You believe him to be the love of your life. What if he is not? What if you are wrong?
I was left alone in a highly decorated room with all kinds of flowers. It was my wedding night. The clock showed 7 pm. It was an arranged marriage, and I didn’t know this man before. I was kind of nervous to be in the same room with a stranger... or should I say... my husband? I noticed the king-sized bed in the room was highly decorated. I have never understood the concept of decorating the bed with flowers. It just made me more anxious. There were some fruits and sweets neatly arranged on a plate kept at the nearby table and a glass of milk for my husband which is also on the table. As I didn’t want to destroy those decorations, I sat on the edge of the bed and I started thinking.
I reminisced about the moments when I dream about how my marriage should happen and how I imagined my life with my future husband. But when you think of having an apple, life gives you a lemon which is what exactly happened in my life. I didn’t know anything about the person whom I married. I just saw him once before marriage. I didn’t even know what was his name or what he was doing… nothing.
You might ask me how could I marry him without knowing anything about him, that’s the beauty of arranged marriage. If both the families liked each other then the marriage will happen for sure. If the boy and girl wants, they can get to know each other in the limited time they have been given. This marriage was held without my consent. I just said yes for the sake of my parents. They have been through a lot because of me. I didn’t want to be a burden to them anymore. So I didn’t show any interest to get to know him. As a result, I was sitting in that room anxiously waiting to see what happens next in my life’s chapter.
While I was thinking, I heard that someone’s opening the door, entering the room, and closing the door. While this happened, I just sat there unmoving like a statue without knowing what to do. I didn’t even care to see who was coming inside. ‘Hopefully, I think it’s my husband.’ He walked towards the bed and sat on the other edge of the bed. Even now I didn’t raise my head to see him. There was a silence between the two of us. Each of us didn’t know what to talk about and how to start.
After a few minutes of silence, he tried to talk but he couldn’t. He was stammering. I can’t believe that he came here drunk. For the first time, I raised my head to see him with a disgusted look.
I think he understood my look and said “yes I am drunk. My friends forced me to, as it was my wedding night.” I didn’t say anything back.
After a few minutes “okay that’s enough. Remove your clothes and lie down I will finish whatever I have to do,” he said in a tone of annoyance.
I was shocked to hear this. I was looking at him questioningly ‘is he talking for sure or is this some kind of stupid prank?’ The way he looked at me I can see that he was damn serious.
I didn’t know what to do next. Is this what I expected? Hell no. I was about to burst into tears with this unexpected statement from a stranger who happens to be my husband. I just sat there without even moving an inch planning what to do next.
I guess he was annoyed that I didn’t react the way he wants to. So he came closer to me and tried to touch me. I didn’t want him to touch me, so I ran away from him.
I ran towards the wardrobe that was in the corner of the room. He hesitated for a second by looking at my reaction but then he decided the other way around and started walking towards me. This time he blocked the way with his hands on both sides so that I couldn’t run away from him again. He was very close to me that I can feel his breath on my neck. In my ears, the words he said, hit me like thunder.
Those words have the power to take away the hope of someone who is like to live in the fantasy world of love. “see I don’t have time for your drama, and I don’t know what you have dreamt about this life with me but remember this I don’t make love to you and I don’t want that. I just want to fuck you for the sake of my family so that you will give my parents a grandchild and they will stop nagging me about how beautiful life is after marriage. There ends my job and I can live my life however I like,” he said angrily because I wasn’t complying with his decision.
That’s when I knew even he was not interested in this marriage as well and he was forced to marry me. Whatever the reason could be, that doesn’t give him the right to behave like this to a girl.
If it were a different situation and different person I would have made him realize his mistake and make him never come near me again but that was different. He was my husband, and he has all the rights to touch me. It’s just… it was not what I expected when I entered this life. After all, I was just another girl who read lots of romance novels and lives in a fantasy world. And I realized my stupidity then.
I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. As I was doing nothing other than standing there shocked, he lost his patience and started kissing me forcefully. I pushed him away, sat there on the floor, and started crying more, thinking why it was happening to me like this. I guess he didn’t like the sight of me crying. After that, he didn’t compel me and rushed out of the room angrily.
I sat on the floor and cried thinking about my future with that person. How am I going to lead a life with this kind of person after this? I lost all the hope. It felt like my life came to an end. I strongly believed that sex was an outcome of unconditional love. We must cherish one another to make love to each other. Sex is not just fucking, it should be the combination of love, lust, respect, and care you have for one another. Of course in an arranged marriage, you can’t get these on the first day itself. So, you give each other some time to understand and fall in love. That’s what I thought… that he will give me TIME.
It was about 11 pm, the door opened again. It was him. He came inside without even able to stand properly. I believe he went and had some more to drink. I was scared to see him again. What if he tries to pull that stunt again? But he didn’t seem to notice me. He went straight to bed and slept. I didn’t even have the strength to cry anymore. I lied down on the very place like a fetus in the womb folding my legs, bending my back, and folding my hands. I was tired, but I kept my eyes open for any danger. Lost in my thoughts I didn’t know when I drifted off to sleep.
I didn’t know how long I slept there like that, after some time I felt like I was floating in the air and I felt someone’s touch. It didn’t feel like a dream. So I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t open them because of all that crying. I could feel my eyes burning and puffy making them hard to open and my head is throbbing with pain. But I could make out that someone was carrying me.
I tried hard and opened my eyes. The image was blurred at first because of all that crying and I was sleepy too. I closed my eyes to adjust to the light and opened my eyes again. Indeed, I was unable to believe what I was seeing.
My drunken husband… he was carrying me in his hands. I tried to free myself, but I was unable to fight against him. I was half sleepy and half tired to use more strength to push him away. So I decided to do nothing and let him carry me wherever it was. I was barely in the right mind to think about what he was going do to me.
I looked at his face to find any reason why he was carrying me and where to. Noticing I was awake, he looked down at me with concern. For a second, our eyes locked with each other. I was staring at his eyes until he reached the bed.
He smiled at me and said, “I AM SORRY.” He then puts me down on the bed, caressed my cheeks and kissed my forehead, and said “GOOD NIGHT.” I drifted off to sleep as if I was dreaming.