“Fuck, where’s your mind at?” Lethal groans.
Probably where it shouldn’t be. I shake my head again. Focus, Seth, focus.
She laughs and just like that my mind is on her. Not the job Prez gave me. Not on the sniper I’ve with me for later.
Fuck! My stomach drops again when she nods at whatever Scar says to her. I didn’t even know she started to work in the bar until I saw her take an order from Tucker. Most nights I avoided staying with her thinking what if-what if I did a mistake by confessing that she’s more than just pity. More than my obsession. She was just Gwen and mine.
Simple as that.
But she couldn’t say it back that day. She kept silent the whole night and the next day. Right then I knew why I shouldn’t have said it. Her previous boyfriend, that damned bastard I killed hurt her the worst way. He betrayed her trust and I understand how hard it is to trust someone else after that. But she did trust me, didn’t she? She trusted me with her body so why can’t she trust me with her heart?
“You there, brother?” I have to focus once again on my job. Lethal is staring at me with a glare but even I know he’s stressed and worried about the shipment.
“Yeah, I am.” Lovesick fool Seth is a liar, how fucking wonderful. “Just mentally getting ready for every scenario. It’s not easy to steal Lorenzo’s shipment. Cops are basically trying to send him to prison for the last twenty years.”
True to my words, some worry for that reason grips me harder too. Not like Kitty does, but still close enough.
“Then we better be fucking ready. He’s stolen enough from us. I will love to see his face when he realizes that his shipments are gone.” He grunts knocking down another drink. Though I hate to admit, this idea wasn’t Lethal’s. Hell, he didn’t even know about the goods coming to Southside an hour ago. Rather it was mine cause the shipment was coming from the Mexican cartel.
And, I’d take any chance to get closer to the cartel.
I can’t throw away the burden of killing someone and not do something about it. It was pretty clear what that cop meant. He belonged to the Mexican cartel and Xavier is seeking them one by one so why it’s not possible that I seek them out on my own. Surely they will be devasted once they know that the weapons didn’t reach Lorenzo’s hand.
“Yeah. He will be fucking sorry for his actions.” As the others who hurt my Kitty will. But first of all, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her everything. “But can I be excused for a minute? I need to see through some things.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He dismisses me, his head already working out the plan no wonder. When I look at the bar it’s almost empty. Thinking of her has forced me to smoke again but when I try to search my pocket, I’m disappointed to see that I’m out of cigarettes.
How many I’ve finished after that night?
Fucking hell, I’ve taken too many to lost count. By the time I reach to her, Scar has gone to take a break. Perfect timing.
There’s a smile on her face but when she looks up soon it diminishes. Her fingers clench and unclench before the smile comes back again but this time it’s strained as if it’s hurting her to even fake a smile for me. She croaks out. “Hey. What drink are you going to take? Have you decided yet?”
Fuck Kitty! Why this pretending?
“We need to talk, Kitty.” She doesn’t resist when I walk closer to her. “It’s like fucking important for you to know.”
“Er...what?” She looks at me as if she misheard me.
“I’m going out for a job. And it’s going to be messy so I thought we should talk now. There’s so much you don’t know, so much you deserve to know.” So much that I’m afraid she’s going to hate me for hiding things from her. “After our talk can you be like leave for a night with Ginger? Things are going to be bad here. I don’t want you to get between the war if things go south.”
“What? What’s happening?” I hate to make her worry but she should know.
“There is a shipment full of weapons coming into Southside for another gang. The shipment it’s coming from...I have some personal scores to settle with them.” I admit under my breath. “So I advised Prez to steal their weapons. It will steer a lot of trouble for all of us but it’s worth it.”
She looks up to me with confusion clear on her eyes. “Ok? But what does it has to do anything with me?”
Oh my naive, Kitty...It has everything to do with you.
I take a second to fess up but I know even that won’t be enough to stop her from freaking out. Ginger better be there for her. “I told you about what I did that night, didn’t I?”
I murdered someone. Didn’t kill. She nods. “Yes, you did.”
“That cop was the one who refused to write Grace’s report. He didn’t even help when you two needed someone to bring justice. I tracked him down with the help of my cousin. He said Mad Dog wasn’t the only one that night-”
Shit! She cringes back against the counter, all color going away from her face. Her nails are digging in her skin yet I can’t utter a word. I watch as her breath hitches as if she can’t breathe. Double shit!
“Please stop, Seth.” Turning away from me, her fingers tightly clutch the hem of her shirt. “I knew he wasn’t the only one. Ok? I was there, Seth. I was there. How can you forget that?”
I want to hold her. Comfort her. But I know she doesn’t want that. Not from me at least.
“I was there the whole night. I saw them. I saw their face. Their mocking smile...those monsters ruining me...I saw it all. I suffered all of them, Seth. So why? Why didn’t you tell me before? Why now? Why you? I shouldn’t matter-”
“I love you, Gwen.” The blow doesn’t land as I want to. Her nails dig even deeper. “And I can’t see you crying all night because of them. Not when I can do something about it.”
“How can you love me, Seth?” She wonders aloud with a bitter smile. “How can you love a shell? Aren’t you afraid that one day I’m going to disappear and on my place, there’s going to be another woman you don’t recognize? Because I’m terrified that I will lose it all one day. And even you won’t be there for me.”
“Too fucking bad then. Because I’m stuck with you even if you like it or not. I-I can’t let go. I won’t let go of you. Even if you lose it all. If I can love you now...I can love all your versions.” And it didn’t even matter if she loves me back or not. Even then I will be beside her.
She tilts her head and shakes it as if she can’t believe me. “You are insane, Seth. Completely insane.”
“Only for you,” I say, shrugging.
Her eyes widen in alarm but thankfully she nods. I think she wants to go back to her job but surprising me, she gets on her tiptoe to kiss me. “Just be careful.”
How many people had ever told me that? How many time I’ve said the same thing?
The answer earns a pathetic laugh. No one. I’ve had no one ever tell me to be careful cause all of them assumed me to be always careful and on guard. And I am. I am always careful yet the words mean more from her than my brothers. If they ever say it that is.
“I will. I promise. We have hella lot to discuss yet.”
Her small smile is the last thing I see before the serpents gather at the entrance. She watches me as I open the front door and leave to finish our second stage of revenge. And if I have to include her on our little game then-
Be careful indeed.