The car is silent as we both drive back. As soon as we left the club, the heavens decided to open and rain down on us. Unfortunately for me, Kai parked quite a way away from the club meaning I had to run in the rain. Which has led to me being soaking wet. Michelle - Kai’s pretty cousin - is sat at the front of the car with Kai, relatively dry. She brought a raincoat and persuaded one of the employees at the club to look after it. When I say persuaded, I mean she flirted with him.
I’m sat at the back of Kai’s lavish car, in the middle. Every once in a while, Kai will glance at me through the car’s mirror. Obviously, I would catch him staring, causing the both of us to awkwardly look away. I haven’t had the chance to explain myself to Kai about Alexander. Not that I really know what to say to him. Sorry Kai, I kind of made out with this hot guy because I’m confused about my feelings for you. Is that okay?
For some reason, I don’t think that will work. Plus, I will be admitting I think I have feelings for him.
Ugh, why do I always have to have a complicated life?
“Do you think you can drop me off first Kai, Fidell keeps messaging me,” Michelle asks Kai, not once looking up from her phone screen. From my position, I can see her Instagram profile page.
“Sure,” he agrees, flicking his eyes to me in the mirror again. “Is that okay Blondie?”
Even now, when we are around a member of his family, he calls me that. I wonder what Michelle thinks of me. Does he think I’m some blonde bimbo who is making Kai work for my attention? I seriously hope not because that is not what I’m trying to do at all.
Not wanting to cause a pointless argument, I tell them its okay.
Michelle doesn’t live that far away from the universities student accommodation. It’s stopped raining now, the only reminder that it did rain is the wet road.
“Thanks, Kai, I had a great night,” she tells him and then she turns her attention to me. “It was great meeting you...”
“Ren,” I fill in her for her with a smile.
She gives me an apologetic look, “Ren. I hope I’ll see you again.”
Wishing her the same, I watch her slim figure waltz up to the door and unlock. Kai waits until she is safely inside before driving away. The small gesture leaves my heart hurting because Michael never did that with me. He would drop me off and then drive away without checking if I got in.
Still awkwardly sat at the back of the car, I divert my eyes outside the window. If the street lights weren’t on, it would be pitch black outside.
“So, you and Alexander?” Kai eventually breaks the silence, coughing. I might be entirely wrong on this but I think I heard a slither of jealousy in his voice. But then again, I could be imagining things. The alcohol hasn’t worn off yet.
“We’re not anything. We met in the club, he bought me and drink and we danced,” I tell him, avoiding the whole kissing thing. I don’t want to disappoint him. “We aren’t dating or anything,” I add on, making sure he understands that nothing else will happen.
I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this. Is it to reassure me or is it to reassure him? I want to be with Kai and I don’t. He’s a pain but he’s also very attractive. There is a connection, it’s like something I had with Michael but stronger.
“Okay,” he replies slowly. He indicates to go around the corner and that’s when I realize that there isn’t any music on. So I lean forward in my seat, through the two front seats and turn the radio on. thank u, next by Ariana Grande filters through the speakers into the car.
Kai’s eyes float to mine and stare deeply into mine. I bite my lip nervously, feeling my heart thump loudly in my chest. Kai’s eyes follow my lip and darken. He exhales and leans closer. I do the same, wanting to feel his soft pink lips on mine.
A car horn blares outside, frightening both of us. Kai swerves the car to the side of the road and hammers the breaks.
I collapse back into my seat, breathing hard. I can’t believe we nearly got into a car accident because we were too distracted. We were going to kiss whilst he was driving! What the hell is wrong with us?!
Nearly three years ago, my best friend got into a car accident and nearly lost her boyfriend. She would freak out if she knew that I got into an accident too. She won’t admit it but it really traumatized her.
“Are you okay?” Kai questions me concerned, turning to face me in his chair,
I nod my head and run a hand through my wavy short hair. “Yikes.”
Kai chuckles, “Yeah, yikes.”
“Let’s not do that again,” I say, reminding myself that when I get a car here, I will always stay focused on the road.
“Well, let’s do the kissing thing again, just not the kissing whilst I’m driving.” He jokes. But I know he’s being serious.
Why does he have to say that? It muddles with my head.
“Kai, what is going on with us?” I ask, sighing.
Kai frowns, “Nothing blondie.”
Nothing? Is he serious?
This confuses me the most. He acts like he doesn’t want to date me but he still wants to kiss me. He doesn’t even annoy me that much anymore. Sure, he’s annoying me now and he still plays games with me but that’s it.
Feeling irritated and fed up, I unbuckle my seat and slide out of the car. The cold air nips my exposed skin, leaving goosebumps but I pay no heed to it. Despite the fact I have no idea where I am, I march along the path away from Kai’s car. He needs to know I won’t stand for him playing with my feelings.
I hear Kai open his car door and slam it shut. We’ve parked on a street so most everyone is inside, fast asleep.
“Ren, what are you doing?” He asks, using my actual name. That never happens. “Come back in the car.”
Stopping, I spin on my five-inch heels and give him the angriest look. “No.”
He stops walking a few feet from me and crosses his arms over his chest. “Why not?”
“Because you’re playing with me!” I shout, exasperated. “You are confusing me! What do you want?”
Kai’s eyes widen in shock at my outburst. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes as he registers my words.
“I - I,” he stutters, looking bewildered.
Sassily crossing my arms over my chest, I arch an eyebrow and wait for him to speak a coherent sentence. Patiently, waiting I don’t notice that it’s beginning to rain until a raindrop splashes itself onto my cheek.
“Well I don’t know either,” Kai says, after a few minutes. The rain picks up, splattering itself on me and Kai. “You keep giving me mixed messages, you know?”
“Only because you’re giving me mixed messages!” I yell, irritated.
Kai shuts his mouth and meets my gaze evenly. “Do you like me, Ren?” He asks me, calmly.
I falter. Do I tell him I think I like him? Or do I deny it and risk any chance of being with him? Do I even want to be with him?
“I think so, “I whisper, tiredly, averting my eyes to the ground. Admitting my feelings to Michael was so much easier than this. We were both shy about it and we just ended up blurting it out and laughing. With Kai, it’s harder because we are both nervous about rejection. Or at least, I am. “But I can’t imagine us together because you act so...distant and annoying. You act like you don’t want to be with me and yet, you kiss me and say cryptic things. I’m fed up Kai - I like hanging out with you but I can’t go do whatever this is anymore.”
A huge weight lifts off my shoulders - figuratively - at my admission. Telling Kai every thought that has been lingering in my mind for weeks feels so good.
I don’t notice Kai is stood so close to me until his breath tickles my exposed neck. Stiffening, I crane my neck up and meet his eyes.
“Blondie,” Kai mumbles and tenderly touches my chin. Sparks fire on my chin, causing my breath to hitch. “I think I like you too, I just...I’ve never experienced feelings like this for a girl. Ren, I like annoying you because I like receiving the attention from you.”
“Don’t over think anything,” Kai cuts me off. “Just kiss me.”
I don’t know what possesses me to but I do. His lips mash against mine and move passionately, with hunger and desire. Call it a cliche moment, with the rain pouring down on us, but it sure is spectacular. Michael would never have done something like this in public. He was always so rational and fearful.
I wish I could have seen it sooner.
With Kai, nothing is simple. Nothing is boring. He keeps me on my toes, keeps me alert. He makes me feel so many emotions; question everything I think and feel.
What could this mean for us? Who knows. But I really hope it’s something good.