still sympathize for him without allowing him to get inside my head.
“So I’m guarantee at least 2 years?” He asks Eddie, getting a nod in return, “Which means what for my business?”
“Cameron, even without you going to jail your bar would be so deep in lawsuits after today there’s no way you would get out. I’m no financial adviser but I suggest claiming bankruptcy when you’re released, otherwise you’ll never get out of debt,” Eddie informs Cameron and suddenly I realize how serious this is.
Cameron is going to jail. He’s going to lose his bar, his home, his lively-hood, because he defended his little sister. There was no other option and no other possible outcome. Cameron’s life is going to collide and there’s no chance of saving it.