Sins Of The Past
This here chapter is a hastily spun mess in my mind but it's been too long
“Are you of the mind that she will continue to be so enamored with this veneer you’ve put on to hide what you really are?”
Kurt had seethed those words breathing through the pain like a dragon while supporting his deformed wrist with his other hand. But at least he’d learned to keep a sizeable bit of space between Lucas and him.
The agony concentrated at his wrist and exploding up his arm to spread through every pain receptor in his body had hindered his ability to stand upright, so he’d leaned his heavy mass against the wall for support.
Witnessing the flames leaping in Lucas’ eyes had honestly shocked him. It had even occurred to Kurt to scurry away lest he suffer further injury at the hands of the boy whom he’d taunted for years about being a wimp. Surprisingly though, the reaction that he’d provoked from his stepson when he’d carelessly reached out to touch the girl had not unnerved him nearly as much as the cool, placid manner which Lucas usually has reserved especially for when dealing him.
Since he was a little boy it had always occurred to Kurt that Lucas was merely biding his time while quietly calculating his demise. He doesn’t doubt Lucas’ hatred for him not one bit. As a matter of fact, added to his level of intelligence, he’s always been certain that Lucas will be able to kill him, disappear his body and no one would be the wiser. So to have heard the promise of his imminent ruin from the horse’s mouth had sent a genuine wave of trepidation down his spine.
Accordingly he’d resorted to old, dependable tactics of suppression.
“You mean what you made me do,” Lucas had snarled in response.
Though he hadn’t revealed the impact of Kurt’s indictment, he’d felt the possibility of Alaine learning his deepest sins and walking away quite acutely.
“Don’t kid yourself, boy,” Kurt had grunted in reply. “You were fifteen. Everything you did, you wanted. When she learns of it and she will, make no mistake, if she stays, it will only be for the money...”
Lucas slams his foot down, flooring the accelerator to punish Italy’s wet northern winding roads in the way that he would have exalted in treating Kurt. Alas this is the only means available to vent his agitation.
The wipers work furiously against the consistent heavy downpour lashing the windscreen. Alaine is sitting in her seat, her posture tense and her small hands gripping the padded leather.
And Lucas can’t bring himself to slow down.
At his age, his stepfather shouldn’t have been able to elicit such a reaction out of him and yet he had. Now that the events which occurred at the restaurant have had the time to sink in, he could kick himself for how it turned out. His first mistake was allowing the handshake to happen. He should have had Kurt dragged back the way he came from the moment he’d stepped through the curtain. The only reason he hadn’t was to avoid making another splash for the media to jump on.
Sometimes all it takes a look from the man to make Lucas want to throw a punch. Other times it’s just hearing his damn voice in his stupid accent. With the exception of Kurt, he’s never hated the sound of a British person before.
Tonight, Kurt had taken it one step too far by trying to put his hands on Alaine.
Lucas takes his eyes off the road for a second to glance in her direction.
It was her.
Losing his cool had been prompted by this fierceness he feels when it comes to Alaine. There was no way that he had been willing to sit back and permit Kurt to act out whatever perverse machination had passed through his mind when he reached his filthy hand for Alaine’s face. He’d think twice before doing it again for certain and that brings Lucas a measure of satisfaction.
It might have been even more satisfying had he done more than just dislocate his wrist. He might have felt a lot better if he had mutilated his stepfather’s hand with a stake knife. Had Alaine not stepped in to keep his rage in check when Kurt had brought up his darker sins in her presence, that had been in next course of action.
The night would have turned out so differently -- with Kurt in a body bag and he in a pair of silver bracelets if it weren’t for her stepping up to place her hand on Lucas’ chest in order to stop him.
But now, Kurt is aware that something is coming his way even if he might not know what that something is.
The ride home is long and riddled with an intense silence. If it was the peaceful quiet kind that normally reigns between Alaine and him, Lucas would not mind. Since they’d ended their night out prematurely, Alaine hasn’t spoken a single word and so he’s worried.
Is she now afraid of him? Is she thinking about he things Kurt had said?
There is no way to know without having to explain his actions tonight. That will lead to him also having to reveal the worst parts of his past that he’s deliberately kept hidden from her. The idea is a scary one for different reasons.
Other than hating to relive what he’d been put through, Lucas is concerned for their fledgling relationship. Could Alaine look beyond his flawed and stained history? Would she be able to forgive his depravity and love him anyway? He hopes -- no -- he yearns for it to be so.
Brief consolation comes and hope along with it, when she reaches across the console take his hand in hers. She keeps it there safe and warm which causes Lucas to offer a silent prayer that she will keep his heart in the same manner.
Needing a break from the quiet and his thoughts he says, “I hope this rain will let up,” as he pulls into the yard. “We could make a run for it. I can give you my jacket for shelter. Or we can wait it out.”
Her sudden burst of laughter takes him by surprise and Lucas chuckles uncertainly.
“How do you not have space in your garage for this?” she argues while indicating to the slick interior of the car.
“It’s new,” he offers in a half-hearted defense.
“Note to self,” Alaine mumbles. “Store umbrellas in the car.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says.
The heaviness in his voice makes her sigh. When he stops in the front yard, she undoes her seatbelt and crawls into the back seat.
Lucas turns around to regard her with bewilderment. “I choose option C,” she explains. “It’s cold. I’m in no mood to get wet. Will you be joining me?”
It takes a second for her invitation to register. Once it does, Lucas is over the console in no time. She’s much smaller than he is so it takes a bit of twisting and maneuvering but he fits himself on the opposite end of the seat. Since he doesn’t know what to expect, he remains there on his side until she leans her head on his shoulder. Happily, he adjusts his body to accommodate hers more comfortably.
“Is this okay?” he asks. “Are you comfortable?”
“Perfectly,” she answers.
““So, we’re okay?” he asks with a bit of timidity in his voice. “Tonight was supposed to have been perfect.”
“It was. It still is,” Alaine assures him. “I just...you snapped his wrist Lucas.”
It’s no more than he deserves, he wants to say but chooses not to reply.
He’d spent the entire ride home thinking about it -- about how to explain his violent outburst. Now that the opportunity is here, he doesn’t want to; or is afraid to.
“Being with me is a hazard to your health and safety,” Lucas begins to say. “You’ve been threatened, attacked and now Kurt. All I’ve done is cause you trouble and I don’t want that, Ali.”
“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” she says softly.
When he doesn’t reply, she leans up to look into his eyes as much as the darkness surrounding them will allow.
A heavy rock drops in the pit of her stomach when she asks, “are you?”
“No babe,” he finally answers. “I’m not. But I don’t want to you hurt, Alaine. Not by me, not by my past or by anyone else. I can’t seem to be able to protect you from either.”
“You’ve never hurt me,” she counters.
“But my past might. The things I’ve done might,” he argues. “You’ll leave once you know. And he’s probably right. He can ruin me and if you stay, you in the process.”
Alaine looks at him again with her face scrunched up in confusion.
“Baby,” she says and sits up to take his face between her hands. “I’m not going to leave you over something you had no control over.”
“You heard him, Alaine,” Lucas responds in a voice made rough by emotion. “I was fifteen. I could have said no.”
“No to what?” she demands. “Him hitting you? Or pushing you down stairs?”
“It was more than that,” Lucas tells her. “It became more that.”
Knowing that he should have told her all of it a long time ago, Lucas divulges his darkest secrets hidden beneath layers of money, looks and false bravado on a prayer that doing so changes nothing between them.
He reveals the shameful sordidness he had participated in. The part of him that he doesn’t want to touch Alaine. How does he explain the worst of it all? That with time he’d learned to enjoy it.
In the darkness in the back seat of the car he is stunned that she stays in his arms and he holds her closer from fear that she might yet wrench herself from his side while fighting to hold back the damn of tears bursting behind his closed eyelids.
Instead she allows him to punctuate his tale with pauses to kiss her hair and stroke his fingers absently along her arm.
“Once I realized that I was slowly being consumed by it. That I looked forward to the days when he would come get me. That I was so close to not caring anymore and no longer had be coerced or threatened into participating, I knew I had to leave. I kept saying that I would. The final straw was when he brought this girl -- she was a kid, Alaine,” he explains. “Younger than I was. She was barely developed and I refused. I told him that he would have to kill me. He, of course, retaliated in the way that I expected but it was not against me. He beat her in front of me and said that it was my fault. I begged him to stop. I begged him to hurt me instead. I tried to stop him but this man, he pinned me down and held my face so I had to watch. I have no idea what happened to her -- to any of them -- yet I left. I left my mom in the care of a drug addicted alcoholic who threatened to kill her if I did. But I couldn’t stay Ali,” he says desperate for a glimmer of understanding from her. “What kind of son does that?” he asks himself.
“I went to Dubai of all places,” he continues. “I was so scared and constantly looking over my shoulder. I knew too much about him. I thought he would come find me and kill me for it. But,” he pauses with a sigh. “I suppose he was content with letting me suffer with the burden of that knowledge.
“It had to choose to save either Claudia or me,” he backtracks to explain. “But she never chose me. No one ever chose me. The people who worked at the house chose job security and protecting their illegal status over me. My father chose his family over me. My mother chose Kurt and everything else over me. So I did. I chose me,” he says with guilt. “And I am sorry I didn’t tell you before. I should have,” he rambles. “I was ashamed and afraid that you...what will you choose, Ali? he asks.
She sits up and regards him in quietness. In his eyes and his touch she reads a need for affirmation. He needs the assurance that she understands, that she still loves and respects him in spite of all he just revealed.
“Did your mother know?” she asks.
Lucas shrugs. “I don’t know,” he answers with his heart beating wildly against his chest since she hasn’t answered his question. “Maybe,” he adds with a swallow.
The next thing he knows, she is giving him exactly what he was waiting for. With purpose, her lips press softly to his silencing his self-deprecation. Even if he knows that he doesn’t deserve it, Lucas won’t reject her show of affection. As a matter of fact, he’s happy that she’s using more than just words. He’s happy to note that her kisses are the same. They feel the same. There’s no reservation in the way she lays claim to his lips. Neither is there any in the way his arms close around her body to haul her into his lap. They fall into an old dance where his hands get tangled in her hair and roam all over her body -- cupping her breasts and trailing over her waist, squeezing her hips and behind while she eases her position to straddle his legs.
That kiss becomes everything he needs; air to breathe, water to drink, light to illuminate the perpetual night. Lucas gul ps from what feels like a spring of life and petitions for more when he parts her mouth with his lips and submerges himself completely.
Afraid to hope for too much, but hoping nonetheless, he rests his forehead against Alaine’s with his eyes still closed.
“Now you know why I am not good enough for you,” he says softly. “But I want to be, Ali. Give me the chance and I will be.”
“You think I will leave you because of this?” she replies. “You were a child, Lucas,” Alaine explains. “You were fifteen. You bear no fault in what happened, just like I have no fault in what happened to me. You were innocent. You still are. The only persons guilty are the adults who robbed you of an innocent childhood and the ones who supported it. Do you hear me? Baby, you are a good person, do you hear me?” she insists. “The best I know,” she adds with a teary smile.
Lucas nods his understanding but the sob that had been burning and straining it’s way up his throat the entire time he’d been speaking refuses to be contained any longer. It comes out in a deep, wracking sound that shakes his entire body in Alaine’s arms as she pulls him against her chest. Finally he gives himself permission to unload years of anger, years of enduring and hiding by falling apart on the shoulder of a woman whose strength has to be more than twice her size.
Instead of judgment he’d been fearing, he meets understanding. In the place of rejection, he finds warmth and acceptance. Where he expected castigation, he finds immeasurable love as this time it is Alaine who shifts to the other side and adjusts her body to accommodate his. He lays his head against her breasts when she leans back against side panel inside the car to hold him in her arms and stroke his hair to offer comfort.
Her sweet voice fills the night with whispered nothings that wash like a soothing balm over old wounds. She allows him this moment to cry years of unspent tears.
“I’m sorry. I...” Lucas begins as he tries to catch his breath.
“Shhh,” Alaine tells him then intertwines their fingers. “It’s okay baby. I love you. And this doesn’t affect me the way you think. I’m just sorry that you had to endure so much and for so long,” she says her own face growing wet from her tears.
Lucas doesn’t say anything else. Maybe words are no longer necessary. She understands. So he lies there in the glow of what can only be unconditional love.
Crying must have exhausted him because when Lucas opens his eyes again it's almost early light. His night of sleeping in the back seat of a sports car is not without consequence even if he'd spent the entire time using Alaine's soft breasts as his pillow.
There is a painful kink in his neck and back from remaining too long in an awkward position. The headache he is spotting stems from his eyes which are sore and, no doubt, puffy from crying.
He considers that Alaine must be worse for wear with his weight crushing her. Remembering her old injury, he sits up quickly. The coat that she'd placed over him at some point falls away causing him to smile as she follows him into wakefulness with a groan.
She might not be able to take care of him in the manner she always wishes but it’s the small things, like covering him when he sleeps that has the biggest impact on his heart.
“My leg is asleep,” she protests and rolls her neck slowly.
Reaching over, Lucas presses his fingers into her muscles to rub out the soreness. It’s a joy to watch her eyes close again when his heated palm makes contact with her skin.
“I can’t believe I let you sleep in a car,” Lucas says to express his disappointment in himself. “Are you okay? Any other discomfort or pain?”
“Whose fault it is, is up for debate considering you fell asleep first,” she explains. “But I hadn’t the heart to wake you,” she continues while stroking his sleep mused hair off his forehead. “I’m fine. How are you feeling?” she asks.
Lucas groans at the memory of his emotional meltdown.
“I ruined our date,” he says contritely. “I promise to make it up to you. And I will have dessert delivered since we missed out on it.”
She gives him that look. The one where her eyebrows are raised, her glare pointed and her arms are folded to say she knows exactly what he is doing and he sighs.
“Truth?” he queries.
“Nothing but,” Alaine replies and waits patiently.
“I am embarrassed about crying,” Lucas says after a deep breath to steel his nerves. “I am also Very concerned about what Kurt will do.” Then he takes her hand in his. “But most importantly Alaine, I am extremely fearful that after sleeping on it, you will have a change of heart about staying with me,” he admits.
She smiles. “I am going to be as succinct as I can,” Alaine begins. “You’re only embarrassed because society thinks that crying is a weakness, especially for a man. But babe, this isn’t society. It’s you and me. Whatever your stepfather does you will survive because that’s who you are. And most importantly, how can I have second thoughts about a man who loves me so completely? I have never known a love like yours Lucas Bright and I am not dumb to let it go,” Alaine offers in return.
“Prove it,” he tells her. “That nothing has changed between my confessions and now. Prove to me that we are still...”
Her mouth crashes on to his stealing his words and breath because even if this isn’t where he was going, it’s the only way she knows to fulfill his request.
Alaine hikes up her own skirt to straddle him in the backseat of the car.
Though he enjoys these unbridled displays, Lucas pulls their lips apart.
“Baby,” he says but moans low in his throat when she frantically pulls his shirt out of his waistband to rake her nails over his abdomen.
“Ali,” he groans as she shifts against him to kiss her way down the column of his neck.
“Shhh,” she tells him.
“Wait, babe,” he pleads more assertively and she pulls back to look down at him. “You’ve damn well brought me to my knees woman,” Lucas confesses with an incredulous chuckles while gazing into her eyes.
He takes her both hands in his and places a kiss on her knuckles.
“While I love this. It’s not what I had in mind,” he tells her on a ragged breath. “I was thinking more along the lines of a verbal declaration. Tell me you love me. But I love action too,” he laughs at her embarrassed flush and keeps her glued to his straining front when she tries to disengage their bodies. “Unfortunately,” Lucas continues, “The windows are not reflective nor tinted enough,” he explains. “We do have an empty bed.”
He kisses her with a smack before easing her off his legs. “Shall we?”
After struggling his way back into the front seat, Lucas exits the car via the passenger side. He adjusts the seat and takes Alaine’s hand to help her out.
Still wearing her stilletos, her thin heels sink into the sodden earth, causing her to stumble and grasp for Lucas with a yelp. Thankfully, he catches her.
They have three options -- he keeps digging divots into the ground, risk falling and bodily harm. She can also traverse the soggy yard barefoot in the cold. Then there is this option.
Without voicing his intent, Lucas lifts her into his arms and doesn’t stop till they make it to the bedroom.
Lucas wastes no time continuing what she'd initiated. He pushes her back against the door after closing it behind her and pins both her hands above her heads with one hand while he uses the other to free her breasts from the confines of the provocative top. He dips his to suck the flesh of one full mound in his mouth before sucking hard over the budded tip.
"That's so good," she whispers in encouragement and arches her back to urge him for more.
"Mmm," Lucas moans but instead of giving her what she wants he pulls back and says, "I want your mouth on me."
Alaine lowers knees to the floor between Lucas' legss after he sits on the bed. She takes his hard length in her hands and strokes down firmly just like he's instructed her to. When she closes her mouth over the tip and works up and down while massaging him he mutters every oath in every language that he knows.
"Not like this baby," he groans as that familiar tightening drawing him closer to completion squeezes the air out of his lungs and makes his heart race. "I need you," he grits out from between his clenched teeth.
In one swift move, he yanks Alaine up from her submissive position to sit astride his legs, slips his hands under her skirt to draw her underwear aside and impale her with his full, hard length without a bit of hesitation.
She moans his name and he gasps with his face to the heavens.
For the fist time as she rolls her hips over him, Lucas races toward ultimate bliss selfishly. Understanding that he needs it, Alaine takes her satisfaction from the sounds of his pleasure and the way every muscle in his body seizes up tightly while his firm flesh pumps warm liquid into her.
"It's okay, baby," she breathes softly when she notices him straining to hold back for her sake.
He swears softly but obeys her command to let go.
After catching his breath, he nibbles on her collarbone where she remains sitting on him with him still inside her and says, "I call raincheck on the car though."
Alaine laughs and kisses his hair.
"I'm serious," Lucas declares.
“I wasn’t disagreeing with you,” she says and eases to lie down on the bed. Lucas joins her by resuming his position against her breast as they take the time to recover.
“You know, I spent quite some time thinking about what you said last night," she says breaking the silence.
“And?” Lucas asks when she pauses.
“Well, where would your uncle acquire a buffet of young immigrant women to be at his beck and call?" she asks. "He has to be involved in something illicit. Prostitution, or even sex trafficking?”
Lucas inhales deeply. “That’s exactly what it is, Ali,” he answers. “And the reason I don’t want you anywhere near him. Do you understand me?” he asks gravely. “I won’t survive him hurting you,” Lucas adds. “You are everything to me. Do you understand that, Alaine?”
“I do,” she responds.
Lucas traces his thumb over her cheek.
“I love you, Ali,” he says. “I don’t know what I’ll do if...”
“Don’t,” Alaine interrupts. “Let’s not jump to worse case scenarios. There’s enough to be fearful of already. I don’t want to be terrified here too.”
“Okay,” Lucas agrees. “I knew way back then that he was a criminal but I was a child, beaten into submission and scared. I’ve done my research however,” he tells her and looks at the time. “I have an email to send,” he adds.
“And I really need to pee,” Alaine responds before sliding off him and walking naked to the bathroom. “Whatever you’re doing, is it dangerous?” she pauses to ask at the door.
Lucas shakes his head while his insides burn because he’s lied to her. “It’s just an email, babe,” he says. "I had this grand plan to dismantle his life..." he pauses whatever he'd been about to say and amends, "nobody messes with you, Alaine. Not as long as I'm alive."
And he means it. He'll do whatever must be done to keep her safe from all forms of danger.