Help Me, It Hurts

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Leap of Faith

I’m not sure why I felt so broken at hearing his infatuation with another woman. I couldn’t help but scratch at my heart a bit as if I could soothe the ache. I suppose while I was in denial about having feelings for him, that I was starting to entertain the idea that maybe he could learn to like me how I liked him. I knew it was a long shot but I suppose somewhere along the way that hope had sprouted up in me. What if the girl is me that he’s talking about? I quickly shook my head at the idea. Andrew is more of a straightforward kind of guy, I think. He would probably ask me straight to my face if he was...But didn’t he say that he was interested in me before? Perhaps he lost interest after finding out about my previous situation...I felt disappointed but, honestly, I couldn’t blame the guy.

I forced a smile on my face trying to look like what he just told me didn’t bother me.

“Well, honestly Andy I’m sure she would be delighted that you just ask her. You don’t need to do anything special for h-”

“But she’s special” That felt like a stab straight in the gut.

“Well, I-I mean,” I took a deep breath trying to keep the hurt from showing on my face. “If she really is that special then you don’t need to do anything extravagant in order for her to say yes. She’ll say yes because you are a good man who is deserving of love” The words I spoke were nothing but pure honesty. Any woman would be thrilled just to have Andrew acknowledge them, let alone ask them out on a date.

“Here you guys go. Enjoy!” The waiter said as he sat our food down on the table before excusing himself. I looked down at my food, suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of eating.

I can’t waste food though. If I’m not going to eat it then someone else should. I nodded to myself and decided that I should have the food packed up to give to someone else.

I could feel Andrew’s gaze on me as I stared at the food. I wonder if he notices how upset I am. I hope not because that would make things really awkward between us... I could feel myself blushing at the thought of him knowing how I felt and decided to at least eat something so he wouldn’t be suspicious. It seemed to work because he went stopped staring at me and instead began eating. It was quiet for the rest of the time we were eating. To be honest I was afraid to say anything in fear that I would blurt out my feelings for him.

I think he may have caught on to the fact that I didn’t want to talk, as he didn’t attempt to make any conversation. When we were done eating, I took a to-go box for my food that I barely touched. I could see Andrew frown at how much food I had left to pack up but he kept quiet nonetheless.

As we began to walk down the sidewalk back to the cafe, I felt him pause. I too stopped to see what he got distracted by. He just stood there with that same look that seems to stare straight to my soul. I could feel a light blush framing my cheeks as I wondered if there was something on my face.

“It’s you, Ally. You’re the girl who I want to be mine and no one else’s” My mind went blank. He couldn’t possibly be talking to me right? I looked around me and while there were other people moving about, none were close enough to make me think that he could be talking to them. I turned back to him to see an amusement smirk on his face. His golden-brown eyes still piercing through me as he evaluated my reaction. Of course, he’s joking, I frowned at him.

“That’s not funny, An-”

“I’m not joking, Pumpkin. Haven’t I made it clear that I want you and only you time and time again?”

“I-I, uhm please don’t make jokes like this. Andy” I mumbled. I could feel my heart starting to beat faster at the possibility of him having feelings for me, and faster still at the thought that this could all be one huge joke.

“Pumpkin, I’m not joking. It’s always been you. And I want nothing more than to take you out on a proper date. I know you have a past, that makes it difficult to trust people, and that me wanting something more with you may send you runnin’ for the hills...but it’s- ...you’re worth the risk. You’ve had me wrapped around your finger since I first laid eyes on you. And even if it’s too soon for you or you don’t want to, we can just keep things how they are now. But I wanted-...I had to at least try and well, you know, take a chance and see if you wanted to give it a try.”

My heart was pounding in my chest by now. Of course, I automatically wanted to say yes but I couldn’t help but start to overthink things. What time of day would it be? Would it be public or somewhere isolated? What would I wear? Despite these thoughts, I couldn’t help the small smile that had plagued my lips and the blush that never seems to go away when I’m around Andrew. While my conditioned side wanted to say no, the flustered part of me with a huge crush on Andrew wanted to say yes. I don’t want my past to control me any more than it already does. I want to focus on my future and not my past. And if there’s anyone I not only want to go on a date with, but I trust to not take advantage of me (trust as much as I can at the moment), it was Andrew.

“Can I take that smile as a yes?” I could hear the nervousness in his voice as he attempted to ask in a jokingly manner. I guess I should just take a leap of faith. God will protect me whatever may come.

I nodded my head a couple of times before turning away and walking towards the cafe. I couldn’t stand in one place when the mixture of excitement and fear was overwhelming so I settled for walking.

“Woohoo!” I giggled when I heard Andy yell and jog to catch up with me. The smile didn’t leave either one of our faces as we walked back to the cafe.


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