Such a simple request and yet my instincts are telling me to leave him like he did last night. Make him suffer. Make him see what he does to me. Turn your back on him. Forget him...Help him...
“Kitty?” I hate the way he sounds. And I hate more when he flinches away from me the moment I try to touch him.
“I-I did a bad thing, Kitty.” Old memories are coming back. I did a bad thing, Kitty. But I did it for you. I did it for my addiction. What now? What has he done for me now?
“I didn’t mean it to happen. I didn’t know.” He’s watching me with wide eyes. Is that a tear? But his eyes are full of unleashed anger and pain. I know that look. Self-loathing is a thing I’ve mustered up in these two years much better than anyone.
“I swear. Fuck! Say something.”
For the first time he entered my room, I look at him. His hair is sticking everywhere, his eyes look a different shade of blue. Contacts? I blink once but the mess of blood doesn’t vanish from my sight. Surprisingly nowadays those red paints don’t scare me anymore.
I nod and whisper. “Seth.”
His eyes close and I’m the one feeling the pain in them. I question myself how to help him but even I know what he will prefer. He did promise me, didn’t he?
“What!?” He’s now inches away from me, still looking at me with wide eyes as if he couldn’t believe what I’m offering him.
“Take me, Seth. Just as you promised.” He tilts his head to look at the door once. Then he’s beside me, over me, in me...
His lips are against me, battling a war I’ve already lost. He lets me walk backward with his help until I’m trapped between him and the wall. The small light from the lamp gives him the shadow of a warrior. A man who I can help. Who needs me like I’m his last breath. Who is panting because of me.
My back arches against my own wish, the small moan already escaping my dry throat. His fingers work like wonder as he reaches down to take off my shirt. I know he doesn’t expect me to be completely naked under the large shirt.
“Fuck! So beautiful.” His voice comes out as if he’s in pain. “And so mine.”
Possession is a dangerous category to mess with. It can burn anyone it not careful. But he is the one who wants to burn. And I’m happy to be that fire.
A soft moan leaves my lips or it’s his growl? His rough hands are on my breasts, kneading, tasting, biting and oh yes...that feeling is taking over. My skin burns when he takes off his own shirts along with his jeans.
He’s barely able to hide how much just he wants me. And shamelessly I love that. He stares at me the entire moment his fingers searching just how he affects me. He finds it quickly with a groan.
I’m dripping wet. Only for him.
My fist tightens around his hair with every stroke of his fingers. I have to choke down a gasp when he reaches a part of me I never knew existed. His name is the only thing I know, the only prayer I can chant aloud.
“Tell me what do you want, Kitty.” His whisper is my downfall. “Tell me!”
“You! I want you!”
So easily he has taken my confession. I want you. All of you. Good or bad. Mistakes or not, I just want you.
“Then cum for me, Kitty.” Just like that my body follows as if it’s not mine anymore. As if I’m not screaming for him to plunge into me. To disappear into a world where I can be me and he’s just a man who isn’t afraid that he did a bad thing. It’s just us.
A dark world filled with the addicted and the addiction.
He doesn’t take time to pull me up so that I can wrap my thighs around him. His gaze is on me, that promise of a burning inferno painting me red. “I will take you, Kitty. Slow and hard. And the only name you will scream is mine.”
Oh yes...take me, burn me, claim me...I need to be his. If not-If not...I will go crazy.
He doesn’t bother to look sorry for the smile to bloom into his face. He gets high on my pleas, his hips buck but he doesn’t just slam into me. He rips open the packet of the cheep condom he found on the bedside drawer, he takes time, exploring, inch by inch making me scream. Thick, pulsing pleasure washes over me and I have nothing to hold on. Sweat dribbles down our body but none of us care.
We touch each other in a way no one can. Those blue eyes lock me into his and oddly I can’t fly away like other times. Those monsters don’t come. They are locked into a cage made by him. And he doesn’t stop until he’s buried to the hilt.
“Shit!” He curses biting my lips. It bleeds the same as we do. Back and forth. Slower and harder. His tongue takes my hard nipple, begging to get burned. Moans and groans fill the room, the sound echoing through the thin wall outside but for the first time I don’t give a shit.
So, what if someone heard us? What if-Grace did? I don’t care.
“Oh, yes!” I cling to him as my hips buck. I’m close, oh so close to falling with him. Like a true addict, he burns me with the pleasure. It’s consuming...too much. Yet I take it. I take all he has to offer.
Tears blur my vision but even then I can hear him clearly. “Come, baby.”
“F-Fuck!” I cry out the curse over and over as I fall down the rabbit hole with him. He comes with a loud groan, the sound tattooing in my memories. My nails bury deep down his skin, blood sipping from the wound...claiming him as mine.
He kisses me for the last time before sliding me down. I see the same pain coming back but with a determination. He helps me to bed and walks back to the other side of the bed. I feel his chest against my back and a deep sigh leaving from his lips.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I don’t press too much. I know what happens when someone probes me. Like me, he might want to shut himself. And, I don’t think I can take that now.
“Someone hurt a person close to me. I wanted to kill that bastard. And I did it too.” He stops making me change sides. Now I’m looking at him dead and I want nothing more to hug him.
“Then I saw his little girl crying out for her father. I made someone orphan, Kitty. That’s a burden even I’m not capable of taking.” My heart lurches for him. How was it possible? I should hate him, didn’t I? Then why can’t I?
His breath is hot in my skin. “I am just like them, aren’t I? A monster.” A hollow laugh leaves from his lips. “That girl will always remember me in her nightmare. The bastard who took her father’s life.”
“Did he deserve it?” I don’t know why I ask him that. Of course, it’s unusual for me to defend him. But I still do.
His gaze is on me as he nods. “Of fucking course he did.”
“Then you are not like them.” It sounds childish even to me. How can you throw away the fact that he murdered someone?
“You don’t love me, Kitty.” Love? The word brings a new wave of feeling washing over my body. “You can do better than me. So why lie to me?”
I can never find a better one. It’s a laughable excuse...maybe for him. But for me, that’s the truth I can’t hide even if I want.
And, being a monster?
I’ve studied every monster and the skin they have. He doesn’t match. He doesn’t belong to them. He might belong to my dark world, those monsters are far away from his reach. But if I don’t make him understand...it might be too late.
But then again do I love him? Respect him, maybe. Care for him deeply, yes. But love? Can addiction turn to love? Or is that a new way people mask feelings?
I-I don’t know.
So, I don’t answer.
But, I know he feels safer in the silence made by us than in his own room of darkness...