Fever Dreams

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Chapter 10: Jealousy

Remember when I said I wasn’t ready to come out? Didn’t I say that? Well, it should have been easy to see considering I’m keeping Silas a secret.
Anyway, I think the measures I’m taking to ensure my anonymity are going a bit too far.
I have a girlfriend.
I know, I know. I’m gay, so I shouldn’t have a girlfriend but… Okay, here’s the story. It all started today at lunch.
“We don’t see you much anymore, Wilde,” my friend, Davis Denman, pointed out.
“That’s not true,” I said. “You see me plenty.”
That’s a lie. I devote nearly all my free time to hanging out with Silas. I’m kind of hooked on him, honestly.
Caroline Rodin spoke up. “He’s been spending a lot of time with that new kid…what’s his name again?”
“Silas McHale,” Olivia Peters, Davis’s girlfriend, clarified.
“Oh really,” Davis said, quirking an eyebrow. “What, are you gay now? He your little boyfriend?”
I sneered. “No. I’m not hanging out with anyone. I’ve just been craving some alone time lately. My parents are divorcing.”
Amelia, next to me, patted my hand. “I’m so sorry for you, Ethan.”
“Stop flirting, Mimi,” Caroline laughed. “He’s not interested.”
I don’t know why I did this. I don’t know why I’m so insistent on staying in the closet. But, well…
“Who said I’m not interested?” I interjected. “Amelia, how about we go out?”
The sophomore smiled hugely and jumped up to hug me. I looked over her shoulder, spotting Silas. He had an eyebrow cocked, a sneer upon his lips, and was jabbing his fork violently into his mashed potatoes.
Oh, I’m going to get it.

God, girlfriends are annoying. The whole day I had to hold Amelia’s damn hand walking down the hall. Her tiny, doll hand. And her voice is really grating on my nerves. She never stops talking, and everything she says is either about her friends, her friends on Snapchat, her hair, or cheerleading. CHEERLEADING!
At least Silas can hold an actual conversation. And doesn’t talk about school pride every five minutes.
“Next week is Spirit Week,” Amelia was saying as I walked her to her seventh hour. “We should totally match.”
I’ve learned that a nod and a smile really does solve anything. I’m not even listening, but smiling and nodding has been working thus far. As long as she doesn’t start asking me questions this technique won’t work on. Although she probably won’t.
For example:
“Ethan, do you think I’m pretty?”
Smile and nod.
“Ethan, do you want to go roller skating Friday?”
Smile and nod.
“Ethan, do you want to come over to my house and study?”
Smile and nod. It literally works for everything she says.
Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure Silas wants to kill me. I’ve seen him glare at me on more than one occasion today. Although, I guess I can’t blame him. He’s my boyfriend, and I have a fake-girlfriend. That’d probably piss me off too.
What am I to do, though?
All I know is, after school Silas is going to end my life.
I’m going to kill Ethan.
Okay, I’ve never been jealous before. Seriously. It’s a trait I pride myself in. And I don’t know why I’m so jealous of Amelia St. Vincent, other than the fact that she’s “dating” my boyfriend.
Amelia St. Vincent is a sophomore varsity cheerleader. Our school is small, so the varsity squad had to take sophomores to have a full team. She’s pretty; a better looker than me in all counts. She’s petite with long, flowing brown hair and big brown eyes. Her smile is gorgeous and she has a shit load of friends. The complete opposite of me.
But I still win, because Ethan has no interest in her whatsoever. He’s gay. And he’s mine. Take that you tiny, perfect bitch.
I guess I’m only jealous of Amelia because she gets to walk down the hall holding hands with Ethan and no one gives a shit. If I did that, the homophobes would descend. Vultures.
After school, Ethan came to my house. I could tell he looked guilty because he seemed to have a real fascination with our carpet. He was talking to my mom when I came into the kitchen, helping her chop vegetables for dinner. I can tell my mom really enjoys Ethan’s company, and it was almost a shame to take him away.
“So,” I said when we reached my room. “How’s it going with Amelia?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I saw that question coming. Look, I’m gay. You of all people should know.”
“Then why are you dating a girl?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Because I can’t come out,” he said quietly.
“Why not? Don’t I mean anything to you?”
“Of course you do. I’m just not ready for the castigation that goes with announcing to the world that I like men.”
I sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed. “It’ll be rough, I know. But don’t you want to be able to kiss me in public and hold my hand?”
“Yes, but…I’m just not ready yet.”
I nodded. “Alright. Take all the time you need. As long as you know you’re gay and she means nothing.”
He sat next to me, taking my hand and entwining our fingers. “I can promise you I’m totally gay. I’m thinking about your ass as we speak.”
I rolled my eyes, and kissed him. “So, want to help me with chemistry homework?”

After Ethan left, I joined my mom for dinner. We were sitting on the couch with our vegetable soup watching Family Feud. Like I mentioned before, it’s our thing.
“Silas?” she spoke up.
I grunted, mouth too full of soup to give her a legitimate answer.
“You know I know you’re gay right?”
When she said that, I was in the midst of swallowing soup. Now, I’m coughing and beating my chest, trying not to die.
“Jeez, Ma!” I gasped. “Could’ve laid that on me after I was finished with my soup!”
“And I know you and Ethan are together.”
“Are you okay with it?”
She smiled. “Seriously? Of course I am. I love it. Ethan’s so handsome and you two are so cute together.”
I blushed. “Mom, cut it out. That’s so embarrassing.”
She just laughed and we finished our soup. Man, I love my mom.
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