Chapter 16 - Frozen
Of course, when Mr M reappeared, I got one of his dirty look things for getting into bed without drying myself off. But instead of getting properly stroppy, he just hauled me out… I mean… I was totally starkers but he was basically used to that by now… and he wrapped me up in a towel. Then he sat down, snuggled me up and started drying my hair with a second towel. I mean… Ro sort of wanted to get all stroppy with him for treating me like a baby but it felt all snuggly and cuddly and I wouldn’t let her.
I guess, basically, it was another one of those, ‘he feels like he’s my daddy’ sort of things.
But when he’d done with his cuddly, snuggly hair drying bit, he fiddled with his phone and ‘Frozen’ started playing on the telly screen. And, at that, my Ro bit basically exploded. I mean… I managed to stop her from saying anything that I would regret but I basically let him know what I thought about the whole idea of watching a baby film.
He paused the video then gave me this kiss and said, “You may ask your question.”
“It sort of breaks most of your stu… silly rules.”
“Break away… except the language one, of course.”
I had to think about what I really wanted to ask. “Are you one of those sick weirdoes who wants to keep a grown woman as a little girl?” I managed at last. “I mean, am I going to find myself in nappies next?” I’d heard about that sort of freaky stuff but I’d basically never really taken it seriously.
“Believe me, I want absolutely nothing to do with nappies!” he laughed. “All I’m doing is giving you what you need… and you certainly don’t need that!”
I pretty much exploded at the whole ‘giving me what I need’ bit. I mean, I basically managed to half way control myself but he must have heard I was…like… totally outraged when I said, “You think you know what I need better than me?”
I thought I might get in trouble for that but he just looked at me, smiled and said, “I don’t just think it. I know it.”
“I stared at him for a bit and heard myself saying, “You really are totally… like… unbearably arrogant… aren’t you?”
“Yep,” he replied. He even did the stupid popping the ‘p’ thing.
I had to have a little think about that… I mean… I guess I knew where I stood now… or sat… I guess… basically curled up on his lap like some little kid. “And I don’t get any say in this?” I asked at last, in a bit more of a controlled sort of a voice.
“You are allowed to decide whether you wish to watch the film or not. That’s the level of decision you are to be allowed to make… for now.”
“And if I don’t want to watch a baby film?” I asked with a fair amount of snark.
“I have no intention of forcing you. It was intended to be a treat. However…” he gave a bit of a grin and nodded towards the table, “I have made some popcorn for us to eat…. whilst we’re watching!”
Of course my Ro bit wanted to get totally stroppy about all this but the babygirl part was basically all comfy, snuggled up on his lap, and he was sort of gently stroking my knee with a thumb and, for some reason, that was making it pretty tricky for me to… like… stay grumpy with him.
And I guess I already knew that he’d decided to take over my life for me…
And I guess I already knew that I wasn’t going to be able to stop him…
So I might as well just go with it…
Besides, I’d never watched ‘Frozen’. By the time it came on telly, I was already too old…
And, though Ro would never dream of letting me admit it, I’d always been… sort of… well… a tiny bit curious about it. When we were about seven… for all the girly type girls in my class… it seemed to be pretty much the most important thing in the world!
And, besides, he had popcorn!
So I sort of snuggled back into him and he pressed ‘play’.
And, for a while, all the other stuff just went away.
I mean… it was… like… totally pathetic. I mean… it basically made me feel as if I was about seven years old but I enjoyed that stupid film much more than I ought to have. I even recognised a couple of the songs and I found myself singing along with the stupid things…
And somehow, Mr Orange managed to snuggle his way onto my lap as I was watching.
I really, really don’t understand me, sometimes.
It’s almost as if my master was right, or something… like I really do need to do the whole little kid thing… for a bit.
When the film finished, we sort of sat there and snuggled for a while longer but then he leaned down towards me. I thought he was going to give me a kiss but instead he did this funny sort of blowing a raspberry thing into the corner of my neck. It was a bit yucky, of course, but I couldn’t help giggling because it tickled.
“Right,” he said before I could get my brain together enough to tell him what I thought of the whole raspberry thing. I’ve got to go and prepare dinner. You’ve got your book.”
He leaned down again and I sort of flinched but this time he did really give me a kiss. And, with that, he popped me back down on the bed and left the room.
It was that evening, when we were enjoying our bedtime chat, that my Master raised the subject. “Babygirl,” he said, “we need to talk about the arrangements for your periods.”
I… like… totally squirmed at that and looked away. I mean… I could basically never even dream of talking about that sort of stuff with a man… I mean… not even him.
“Babygirl,” he said to me firmly and I just knew he was looking at me and waiting for me to meet his eye.
“But Master…” I began.
“Hush, Babygirl,” he gently interrupted me. “Just look at me!” Then he waited.
“Do you trust me?” he asked when, at last, I managed to look up.
“Of course I do.” I hadn’t thought about it for ages but by now it was basically obvious.
“Then you must know that you have no need whatsoever to feel uneasy about talking through anything with me, do you?”
“Not really, Master but…” I sort of trailed off. I was still basically totally squirming inside but I really couldn’t think of any reason why I ought to be.
“Just for your information, we are going to be discussing the subject morning, noon and night until you can do so without a flicker of embarrassment,” he told me. He flashed me a bit of an evil grin that warned me that he was only sort of… like… half joking!
“That’s not fair!” I protested.
“It is entirely fair,” he responded with a smile. “I’m happy to accept that you don’t think it’s particularly nice but it’s entirely fair.”
He gently removed a nervous finger from my mouth and popped it back down on my lap. And, when I looked down at my hands, I was… like… totally astonished to see that they were starting to look half way respectable - it must have been ages since I last chewed my nails. I might even have to think about cutting them some time.
I was startled by a gentle voice asking, “What are you thinking about, Babygirl?”
“Oh, it’s nothing.”
“Tell me, please!”
“I’ve just noticed that I haven’t been biting my nails recently.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“I dunno,” I responded automatically - and almost snarkily.
He gave me one of his very hard stares which told me that he kind of expected me to do some of the thinking stuff. He can be totally cruel like that, sometimes!
“I guess that it’s sort of…”
He did this funny throat clearing thing to kind of tell me to stop burbling… so I sort of shut up and thought for a bit longer instead.
“I guess it’s because, out there, it was all too much for me, really,” I answered at last. “In here, all I have to do is kind of do as I’m told and I just sort of know everything is going to be OK.” And, as I said it, I realised that, in some crazy mixed up way, I was basically starting to feel… like… totally comfortable in this freaky weird new life.
I was so astonished by this that I sort of allowed my mouth to carry on talking without paying much attention to what it was saying, “I mean you can be a bit of a git at times but at least I know where I stand with you… and I know you’re going to look after me.”
I suddenly noticed the look he was giving me - a bit stroppy but with a little bit of a smile thing going on too - and then I realised what I had just said. “Oh, I’m sorry, Master,” I gasped.
“Wrist!” he said and I meekly offered up my wrist for its slap.
But he surprised me by only giving me a gentle one - not much more than a tap, really.
“Thank you, Master, for teaching me to use quiet deference to my master,” I said, almost automatically.
“Nope!” he said without letting go of my hand and he did his funny popping thing with the ‘p’ again and made me smile. “It’s not ‘deference’ that is the problem this time. I asked you what you were thinking and that overrides the ‘deference’ requirement of rule five. It does not, however, override the ‘temperate language’ aspect.”
I did my confused puppy thing and he smiled.
“If I ask you what you’re thinking… and you think I’m being a git… then I expect you to tell me that… I do, however, require you to use appropriate vocabulary when you are doing so. Do you understand now?”
I thought about this because I knew he would definitely get all stroppy if I didn’t. And then I nodded. I guess it sort of made sense.
“So what do you mean by ‘I’m a git’… in appropriate language, of course?”
“You make me do things I don’t want to do… with your stupid rules and things…” I explained. “And there’s the punishments… and the threat of the punishments.”
“And why do I make you do things you don’t want to do?”
“Because you think they’re good for me?”
He gave me a look that let me know that he was basically going to torture me with silence until I gave in. “Oh, alright,” I admitted with a bit of a sigh, “because they really are good for me.”
He gave me a smile. “So, back to what you will need for your periods. We both know that I could easily leave you a complete set of appropriate supplies in the cupboards. So why do you think I’m insisting on you talking to me about it?”
I was quiet for a bit as I thought about that but he was still holding my hand… and kind of stroking the back of it gently with his thumb… so it was basically this totally comfortable sort of a silence. “I guess you want me to know that I can talk about anything like that with you,” I kind of heard myself saying at last, “that I can trust you with that sort of stuff.”
And I guess it was true. I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone before in my life.
Not that there had been whole heaps of competition.
He gave me a nod and a smile then he lifted up my hand and gave it a kiss.
“So, what are you going to need?” he asked.
Of course I knew that he was never going to let me get away without talking about it so, with a bit of a struggle, I got a grip on the total squirm thing that was going off inside me. I couldn’t quite manage to meet his eye but, for once, he let me get away with that as we talked things through. He did keep on holding my hand, though.
And, once we got going, it wasn’t… like… totally horrible… and, when we were done, for some reason, I again found myself wondering about whether… like… maybe, this is what it would have been like to have a daddy.
“Please could I have a snuggle?” I kind of heard myself asking in this very small voice, still not sort of daring to meet his eye.
“I find it hard to conceive of any situation in which I would not be absolutely delighted to give you a snuggle, Babygirl!” he answered and I could hear the lovely smile in his voice as he spoke.
And so he wrapped me up in my sheet and snuggled me tight until I fell asleep.