To Train A Wild Rose

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Chapter 23 - Betrayal

A couple of days later, I was woken really early by him leaning over my babygirl bed and kissing me goodbye. And, as I heard the door close behind him, I sort of felt… like… totally on my own and I snuggled Mr Orange, my orangutan baby, extra tight.

With a pisshead mother and basically no friends, the old Ro me had sort of got used to spending heaps of time… like… totally on her own… I mean… it’s not as if she had all that much choice.

But the new babygirl me just wasn’t used to being lonely anymore and I… like… totally hated the feeling.

Babygirl basically needed her master. She just needed him.

I guess I was pretty much OK on the first day. I mean… he’d left me piles of stuff to do with loads of school-type work and an extra-tough gym session. Having to take care of all my own meals… like… proper meals, eaten at the table and everything - was all pretty new and exciting for me too.

But they would just have been so much more… like… fun if Mr M had been there to enjoy them with me… and sort of tell me they were OK and things…

He’d even told me that, when I had finished with all my tidy-up type stuff in the evening, I could watch a film. And, as I scrolled through the list, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ appeared. I’d heard of it, of course, and sort of always wanted to know what it was all about…

But I basically knew that that was not what Mr M meant when he said that I could watch a film… so I just about managed to resist the temptation. But I did sort of find myself wondering about what it would be like to watch that sort of a film with him… and that thought kicked off some rather nice sort of feelings in my tummy… and I kind of decided it might just be worth the wait.

So I picked a film called ‘Interview with a Vampire’ instead. I sort of guessed from the list it was on that Mr M had been watching it… and I sort of thought that it might be a bit like ‘Twilight’. It wasn’t but… well… it wasn’t like any film I had ever watched before but somehow I found myself… like… totally captured by it.

But then it finished and I found that I was all on my own again… and then I found myself having to do the whole going to bed thing by myself… and then I had to go to sleep without my bedtime talk and my goodnight kiss… and it was all sort of… well… lonely and not very nice at all.

And then, the next morning, as I was walking down the corridor to my bathroom, I found myself sort of looking at the exit door for the first time… like… properly looking at it.

And then I suddenly sort of noticed that the thing didn’t even have a lock on it.

And every time I walked past it, the stupid thing seemed to sort of grow bigger and bigger in my mind.

What was on the other side?

Would I be able to get away?

Would I even want to if I could?

And for some reason, I suddenly sort of found myself going past the thing loads of times.

And finally, when I was coming out of my bathroom after my afternoon workout, I just couldn’t keep a lid on my Ro bit any more. She basically had to know what was on the other side of the thing. Just… like… had to!

And so, without any sort of thought… my hand just kind of slipped down to the handle and I pulled.

And, basically, the door just sort of opened.

I mean… like I’d sort of guessed… the thing wasn’t… like… even locked.

Even today, I don’t really know what I was actually thinking… but I’m pretty sure that the main thing going on in my head was the whole curiosity bit. Basically, I wanted to know where he had been keeping me all this time.

Did I want to leave… like leave my master? I’m pretty sure that the answer to that one was ‘No’. I guess, more than anything else, the main thing I wanted to know was whether it was sort of possible for me to leave.

So… kind of hesitantly… I looked through at what was on the other side.

I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that: a simple sort of a room that basically looked pretty much the same as the corridor I was standing in. There was all kinds of emergency type stuff like three different sorts of fire extinguishers and things… and there were these three doors. Two of them… left and right… looked pretty normal but, straight in front of me there was this heavy, grey-painted, steel door which looked as if it belonged in a bank or something. It had these six heavy bolts attached to this big wheel in the middle of it.

The room behind the door to my left was… like… totally filled with shelves and shelves and shelves of food and that sort of stuff… all in… like… cans and packets and things… I mean… it looked as if there was enough in there to last for years! And the whole cans and packets thing left me totally puzzled… I mean… Mr M hardly used anything but fresh ingredients in his cooking.

And behind the other door was this… like… utility type room with piles of tanks and pipes and pumps and meters and stuff.

So the way out lay beyond that dirty great steel door.

I guess that was… like… totally obvious, really.

That door didn’t look as if it was locked either. I mean… there were the bolts, of course… but they were all on this side… and they weren’t even fastened. I mean… it almost looked as if Mr M was trying to make it easy for me to leave or something. I sort of put a hand on the door and, even though it was… like… massively heavy, it kind of moved really easily and just sort of swung open with a gentle bit of a push.

There was this little landing bit and then there was this steep flight of stairs leading off to my left. This bit looked a whole lot less posh than the rest of the place… sort of functional, I guess. I mean the steps and things were tiled and there was this funny trackway running either side of the main stairway… and it took me a couple of seconds to work out that they would let you sort of haul a trolley up and down… handy, I guess, if you were trying to get all that food and stuff down into the storeroom.

As I stepped onto the stairs, the steel door swung closed behind me with this… like… ominous sort of a clang thing. I guess I should really have paid a bit more attention to that warning but, by now, Ro’s curiosity bit had basically totally overwhelmed Babygirl’s whole good-girl, obedience type thing, and without any… like… proper thinking, my feet were just sort of carrying me on, up those stairs.

And I was pretty much at the top when the alarm went off.

And I sort of froze as that piercing wail sort of… like… totally stabbed me in the heart.

Then I heard bolts… like… slamming closed in the doors above and below me.

And… as I slowly started thinking again… I managed to work out that I had basically ruined everything. I mean… I didn’t think that my master would ever be able to forgive me for this.

In fact, I didn’t even know whether I could forgive myself.

I mean… like… basically… I didn’t even think I deserved to be forgiven.

I just stood there on the stairs for… like… ages and ages as the alarms kept on doing their screaming thing. And, as time passed, I could do nothing and all the fear and distress stuff just kept on growing and growing.

At last I couldn’t… like… take it any more and so I went back down to the bottom landing bit and dropped down into my lowest sort of kow-tow thing. I knew that I deserved a really terrible punishment for this and I guess that I kind of wanted to tell my master that I sort of totally accepted it…

I was… like… putting myself totally in his hands.

At last that whole horrible screaming wail thing was cut off but that didn’t make me feel any better.

It could only mean one thing.

My master was back.

And then I heard the steel door above me swing open, I sort of tried to bury my forehead even deeper into those unforgiving tiles. I just… like… wanted the earth to open up and swallow me so that I didn’t have to face him.

Like… ever again.

After the soul-destroying wail of that alarm, the silence was… like… totally intense and I knew that my master was just looking at me. Somehow, even when I had the blindfold on, I always knew when he was there. But for a long time he didn’t say anything. And, in spite of the whole silence thing, I could tell that he wasn’t angry - I’d never known him angry.

But I could just tell he was… like… totally disappointed…

And totally hurt.

Of course I didn’t dare to say anything… or even… like… move. I mean… I hardly dared… like… breathe, I just kept my forehead pressed firmly into the unyielding tiles of the floor

I mean… I was a bit afraid of the punishment that I knew was coming my way. It was going to be horrible… but I knew my master was not going to give me any more than I could handle… or any more than I deserved.

I trusted him…

Trust…

When I thought about the whole trust idea, this wild sob thing sort of juddered its way through my whole body.

Then, for a long, long time… and it felt like pretty much forever… my master just carried on torturing me with the total silence thing. But at last he spoke.

“Girl,” he said.

And of course that single word just broke me.

I thought I could handle any sort of punishment… but the fact that he had stopped calling me ‘Babygirl’ was just too much. I… like… totally collapsed into these wild and desperate sort of sob things.

He let me have a couple of seconds to sort of get my head back together but then he firmly said, “Silence!”

My whole body kind of heaved as I just fought to do as I was told.

“Quote rule four.”

“The girl…” I gasped as my whole body sort of totally spasmed, “will not go anywhere that she is not explicitly permitted to go… and will not touch anything… that she is not explicitly permitted… to touch.”

“Correct. Do you have an explanation for your presence here?”

“No, Master.” There was no point in trying to give any sort of excuses. There was nothing I could say that wouldn’t make the thing a whole lot worse.

“And were you attempting to leave?”

I had to think about that and I decided that I didn’t know the answer. I had no idea what I would have done if the other door had been open. “I’m not sure, Master…” I managed to say as I struggled to sort of contain my sobs. “I really don’t know…”

I left a little pause but I sort of knew I had no choice but to tell him the whole truth. “But I was sort of thinking about it,” I added in this quiet, hollow voice. It sounded a bit like I was pronouncing my own death sentence or something.

My master was silent for a long time and I could tell that he was trying to get his head around what I had just told him. At last he gave a little sigh. “Thank you for telling me the truth,” he said. “Your punishment will be no more severe for having done so.”

He paused for a moment and there was this sort of clunk thing from behind me.

“The lower door security has been released. You will return to your bathroom and prepare yourself for punishment.”

“Yes, Master.”

I started to move but then I sort of managed to work out that he wanted to say something else so I waited in silence. “Girl,” he said at last, “your behaviour has hugely disappointed me. I do not know whether I will ever be able to trust you again.”

That was too much for me. I collapsed into sobs once more and tried to sort of bury my forehead into the floor.

He let me have a couple of seconds and then said, “Now go!”

And, as I turned to leave, I kept my eyes… like… totally fixed on the floor. In my shame, I couldn’t bear to even look at him.

In fact, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at him again.

When my master came into the bathroom, a couple of minutes later, I was naked, of course, and wearing my shackles, my gag and my blindfold.

And I was in my lowest possible kow-tow thing, of course.

Though he was trying to keep it under control, I could sort of sense his hurt as he moved me into position. I mean… he wasn’t unnecessarily forceful or anything… but, somehow, his touch just didn’t have the loving tenderness that I’d kind of got used to.

He locked the shackles closed around my wrists and ankles and then, with that dreadful whirr of motors, I was pulled into his punishment position.

My arms were pulled straight up above my head, forcing me to stand on tiptoe, but even that was not enough for this amount of betrayal. With another whirr, my right leg was sort of pulled upwards until it felt as if it was up above my head and before it was even up in position, I felt as if I was being pretty much torn in half or something.

But even that was not enough. My whole body sort of jerked in shock as this wall of freezing water began to… like… beat down all over me - he’d turned the shower on… and it was set to cold.

And, by the time I’d recovered from the shock, my master had gone, leaving me… like… totally alone to deal with my punishment.

And to think about how I had totally betrayed his trust…

And his love.

And, as I hung there, shaking with the strain and shivering with the cold, I managed to sort of will myself to suffer in silence. Firstly because I knew there was nothing that I could say which would make the situation any better…

And, secondly, because I knew I totally deserved it.

Within minutes I basically knew I was going to die… and I wasn’t even really sure whether I cared.

Because worse, much worse, than the whole physical pain thing was knowing how much I had disappointed my master.

So I tried not to fight it and just let it all happen to me. I was… like… totally in his hands.

Somehow I survived. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to but I survived. I guess my master decided that he was going to let me live, after all.

And I guessed that that meant he might be able to imagine forgiving me… maybe… some day.

But not yet. Even as he was lowering me down, warming me under a warm shower and carrying me over to the bed, I could still basically feel his disappointment in… like… how cold his touch was.

“May this girl have permission to speak?” I managed to ask at last, when my juddering sobs and shivers had sort of started to die down. I don’t really know why I found myself talking about myself in that funny sort of a way. It just kind of felt like the right thing to do… as if I didn’t even deserve to use the word ‘me’ anymore.

“You may.”

“This girl is truly sorry for having broken her promise to her master,” I managed to say. “And she will happily accept a repeat of the punishment tomorrow if she can eventually go back to being her master’s babygirl.”

He thought about this for a long time. “I am not going to inflict any further physical punishment on you for this,” he told me at last, “but you have to appreciate how bitterly you have hurt and disappointed me. You explicitly promised me that you would not touch that door and you broke that promise. It will be a long time before I am able to trust you enough to call you that name again.”

A fresh wave of sobs sort of washed over me.

And then he left…

And he didn’t even give me my goodnight kiss.

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