I bow my head in prayer, and try to calm my beating heart from popping out of my chest. Around me the church is silent and empty. I can't stop the images of him and her from constantly invading my mind. Their crumpled clothes scattered across that motel room floor, make me feel sick with nausea. Somehow, I wish can erase the last hour out of my life. Why did I follow him, I shouldn't have been so nosy. I guess I've got the answers I was looking for. Yes, Genji and Renee are having an affair, so now what? What do I do? This is not a marriage, but merely an agreement. My heart shouldn't be hurting like this right now, I shouldn't have a care in the world about who he's screwing, but I do. Darn it, Genji who do you think you are, you ruin my life and force me to marry you, when all along you've been making love to my sister. He must think I'm really stupid and weak, did he not suspect that I would find out. Sure, me following him today to that seedy motel was on impulse, my intuition just wouldn't let up. I just had this feeling about him and Renee, that same feeling I had five years ago when my sister first betrayed me. Really, I don't know why I'm so surprised this is typical of her, she did it before to me so why not again.
Oh sorry, and did I forget to mention that I was married before. Oh yes, I was for a short period of time, right after I dropped out of high school to support my grandma I met him. Shawn Davis, the man who was my world, my everything, and ultimately the cause of my destruction. I was working as a part-time server at an upscale country club two hours from my home in the ghetto. It took three buses to get there, but the pay was excellent and the hours were flexible. He was a server also, and he was proud of it. To think of it, Shawn was proud of everything, his face, his body, his hair, his clothes etc. He was the type of a man who wasn't afraid to tell people that the world revolved around him. And like a fool in love, I believed him, I thought he was a God so handsome and wise. I just couldn't believe that he would go out with a girl like me, so plump and ugly, but he did. When he asked me to marry him after one month of dating, I was so happy it felt like I was in heaven. My grandma was worried of course with me being so young I had just turned eighteen. Plus where on Earth were we going to live, how were we going to even eat. Therefore, Shawn said we'd be fine, that all I have to do is work, and he'd stay home and go back to school. We lived with his mother, five cousins, two uncles, and three aunts. We slept on the floor in a damp basement with no heat and a leaking pipe. Although, despite all that I was happy because I thought finally someone loves me. Even when I slaved away at two jobs and still came home to be a dutiful housewife, I never complained. For two years I lived as a ghost, I was invisible. Unless of course he wanted food, sex, or money he never talked to me. God, I wish I could go back in time and slap myself. Especially when I allowed my little sister to move in with us. At first it seemed like Shawn and Renee didn't get along, they were always fighting all the time. Renee had just became an adult, but she had no money and somehow she just couldn't find a job. So of course she was home all the time with him. Shawn always assured me that I was fine and sexy, and that there was no other woman but me. He was such a sweet talker, but I guess he had to be since I was the one who paid all the bills and bought the food. Furthermore, I still wasn't prepared for the shock of that day when I caught them together. I don't want to bring up bad memories because all I could think of at that time was "why." Throughout our lives, in the beginning Renee and I were very close. When people bullied me because of my weight she'd always stick up for me, when she always get invited to parties she'd take me along, and when I couldn't get a date she'd always cancel hers. I was so ashamed of being the unattractive older sister, but Renee let it be known that she was proud to be related to me. Which is why I couldn't understand why she betrayed me that way. It was awful, I felt like I died, it was like the day when my parents were killed, I never felt so miserable. So miserable that I lost my mind for a while, it took me a long time to recover after that. I moved back in with my grandma, and quit my two jobs. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed, all I did was eat and sleep. But little by little I got stronger. I avoided Renee like the plague, and I divorced Shawn quickly. She left and moved to New York to pursue a career in cosmetology, and Shawn went somewhere down south in Kentucky or Florida somewhere. I went back to school at a community college to earn my high school diploma, and a degree in Education. Although, still the thought of them betraying me always crept back up in my mind. It took a lot of prayer and faith to make me forget, and eventually through the years I even learned to forgive. I started reading the letters Renee sent to me, and sometimes I even wrote her back. So why is she doing this to me again, humph I guess once a hoe always a hoe. However, I was just a Sunday school teacher, I didn't bother anyone so why would Genji and Renee set me up like this.
"Are you done sulking?"
I jump up startled and stare into charcoal black eyes.
"Jesus, Genji you scared me, what are you doing here?"
He scoffs" I'm the one that should be asking that question, what are you doing here in church, I thought I told you not to come here, especially by yourself without a bodyguard."
I breathe in deeply and exhale angrily he's got some nerve. He's sleeping with my sister, but yet he still wants to control me.
I answer" I didn't think you notice I was gone, since you left out so early this morning to go your little appointment."
"Don't get sassy with me, of course I knew you were gone I follow you're every move."
I smile and face forward ignoring his glare," Oh really, you follow my every move, it's amazing how you can multi-task. You can screw my sister and keep tabs on me at the same time. You're an incredible man Genji, you're like two different people in one body, that's so..so.. I don't know creepy, don't you think?"
He leans forward and puts a hand on my shoulder" Look, Jordana, I...
"Don't touch me, your hands are disgusting."
He curses under his breath" Fuck."
I turn around quickly making him jump back in his seat surprised' And don't swear in church, you idiot. You're so arrogant and smug, you think you're God huh? that there's no rules or consequences. We'll let me tell you something Genji, I may not be as pretty or charming as Renee, but I'll tell you one thing I'm not weak nor dumb. Whatever it is that you both have planned against me, I'll guarantee you it's going to fail I'll...
His laughter interrupts my speech loudly.
I stare at him with narrowed eyes" why are you laughing, I'm being serious you'll pay for what you've done to me."
He cocks his head to the side" Oh yeah how? Just how am I going to pay. You think you're clever huh? Just because you found about me and your sister. You think I don't know that you followed me to the motel. I saw you're cute little face peeking in the window, you're sister even heard something going on outside."
My eyes bulge and my stomach drops," y-y-y-you saw me spying on you, but..but.."
He loosens his tie and sits back in the pew," Just shut up and listen ok? What happened today in the motel room is not what you think."
I shout "BUT HOW, I saw you and her together, your clothes were off and they were lying on the floor!."
He hisses"' lower your voice and shut up. I'm about to tell you the truth alright, so just be quiet. I figure I owe you that much for all you've done for me."
I purse my lips" go ahead, tell me, I want to know about you and Renee."
He sighs," fine, but you're going to regret it, because the truth hurts."
I smirk and put my hands on my wide hips" Don't worry, I'm a big girl I can handle it."