Chapter 59: I Want To Have All Of You
The sound of our loud panting was the only thing I could hear. London city and its vibrancy might as well have been a planet away, even if we were essentially in the middle of it. Sated, I turned my head and smiled at the stunning view of him. Lying on his muscular torso, head facing away from me, he looked spent after our most recent session. It had been impatient and animalistic, but so very delicious. Sex with William was easily my favourite thing in the world. When he pushed me toward my peak, I sometimes felt capable of touching the sky. That was how high I spiritually soared at the hands of the mind-blowing orgasms he expertly crafted within me.
Earlier, I’d barely registered my luxurious surroundings by the time he had lifted me by the hips and lobbed me onto the king-sized bed of the suite, which he had booked for the night. Imminent hunger had been blatant from his actions when he swiftly charged after me and climbed up the length of my body. All the while, his eyes had held mine under arrest. Only when he had hovered above me with passionate intentions in mind had I managed to swallow the drool in my mouth. He was unfairly sexy, and especially when he was impatient with having his way with me.
Reaching over, I drew invisible circles across the slabs of prominent muscle hugging the long spine of his broad back. The skin of it was moist under my touch, and it was definitely due to his savage resolve earlier.
“Mm,” he hummed and tucked his hands under his head. “That feels great.”
My smile persisted as I propped myself onto my elbow to rub his back. “How long do we have until we need to get ready?” I softly enquired.
His body sank beneath my palm with his loud sigh. “Not long enough.”
I chuckled and climbed atop him to hug his frame. Burying my nose in his hair, I took his seductive scent deep into my lungs. Unsurprisingly, he smelled wonderfully masculine, but there was a hint of musk to it now. Another chuckle escaped me when I recalled that his natural odour was something I’d found myself immensely attracted to since the first time I’d caught a whiff of it. That hadn’t changed.
Suddenly, he rolled onto his side, so I had to stifle my surprise and consequent squeal. Somewhat clumsily, he rearranged our bodies so that he was sprawled on his back beside me with his arm hooked around my neck, to hold me close. When satisfied with our new position, he gazed up at the ceiling and absentmindedly scratched his chest.
We spent a few moments basking in comfortable silence until he steered his gaze to his – now – flaccid penis and furrowed his eyebrows. With a groan, he journeyed his hand away from his chest and toward it. Indifferent, I watched him remove the condom he was wearing and toss it onto the floor beside the bed.
“Cara,” he muttered, “I’m growing sick of condoms. Have you taken a test yet?” he blurted out and faced me.
Amused, I smiled back at him. “Yes. I went for a drop-in appointment when you were breaking up with Francesca, as it happens. So a week ago. I haven’t been contacted yet, but I still have to wait another week to be sure. If the clinic hasn’t contacted me by then, I’m clean.”
While nodding to himself, he faced the ceiling again. “You have better be. I’ll be very disappointed if I have to wait through your treatment as well.”
I giggled, but ceased the moment he turned toward me with a grave expression on his symmetrical face.
“I want to have all of you. I want to know what you feel like, skin to skin.”
Since I hadn’t anticipated such a passionate statement, I blushed profusely and hid my hot face against the side of his chest. “You’ll see your chance,” I mumbled shyly.
“I have a question,” he murmured and brushed my hair behind my ear. I peeked up at him, curious.
His eyes were tender when they roamed across my face, as if he was memorising every detail of it. “How many dates are we at now, in your book?”
Grinning, I climbed onto him and tucked my hands between my chin and his chest. It was obvious that impatience still ruled him whatever regarded the pace we were moving at, and I found it incredibly charming. Compared to before, I was hardly intimidated by it anymore. While staring into his mesmerising orbs, I recounted, “Well, there was the first date, and then our date last Saturday, Tuesday, as well as tonight. So four?”
The look that scratched his face was that of being discouraged. “Can’t yesterday count as well?” he sulkily asked through a faint pout.
After a chuckle, I kissed his warm chest and then cuddled it with my cheek. “Five, then,” I allowed.
He sighed his relief. “Only five more to go.”
I smirked. “What – till you get to meet my parents?”
“Yes. I’m looking forward.”
“You’re so sweet, William. I truly fancy how dedicated you are to this – us. Many men dread meeting the parents. I’m a lucky girl,” I pointed out and lifted my head to stare smitten at him.
Pleased, he grinned back at me and shoved his hands under his head. “And I’m a lucky man, so of course I would be dedicated. On another note, when’s your period?”
I groaned and covered my face with the palm of my hand. How his bluntness could still take me aback was beyond me. Would I ever get used to it? Hopefully.
“I don’t know,” I murmured and dragged my hand away to look him in the eye. His straight eyebrows furrowed toward the middle of his face.
“You don’t know?” he queried puzzled.
“My period is a sporadic event. Could be months, could be days, until it arrives.”
He blinked, mystified, I think. “That can’t be pleasant. What if you get it when you’re not expecting it?”
I giggled. It was endearing that he tried to sympathise with female dilemmas. “It’s because my IUD contains hormones. Messes with the predictability. But it’s not a problem. I never bleed heavily because of it. In fact, my period is so light that I don’t even have to use tampons. I only wear pads. And I’ve always got an emergency kit in my purse, just in case. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I was curious whether you get moody.”
“Beyond that of my usual, do you mean?” I joked. I was one for self-irony.
He chuckled. “Since you’re already sassy, I’d like to know if I should mentally prepare for dealing with the diva of the decade.”
I burst out laughing.
“I do get moody, but not terribly. Only impatient, really. My fuse is cut shorter. I tend to get anti-social as well.”
“Well, shit. I’m fucked. I already excel at stirring your temper.”
“If you give me food, you’ll be safe. Speaking of that, I get the craziest cravings. And for the strangest things. Last time, it was all about the biscuits.”
“Biscuits?” he echoed, and I could see he was trying to suppress laughter.
I nodded. “Butter biscuits, to be precise.”
He giggled. “Butter biscuits? I should have known. You just love your butter, don’t you?”
I blinked before another laugh snuck out of me. I hadn’t thought of that. “I suppose. Any shape or form. And chocolate bars. Always chocolate. That’s the only constant craving I get.”
“I’ll bear it in mind. Chocolates and food for Cara when she’s PMS-ing. And butter.” Smirking, he removed one hand from beneath his head to pat my bum. “Regarding your period, though, I’d just like to say that I have no qualms about having sex while you’re having it. Doesn’t bother me at all.”
This man. I couldn’t help but laugh again. “Why am I not surprised?”
He didn’t look remotely ashamed. In fact, he looked as though it should have been obvious. “Hey, I’ll take you any which way I can.”
“And I who thought that my period was going to be the one time when my vagina would finally catch a break.”
His body shook beneath mine with his laughter. “Sorry, not sorry.”
“Have you ever had sex with a woman who was on her period before? Since you sound so sure you’re comfortable with it?” I probed and brushed my hair behind my ear.
He nodded. “Only Kate, though.”
That intrigued me. “Why not the others? Violet was your sexual partner for quite some time.”
He studied me for an extended while, and I sensed internal conflict in him. “Don’t stress out, yeah?”
My heart stilled and my face paled. “That’s the recipe for having me stress out, William – saying that.”
He rolled his eyes, but bravely continued, “I’m only comfortable with doing it with girlfriends. And even if you’re not my girlfriend – yet – that is my intention with you.”
My pulse spiked while I stared besotted at him. I relished how clear he was about his intentions. He was quite a reliable man. There was never room for doubting where he stood, nor room for mixed signals, with him. In that, he was outstanding, and I blamed it on his practice of respect. He went out of his way to avoid sending mixed signals, which he had made quite clear not only by how he treated me, but also by how he had treated Violet and Francesca. He was constantly managing our expectations and ensuring that they were realistic. And I knew he did it mainly because he respected our feelings. He had tremendous empathy.
“Do you know what I find odd – and rather fascinating?” I asked and lifted my head to draw invisible circles across his chest again.
I had no idea where my courage came from, but I wasn’t about to squander it. Besides, in the end, I was positive he’d appreciate to hear it. Therefore, I brought myself to say, “That, practically, we’re already in a relationship. I mean, isn’t exclusivity, having feelings for each other, and adding sex to an already existing friendship kind of what defines a stereotypical relationship? So in practice, we’re already a couple. But in actuality, we’re not, because we’re still assessing our compatibility before we dare to officially put a label on it.”
Seeming to ruminate over what I’d said, he looked away from me with a troubled frown on his face. “I get what you mean,” he eventually murmured and faced me again. “However, personally, I’m not assessing our compatibility. I know what I want. I’m only waiting for you to catch up to me. And while I sometimes get impatient about it, I’m not really that bothered. In the end, I’ve sort of got you how I want, which is that you reserve this body for me alone,” he declared and wrapped both his arms around me to smother me against him.
Air poured out of my lungs while I stared astonished at him. Heat breezed my cheeks, resulting from my racing heart pumping blood to my face. A bundle of intense emotion gathered in the centre of my chest, and its effect provided the illusion that I could flutter. By now, I knew what exultation felt like, and I was experiencing it right now.
“I’ll be there soon,” I told him tenderly. “I promise. Just give me a little more time. I need to be absolutely sure. That’s just how I work. I don’t commit to things I’m not fully certain about. But I’d say I’m eighty-five per cent there. It’s just that you have a tendency to be an arsehole, and when you are, I get uncertain again.
“An example is when you demand that I cut ties with Robby. I have to admit that it does make me a bit hesitant to embark on a relationship with you, since I find it controlling. And tunnelled. That trait of yours rubs me the wrong way, because I am fiercely protective of my freedom to make my own decisions.
“Now, I know this is an irrational argument, but if you knew how I felt, you would know that I’d never do anything with him. That you don’t trust me hurts, Will. My personal opinion is that, sometimes, blind faith is required in a relationship. Moreover, the fact that you’re demanding I cut Robby out could be considered emotionally abusive, you know.
“Honestly, I will never agree with you on that. I know in my heart that I’d be fully capable of being just friends with Robby, without doing anything remotely sexual with him. But since I’m determined to respect your feelings, I’m going to listen to you. We might not agree, but I have to choose my battles. And this is one I’m willing to forfeit for you, since it obviously bothers you so much. Mum always told me that a relationship is mainly give-and-take, and now I know what she meant.”
Shocked, his eyebrows climbed up his forehead. “I think this is the most open you’ve ever been with me about your feelings.”
“Well, that should speak volumes as to the progress I’ve made for you,” I said.
He swallowed, and I could see that he wasn’t very comfortable with what I’d told him. “Listen, I’ve said before that I know I’m demanding a lot of you with regards to him. Don’t think I take it for granted. I don’t. But Robby stirs my jealousy, and that’s a feeling I can’t help. Perhaps, down the road, when we’ve been together for a while, it will be easier for me to trust you. But as it is now, I’m still haunted by your fickle behaviour in the past. I’ll need more time, more evidence, to trust that it isn’t necessarily going to repeat itself in the future,” he said ruefully.
I nodded faintly. “And I get that. I do. I don’t agree with it, but I totally see where you’re coming from. I did behave poorly. But you need to understand that I only did that because I was repressing my feelings for you, William. You’re my boss. Lusting after my boss wasn’t something I was comfortable with. To be honest with you, it still isn’t. I’m very dedicated to my career ambitions, and, at that point, I was scared that getting involved with you, sexually and romantically, would place that in jeopardy.
“Secondly, you’re Jason’s brother. If things go badly between us, I’m scared I’ll lose him. And honestly, that would bloody devastate me. He’s essentially a brother to me. So of course I’d be confused about how to treat the situation. I was determined to reject the idea of you because I was scared of the potential consequences. So I acted accordingly. I maintained my relationship with Robby because I was determined to stay away from you. So much was at stake. And it sort of still is.
“The only reason I’ve decided to ignore the risks is because I can’t seem to kill my feelings for you. When I was trying to repress my feelings before, I was all over the place. You have no idea of the emotional chaos I suffered. So obviously I’d do things that were destructive. Because you’re my boss and Jason’s brother, I was sincerely trying to destroy the potential of being with you.
“But you’re so bloody stubborn that you just charged forward anyway. Since you refused to let go, I was forced to just accept things as they were. You clearly weren’t going to give me up, so it became obvious to me that not giving you a chance would cause more damage than the alternative– which is completely unintuitive, by the way.”
He watched me for a long while, and I could tell he was riveted. “Why haven’t you said this before?”
My lips protruded while I looked bashfully away from him. “I’m not very good at talking about my feelings. They confuse me more often than not, so I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“It never ceases to fascinate me how we can be so different, and yet so similar, at the same time,” he reflected aloud.
Curious, I faced him again. “What do you mean?”
“Well, my feelings don’t confuse me. They’re very... clear. Simple is a better word, actually. Either I feel good about something, or I don’t. If I don’t, I remove myself from the source. If I do, I try and get closer to it. And you make me feel good. That’s how simple it is for me. They’re usually not very layered. Most often, it’s either-or.”
I blinked. “Do you listen exclusively to your feelings when you make decisions?”
He snorted. “Absolutely not.”
What? He was so deep sometimes that I struggled to see him. He could claim he wasn’t layered all he wanted. He was easily the most complex man I’d ever met. But I supposed that, to him, he made perfect sense. “Then I’m confused.”
He sighed. “Well, it’s situational, isn’t it? Depends on what we’re on about. I don’t normally go about feeling loads. My feelings tend to be quite placid. They’re hardly even in the background. But when it comes to you, for instance, they’re loud as fuck.”
I couldn’t help my laugh. The way he phrased himself was so unique.
He resumed, “After some introspection, I’ve gathered that my feelings tend to be ruled by my principles, and not the other way around. I’ve rationally come to conclusions about what’s morally right or wrong, and depending on those conclusions, my feelings respond accordingly. Whereas for you, it sounds like your head and your heart are two separate things. Mine work in an alliance.”
Chills crawled down my spine. “Very eloquent.”
He chuckled. “Thanks. Do you agree, though?”
I nodded. “Sounds about right.”
“Good to know. In any case, I’ll bear in mind what you said. It does explain your prior behaviour, but I still need more time to trust that it’s the truth.”
“Don’t worry. I get it. I’ll be patient,” I assured him. Spreading my legs apart, I straddled him as I journeyed my head forward to align our mouths. With a smile on mine, I descended into a soft kiss. Instantly, he buried his hand in my hair to deepen the passionate motion of our mouths, and rolled us around.
My heart thundered in my chest upon the perfect synchrony of our lips. I’d kissed more than my share of men during my young life, probably over a hundred, but never had it felt like this – not even close. Never had another set of lips seemed to fit so perfectly against my own. Kissing him always summoned intense feelings. They had scared me before, but not anymore. Now I merely enjoyed the rapture of them. They made me feel acutely alive, and at the root of them resided William.
“You ready for another round?” he mumbled against my mouth.
“So ready,” I breathlessly replied and ran my hands down his beautiful back. I felt his grin against my lips. When he pulled away to fetch another condom off the nightstand, I also saw it, and it was stunning. The entire man was.
Biting into the foil, he ripped the packet open and spat out the smaller piece before withdrawing the latex. “Bloody hate these,” he muttered under his breath and stretched up to sheathe himself. Amused, I smiled up at him while I bit down on the tip of my index finger.
After rolling down the condom, he aligned himself with my wet folds and met my eyes. Leaning forward, his arms landed on either side of my frame while he stared intensely at me. Whenever he looked at me like that, it was as though he burrowed into my spirit, demanding his place there.
“Slow this time,” he purred and pushed gently into me.
God, he felt so good. After locking my limbs tightly around him, I welcomed his kiss.
“Mm,” I groaned when he slowly retreated and pushed into me again. I loved William’s cock. He wasn’t just long. The sheer girth of him was impressive in itself.
“May I go deeper?” he asked and pecked the corner of my mouth.
“Yes,” I pleaded. Responding, he pushed all the way into me, and when it bordered painful, a whimper of warning poured out of my mouth. He lingered there, right on the bliss-point, and kissed me passionately.
Starting a staggering rhythm, he thrust slowly, but nonetheless expertly, into me. With each shove, my breathing grew more erratic. As he continued, I closed my eyes to savour the mere feel of him.
“Cara,” he cooed. “Look at me.”
Obeying, I opened my eyes and stared straight into his. The content of them overwhelmed me. I’d wondered whether he had fallen in love with me before, but in that moment, I dared believe it. Truly, it was unmistakable. Blatant vulnerability shined from them, but it was of the confident sort. He was inviting me into his heart, and prepared to face the consequence of it.
The urge to kiss him was extreme.
“Will,” I moaned and clasped his jaw to bring his lips back to mine. Opening my mouth, my tongue danced with his while he continued to pleasure me into insanity. I wished we could do this forever. I wished he’d never withdraw. If only time would freeze, right in this moment. Spending eternity in it was all I wanted.
Eventually, he propped himself onto his arms beside me and applied more force to his thrusts, but he did not increase the speed. All the while, he continued to kiss me as though he never wanted to stop. That drove me to the edge.
My toes curled and my back arched. Digging my nails into his back, I failed to breathe. The friction he provided was exquisite, and he knew exactly where to strike in order to make me unravel. As the tension swelled and stretched to even my fingertips, I begged inwardly for the sweet release.
“Fuck,” I gasped and broke away from his kiss when my neck compulsively bent backward. Fisting my hair, he forced me to face him again, and the action triggered me to look at him.
“I demand to kiss you while you come,” he growled under his breath and planting his mouth on mine again. Next, he shoved harshly into me, successfully inciting my quivers.
“Mm!” I whimpered and clawed down his back. My walls clamped down on him, almost as if to reject him since the tension within me was becoming intolerable.
Feeling it, he groaned into my mouth and retreated only to thrust deep and hard into me again.
“Ah!” I cried out as I detonated. Bliss scattered my thoughts as I surrendered to my powerful orgasm and clung to him, rigidly, for as long as it lasted. He was still kissing me when he increased the pace of his thrusts to join me in a mental paradise.
“Ah, Cara,” he groaned, louder than usual, and shoved powerfully into me. I stifled my whimper and collapsed beneath him, but he followed my descent. Smothered beneath his weight, he pushed forcefully into me three more times before he finally slowed.
“Mm,” he uttered, audibly pleased, and softened his kiss. Tucking his forearms under my shoulders, he rolled us around so I was resting atop him, all while he refused to part from my mouth. We kissed our way back to reality, and didn’t stop until several minutes had passed. He was the first to pull away, and when he did, our breathing had stabilised.
With a content smile on his face, he nuzzled his nose to mine. “Nothing feels better than having you in my arms, Cara.”
That elicited a shy smile of mine. “Nothing feels better than being in your arms, Will.”
He squeezed me for emphasis. “Good. It’s where you belong.”
Comfortable silence descended between us as we both savoured the moment, spent skin to skin. How I loved the skin of my Night.