Holding On

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"Do you remember when I told you that I would never have a Luna or Mate that was not you." She nodded her head and tried to look away again. “That has not changed,and it never will." After the death of Nick Allie is left lost and heartbroken. Seven months pregnant with daughter Ari and left to raise son Alex six alone. She feels overwhelmed and not sure where her life will lead her. As alpha female of her pack she has to put on a brave face and show no weakness. To make matters worse her true mate Matthew is making her feel things that she does not want to feel. He's out to win her heart while his long time girlfriend Sophie is out for blood and to make sure that Matthew stays hers. With her best friend Macy by her side things are about to get complicated and fast.

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Chapter 1

Cover by: Ammad Malik

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Time had passed so slow since we laid Nick to rest. I was still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he wasn’t coming home ever again.

It was hard for me to pull myself out of bed in the morning knowing that I wouldn’t see his gorgeous face kissing me good morning. I would especially miss the way he always kissed my belly and talked to Ari like he had with Alex doting on her even in the womb.

He had been so excited that we were having a little girl he could spoil. The thought that he would never meet her broke my heart. It was all just too much at once.

All my thoughts always came back to Nick, this house was full of memories of our life together. Photos of our life together hung all around the house to serve as a memory now that he was gone.

Alex struggled with the fact that his dad was gone now. I didn’t have the words to console him. I was sure that nothing I said would make it better for him. He had lost someone that could never be replaced.

I thought about all the moments that Alex and Ari would never have with Nick and I couldn’t help from breaking down. I was angry that Nick was gone that he had left us. He had promised me forever and yet here I was alone. I questioned God all the time asking him why Nick? Why did he have to take him? Hadn’t we been through enough already.

I had finally concluded that although I was hurt, and heartbroken I had no right to question God. Why not Nick?

I did my best to try and be thankful for the time I did get to spend with him in my life. He had been the brightness in my darkest days.

He had stood by me through it all and we had been through a lot.

Seeing Matthew again had been shocking to my grief-stricken self. I had felt relief in those brief moments that he was near me. Guilt had racked my body for feeling like that. I didn’t want to feel anything for anyone who was not Nick not now ever.

“Allie, you have got to snap out of it already” Macy said turning on the lights and opening my curtains to let the light shine in.

“Your life is not over because he’s gone, you still have Alex and Ari to worry about.” Macy said pulling the covers off of me.

I knew that what she was saying was for my own good, but it still angered me. How was I supposed to go on without Nick?

“It’s so hard Macy, I just feel so empty inside all the time.” I said looking up at her tears filling my eyes.

“I cannot even pretend to understand how you feel Alli. But you cannot just let your life pass you by because you’re so grief stricken.” She said softly.

“I know,” I whispered tears rolling down my check.


It had a been a week since Nick’s funeral and I wanted nothing more than to go see Alli I needed to see for myself that she was okay.

Seeing her so broken and hurt that day was hard for me. It took me back to when Nick had been kidnapped and she has been inconsolable. Ironically, she had been pregnant then too. It had been tough for me not to reach out and touch her knowing my touch would take away some of the pain that I knew she was feeling.

Walking away from her that day had been the hardest thing I had ever had to do because I knew that she was dying inside.

Sophia had begged me to take her with me to the funeral. I knew that it wasn’t a good idea but after a few hours of begging I had given in.

She and I had been dating for a few years now, but she knew that Alli was my mate. She also knew how I felt about her. I would never, could never love someone the way that I did Alli.

The lady on the plane had been right about there still being hope for me and Alli.

Although it was truly horrible that Nick was gone. He had definitely left an impression in my life. If I had to lose Alli to anyone I was glad it was to him. He took care of her and loved her, and I would forever be grateful to him for it.

The years had been good to her. She was still as beautiful as ever. I had not laid eyes on her since she had left my house all those years ago and now that I had I knew I could never go that long without seeing her again.

I closed my eyes remembering that night like it was yesterday, it had taken me days to finally be okay. From that day on I did my best to avoid her. It hurt too much to think about her much less see her.

I dealt with Nick from time to time since he became Alpha. But we never brought Alli or anything personal up it was always just about pack business.

The need to see her was building up inside of me and I knew that it would not be long now before I was at her door.


I finally got up and decided that Macy was right I could not just sit here and let the sadness eat me alive. My son needed me. It was just so hard. Looking at him was like looking at Nick. My heart beat a little faster knowing that he would truly never really be gone Alex was a living breathing testament to that.

I let myself wonder if Ari would have Nick’s blond hair and blue eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to picture her looking just like Nick. I wiped the tears from my eyes and started getting ready for my day.

“Alli,” Macy said knocking on my door.

“Yeah,” I said opening the door for her to come in.

“Matthew and Isabelle are here to see you.” She said checking for my reaction.

Macy had been a god send she had stayed with me every day since the accident. If not for her I’m not sure I would have made it though. I loved her because she always told me what I needed to hear and that was not always what I wanted to hear. I would never have a better friend then her. I loved her for being there to help me pick up the pieces of my broken life.

“Allie, did you hear me?” She asked waving her hand in my face.

“Umm yeah, I’ll be right there.” I said giving her a small smile.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart. I was not so sure that I was ready to see Matt. He inspired feelings in me that I was not ready to deal with it was way too soon.

“Are you okay with seeing him Allie?” She asked worry in her eyes searching my face for an answer.

“I can tell him your busy or sleeping if you need me too.” She said walking to the door.

I knew that I was going to have to face him eventually so why prolong it.

“It’s okay, I’ll go down and see him. I might as well get it over with.” I said heading out my door and down the stairs.


I sat there with Isabelle waiting to see if Alli would see me or not. My hands were damp with sweat and I just wanted to pace up and down.

I was a wreak my need to see her was so great that I was worried I would scare her. I balled my hands into fists to stop them from shaking.

“Daddy it’s going to be okay; everyone loves you.” Izzy said jumping in my lap.

“Alex,” Isabelle yelled excited when Allie and Alex walked in.

She ran to him and gave him a hug.

“Alex why don’t you go and show Isabelle your room.” Alli said smiling.

“Okay mommy.” He said pulling Isabelle behind him.

Alli sat down in a chair across from me and for a minute I was at a loss for words. She just sat there looking out the window waiting for me to speak. She looked tired her face pale.

Before I could say anything, Alli looked at me and smiled. It was one of those take your breath away smiles.

“Your daughter is beautiful. She’s the perfect mix of you and Mandy.” She said clearing her throat.

My voice seemed to not work because I couldn’t say anything if my life depended on it.

Alli again tried to start a conversation.

“So the women that was with you at the funeral is that your wife now?” She asked playing with her fingers.

“No,” I said finally able to say something. “But we have been dating for a few years.” I said waiting for her reaction.

Only she didn’t react at all she just sat there almost in a daze. If only I could touch her and hold her, I wanted to be the comfort that I knew she needed.

I walked over to her and knelt down at her feet. I lifted her face to look at me the heat spreading everywhere I touched. She gasped and tried to pull her face away.

“Alli,” I said the words falling from my lips, “look at me please.” I begged.

When she looked up I fought to not pull her into my arms.

“Do you remember when I told you that I would never have a Luna or Mate that was not you.” I said looking into her eyes.

She nodded her head and tried to look away again.

“That has not changed, and it never will. Sophia knows all this. She knew when we got together.” I said my wolf awakening inside of me at having her so close.

“I have never stopped loving you. Nor will I ever. You are the other part of my soul. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes to give you all the time you need for your heart to heal.” I said getting up against the wishes of my wolf.

“You will never be alone Alli. You have me.” I said walking out of the living room.

It was time to find Isabelle and go home. I needed to give her some time to think about what I said. I also needed to end things with Sophia.

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