Chapter 7 ~ Confessions
She was dealing with something so much bigger than I think anyone realises. Addictions, from what I know of them, are triggered by a traumatic event, maybe an abusive life? There is always some super tragic reason as to why you rely on such things to self-medicate, so what was she hurting from?
It couldn’t have been just something like what Mac and Ivy had done, it wasn’t drastic enough. It was a really asshole thing, to have two of the most important people betray you like that but it wasn’t enough to project her in this trajectory.
I looked over at her, scrunched in the smallest ball she could fold herself into, with silent tears streaming down her face, her head buried in her knees with only from her nose and up, left peering out. I put the indicator on and slowed down, eventually coming to a stop at the side of the road. She side glance’s me with a creased brow, Kae coming in to park behind us.
Thank god, for column shift trucks. I slide across, pulling her into my arms and she eagerly moves into my embrace. Kae appears at the passenger’s side window and looks in, connecting Caribbean blue eyes with my cognac browns. He smiles and nods, then gets back in his truck, while Lyera sobs a little in my arms.
“This is not as simple as what Mac and Ivy have done, is it?” I feel her freeze and stop breathing but she slowly shakes her head to say ‘no’. Sometimes I hate it when I’m right. “You wanna talk about it?” She doesn’t move for a few seconds, then again, shakes her head side to side to indicate ‘no’.
We sit there, her face buried in my chest and my arms fastened securely around her. Poor Kaeron had been working all day and then has been driving for four and a half hours so far, but yet, he doesn’t push us to move, or come and interrupt, no, he allows his sister the time she needs. I always knew he was a great man, now I see just how caring, and so her trauma trigger can’t be family related. You don’t produce a man like Kae from a dysfunctional home.
“When you’re ready...” I began but she cut me off pulling back.
“You don’t need all of my shit...”
“When you’re ready...” I interrupted with a stern face, daring her to cut me off again. “I will be here.”
She hesitated slightly, to see if I was actually finished then proceeded, “look, Pierce, I appreciate you coming all the way to get me, though I don’t know how...”
“Kae’s behind us.” She swivelled to look out the back window in the direction of the dimmed lights behind us, her mouth forming an ‘o’ in realisation, then she furrowed her brow.
“God, he must be exhausted, I’m so selfish,” she murmured.
“Go on,” I gently nudged her to finish her thoughts.
“I come with a whole lot of insanity - you don’t need to deal with my shit.”
“You don’t think I can handle your shit?”
“No, I don’t think you need too.”
“I want to handle your shit - you think you can handle my shit?”
“You don’t have any shit... you’re perfect.” She was looking at me incredulously, begging me to explain my words, I had shit no one knew about.
“Everyone has skeletons in their closet Avaleria, no one is perfect, not even me, as much as I tell myself I am.” I winked at her as she scoffed, “now, it’s been a huge day for everyone, let’s get you home hey.”
She scoots in close to me, her head against my shoulder and my arm hung comfortably in between her legs, as if we had always sat like this.
“I want to handle your shit,” I heard her mumble before she closed off and went silent again, making me smile like a dang movie character.
We arrived back to her parent’s farm. The first out the door to greet us is Tom, Avaleria’s father. Followed by Theadasia and then what seemed like reservation, Enderly, Lyera’s mother. She took a deep breath beside me as if preparing herself but was ripped from the car, unexpectedly, by Kaeron, who I had actually forgotten was following us.
“I’m so fucken proud of you - you hear me? You changed your mind and I’m so glad you called me.” He praised her, showing his support, pulling back and cupping her face, “you did the right thing, I just got my best friend back, I can’t lose you now.” She buried her head into his chest, apologies filtering out, muffled by his clothing. Wow, they really were close, does he know what she is hiding?
She walks past her parents, apologising to them but stops to kiss Daisy on the cheek, whispering something in her ear, before walking into the house with her shoulders slumped and her head hung forward.
She looked defeated.
Everyone’s gratitude for my help was unnecessary, I would do anything for her, though, they didn’t know that. Enderly dished up a plate for me, which I consumed both thankfully and hungrily. Damn, emotions leave you famished. But when I asked her about Lyera eating? She simply just looked away with fire and disappointment in her eyes, stating ‘she knows where the table is’. I had a feeling her mama was at the end of her rope.
I thanked them again, before heading up to her room to say goodbye.
I had only ever been this far inside their house once before and the door, on the second floor that said, ‘Avaleria’s Room keep out’ was exactly where I needed to go.
I opened the door quietly, at the top of a small staircase was another door, only this door was double the size and slightly ajar. I knocked respectfully before walking in. What I hadn’t expected, was an entire top floor to be her room, I mean yes, I had my own cabin on my parent’s land but when in high school, I pictured her room to be smaller and pink - the first time it was dark and I didn’t see how it actually looked.
“You planning on stealing anything or are you just here to stare at the room?” I hadn’t even noticed her sitting on the roof, looking in through the open window.
“Ah... sorry, I just pictured your room different.”
“You pictured my room?”
“What... ah... are you on the roof?”
I walked forward and climbed through the window to join her on the roof, “so mythical creatures and stuff?” She laughs, clearly not expecting my question.
“Yep, elves, faeries, dragons in magical forests,” my eyes fell upon her tattooed arms, covered in mythical creatures. “Stop looking at the tat’s pierce,” she chuckles.
“How do you know I’m looking when you don’t even face me?”
“I can feel your eyes on me and both times, it’s just been us.” I roll my eyes realising the answer was obvious.
“I’m going to head home, I just came up to say goodbye.”
She pulls her eyes from star gazing and faces me, shuffling closer, “wait, you said you can handle my shit, right?”
I nodded in confirmation but answered to affirm, I was serious, “yep, anything you got.”
She breaths out heavily, “I need to tell you why I came back. I can’t tell you everything, I’m not ready but if we are going to be... friends... you need to know, because this may happen again.”
“What if I want to be more than friends?” I watch her eyes grow wide before she scrunches her face.
“You might actually not want to be my friend after you hear what I have to say.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ve established that’s an impossibility.” Her alluring greens narrow in on me, but they seem somewhat dull and distant.
“I was seeing this guy Toni, in the city. He was a nightclub owner and he supplied all the drugs. The deal started, that I fucked him in exchange for gear. Eventually, that’s all we did, get high and fuck, all the time. But then one night, I had dropped a pill and had some weed, nothing major, however, pill number one was still kicking my euphoric ass hard, when he handed me another pill and like a fool, I swallowed it. Then he hands me a cocaine cone, I sucked that back and then we... fucked.” I can see her struggling with her embarrassment, she recoils into a tight ball again but forges on regardless.
“Halfway through, my body begins to shut down and I passed out. Toni, apparently, I say apparently because I was unconscious at the time, dumps my convulsing body in the hospital parking lot, with a note that had my name on it, attached to my bra with my handbag and... and... no other clothing on, whilst foaming at the mouth...”
“He left you with no pants on?!” I screamed at her and she closed her eyes in shame and nodded. I, on the other hand, was fucken angry, yes, over something that happened in her past but what a cunt of a dude.
“When I came too, they explained that it was a collection of the chemicals used in cutting the drugs all hitting me at the same time. They said if the hospital worker at the end of his shift hadn’t of found me, I would be dead. Tonight, I was on my way to see Toni, because when you said you noticed me... the memories of everything that happened at that time came flooding back and I couldn’t shut them off, so I caved and I done the only thing I knew possible, that would stop everything.”
“Drugs,” I wiped my hand across my face, “what changed your mind?”
“I would like to say I had an epiphany or some guardian angel stopped me, but the reality is... a prostitute, at the Dawsville petrol station, was sucking off some guy in front of everyone. When he came in her mouth, he threw money in her face and she scurried back into the corner to inject. I’m not there yet, injecting things, I’ve never done that but I was heading to exchange sex for drugs because that’s what I do... apparently, even if we were in a kind of relationship, I still done it. That woman was my future and I don’t want that. I want kids someday and a marriage, I want a farm of my own with animals, I want a future, but I don’t think I deserve it.”
“Do you feel something for him?... Toni?”
“No,” she sort of laughs when replying, “no, he is nothing to me, nothing but a way to get high.”
We sat there in silence for a little bit, I thought about everything she had confessed, she was clearly ashamed and sorry. I can’t ignore the fact she was heading to another man with the intention of having sex with him but she never went through with it.
“It’s okay, you know,” she said breaking my thought process.
“That you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I know it’s a lot to handle, I know this is going to be a massive road to recovery, so I don’t blame you for bouncing out - you don’t deserve this.”
I climbed back into her bedroom, through her window and started to remove my shoes and socks, undoing my jeans and sliding them down. “You’re right you know, you’re insane, completely, but like I said before, I want to be more than friends, so if it takes you a lifetime then we wait a lifetime.” I look up to see her staring at me with a confused look on her face as I pull her in through the window.
“What are you doing?”
“Going to sleep, it’s late and I’m tired - also I have a massive food coma from your mama’s cooking and clearly you need to be shown love right now, so I’m going to hold you, all night long and piece by piece we’re going to fix you.”
She stared blankly at me for a moment but then removed her jacket, switching off the light and sliding under the covers as I cuddle in behind her. She smelt like ambrosia, it must have been her body wash because her hair was still damp from her earlier shower. Her white satin boxes teased me both mentally and physically, but when she slipped off her hoodie and revealed her satin camisole before we climbed into bed, it took everything in me not to cave and claim her in every way I could possibly think of.
I closed my eyes, attempting to calm my fucken sexual mind long enough to just fall asleep but with my cock straining to almost painful as the curvature of her plump backside pressed into me - I was having difficulty controlling myself.
“Are you... okay?” she asked softly.
“Yep,” I grunted.
She flexed her bum muscles and I moaned, “you sure?” She purred seductively.
“Lyera, don’t do that,” I warned through gritted teeth.
“Sorry,” I could hear the amusement in her voice.
My breath fanning the curve of her neck, it was the most intimate either of us had been with each other and I was both excited and annoyed. Excited that my fantasies were finally coming true, annoyed that I couldn’t just sink my cock in and fuck her hard.
No, she had a long way to go and I would not make a move until the time is right. I looked at my watch, internally wondering if the time was right yet? Nope... dammit, would I be able to hold my sexually frustrated mind together long enough?