9 - In Love
Chasity stands in the kitchen of her house feeling as though she was just in a tornado or horrific accident. What just happened? She reels through the kiss in the closet. That kiss was so hot. He tasted so good. She closes her eyes remembering his lips touching hers. Then, him saying he loved her resounds in her head. He loves me? That was weird. She suddenly realizes that maybe that was what was wrong with her. I love Tucker? What? She feels confused. Am I? Maybe? She feels all the air leave her body as her feelings hit her like a ton of bricks. He was just here claiming his love and she just let him leave. I’m an idiot!
She realizes she does not have any shoes on as her feet pound against the damp cold grass. “Tucker!” She yells his name as she runs toward his car that is just starting to move. The pavement hurts the soles of her feet as she stops in front of Tucker’s blue jeep moving down the road. His car stops quickly, a few feet from her. She cannot see him with his headlights blaring in her eyes.
She hears his door open followed by his angered voice. “Are you insane? I could have hit you!”
“You’re in love with me?” She still cannot see him through the headlights. But she is too frozen and confused to move. She feels a little angry that he might love her as her feet are being stabbed with small rocks. The quietness stresses her out. She cannot see or hear him. She starts to wonder if he is even still there. “Tucker?”
She sees his shadow move in front of his driver’s side headlight slowly. “I’m here.” He sounds sad almost but soft and loving too. She stands motionless, now a few feet away from him and he is moving extremely slow toward her as if he is in thought. Finally, he speaks. “Yes. I love you.”
Her thoughts are running wild as she tries to grasp what is happening. She wants him to kiss her more than anything but the thought of him leaving to go around the world for the next few years starts to hurt. She hugs herself as if she is cold. She looks away from his dark shadow out onto the darkened lawn she just ran through to get to him. She looks over toward him and can now see his nervous facial features as he stops a few feet from her. “I am mad at you for joining the navy.”
“That makes sense.” She notices a realization cross his face.
"You are leaving after graduation.” She thinks about her being in Florida and him being half way around the world. “This can’t go anywhere.”
“Okay.” Tucker’s tone is sad. The silence is deafening as they both stand looking at each other.
Chasity looks down at her cold bare feet as she feels her nerves increase. “I am in love with you too.”
She feels her heart jump as his lips collide with hers. She never dreamed she would fall for him or him for her. His hands feel so strong holding her up against his body. She feels an electricity flow through her from his lips.
“What are we going to do?” Tucker’s voice cracks as if he is in pain as he breaks their kiss.
Chasity cannot think of any good response. She knows they will both have to go their separate ways. Shrugging her shoulders, she responses quietly with tears breaking from her eyes. “I don’t know.” He steps back away from her and she sees him shove his hands into his jean pockets as she wipes her tears from her cheeks.
After a few moments of silence, she noticed him look down at her bare feet. “Come on.” His words are quiet and sound soft as he picks her up, cradling her in his arms. She feels surprised but excited to be so close to him again. She wraps her arms around his neck and can smell his sweet aroma. She wonders if he had always smelled like that and she just didn’t notice.
He sits her feet down next to his passenger door and her arms break from around his neck. He opens the door for her to get in and she wipes more tears from her cheeks as she begins to comply with his unspoken request. His hand stops her though as it presses on her stomach surprising her. She looks up at him and he suddenly moves towards her lips again. She meets him half way for a kiss and she can feel his intensity as her back hits his car gently. His hands moving on her body makes her want more so she breaks the kiss in the heat of the moment. “Sleep with me.” It sounds more like a command instead of a question like she had intended. She cannot read his expression as she frantically searches his eyes. She feels nervous and hoped he wanted to be with her too.
His small smile, before he kisses her softly, lets her know he wants to sleep with her too and it makes her more nervous that this is about to happen. But where? She does not want to go back in her house with her parents doing the same thing. Gross. She thinks again as their kiss breaks. “Get in.” He holds the door to his car for her and she climbs in the passenger seat.
He holds her hand as they begin to drive and she continues to feel extremely nervous. She had never had sex with anyone but, she knew he had probably many times. What if I am bad at it? She starts to freak herself out just as they pull into the house his party is still occurring at.
The music is loud and Chasity looks over to him wondering why they are back here with all the people. “I don’t have any shoes on.”
“I know.” Tucker hops out and runs around opening Chasity’s door. “Hop on.” He turns his back to her.
She laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Tucker holds her legs as they move towards the house. Instead of entering the front of the house, he passes around toward the back.
He lets her feet drop down on the back porch before opening the door. The March breeze catches her hair wrapping it around her face. She can hear Tucker laugh as his hand moves her hair out of her view. “I have never seen your hair so straight.”
“Hannah gave me a makeover.” She looks down shyly.
Tucker’s tone sounds soft and serious. “I like it.” Chasity looks back up in his eyes. She sees him smile again. “You do have mascara all over your face though.”
She wipes her face making Tucker laugh more. “Here.” He uses his sleeve to wipe her face clean, all while looking flirtatiously at her.
“Thanks.” She feels a pull between them as he looks into her eyes.
Suddenly, she hears laughter making her look inside the house where Carter and Amanda are holding hands trying to come outside. “Happy Birthday.” Carter says to Tucker as Amanda is wrapped around him.
“Thanks.” Tucker says as he moves out of their way to exit.
“Hey Chasity.” Carter says moving past her.
“She looked like a real girl tonight.” Amanda says never looking at her and Chasity knows she is drunk.
“Come on.” She feels Tucker take hold of her hand and gently pull her with him inside. She can see Stormy dancing with someone else.
She yanks her hand from Tucker’s hand. “What are we doing?”
“Going up stairs.” Tucker looks at her for a minute and she cannot tell what he is thinking.
“What about Stormy?”
“What about her?” Tucker looks blankly at Chasity.
“Is she not here with you?”
“Not really. She drove herself and I ditched her to come find you earlier.” He takes her hand again. She gladly follows him upstairs and into a bedroom.
He can’t explain his feelings as he lays next to Chasity in bed. What had just happened was amazing. More amazing than he ever knew was possible. He looks over at Chasity who seems awkwardly silent. “Are you okay?” He sits up on his side so he can see her eyes.
She briefly looks at him. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
He can tell she feels uncomfortable. He slides his hand up onto one of her breasts making her jump. “Is this weird?”
“Yes!” She looks at him as she speaks and her response makes him laugh. “Do you not feel really weird about this. I mean, we are friends and I have never, like never, thought about you this way or ever saw this coming.”
“I have always heard friends make the best couples.”
“Stop touching my boob.” She pushes his hand off her breast as she sits up grabbing her shirt and quickly puts it on.
Tucker suddenly feels confused. “Sorry.”
“We should not have done that.” Chasity’s words sting.
“I’m dating Trevor.” She quickly pulls on her pants. “And maybe I had too much to drink.” He did taste some alcohol on her when he kissed her but she was not drunk.
“I have seen you when you had too much to drink. You are completely sober.” He sits up feeling confused and wounded. He finds his clothes and begins putting them back on. “And you just started dating Trevor a few days ago. It isn’t like you’re exclusive.” He feels anger growing in him.
“He at least deserves a chance.”
“What about me?” He stops putting his clothes on waiting for her response.
She never looks at him as she speaks moving toward the door. “This was a mistake.”
Her words break his heart. He knows she is lying. He runs over in front of her before she reaches the door. “No, it wasn’t.” She avoids his eye contact. “Why are you being so hurtful? I know it isn’t because you’re on your period now.”
“Please just take me home.”
He stands there silent as he tries to understand what is wrong with her. It hurts him that she asked for this but seems to be regretting it. He moves out of her way and finishes dressing. She stands quietly by the door as she waits on him. He needs an explanation. “Why did you run after me when I left your house and tell me you loved me back and wanted to sleep with me if none of it was true?”
She looks up at him finally and he sees sadness in her eyes. “I do love you and I did want this but you leave in two months. Who knows when I will see you again? This was a mistake because now I feel more attached to you. Someone I can’t be with.”
“But you can be with me.”
“I don’t want to be your flavor of the month.”
“You’re not.” He did not think about her that way at all. He never cared for those other girls and certainly never felt about them the way he does for her. “You’re different.”
“How?” She looks disgusted with him.
“Because I love you. I never loved any of them.”
“You never told one of them that you loved them?”
“No.” He sits down on the bed. “I never slept with any of them either.”
“What?” He hears the surprise in Chasity’s voice. “I thought...”
“No.” He looks at her remembering the pincushion remark she made a few days ago. She moves over and sets down by him on the bed with her mouth still looking surprised. He smiles at how cute she looks.
“I always thought you were just screwing them and then dumping them.”
“No. I just assumed. I do not know. You just shuffle through girls so much.” He is not sure what to say so he sits silently. “Were you being real when you said you loved me?”
“Yes. Were you not?” He looks at her wondering why she would think he would lie to her about that.
“I was. I just never realized I cared about you like this.”
“I know me either. But I think I always loved you and I knew in the back of my head. I just dated all the other girls to pass the time. I did not really care about any of them. It never really clicked until tonight how I felt. Well, actually I guess Monday is when I started to get it because the thought of you with Marcus pissed me off.”
He notices her blush. “We made out after the movies when he and I rode together. I was pissed off at you for ditching me that night. It didn’t mean anything.”
“What about Trevor?” He feels jealousy creep in as he says Trevor’s name.
She looks down at her hands in her lap twisting them around. “He is really sweet.”
“Are you serious about giving him a chance?” He feels knots in his stomach as he remembers Trevor’s arms on her.
“Why not? He is going to Florida State too. It isn’t like you will be here.”
It pisses him off suddenly that he will be leaving her soon. He wants to ask her to wait for him but 4 years is a long time. “I will be the next two months.” He is not sure what he is offering.
Her eyes lock with his and he feels his heart melt. “What does that mean?”
He shrugs his shoulders unsure of anything except the fact that he wants to spend every minute with her. “We can be together.”
“And then what?” She seems confused and a little angry with him.
“Then we will just see where we are at that point.”
Her silence stresses him out. He tries to read her thoughts as her eyes stay with his but he can’t. He feels his heart leap as she finally responds. “I will do it. As long as no one else knows.”
“You want us to be a secret?” He is not sure he likes the idea.
“Yes. I don’t want everyone to know, especially not our parents.”
“I guess I can live with that. What about Trevor?”
“We aren’t exclusive remember. I can get away from him easily. You’re the one that will look suspicious without a flavor of the month.”
“What are you saying?” He thinks he knows what she means but he is not sure.
“Maybe you should keep Stormy around.”
He feels mad at the suggestion. “No. I just want to be with you.”
“So, we go on some double dates or out in groups. That way we can be together and no one will suspect because we are best friends.”
“Why do we have to be secretive?” Now he feels a little offended.
“I don’t want anyone thinking I am your flavor of the month. And if our parents found out, we would get supervised constantly. It would get weird.”
“So, obviously the best option is for us to pretend to date other people.” He is being sarcastic and he knows she notices his anger.
She smiles at him before kissing his lips softly. “Obviously.” She removes her top and straddles him so that her naked breasts are just below his chin. He cannot seem to stay mad with her breasts out.
“I guess I can live with that.” He wraps his arms around her warm skin pulling her close to him.