Ride a Cowboy

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Chapter 30 ~ Bitch Slapped

…Pierce…

Lyera and I rushed back to her family’s farm as quickly as we could, the message had come through from Kae after an entire nights wait – the baby was here.

Tom was on the porch, ready and waiting with tears of such adoration and pride in his eyes. “Dad, you okay?” Lyera asked.

“Okay? Bub, I’m a grandfather, I’m ecstatic,” he beamed.

“Get out the way, I wanna see,” she urged, pushing past him.

“Congratulations Tom,” I held out my hand, and he shook it.

“Thanks, Pierce. I’ve never been happier.”

We made our way through the house and up to Lyera’s old room, I could hear her squealing with excitement – lord, my eardrums were ringing as I hurried up the stairs.

I knocked on the ajar door, just in case and Kae bellows, “don’t fucken knock mate, come in and meet our kid.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t want too…” the air was stripped from my lungs. There, sitting next to Cole, holding a tiny bundle in her arms was my woman. The sun was sparkling right out of her as she looked up at me with the most incredible smile.

“Look, Uncle Pierce, we have a nephew. Come and meet Colton Thomas Jonahson.”

“You had a boy?” I gripped Kae on the shoulder, and he slowly and dreamily gazed over at me as I held out my other hand, “congratulations.”

“Thanks, man,” he beamed as he shook it. “I’m so happy.”

Cole looked exhausted as I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, “you done good girl.”

“Thanks, Pierce.”

Tom and Enderly stood in the doorway, wrapped in a loving embrace, watching their family and swelling with pride. Lyera wiped away her falling tears as she gushed over the new addition to the Jonahson household. Cole, being as alert as ever, sat up suddenly, the sparkle on such a critical finger, catching her eye.

“What the hell is that on your finger?”

I laughed as Lyera blushed, “oh yeah, well… I finally did it.”

“Pierce…” Cole gasped, “that’s an 18 carrot Persian rose gold engagement ring – it’s worth like two grand?”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Lyera paled, looking down at her finger in amazement.

“My mother has an obsession for fine jewellery,” she stated simply.

“You mean I have an expensive ring on my finger and don’t even own a car?”

“Well don’t go selling it to get yourself some wheels Mrs Tyler,” I teased.

“Pierce Tyler, I would have been happy with a dang lollipop ring, are you insane?”

“No, I’m in love.” They really were going overboard, it was merely the ring I had chosen for her finger.

“Well it’s beautiful, and it certainly suits your hand, but I’m sorry Lyera – my ring is better than yours.” Cole was smirking mischievously, my eyes flicked to Kae who smiled broadly at her statement. We all knew Kae had reservations when it came to money and she had made him proud by her declaration.

The price of any item means nothing, what I adored about Avaleria’s family, was that they knew that. What was important was this – family, and in life, without family, your heart was not whole, complete and content.

“Okay Cole, I get it, yours is better, especially now that we have Colton with us.” She rained chaste kisses upon the newborn. “Soon Colt, you will have a little cousin to play with, you two will grow up being the best of friends just like your daddy and me.”

Everyone’s mouths flopped open in utter astonishment. “Are you telling me I have to sit through more rounds of goldfish?”

No one had even noticed Theadasia had finally come home. Both Tom and Kaeron leapt on top of me, rubbing their knuckles into my hair, innocuously driving their fists into my body – I swear I felt Kaeron wack me on the butt as we tumbled in excitement. “Congratulations Pierce,” Tom eventually gushed, refusing to stop the jovialness.

“Fuck, there’s no… doubt about it… now man, you’re definitely… a part of the family,” Kae praised through heavy pants as we continued the rough play.

“Hey… I brought some cigars… in my back… pocket,” I struggled to get the words out as the two Jonahson men playfully scuffled with me on the bedroom floor.

“Not near our baby,” Cole growled, halting our kerfuffle.

“I’ll pour the whiskey,” Enderly announced, quickly ducking out of the room with delighted giddiness.

“Wait – does that mean I have to sit through more goldfish or not?” Daisy whined.

We all laughed heartily, “Theadasia, come meet your nephew,” Lyera ushered her closer to the bed.

Today was one of those rare incredible days filled with unbelievable happiness, the only types of days I wanted for our future. Everything was slotting into place nicely and from here on out – we will only ever experience the good.

_______

“I’m so sorry for your loss, both of you have endured such cruelty. Unfortunately, this is very common, and you are not alone. The doctor has requested a ‘D&C’ – dilation and curettage, often, some of the pregnancy tissue remains within the uterus after a miscarriage. A ‘D&C’ is scraping of the uterus with a sort of spoon-shaped instrument – you may bleed for a long time or develop an infection if it is not removed. This procedure is all done under general anaesthetic, and you will be able to return home this afternoon, you may have even passed all the tissue and will not need a scraping. One miscarriage does not significantly increase the risk of the same thing happening with your next pregnancy, as long as no specific cause can be found, which the doctor believes is the case with this loss. If you could sign these please, we will get things underway.”

I couldn’t believe it, the midwife appeared so candidly about the whole thing as though our world had not just crashed into inexplicable disarray. I had never been so terrified in all my life, seeing her like that shook me to my very core, and now, we were left with this – numb – empty – nothingness.

Avaleria was blinking, but that was it, there was no other response from her at all, she had shut down entirely. The midwife placed the pen in her hand, and she signed with zero emotion on display – vapid and non-existent.

I shook her thigh, but still – nothing.

“Cowgirl?” But my attempt was in vain, she was broken, worse than any drugs or that asshole predator could do, this was suffering on a whole new and very unfamiliar level – we had breached the walls of hell. “Please, Lyera – don’t shut me out.”

“You will both get through this…” the midwife began. I was so furious about how disconnected she was – like this catastrophe had no effect on her at all. Cold and mechanical, all delivered robotically and in monotone, but then again, maybe that was how she dealt with it? Maybe that was the only way to cope with horrendousness.

________

Lyera still hadn’t spoken, she refused to eat, drink, she had disappeared into her mind, and this time, I feared she was in a place I could not reach her. The darkness that brewed inside of her was obvious, even with the lack of responsiveness; my cowgirl was lost in the eye of an emotional storm. As she dragged herself up to our bedroom, I had to inform both sides of our families, Cole and she had seen each other every day this week, since the moment we were engaged, the last thing she needed to see was their new baby, Colton – I feared it would prolong her recovery.

I called Enderly first, who understandably, cried, and then my mum next, the weight of our precious loss hit hard then, it made my chin quiver and my eyes well – your own mother always knows when you are hurt beyond repair. She comforted as much as she could but she wasn’t my woman, and that is what I needed. I knew by telling them, they would inform everyone else, and we would have a chance to heal some before the onslaught of support came bustling forth.

I was on my second beer when I finally crawled up to the room, unsure and feeling queasy from the day’s discomfort, I needed Lyera, I required contact but feared she would push me away. I tossed back the last of the booze and plonked the empty bottle on the bedside table before shuffling in and endeavoured to get mildly comfortable.

Placing my hands behind my head, I just stared up at the ceiling in complete silence – how could everything go so wrong in one week? We had only just gotten engaged for fuck sake.

After hours of quietude, which was only making my heart bleed more, I decided to speak – even if she wasn’t awake – because my head was so filled with unrelenting pain that I felt I might explode if left to fester further.

“I-I’m so s-sorry Avaleria, I’m so sorry. This wasn’t meant to happen – we were meant to be happy. Please don’t push me away, I need you, now more than ever. This was our baby, ours, I’m so sorry… this s-should n-never have h-happened.” The tears of misery sprung from my eyes and crawled their way down the sides of my face as I sniffed back the agony, desperately trying to reel in my emotional outcry. “P-please don’t shut me out… I love you… I can’t do this without you.”

I heard a sob rip from her throat, she was awake, she had heard me. I cuddled into her back, curling my more substantial form around hers as it shook uncontrollably, ravished by her own significant hurt. I removed the blanket she had placed over her head, kissing her neck as I wrapped my arm around her, providing as much security as I could.

“Baby, I’m sorry Lyera… please don’t close off from me. I n-need you Avaleria – our baby is gone – I-I n-need you.”

She began to hiccup and heave, struggling to withhold her tears. The detrimental wall of unavoidable agonising heartache solidified around us as we wept in torturous despair – this was our child we had lost – lost? They had described it as a loss, like a misplaced set of car keys or a non-returnable item of clothing. But this was not a mere accident, this was a tragedy – a cruel, merciless crime had occurred here, and our baby had been stolen – ripped away from us without remorse or response of the repercussions such horrendous actions left behind.

This barbaric ruthlessness was inexorable, once it had begun there was no way to derail the brutality – we had miscarried our first child. Our baby had died.

Why couldn’t we just be allowed some slight bit of relief for a little while? We were not horrible people, why couldn’t we be gifted with happiness? This situation was unforgivable, the light had been torn from our hearts, and we had been bitch slapped in the face with a big ‘fuck you’.

Avaleria’s broken and shattered cries bellowed into the night. She screamed, she howled in crippling anguish – she was hysterically verklempt, we both were. I held her, not willing to release an inch as she collapsed both mentally and physically – the maltreatment – the violence – the unnerving harrowing guilt and blame, it flooded everything inside of us as we tried to understand why this had happened.

Why us? Why? The unanswerable questions continuing its abusive beating as it swirled inside our heads – this undesired punishment was more than we could handle and there was no way of understanding this insanity.

The ferociously severe burn from our sorrow lingered until the sunlight penetrated our bedroom – only then, when the tears had all been shed, and the throat lay dry and empty from hours of exuded emotion, did we finally allow exhaustion to take us.

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