I’ve slept through the night without any nightmares.
A few months ago I couldn’t say that. Even the thought of sleep...it used to bring biles in my mouth. My world drifted in and out of my control as they visited me every night. And me? Who was I then?
I was nothing.
Ironically, I still am nothing. I’m just a pathetic fool who can’t find herself without any help. Who can’t have a peaceful sleep without his presence behind me. Who is becoming greedy enough to wish he was still in bed with me. And the worse thing is even he wouldn’t disagree with me. Even he’s becoming someone else just for me.
A biker helping a woman dance?
Did you hear such a ridiculous thing ever?
Foxy’s words from yesterday don’t leave me. He can’t dance. He hates staying nights at his one-night stand’s bed.
And, he’s breaking his own rules one by one.
Just like that my breath leaves me. The sound all too familiar in this place nowadays. Laugher follows, the sound of numerous people fighting each other and the morning starting with the Prez practicing his gun on some fellow.
Right that moment, the door opens slowly. I don’t even have to look up as I know who it is. My body stiffs but she walks too calmly. Her perfume mixed with the scent of...blood?
“Gwen? You awake?”
Were you the one shooting? The question is at the tip of my tongue but somehow I manage not to say that. Instead, I glance up from the unmade bed. “I’m awake.”
Grace give me a smile. Her knuckles are bloody again. So, she was the one fighting. I don’t know what she thinks when she sees my room for the first time with concentration. The CD players, the ballet shoes, the dresses...
“You’re dancing again?” There’s an edge in her voice. I think even she doesn’t realize that. She grumbles something before correcting herself. “I mean, you want to dance again?”
“Yes.” The whisper doesn’t get to her ears first. His words are flowing through me as I say them aloud. “Yes, I am.”
I think for some reason I’ve rendered her speechless as she doesn’t say anything after that. She helps me in the tub silently, then takes me to have breakfast. Lena gives me a warm smile that brings a smile to my face in return. She chuckles with Foxy and us. Yet Grace doesn’t say a word.
“Are you ok?” I can’t help but ask.
“Yes, of course, I am. It’s just that-” She trails off, avoiding my gaze. Lena leaves us shortly, as she sees the tension between us. Even Foxy gives me a nod and walks to the staircase going down.
When both are gone, I turn to Grace with more determination. “It’s just what, Grace? What is it?”
“You will think me as selfish. I don’t wanna be that sister.” She chuckles to herself shaking her head.
“What makes you think that?” I’m surprised, to hear that from her to the least. “I can never think you as selfish. If anything I’ve abandoned you at a time, you needed my help. I threw you at danger by inviting Josh to our life.” His name doesn’t even hurt anymore. “I became a burden. I still am-”
“Fucking nonsense! You’re not a burden! You hear me?” That awful look of vengeance is showing up on her face again. And sad to say I hate it. “I’m the fucking sap who can’t take your this...new change. It feels like you’re moving on and I’m still stuck in the past trying to drive Mad Dog’s clutch. You’re picking up dancing and I’m picking up guns. So yes, sister, I’m the one who has changed. I’m the one who couldn’t let go.”
“I didn’t let go, Grace.” If she really thinks I’ve let go then she has another thing coming. “I just decided to kill those monsters by going back to the girl I was before all these things happened. But if I saw that bastard before you...even I’d kill him. Even I’d wanted revenge but all I’ve left are the horrifying memories and regret not being the person who finished him.”
She sighs. “I never knew you thought like that.”
My fingers twitch to touch him. To make me easy. But all I can touch is the air when the words leave my lips. “We are all broken, we just have a different way to show it.”
And we agree to that statement with silence. After finishing breakfast, she leads me to the bar, especially towards the bar stool. A man is making drinks and taking orders. When he notices us coming he gives Grace a small smile and an interesting glance at me.
“Is she the new hire?”
There’s an accent in his voice. Though I don’t understand what is happening right now. My sister gives me an encouraging pat on the shoulders and nods. “Yes, she is.”
“I’ve seen her the first day she came in here. In a wheelchair, I believe?” But who are you?
“Yeah. This is my sister. Gwen Knight.” She seems oddly exciting to introduce me to this stranger. “And Gwen, this is Scar. The bartender.”
“N-Nice to meet you.” The shutter is coming back. Attempting to smile is failing. All I can wonder is why I’m here.
“Gwen, you said you wanted to work for a few months. So I thought this is next to the best I can do for you. Bartending can be overwhelming sometimes and he’s the only one who’s working so having another hand wouldn’t be too bad. And the tips are good.”
I nod. What could I even say? I needed a job and if this is what I got...then so be it.
“Perfect! Scar will teach you the ropes and don’t worry, you will be safe here. No extreme drunk Serpents are allowed here.” Grace doesn’t mean it and yet it hits home. No drunk Serpents are allowed. She’s still worried. She’s still paranoid about my past.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Lies, lies, lies. I don’t know this man. I don’t like the way he’s staring at the two of us.
“Ok.” She turns to leave but stops abruptly. “Shit! Before I forgot, Seth went back to New York with Reaper to do some business. He will be back by Friday. He wanted me to let you know in case you want his help again.”
I didn’t want his help...I need his help.
But as always it doesn’t matter. He’s free to do whatever he wants to do. He’s free to not let me know that he was leaving for two days after turning my entire body as his guitar. He was allowed to give me hope, to make me feel like my old self...only to take it away. But it’s alright...right?
So. I work alongside with Scar. I listen when he teaches me the name of the drinks, when he gives me ingredients to make the simple orders, when I wait for the night to come. And then for the first time, when I sleep-
He becomes my nightmare...