Desperate

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seventeen

Senior year.

Shauna had found that college guys were way more fun than lousy high school students.

Shreyas was hitting on a new girl everyday.

Jason was dating Amanda.

Amanda was dating Jason, and David, and Alex, and Nick, and about half the school. How she went on dating all of those people without getting caught I have no idea.

I, however, I was determined to make senior year different. Sadly, my break with Cameron never ended leaving me in shambles for the entire month of August. But, I was going to leave all my previous mistakes behind and take the high road. I was going to focus on school and grades and getting into a good college. I was going to forget Shreyas. This year I was going to forget. Forget everything.

They were high expectations, even for me.

Predictably, not short after, they all went out the window.

/ /

It was a normal morning.

I was a mess, my backpack strap had broken on the walk to school, and in the midst of the chaos that is my house, I left my art history paper in the printer. At this point, I had resorted to banging my head on the door of my locker. Fuck me, please.

"Sure thing, what time?" I did not say that out loud. I looked behind me. Jason was happily chatting on the phone at Amanda's locker, which was unfortunately located right across the way.

Praise the lord I wasn't going to crazy. College application due dates were closely approaching and I was buckling down. I had written more essays in the past couple of weeks than I have over the entire four years of high school, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier.

"Hey, Scar. You okay?" asked the one person who has stuck with me through everything. Addison. Addison and I have been best friends since the sixth grade, and ever since the fateful day I decided to tell her everything, our friendship has only grown. As of the moment, we have applied to almost all of the same schools securing the fact that we would get in to at least one of the same colleges, if not all. Our friendship has tackled every obstacle thrown at it, well so far. Over the span of seven years we have had a total of two big fights.

So, when she asked me this question I knew I couldn't bullshit my way out of the answer. The only way to get out of this was to tell the truth, and sometimes, especially in this case, the truth was ugly.

"Not really," I responded.

She frowned. "Aw, bae, you know you can always vent to me."

And I did, I knew that whenever I needed someone to let off some steam to, she was always there, but this was one thing I didn't want to burden her with. No one except Shreyas, Amanda, and Jason knew that I was the one who outed Jason and Amanda's forbidden love, and I intended on keeping it that way.

After we ended our conversation, I made my way to the library. After the events of last year, I decided that I would sit this year's set of allotted drama out, and the quiet of library was the perfect place to seek solace in times like these. I waved to the librarian as I entered, just like every day I come here. Except it wasn't like every day.

I didn't walk over to the beanbags in the corner and pull out a sappy Teen Fiction novel with way too many kissing scenes for it to have a decent (or any) plot. I didn't walk the aisles of the fiction section until I found a different Teen Fiction novel.

No, because as soon as I walked in the only thing I saw was Shreyas.

He was laying in one of the beanbags, eyes squinting at E.E. Cummings's 95 Poems. A wave of emotions hit me so hard that I took a step back. Almost as if he could sense me in the room, he looked up to scan the room. When his eyes locked on mine, I took another step back, my heels touching the entryway of the door. His smile was too wide, his legs too long.

He stood up and clumsily made his way towards me.

"Hey, Scar!" We got a dirty look from the librarian and I motioned to the door. Shreyas happily followed me out into the quad. "So, I've had an epiphany."

"Really? What is this epiphany?" I asked.

"You are my savior," he said triumphantly. I looked at him incredulously; he took it as a cue to continue. "You saved me from a Titanic relationship that was about to hit an iceberg, that iceberg, of course, being the lying, cheating, sad-excuse-for-a-best-friend Jason."

"No." I shook my head.

"What?" He was confused.

"No." This was not happening. After many blissful months of silent distaste for each other, and mental peace treaties, he finally wanted to be my friend.

"No, what?" Slow as he is, he was still confused.

"No." I walked away.


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