Chapter 7 - Kow-Tow
“But…” I murmured as I slowly started to understand that he was pretty much expecting me to worship him like a god or something. I managed to control my mouth but my shock must have been obvious as I tried to stop Ro from telling him just what I thought about that idea.
“You may say what you’re thinking and, as long as your language remains temperate, you will not be punished.”
I had to wait about ten seconds before I could work out any sort of ‘temperate language’ answer for him. “You are kidding…” I managed at last… “aren’t you?” Even I could hear that my voice sounded kind of desperate.
“I am completely serious.”
“But it’s…” I had to sort of wait for a bit as I tried to work out some way of saying what I was thinking without doing the whole ‘intemperate language’ thing. “But it’s… like… way beyond any sort of humiliating…” I gasped. “It’s the sort of thing you’d expect a slave to do. People just don’t do that sort of stuff anymore!”
I felt him lean forward from his seat to where I was kneeling in front of him. He took my hand, which had somehow found its way back up to my mouth, and plonked it gently, but kind of firmly, back down on my knee.
“It’s supposed to be humiliating…” he explained calmly, “or, at least, humbling. That’s the whole point. By doing this, as with the use of the word ‘master’, you are acknowledging my absolute authority over you.”
“But you can’t make me…” I said weakly as I started to see that he really was… like… totally serious about this. A single, treacherous tear leaked into my blindfold.
“We have already established, Babygirl, that I can make you do anything I want. I will simply escalate the level of punishment until you accept that you have absolutely no choice but to comply.”
“But…” I began but I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I mean, what could anyone say to that? This vast sort of empty chasm thing seemed to be opening up inside me. Kneeling for him was bad enough but this was beyond… just way beyond anything. The tears were running freely now, soaking into that hateful blindfold thing.
Git Features let me have a couple of seconds to sort my head out then said, “Come on, Babygirl. You know you are going to have to do it in the end and it’s not going to get any easier. You might as well just get it over with.” His tone was so impossibly gentle but I still hated him… like… totally hated him!
I stared in his direction as my whole body was shaken by sobs and I sort of frantically looked for some sort of way out of this but he was right. There was absolutely nothing… nothing I could do. The Ro inside me was screaming that I ought to be doing something, fighting against the way in which he was just crushing my whole dignity type thing, but I basically knew there just wasn’t any point. Like he said, he would just keep doing his horrible punishment things to me until I gave in. And we both knew that, in the end, I was going to have to give in.
So, trembling… and feeling as if I was about to be sick… I moved my hands off my knees and put them flat on the ground. I waited like that for a long time and at least Git Features didn’t hassle me. I guess he could sort of see how much his whole, sick kow-tow thing was getting to me.
But I couldn’t wait like that for ever so, slowly, I leaned forward until my forehead was touching the ground.
That was it. I was… like… totally crushed inside
He made me stay like that for a couple of seconds then he squatted down next to me. He put a hand on my shoulders and stroked me sort of comfortingly, which was pretty perverse because it was him who was making me do this horrible thing in the first place.
“Well done, Babygirl,” he said at last. “I wasn’t sure you’d be able to manage that without the need for additional punishment.”
I couldn’t think of a single thing to say in answer to that - certainly nothing that would fit with his stupid unladylike language’ thing. And, anyway, I wasn’t sure whether I could have managed to say anything with the way I was sobbing.
Fortunately he let me get away with that this time and just carried on, “Once I’ve left the room, you may get up, remove the blindfold and move around freely. I’m going to leave a copy of the rules on the table and I expect you to learn them. I’ll flash the lights to let you know that I’m ready to come back in and you are to put your blindfold back on and to assume the position.
Again I couldn’t manage a reply and again he didn’t force me.
With that, he stood up and headed towards the door but then he turned back and said, “Just so you know… unless you try anything silly, that’s as bad as it’s going to get for you.”
And with that, he left the room.
As I heard the door close, I rolled back to my knees and I stayed like that, sort of sobbing gently with my head bowed, as I tried to get my head around what had just happened… what he had just done to me… well more… like… what he had just made me do to myself.
At last I took the blindfold off my head. Oh well… I guess it wasn’t the first time I’d been… like… totally crushed and I’d survived before. I guess it was a bit different this time, though, because here I couldn’t even let Ro out of her box as it was happening…
And the worst thing about it was that, before he’d made me do that sick kow-tow thing, I’d even thought I was sort of starting to like the evil bastard in some sort of crazy, mixed up, ‘he’s kidnapped me and got me chained up in his dungeon’ sort of a way.
Well that’s finished now. I hated him. He was right up there with my father on the top of the ‘people I hate’ list.
But life goes on.
It always does.
I slumped across to the sink and washed my face and then sort of collapsed into the chair where I spent the next five minutes staring at that sick sheet of paper… and battling with Ro who wanted to… like… tear those stupid rules into a million pieces. Luckily I managed to get a grip on her. Now I knew that would be breaking rules three, seven and possibly nine and I could guess that he’d be more than grumpy about that!
So I just picked the sheet up, slumped back in the chair and started trying to learn the fucking things.
Breach of rule five there!
Within ten minutes, I pretty much knew the things and so I sat back in the chair, put my feet up on the bed and let Ro have free reign with my feelings for a bit.
But then I happened to spot myself in the mirror and, in spite of everything, I… like… burst out laughing. I just couldn’t help it.
It was the dress I was wearing!
It was one of those simple, green and white checkered gingham dresses - the kind of thing worn by a certain sort of seven year old girl to school.
Not, of course, seven year old girls whose mothers are basically alcoholics. They just wear the first thing they find in the churn on their bedroom floor.
It was about half an hour later when Git Features reappeared. He flashed the lights and I put the blindfold back on and forced myself into that appalling ‘greeting the master’ kow-tow thing. I guess it wasn’t quite as bad as the first time but it was still pretty sick.
“Good, Babygirl,” he said. “You’re doing very well.”
I suppose that one advantage of having my forehead pressed to the floor was that he couldn’t see me gritting my teeth together as I tried to stop Ro giving him the sort of answer that deserved.
“Ok, you may kneel up,” he told me as he sat down on the chair in front of me.
‘Oh! How frightfully generous of you!’ I managed to stop Ro from snarling at him.
“Off you go, then,” he told me in a cheerful tone that pretty much made me want to throw up. “Show me you’ve learnt them.”
“The first one says I’ve got to do what I’m told,” I began in a sort of flat tone that basically let him know what I felt about the whole thing. “The second, that…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he interrupted me. “Word for word, please, from the top.”
I… like… totally froze. I hadn’t learnt them like that. I mean… I’d never had to learn anything like that.
And now he was bound to do another one of his horrible punishment things to me… and that just seemed so wrong… so totally unfair… after I’d forced myself to do that disgusting kow-tow thing for him. This horrible sort of empty thing opened up in my tummy.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Master,” I stuttered, almost in tears, “I’m sorry… I didn’t learn it like that.” I sort of dropped my forehead back to the floor… like… totally desperate to avoid the worst of his anger.
“Get up Babygirl,” he told me. “Come here.” His tone was so… like… astonishingly gentle that I sort of wanted to start crying again.
I stood up and nervously walked towards him and he swept me up in his arms and sort of snuggled me on his lap. That was too much for me. I was so… like… relieved that he wasn’t going to do another one of his horrible punishment things to me… so grateful, I guess… that I forgot the whole ‘I hate him’ thing and sort of melted onto his shoulder as I collapsed into these totally helpless sobs.
Of course, deep down inside me, Ro was just screaming at me… telling me how I was betraying myself and everything. It was Git Features who had done all the horrible things to me - who had smashed me down so much.
But I just had to tell her to suck it up. I guess I was just so relieved that he wasn’t… like… totally mad at me.
And besides, that snuggle just felt so good.
He waited, gently rubbing my back, until I had halfway pulled myself back together then he asked, “Were you being willfully defiant by not learning them like that, Babygirl?”
“Not really, Master,” I managed to say. “I thought you just…”
“Hush, Babygirl. Just answer my questions. You weren’t being deliberately disobedient or willful so you won’t receive the stress position punishments. I know that you haven’t known me for very long but I promise you that I will never be unfair in that manner.”
I guess that was a sort of relief.
“Now I’m not saying you’ll never be punished for sloppy work… or for biting your nails, a habit that I find infuriating and that I will break…” He firmly took the offending hand and placed it on my lap and then gave me a tiny, little tap on the back of it with a couple of fingers. “But those will just be little reminders, like that slap on the wrist earlier. The stress position punishments will only ever be used for willful misconduct. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Master. Thank you, Master.”
I curled up on his lap, with my head in his neck and my master carried on gently rubbing my back as my sobs gradually died down. Somehow I felt like a very little girl… I mean… I obviously hated that feeling…
But, for some weird reason, I couldn’t help sort of liking it too. I just felt so totally mixed up about everything that he was doing to me.
After a couple of minutes, he kissed me on the top of the head. “Are you ready to go on now?” he asked.
“I think so,” I said with a bit of a sigh.
“OK, down you hop then.” He placed me on my feet and patted me sort of playfully on my bottom. He does that a lot. It’s sort of annoying - but not quite as annoying as I really think it ought to be.