The wind blew and made my wild hair slightly wave, and luckily, it wasn’t chill. It was a nice and warm weather, or we wouldn’t be in summer. Those were thoughts I forced myself to have in my mind to overpower him and what he’d done, but it was mostly impossible, like now.
I wiped the tears that were falling down my face, so that I could properly see what was ahead of me. Well, it’s not like I’d hit someone. No one walked on the streets around this hour of the night.
Visiting my mother made me calm down. Yes, she was dead, being sat over her graveyard didn’t make me feel any better about myself, but it calmed down these stupid tears that wanted to fall, though the reason they were running down my face wasn’t good enough to shed them all.
Five days had passed since I’d run away from his house, after what he’d obligated me to see - something I should have been waiting for. Because I knew my aunt would look for me after it, I only walked up to the cemetery around 9, 10 PM, and came back around 11 PM, midnight. It depended on my level of depression. Yes, it was creepy to be there around this hour of the night, but it was the only time where I knew no one would look for me. They’d all think I’d be too much of a coward to go there all by myself now. Well, I wasn’t.
Now, I was going to the crappy hotel where I’d been staying since I’d left his house. It wasn’t expensive, what was left of my pay check was enough to pay for it for a couple more days, but afterwards, I’d have to get help from someone. I wanted to get help from my best friends, but I knew the moment I’d show myself to them, they’d tell my aunt where I was. I didn’t want aunt Deena to know where I was staying, because she’d only force me to go back to the house, and probably apologize to the Coopers, for causing that scandal at Mr. Cooper’s birthday.
In fact, I blamed my aunt for everything. If she hadn’t obliged me to work on that house, I would have never met him, and thus, he would have never broken my heart the way he did, when I saw him proposing to his girlfriend, right after the night... I’d let him have me.
I’m the one to blame for that. If I’d stuck to the promise I’d made myself, I’d still be a virgin... and I wouldn’t have made love to Adam...
All of a sudden, I stopped walking and buried my face on my hands, crying hard now.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Why had Adam done that?
Why had he introduced me to something called pleasure and love, and then shattered my heart in tiny pieces not even twenty-four hours later? Why? Damn, I didn’t deserve it!
I was so freaking weak, for God’s sake! I should have known in the first place to not let myself fall for that piece of shit! He was nothing! He wasn’t any better than Rick! In fact, Adam was worse than Rick! Because Adam had gotten me so addicted, so allured to him, that I gave myself to him just like that, only for him to stab a knife behind my back and twitch it deeper than anyone else.
Still, I couldn’t get why!
Why had he made love to me and the afternoon following, forced me to see such thing? If he didn’t want to be with me anymore, why not just say it? Damn, I would have handled it! I know I’m just a kid when I’m with him, but I’m old enough to get over stuff! I did get over my mother’s death, didn’t I? Forgetting Adam wouldn’t be a problem if he’d given me the chance!
Yes, it would hurt. Everything that was good would end up hurting, but it would have been better, other than break my heart so cruelly.
Letting my arms fall, I caught myself yelling, “I hate you, Adam Cooper!”
My voice echoed into the night. It was so silent that I could hear the echo easily, as I shook my head helplessly.
And then, I started walking again, sighting the crappy motel only a small distance away. I knew the moment I’d let myself fall in bed, I wouldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I hadn’t had a good night of sleep ever since I’d left Adam’s house. I’d only slept when I was really tired, and would wake up not long hours after it.
“Oh, what do we have here?”
When I actually focused my eyes on the direction of the voice, I caught myself staring at two guys, with grins on their lips and beers on their hands. Oh, shit. “I think we’re lucky tonight, dude!” The other one said, elbowing his friend, though never taking his eyes off me.
“We never caught such beauty wondering around town at this hour of the night.” Their eyes roamed all over my body, and I suddenly couldn’t speak.
“And she’s so well-dressed...” The one that had finished speaking walked up to me, “Have you been crying, girl? Oh, my friend and I can take care of those tears.”
The moment he held out his hand to touch me, I pulled back and said, “No, thank you.”
Lowering my head, I speeded up to walk past the drunken men, but the one that had previously tried to touch me, the one with the brown eyes, grabbed me by the waist.
“Let me go!” I pleaded, while I watched the one with black hair coming towards me, laughing. “Let me go!” I said again, though it didn’t change anything.
“Why are you in a hurry, sweetie?” The black haired guy reached my face and caressed my cheek. His hands were cold against my already chilly skin. I tried to avoid his fingers, but being stuck didn’t help. “You still look pretty, despite those puffy red eyes of yours... Who broke your heart, baby? I can mend it if you want it.”
The one whose arm was around my waist, burst out laughing, “Dude, I’d never imagine you could say such words.”
God, the motel was right there! If I could... Just do something for them to let go of me, I could ran straight up ahead and get in the motel, where I’d be safe! I knew yelling wouldn’t do anything, because they wouldn’t hear me, but... God, why me?
“Look at those lips... So delicious.” One of his fingers smoothly passed over my upper-lip. In that moment, I opened my mouth and bit it. “You bitch!” I tried to bury my teeth even more on his finger.
“Let him go!” The brown eyed guy said, but I didn’t do anything, I didn’t open my mouth.
“You bitch!” Then, I watched the black haired guy placing his beer on the floor, so that his newly free hand could surround my throat. In that very moment, I freed his finger. However, that didn’t calm him down, since his grip on my throat tightened, and I caught myself running out of air in my lungs.
“You’re whining now, bitch? You like violence, is that it?”
I could feel his fingers on my neck, burying on my skin. If he’d tighten his grip even more, he’d be on his way to suffocate me. “Please, let me go...”
“You think I’ll allow such beauty to go away?” His cold hazel eyes ran down my body again, focusing on the dress I was still wearing. I hadn’t taken it off yet, because I had nothing more to wear and the money I had was being saved for the motel.
I closed my eyes, trying to get away from that lusty look on his eyes.
“Where do you want to do it?”
“Back there. There’s an alley where I can... have fun with her safely.”
Oh god, no! “Please, please, I’ve done nothing wrong, let me go!”
However, both said nothing and just began dragging me backwards. In that very instant, I yelled. I yelled for help, but in a matter of seconds, the one who wasn’t carrying me placed his full hand over my mouth to smother my yells.
Tears started to come down again at the thought of what they were going to do to me, and the fear paralyzed my mind and body.
But then, like a godsend, the noise of a car accelerating made me look at the road, only to stare at a red Porsche violently park right at my side. In that same moment, Adam got out of it and stared at me, with anger in those frosty eyes.
I could not believe he was here, in that very moment. It was... surreal.
“Adam!” I tried to call him through the fingers of the drunken guy, but all that came out was a repressed and incomprehensible word.
I caught myself crying hard again, watching Adam there. Adam, who I hated, who I didn’t want to see anymore, who I’d run from five days ago. I wanted to let go of these two and run to the safety of his arms, but such thing wasn’t possible, no matter how badly I yearned for it in that instant.
“Let her go.” He spoke loud and clear with that husky voice of his. “Now.”
The black haired guy, whose hand was over my mouth, let me go and turned to fully gaze at Adam, smiling. Adam was taller than both, stronger than them I was sure, but they were two. Adam was one. “You think you can do anything against me and my friend?”
“Drunk as you both are, I can do everything I want.” Adam retorted, his fists clenched, his lips pursed and turning white. He was out of control, already.
“Oh, really?” The guy shook his head, laughing. “Try me first, then.”
But before Adam could actually do something, the guy urged on him and lifted his hand to punch him, though failed to try, since Adam was able to avoid that first blow. But after that failure, others came, but only the last one hit Adam’s beautiful face.
“I’m good, dude.” The guy said, grinning at Adam, whose eyes had suddenly darkened.
“My turn now.” Not waiting for Adam’s sudden move, Adam actually grabbed the guy by the collar of his shirt, and then his fist met the guy’s face. For Adam, it wasn’t enough, so he still hit him with his knee on the guy’s belly, and we all heard him crying out. Already weak, and thanks to being drunk, he wasn’t waiting for all the others that came next. Adam hit him again on the face. “That’s for your hands on her.” Another punch. “That’s for hurting her.” Another one. “And that’s for even thinking of doing anything to her.” Adam threw him to the floor and kicked him.
The one who was grabbing me, let me go, threw his bear at the floor and motioned towards Adam.
“Adam! Behind you!” I shouted, but before he could turn around, the guy grabbed him from behind and was able to pin Adam’s arms on his back.
“He’s all yours, dude!”
The other one, bleeding from his nose and lips, and with a hand on his belly, rose to the balls of his feet and walked up to Adam. “Not so strong now, are you?”
I watched his fist being lifted and hitting Adam’s face, as he tried to free himself. I yelled at both of them, I even perched myself on the guy who was grabbing Adam, but I was weak and couldn’t do anything to balance that fight.
Then, when my eyes actually saw one beer on the floor... I dashed for it, but then I slowed down ad approached the one who was grabbing Adam from behind. I lifted my arm, noticed the other one’s eyes widening, watching me getting ready, and then I hit his friend’s head with bottle of beer. I thought the movies exaggerated it, but the guy actually fainted and fell on the floor. Maybe I’d hit some sensible spot, but the fact was, Adam was free.
Looking at Adam with a scared look on his face, the guy stepped back once. Twice. “Not so strong now, are you?”
“Please, I-” He was cut off by Adam’s strong blow on his face. “Stop, I swear I won’t-”
“You what? You swear you won’t do anything more to her? Well, you’ve done already.” After saying that, Adam placed his hands on the guy’s shoulders, and gave him a blow with the knee again. The guy cried out in pain, and all of a sudden, I realized I’d never seen Adam this furious as he unleashed all the anger onto the guy before him.
Slowly, and with my hands shaking, I reached for him, touched his arm, and when he looked at me, he seemed possessed. In addition to that, the corner of his lip was bleeding, and his jaw was getting red. Swallowing dry, I tried to say, “I think it’s enough, Adam.”
At first, he only stared at me, killing me with such angry and out-of-control look, but then he fully turned at me, and said, “Let’s go, then.”
I bit my lower lip as he passed by me and walked towards his car. I didn’t move. I looked at the motel where I was staying, hiding from Adam and my aunt. I visualized Adam on my mind, Adam making love to me, guiding me through that path of pleasure, only to then break my heart. I caught myself turning around and saying, “No.”
Sighing, Adam pleaded, “Eva, please. Come with me.”
“I don’t want to go with you, I-”
“Don’t do this to me, kid, please.” The worn-out look on his face showed he was just as tired as me. Those dark bags under his icy blue eyes told me he wasn’t sleeping enough, just like me. “I need to talk to you, Eva.”
“Well, I don’t want to talk to you, I...” I trailed off when I heard one of the guys whining. I looked back, and saw the black haired one moving. I looked back at Adam with fear stamped on my face.
“Will you force me to beat him again, kid? I’m tired. I want to rest.” He let his head fall and continued, “I won’t take you to my house, if that’s what you’re wondering. I will leave you when you want me to, but right now, I think you should come with me and I think you should listen to what I have to tell you.”
“And what do you have to tell me?” I asked him, though I didn’t need the answer. The fact that those two guys were coming to their senses was enough for me to make a decision.
“I have the answer you’ve been looking for ever since you ran from my house.” Adam replied, already inside the car. Knowing it was worthless to remain outside I motioned to get in his car. He didn’t start the engine, though. He just turned his face to look at me, and in his eyes I saw sorrow and guilt. “I can see it in your face, Eva. I know you’ve been asking yourself why I did what I did after... that night.”
I just nodded, not being able to say anything right now.
His gaze was so tough that I caught myself avoiding his icy blue eyes.
Adam finally started the car and drove off from there. Now, I’d have the answer for the question I’d been making myself since that very day I ran from his house, five days ago.
Why had he had done it?
As I looked outside the car, I still didn’t believe I was with Adam. In fact, I didn’t even know what he was doing here, at this hour of the night, in my town. But I’d make him those questions later. Right now, I could only think of one, “Where are you taking me?”
“Swear you won’t freak out?” My dark eyebrow arched, but I just nodded and let him keep going, “I’m taking us to that hotel we stayed that night.”
“No, Adam, I-”
“Eva.” He spoke my name with a severe tone in his cultured voice, those he soothed right after, “I’m not taking you there so that we can repeat that night. It’s just that... I don’t want to talk to you in the car, in the middle of the night, that’s all.”
He wasn’t looking at me, but I believed him straight away. I knew Adam wouldn’t do something if I didn’t want it. Not even when he could be out of control. Besides, I wanted that explanation, and he was right, the car wasn’t the right place to give it. So I trusted him once again, and hoped he wouldn’t do anything against my will.
Silence ruled the car while he drove us out of my town and towards the city I’d been only once, where that hotel was located.
For most of the time, I restrained myself from making the smallest movement, but the curiosity was too much too bear. My eyes wondered from the outside, to the inside of the car, and finally, to Adam himself. I could see from where I sat those dark bags, the red eyes, and the wounded corner of his lip. Then, my dark blue eyes ran down his neck, slid down his arms, and it was then when I noticed bandages around his knuckles, in both hands, stained with dark red – blood.
I couldn’t help myself, “What happened to your hands?”
Adam’s eyes flickered a little, but he showed me nothing else. “It’s nothing, Eva. It’s just the other guys’ blood.”
“You didn’t have any bandages on your knuckles when I left the house.” I recalled, remembering his hands pretty well. Then, I added in a tiresome way, “Don’t lie to me, Adam. I’m done with lies.”
Breathing deeply, Adam admitted, “I got out of control when you left the house.”
“What did you do?” I swiftly questioned him, suddenly frightened of what I could hear.
“Right after you left... I was afraid I could hurt someone, because I was so out of hand. Fortunately, I ran away to the stable and stayed a while with the horses. I calmed down for some time, but once I got you on my mind again, I freaked out and started hitting a wooden column over and over again.” Adam revealed, not taking his frosty blue eyes off the road that led to his city and to the hotel. “If Alexis hadn’t appeared...” I watched him slightly moving his fingers on the wheel, “My hands would be a lot worse.”
“I’m sorry.” I apologized immediately, knowing nothing of that would have happened to him if I’d been there to listen to him.
“Stop apologizing for things that are not your fault, Eva!” His tone rose out of the blue, reprehending me like if I’d said something I shouldn’t. “Nothing of what happened was your fault, ok? So don’t say you’re sorry when you should just blame me for everything!”
And I did blame him for what had happened to me in the past week, but I bit that answer back, not wanting to see him furious.
I stayed silent the rest of the way, afraid I’d say anything else that could provoke him, until we finally reached his city, and soon after, the hotel. I didn’t want to have him out of control in the car, while driving; afraid we might suffer an accident. Yes, things could happen on a hotel room as well, but nevertheless I could just run away from the room or yell for help if something actually happen.
You’re so stupid, Eva, I thought for myself when I suddenly caught myself shaking my head while we got out of the car. Adam would never hurt you, no matter how uncontrollable he’d be. I wished my thoughts were true.
Adam ran a hand through his hair, and cleaned off the blood from his lips with his sleeve, to look more pleasant. Yes, he had money, but the employees from the hotel might not say that from his appearance in that very moment. Still, Adam didn’t bother to do anything else to his looks, and just spun over his heels to walk over to the reception of the hotel, once he locked his red Porsche.
As for me, I noiselessly followed him, and swiftly become aware of people’s disgusting and disapproving looks while staring at us. At first, I didn’t get why, but once I reasoned, I immediately comprehended their judgmental stares.
Adam, a rich guy, though dirty with blood and with a bad-looking appearance, was making a check-in to sleep with his expensive hooker. After all, I was pretty well-dressed and not dirty at all because I’d taken a bath that very morning. For the first time, a smile curled up on my lips.
Once the check-in was made, we were given the key to the expensive room, and finally followed our way, with me dreading for the moment I’d been longing for what it seemed an eternity, thanks to the five sleepless nights.
The moment we arrived to the room, Adam closed the door and looked at me, with such a worn-out look. “I’m just going to take a quick shower, take care of the wounds, and then we can talk, ok kid?”
I nodded, acknowledging he needed all that. Besides, a bath would relax him, and relaxation was all Adam seemed to really necessitate in that instant. So, he turned around and walked up to the bathroom, but before he closed the door, he said, “There’s robes somewhere in the room, if you want to take off that dress and send it to the laundry. A guy’s coming to deliver a first aid kit. You can give your dress to him and he’ll take care of it. Oh, would you please leave the kit inside the bathroom when he brings it, Eva?”
Once more, I just nodded, and watched him close the door. I didn’t lose any time now that I was alone in the room itself. I mean, I wasn’t eager to be practically naked with just a robe hiding my body from Adam, but I so wanted to have everything I had on me, including the underwear, cleaned. So, I made haste and took off the dress and everything else, putting the robe over my bare body once I was done. I could handle a couple of hours alone with Adam...
Five minutes later, someone knocked on the door, and I answered it. I explained the woman what to do with the clothes and thanked for the first aid kit, which I hurried to give it to Adam.
He didn’t listen to me knocking on the door over and over, thanks to the noise the shower made, so I opened it and walked in. The thin thing that covered Adam from me, was a little opaque, so the only thing I could see, was Adam’s perfect outline. I slowly placed the kit on the sink, though I couldn’t take my eyes from Adam’s outline. It wasn’t like I was seeing everything, I wasn’t, but there was something in me that changed.
As soon as I understood what it was inside me that I’d felt once I’d seen Adam, I hurried to get out of the bathroom and shut my thoughts away from everything I could do with Adam tonight, if we both wanted. It hurt to think about it, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t picture it repeatedly on my mind, reminding myself of how great that night had been.
I tucked my hair behind my ears when I sit down in the middle of the gigantic bed, and turned on the TV. Nothing interested was going on, but it was better to spend my time zapping than waiting for Adam without anything to make time pass faster. Ten minutes or so after, Adam finally turned off the shower. But then, I had to wait ten minutes more, since he’d decided to take care of the wounds in the bathroom, away from my sight.
My eyes closed when I felt dropped dead bored, and let myself fall behind, feeling the smooth white robe gently brush against my skin. But then, finally, I heard the bathroom door opening, and Adam came out of it, also wearing a robe like mine. I immediately sighted the fresh new bandages on his hand, and noticed his lip was cleaner, and his whole face seemed better now, though the dark bags and red eyes remained.
“I’m sorry I made you wait.”
I shrugged, lifting my torso, “its okay. I’ve waited five days for this, waiting half an hour more won’t kill me, I guess.” I managed a smile, and was surprised to see him smiling back.
“I missed those childish and innocent smiles of yours.”
And I missed your touch and your words at night, even though I still hate for what you did, I thought, once again swallowing that reply back, and thinking of another, more of a question though. “I was wondering... are we going to spend the night here?”
Adam came up to the bed, and sat at the edge, burying his face on his hands, “I don’t know, Eva. I’m too tired to drive back home, but if you’re afraid of spending the night with me, though I promise I won’t touch you, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
I didn’t realize I was biting my lower lip throughout the whole answer, until I actually hurt myself. “As long as... nothing happens, I’m cool with it.” And I really was, just like he said, if he didn’t touch me. “This bed’s much better than the one from the motel. I mean, everything here is better than the motel, so you win me with that.”
Adam didn’t answer. Instead, he sat still on the edge of the bed for some moments. At last, he stirred back and I heard him say, “Your aunt’s dead worried about you, kid.”
Oh great, what a way to keep talking to me. “Oh really? You haven’t called her saying you’ve found me?”
“No, I haven’t. I should, but I want to see what you’ll decide after our conversation.”
“I have decided what I want to do, no matter what will happen later, Adam.” I said, toughening my too girlish voice for the moment, and trying to ignore his piercing silent while listening to me. “I won’t be getting back to your house. I’ll... look for jobs, I’ll stay in some of my friends’ houses for a couple of days until I have found one, and-”
“Do you really believe you’ll pull it off, Eva?” Adam asked, too sceptic.
“Yes,” I replied, not really believing myself either, though I knew I just had to make it. That, or I’d have to beg for money on the streets. I would rather have me doing that than getting back to Adam’s house.
I watched Adam getting up, not too fast, not to slow, just the enough to startle me with his sudden movement. He turned to fully gaze upon me, and after judging me, he revealed, “My Father hasn’t fired you.”
My eyes widened in surprise, though narrowed straight away, “You’re lying.”
He shook his head, “No, I’m not. To be honest, even I was surprise when he said he wouldn’t fire you.”
I couldn’t help but to just stare at Adam’s blue eyes that were a perfect copy of his father’s frosty gaze. I’d pictured Mr. Cooper’s reaction tons of times, and none of them included me not being fired. I wondered what went through the man’s mind. Or maybe... my aunt talked to him and begged him not to fire me. Ironically, I wouldn’t be getting back. “Does he know... about us?”
“I think he always knew, to tell the truth.” Adam sighed, avoiding my eyes, now. “But even weirder was the conversation he and your aunt were having in front of me, though I couldn’t quite get what they were talking about. Your aunt also said some things to me, but she didn’t reveal anything I wished to know.”
“What about Rachel?” I asked, suddenly remembering he was... engaged, and ignoring his comment regarding my aunt’s conversation with his father.
“She’s... I don’t know.” Adam shrugged his shoulders, so tired. “I haven’t spoken to her after that day, Eva. I haven’t even come up with a story to tell her about all of that scandal we caused. My mind could only think of you, kid.”
His words touched my broken heart, but it didn’t mend it.
Dragging myself off the gigantic bed, I went to stand by the huge glass wall, with a view over the city. Despite the late hour, it still seemed to be as alive as it was during the day. However, distracting me with those thoughts didn’t work, because I still had the ultimate question in my mind.
I took a deep breath and gathered all the courage I had inside me. Then, I spun over my feet and stared at Adam, who stood in the same place, wordless.
“Since that very day I ran away from your house,” I started, so embarrassed, as this looked like those romantic movies, “Despite all of the hate I felt, and still feel for you, I kept thinking you’d come to me to answer just one last question, before I turned my back on you, to never see you ever again.”
Something in Adam’s eyes flickered, but I tried to ignore it, just like I tried to not pay attention to the fact that he had gotten up and was gradually approaching me. Yet, before he would be too close to me, and my courage would fault, I forced myself to keep going.
“Since the very first time I acknowledged I was attracted to you, or that I felt something for you, I knew it was impossible to have a future with you. After all, you were dating this beautiful girl, you were rich and had a father that would never let you be with someone else other than Rachel. You always knew he didn’t want you to be close to maids, to me, yet you ignored his warnings, and kept me company when I didn’t even ask for it.”
“I just felt this need to be with you, I-”
“Don’t interrupt me, Adam.” I cut him off, looking straight into his icy blue eyes that sliced me in two so easily. “Then... that day, I didn’t know what to expect when Alexis took me to buy a dress so that I could be proper dressed to go out on a date with you.” As I remembered that night, I felt the urge to cry, but for the time being, I was able to restrain myself from it. “I loved the dinner, though it didn’t end the best way. But the next thing... You would have never had me guessing what you would do to me that night. I mean, I thought about it once we got to the room, but I thought you would never reach that point. After all, you had a girlfriend. But you proved me wrong, and you had me that night.”
“And you don’t even know how much I loved that night, Eva...” Adam said, finally reaching me, his warm hand framing one side of my face. I didn’t cut in this time, and let him continue, “You can never imagine the need and how much I desired to have you. Even now... Hell, I want you so badly, Eva, I’d never hurt you the way the other guy did.”
In that very instant, I pulled away from his touch, and caught myself yelling, “You did, Adam! You did hurt me more than Rick! Why did you ask her to marry you after that night? Why?”
The look on his face when tears fell down my dark blue eyes was of pure guilt. Tonight, I wouldn’t be the one feeling guilty. “You don’t even know how regretted I am-”
“I just want to know why, Adam! I just want you to tell me why you did it! I mean, you had me the night before, and the next day you’re off to ask Rachel to marry you? How could you do that to me?”
It had hurt so much. It had shattered my world when I’d seen him proposing to her, not even a full day after he’d made love to me...
Adam regarded me intently. He seemed drowned in thoughts, but I had no idea what was going on in his mind. Then, movements came. He shook his head, faintly, and his shoulders fell. He sighed, and the way he looked at me broke my heart even more.
“Because I was weak.” He finally spoke, “Because despite my strength, and how much tough I may seem, I simply didn’t have the courage to face you and say I’d be asking Rachel to marry me in my dad’s birthday party.”
I blinked in surprise, wishing those tears would just stop coming!
I mean, he had to be kidding me!
“Are you serious, Adam?” I questioned him, not believing he’d been that weak.
“I’m not lying, Eva. I wish I was,” He said, and I noticed his fists clenching. He was begging me to believe him. “I’m weak. I didn’t have the courage to tell you what would be happening at my dad’s birthday party... I’m sorry, Eva. I really am. You’re in love with the weakest guy there is.”
After his reply, I just felt like laughing. Laughing and yelling at him for being so stupidly weak. And then, when I spoke, my voice was louder and angrier than I thought it would be.
“So you decide it’s better to spend one night with me, and then let me see for myself what you were incapable of telling me? Did you not think of how earth-shattering that would be to me?” Right now, I was the one out of control, shouting and yelling at Adam, who know seemed powerless. “You fucking took me to bed, Adam! You gave me hope, even if I forced myself to think we couldn’t be together! You fucking fooled me, saying you wouldn’t hurt me like Rick, but hell, you were ten thousand times worse than him! You want to know why? Because you had me, and then just threw me to a corner when you did that to me! I fucking hate you for it!”
After the anger, came the tears again, blurring my vision, though I could still see and feel Adam trying to grab me, but I just shook his hand off me. “I know what I did, ok? I know I should have never done it, I know I should have told you I was proposing to Rachel the next day, but I just wanted you one last time, Eva! Can’t you see that? I never had you! I couldn’t... stop going after you without having you once!”
“So you think its okay for you to come for me once, and then let go of me like a garbage bag? God, you’re worse than I thought then!” How could he say that? How could he even admit it? He should’ve just lied! At least, I wouldn’t know he really just intended to have me one fucking time, before setting off to ask Rachel to marry him!
“I am! I am that fucking worse!” Adam suddenly yelled at me, “You think I don’t hate myself for all I did to you? Well, I do hate myself, Eva! I hate that I had you! You want to know why? Hell, I want it again! And I’m fucking engaged to Rachel!”
“Then leave her! If you want me, be with me!” There I was, laying down my cards; ready to have him in my arms, ready to give up. But these were only words said in anger, because Adam would never leave his pretty girlfriend to be with a maid. Besides, his father would never let him, and he would never go against his father.
“You think it is that easy?” He shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “My father would kill me! And I love Rachel!”
To hear those words from him was like tasting blood. And he still said he wanted me? How could he say that when he should be saying he wanted me far away from him, so that I wouldn’t be tempted to make another mistake like letting him have me again, when deeply I so wanted the same? Well, what he’d said now was enough, anyway.
Yes, I hated him, but God, I loved him too.
My sobs were the only noise in the quiet room, because Adam didn’t say anything else after making me listen to him saying he loved Rachel, and that was why he wouldn’t be with me.
And there I was, feeling so stupid for having thought that Adam would leave Rachel for me, even if it was for mere seconds. I was so weak. I spent all of that time saying I would never let him have me ever again, and now that I’d closely gotten that chance, I’d just given up the principles I’d set for me when I’d run away from the house.
I felt his warm arms embracing me. I didn’t fight. I was too weak for it. Why fight when I knew I’d succumb the moment Adam would show me a glimpse of happiness?
Adam was my weakness. And hell, I hated my weakness.
“I apologize for everything, Eva. I’m sorry for the moment I let you stay with me in my stable, or when I even took you to your room, and stayed there when you asked me. If I’d done none of that, we wouldn’t be here, fighting against ourselves to not...” He trailed off, setting his chin on the top of my head, as his grip tightened.
“Do you love me, Adam?” I found myself asking after a few minutes in silence, as my arms slowly wrapped around his lean hips.
As much as it surprised me, Adam replied quickly, and truly. “Yes, I do.”
My head was leaned against his chest, so I could feel the fast beats of his heart, while I wet his robe with tears that were not supposed to be shed over him, since I’d longed decided he wasn’t worth them anymore. “You once said... that if you actually loved someone, you wouldn’t care if that someone was a maid like me.”
“At the time... I really had no idea what I was saying.”
“You’re taking it back then?”
I felt his hand pulling back my wild black hair. “Eva... I’m confused. All I know... is that I came to look for you, to give you the explanation I know you would be waiting for. But damn, the moment I saw you... I couldn’t help but to feel that hunger.”
I was able to lift my head and look into his icy blue eyes. I couldn’t help but to notice how guilty he really was feeling. “Would it make you feel better, if I say I share the same hunger?”
As I gazed at him, I realized that, I’d never seen Adam talk and act this... sensible, after all, he really seemed that tough, “No, it would only make it worse, because I can’t... we can’t, Eva. I can’t keep cheating on Rachel... I’m going to marry her.”
I knew that. I was damn well aware of it. “Just because you put a ring on her finger, means you can’t do it with me one last time?”
Looking down at me, Adam reminded me, “You once said that, if you were to be something to me... you wouldn’t be my lover, but right now... that is what you are.”
He got me there. I remembered saying that to him, but to hell with it. “If being with you just this night, means being your lover, well, I just don’t care.”
“Eva... nothing’s going to change after tonight. I’ll be still marrying Rachel...” I could see in his eyes how much it cost him to spill those words, but I just didn’t give a damn to that fact right now, so I gave him an answer. An honest one.
“Well, you had me once, thinking it would be the only time you’d have me before proposing to Rachel, right?” I watched him nodding, following my reasoning. “So can’t I have my one last time with you? If you could have it, so can I now.”
Maybe it was the nerves, maybe it was the hate and the love for Adam mixing inside me, or maybe it was even the tiredness confusing me, but all I knew was that I had to have him one last time, just like Adam thought he would have me just once.
All I wanted was for him to become one and whole just with me and only me, even if it was just for this one night.
“You’ll regret it tomorrow.”
“But I’ll love it tonight.”
And then, I closed my eyes, and allowed him to come down my way and kiss me.
What started out as a gentle kiss, turned into something hungry, something vicious and addictive, but I was so drowned in Adam’s caresses, that I just didn’t think of anything else.
He pulled me to his arms and led me to bed, never leaving my needy lips. He lay me down, but he didn’t follow. I watched his starving blue eyes staring at me, while his hands now freed my body from the white robes and then settled on my breasts, at the same time he came down and kissed me.
I felt his hands sliding down my belly and when I tried to stop them and pull him to me, Adam didn’t even move. He stopped kissing me, and stared with that greedy look.
I thought I didn’t have any strength, but when Adam grabbed me and pulled me to him, I found some strength to bear his starving kisses. I was in his arms, but this time, I had my legs wrapped around his lean waist, feeling him hard against me.
Adam licked my neck, sucked it and kissed it so gently and so keenly, that for a matter of seconds, I thought it wasn’t the same man working on the same spot.
Yet again, Adam led us to bed, but this time, he finally lay on top of me. When he pulled away right after however, I grabbed him, though I later realized he was just trying to break free of his own robes.
He looked me in the eyes and I saw him for what he really was: just Adam, with no buts or anything stopping us from being a whole. My legs went separate ways once Adam came back down and positioned himself between my legs.
I caught myself closing my eyes and imagining my first time when it had hurt in the beginning, but had felt damn good by the end. “I don’t want to hurt you, Eva,” I unexpectedly heard him, “I-”
“You’re not going to hurt me.” I reassured him, gazing into his icy blue eyes, and forcing those specific thoughts to slip out of my mind.
For come moments, he gazed back at me, piercing through me with that insatiable and needy look, but then he kissed me. However, he kissed me tenderly and smoothly, letting me know he could never hurt me on purpose. And then, before I could even expect it, I felt him inside me. It only hurt a little, but once Adam started moving... I was in heaven and didn’t want to come back.
He stroked me not too fast, not too slow, in a perfect rhythm.
Despite of being in motion, Adam didn’t leave my lips, nor did I want him to leave them. I led my hands all the way to his back and tightened the grip every time I wanted him to linger.
It was until only now that I’d become conscious of how much I’d been lingering for him, even when hatred commanded the opinion I had of him. Despite of everything, he was the man I loved; I could not deny that to myself or to him.
I was being weak for allowing this to happen, because Adam didn’t deserve me at all but hell, I loved him. I wanted him. Just for tonight! That was all I asked of him!
As Adam’s strokes became harder and faster, I caught my hips rocking forward again, begging for more, and begging him to dig deeper.
I felt what was close to come.
“You’re driving me insane...” I whispered under my heavy breath.
“Say it again.” He stroked me once.
“You’re... driving me... insane.” ...stroked me twice.
“Do you love me, Eva?” He demanded to know, stroking me a third time, harder, piercing me with such slicing blue eyes. I could see the effort he was doing to not do it again, or not do it faster. This was that tough Adam I had fallen for. He looked wild, heartless, and arrogant.
Controlling my moans and forcing me to look at his bright blue eyes that froze me whenever they wanted, my lips parted and I spoke only the truth. “Yes, I...love you.”
Closing his eyes and freeing me from the gaze, Adam smashed his lips against mine and moved inside me, never stopping his ravenous kiss.
In that moment, we both climaxed and there was nothing there that could really tear us apart.
We were one.
We both didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, but tonight was ours, despite tomorrow’s decisions, thoughts, emotions and happenings.
Tonight, I was his, and he was mine.