Ride a Cowboy

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Chapter 2 ~ Home

...Avaleria...

Theadasia, my beautiful fourteen-year-old sister, came vibrantly bounding out of the front door and down the porch steps. She looked similar to me, only with natural ash blonde hair and dads Caribbean blue eyes. She was tiny but well developed in the chest area, I looked down in envy at my own breasts, realising very quickly how ripped off I had been in that area of the body.

“Mama, Daddy, you’re back.” Her perfectly placed pigtails either side of her head, bounced carelessly along with her, giving the air of innocence. “Oh, you kinda look like my sister Lyera, but who would know? She left seven years ago and hasn’t been heard from since.”

Wow, she had developed a stinger and was not at all afraid to puncture you with it. Illusion… she was definitely the illusion of innocence.

“Daisy,” Mama grumbled with narrowed green eyes.

“Just stating the obvious mother, anyway, I’m off to Aiden’s, see you later.” She climbed onto the quad bike and took off up the road before anyone could stop her.

“You’ll have to ignore her, the teenage attitude has well and truly kicked in,” Mama’s lips pursed together, there was a story here, I could tell.

“I could go if you want? That way, you have to only deal with one problem daughter at a time,” it was worth a shot… right?

Dad laughed mockingly, “funny bub, as if… get in the house.” I couldn’t help but smile at him, I had forgotten how much of a smartass Dad and I could both be. It was how our relation once was.

When I entered my room, I was relieved to see my old life had been removed from the wardrobe and walls. There is nothing sadder than your parents leaving your room as a homage to a life that once was. Though, I was ecstatic to see my old queen size bed - the very bed I drew comfort and strength from for years - we had a close and personal relationship and I was now desperate to rekindle it and make up for lost time.

It was the comfiest bed I had ever slept in, this wasn’t turning out to be so bad, although, I had one sister that hated me, I wondered if my brother was the same? Kaeron and I were always close, well, used to be. I think it must have been our close proximity in age, but he was always a farmer. Unlike me, he enjoyed working the land like our parents, I enjoyed the animals but not picking up their shit or the hundreds of chores that came with farm life.

The day passed and I slowly set up my room, I had a strange feeling of nostalgia as I put everything in its place but that quickly flew by at the realisation that all of my electronics had been taken out of hock. I guess - on top of everything else - they found my dockets when they packed up my 'drug-induced' city life. There was a knock at the door which broke my internal shame.

“Here are some ‘adult’ sheets bub,” Dad joked. When I was growing up, I insisted on unicorn sheets and would throw a colossal tantrum if they tried to give me any others.

“Awww, I was hoping for unicorns.”

“I think we gave them to the Salvation Army,” he shrugged.

“I’m sorry you’ve wasted so much money because of me, it must have cost you a lot to get all of my stuff out of the pawn shop and with my outstanding rent and then the hospital and hotels… I’m so sorry Dad.” I slumped onto the bed, the very obvious repercussions of my actions, staring me in the face.

“Ya know kid, when you were born, I promised myself I would do anything to prove just how much I loved you. But somewhere along the way, I failed you. Your heart was crushed by some useless boy and instead of helping you through it, I allowed you to weather the storm alone…”

“Dad…” I tried cutting him off.

“No bub, I should have been there, you needed love and we all withdrew, unsure how to handle the whole situation. You were always our tester kid, you know. You were the one that showed us how to parent, I’m sorry we let you down.”

I patted the bed beside me and he came to sit down, “Dad, you didn’t let me down, I pushed you all away, that was the easiest option for me. I knew what Ivy and Mac were up to, I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew… deep down. So much was happening, I was ashamed, hurting, angry, betrayed and existing through crushing torture... that’s why I left.”

“We have these defining moments in our life, bub and that situation was one of yours, the shame is not yours to carry, it’s theirs. Look how far you’ve gone to avoid dealing with those feelings…”

“You think that’s why I was taking drugs?”

“What other reason could there be?”

“Dad…” I blew out a heavy breath, maybe... no, no, no one must know. “I got lost in a world of semi-famous people and free highs - it had nothing to do with anyone else, the choices I made are my own.”

“Tomorrow will be your first meeting of Drug Addicts Anonymous. Before you argue, we are just trying to help.”

“I know Dad but I really don’t need it, okay?”

“We’ll see bub, we’ll see.”

The rest of the day consisted of me hibernating in my room. By the time I had finished, the pale green paint I slapped on the walls back in year ten, were covered in some of my framed mythical creatures. I had always been a fan of that type of thing, opting for books with dragons and magical abilities rather than anything else, could be why my arms and legs were covered in my form of inked homage to them.

My giant rainbow coloured dream catcher, hung above my ensemble, with its pale green sheets, white with green satin trimming duvet cover and pillows and my favourite unicorn stuffed toy, tucked safely inside under the blankets.

Opposite my dream catcher sat two doors, one that led to a walk in robe, the other to my own bathroom. This room had been my saviour in more ways than one, especially, in my teenage years. The wall opposite my entrance door, boasted a large double window that led out onto the rooftop - all of my brilliant ideas happen to be thought up on that roof - pity all of them ended along with my relationship, thanks to Mac.

I heard a familiar whistle and hollering, I knew it was dinner time, this is what I had been dreading, Theadasia and Kaeron were probably home by now and if life wasn’t awkward enough for me, it was about to skyrocket in the ‘uncomfortable’ zone.

Dad, Mama and Theadasia sat at the table waiting as I slid into the room and slipped into my seat. We sat there, in silence, waiting for Kaeron to arrive.

“He shouldn’t be too much longer,” Mama offers with an apologetic look. We were unable to start until everyone was at the table, the same rule had applied my whole life, all I wanted to do was curl up in front of the TV and zone out with chocolate and popcorn.

After a good five minutes of silence, I offered to pour everyone’s water. Standing, I made my way around the large oval table, slowly filling the glasses.

The front door slammed shut, jolting me in fright, “is she here?” A very deep voice rang out, I looked up to see, Ash blonde hair and Caribbean blue eyes. The scrawny boy I left behind, was no longer a scrawny boy, but a 5ft 8 insanely muscular and broad man, my eyes grew wide with surprise.

“Kaeron?” I exclaimed.

“Hey sis,” my eyes perused his gigantic body, I failed to hide my shock. “Sorry I’m late ya’ll, let’s eat,” his arms enveloped me in a huge hug and then he slid into his chair. Dad walked to the fridge, “Beer son?” Kaeron nodded appreciatively, “Lyera… beer?”

“They said for her not too.” Mama cut in before I could answer.

“Christ Mama, its one beer,” I scolded.

“One? And how many does one turn into?” She had made her stand and boy was I pissed, fuck, I was not a child. Her words of judgement made me feel like a damn addict, an addict with no control, that could not say no.

“You know what Dad, I’ll stick with water, although, I’ll probably be judged for that decision too.” I snapped, my eyes never leaving my mother’s.

“I never meant it…” she tried to defend herself.

“Just forget Mama, I know what you really think.” We sat there in awkward silence again, Theadasia’s eyes roamed the room as if she was interested in the furniture and not trying to avoid eye contact with me. I knew what Mama’s apprehension was but it was drugs that were discovered in my system, not alcohol and if I remember correctly, I never drank on gear.

“Ssssoooo, nice artwork sis… just the arms?” Kaeron asked, trying to sway the conversation to anywhere but deafening silence and uncomfortability.

I chuckled, “No” I answered as I shook my head. “I got a lot that you can’t see,” Dad had started dishing out the food but dropped the ladle unintentionally, the moment he heard my confession.

“Sweet, can’t wait to see em all,” I laughed.

“Most… you kinda can’t see em all, Kae,” I arched my brow at him while he stared at me with a confused look upon his face, then it dawned on him.

“Oh, holy shit, when did you become so… wild?”

“Wild? And here I was aiming for rebellion.” I teased with a smirk on my face.



The next day brought a new kind of anxiety. I threw on a comfy pair of blue jeans, a white singlet with a blue and green flannel, tied my ratty platinum blonde hair in a green bandana and slid my feet into brown cowboy boots, heading for Mama’s Ute.

I could do this, I could. I am not an addict, I do not need help and I will prove it.

I arrived at Father Michael’s church for my first, DAA or Drug Addicts Anonymous meeting, this was most definitely degrading, I have one fuck up and now I’ve been reduced to this humiliation? How did my life end up like this?

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