“Did something happen between you and Kai?” Ben asks me the next day in drama lesson. His brown eyes dart between Kai and me with curiosity. I follow his gaze to where Kai is, on the other side of the room.
I sigh, giving Kai a longing look, despite the fact he won’t make eye contact with me. To me, it’s starting to feel pretty petty. I just want to explain myself to him but he won’t listen. If he will let me explain, everything will be okay again. So why won’t he? Why is he being stubborn? Why can’t he see I’m sorry?
I am an idiot, I know that. I suffer from a terrible case of word vomit, meaning I spit out things I don’t really mean. My brain just doesn’t think.
“We had...” I pause, pondering on what word is best to describe what happened between us. “A disagreement.” I think that’s an understatement.
Ben snorts beside me, shaking his head. “You guys argue 24/7. I think its more than that.”
“We don’t argue all of the time!” I dispute.
Ben arches an eyebrow. He doesn’t have to say anything, we both know I’m wrong and he’s right. But that’s our thing, that’s what makes Kai and I work so well.
“Fine,” I relent, puffing out a breath. “I did something incredibly stupid that could have ruined everything. He won’t talk to me at all now.”
“Have you tried confronting him?” Ben asks.
I give him a frustrated look, “Of course I have! That was the first thing I tried to do yesterday. He walks away every time and won’t look me in the eye. Even now, he refuses to sit with us even though he’s supposed to.” I glance at Kai, hoping he’ll meet my gaze but he’s too busy talking to Freya, a pretty blonde. My heart clenches, watching him flirt with her. At least, that’s what I assume he’s doing. Is it payback? “What do I do?”
Ben shrugs his shoulders, clueless. “I have no clue, I don’t really do relationships.”
Apparently, neither do I.
“You’re really helpful,” I mutter sarcastically.
Ben raises his hands defensively. “Well, sorry for trying to help.” He then rolls his eyes and walks away. My eyes stay on his back until he reaches Kai. As soon as I look at Kai, the air in my lungs seems to disappear. He doesn’t look at me though, instead, he starts a conversation with Ben.
I spend the rest of the lesson alone, pitying myself. Yes, sad I know.
I meet with Sadie when the lesson ends and listen to her blabber on about a load of nonsense. Sadie eventually notices my quietness--since we all know I’m never quiet for long--and pulls me over.
“You can’t still be thinking about this.” Sadie sighs, staring directly into my eyes.
“I can’t stop thinking about it,” I admit, distastefully. “I don’t understand what is happening.”
Sadie pinches her lips together, “I think I do.”
“What?” I immediately ask her, leaping at the opportunity to know.
I freeze. Lovesick? Really? That doesn’t sound right. I don’t love Kai. Sure, I like him. But love...no that’s not right. I know what love feels like and I’m positive this is not it. At least, it isn’t yet.
“You’re in denial,” Sadie states, tucking a strand of her purple hair behind her ear. “That look on your face says it all. You’ve been moping around since you had your argument with Kai. You’re scared that he will never talk to you again.”
You’re scared that you’ll lose what you have with Kai.
And I am. What we have is special. At least, it is to me. I know Kai feels something for me but I don’t know if his feelings run as deep as mine. I’m always wondering if it’s one-sided.
“You need to get him alone in a room somehow.”
“It’s not that simple,” I snap back, not angry at Sadie but at the situation. Kai has every right to be annoyed at me, even if he blew it out of proportion a bit. “I can’t get close to him at all. Even if I do, he won’t listen to what I have to say.”
Sadie gives me a thoughtful face. I can practically hear the gears in her brain running, trying to find a solution.
“How about you break into his house?” Sadie suggests, randomly.
I give her a dumbfounded look and burst out laughing. How on earth would I be able to do that? I don’t even know where he lives!
“Don’t give me that look,” Sadie replies, narrowing her eyes at me. I would think she was being serious if the edges of her lips didn’t keep twitching. “I’m being serious. You could break in, do something extravagant and apologize. It’s brilliant.”
If only it was that simple.
“I don’t know where he lives,” I mumble, weakly.
“We’ll google him.” Sadie counters quickly.
It appears she’s thought this through, a lot. I’m impressed and honored.
“Thanks, Sadie,” I say, instead of continuing to argue with her. She smiles widely and pulls me in for a hug.
“You’re going to get your man, don’t worry.” She whispers into my ear, promisingly.
The next few hours I spend with Sadie, searching for Kai on the computer. Unfortunately, there seems to be a few Kai Jones. I’m about to give up on our search when a new idea pops into my head.
“I know where I can find out,” I announce to Sadie, smiling proudly. She arches an eyebrow, gesturing for me to explain. “When I went to the club, I met Kai’s cousin Michelle. She was really nice. We had to drop her off home first. I can remember exactly where she lives, it’s not far from here.”
Sadie grins for a moment. Then, she seems to think something bad, causing her grin to slowly disappear.
“What if she knows what happened and doesn’t want you to speak to Kai. She might find it kind of weird that you...you know...turn up to her house, asking where Kai lives.” Sadie thinks aloud.
“Now who isn’t being optimistic.” I joke, not letting her words affect me. Michelle was nice to me, she could see that there was something between Kai and me. I just hope she’ll take my side and help a sister out.
Sadie smacks my shoulder, “I’m just being realistic.”
I shake my head, smiling and lean back onto my bed. Sadie watches me and shrugs her shoulders.
“You really do love him.” She blurts out.
This time, I don’t disagree with her. I’ve come to learn that I shouldn’t how I feel. It didn’t go well for me last time and has potentially cost me a relationship with Kai. I will not be a coward anymore. I’m disappointed in myself for being one in the first place. I never was with Michael.
“Yeah, I do.” I agree with her, happy that I’m not lying to myself. What a relief. “Now let’s go and find Michelle. I have a man to get back.”