You believe him to be the love of your life. What if he is not? what if you are wrong?
Today is my wedding night. the clock shows at 7 pm. This is an arranged marriage. I don't know this man before. I am kind of nervous to be in the same room with a stranger... or what should I say... my husband? I noticed the bed in the room was highly decorated with flowers, there are some fruits and sweets kept in the table and a glass of milk for my husband which is also in the table. As I don’t wanna destroy those decorations I sat on the edge of the bed and I started thinking.
I remember how I dreamt my marriage should have happened and how I Imagined my life with my future husband. But when you think of having an apple, life gives you a lemon which is what exactly happened in my life. I don’t know anything about the person whom I married. I just saw him once before marriage. I don’t know what’s his name, what’s he doing… nothing. You can ask how could I marry him without knowing anything about him, that’s the beauty of arranged marriage. if both the families like each other then the marriage will happen for sure. If the boy and girl wants, they can get to know each other in the limited time they have been given. This marriage was held without my consent. I just said yes for the sake of my parents. They have been through a lot because of me. I don’t wanna be a burden to them anymore. So I didn’t show any interest to get to know him. Now I am sitting in this room anxiously waiting to see what happens next in my life’s chapter.
While I was thinking, I heard that someone’s opening the door, entering the room and closing the door. While this happens I am sitting here like a statue without knowing what to do. I didn’t even care to see who is coming inside. Hopefully, I think it’s my husband. He walked towards the bed and sat on the other edge of the bed. Even now I didn’t raise my head to see him. There was a silence between the two of us. Each of us didn’t know what to talk and how to start.
After a few minutes of silence, he tried to talk but he couldn’t. he was stammering. I can’t believe that he came here drunk. For the first time, I raised my head to see him with a disgusted look. I think he understands my look and said “ yes I am drunk. My friends forced me to, as it was my wedding night”. I didn’t say anything back. After a few minutes “ okay that’s enough. Remove your clothes and lie down I will finish whatever I have to do” he said in a tone of annoyance. I was shocked to hear this. I was looking at him questioningly “is he talking for sure or is this some kind of stupid prank? The way he is looking at me I think he is damn serious. I don’t know what to do now. Is this what I expected? Hell no. I was about to burst into tears with this unexpected statement from a stranger who happens to be my husband. I just sat there without even moving an inch planning what to do next. Now he is really annoyed that I didn’t react the way he wants to. So he came closer to me and tried to touch. I didn't want him to touch me so I ran away from him.
I literally ran towards the wardrobe that was in the corner of the room. He hesitates for a second by looking at my reaction but then he decides the other way around and started walking towards me. This time he blocks the way with his hands on both the sides so that I can’t run away. He was very close to me that I can feel his breath in my neck. In my ears, the words he said, hit me like a thunder. Those words have the power to take away the hope of someone who is like to live in the fantasy world of love. “ see I don’t have time for your drama, I don’t know what you have dreamt about this life with me but remember this I don’t make love to you and I don’t want that. I just wanna fuck you for the sake of my family so that you will give my parents a grandchild and they will stop nagging me about how beautiful life is after marriage. There ends my job and I can live my life however I want” he said these angrily because I am not complying with his decision.
That’s when I know even he is not interested in this marriage and he was forced to marry me. Whatever the reason could be, that doesn’t give him the right to behave like this to a girl. If it was a different situation and different person I would have made him realize his wrong and never come near me again but this is different. He is my husband and he has all the rights to touch me. It’s just… it’s not what I expected when I entered this life. I am just another girl who reads lots of romance novels and live in a fantasy world. I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. Tears started rolling down on my cheeks. As I was doing nothing other than standing there shocked, he lost his patience and started kissing me forcefully. I pushed him away, sat there on the floor and started crying more, thinking why it’s happening to me like this. He didn’t like the sight of me crying. After that he also didn’t wanna compel me, so he rushed outside the room angrily.
I sat crying and thinking about my life after that. How am I gonna lead a life with this kind of person after this? I lost all the hope. It feels like my life ended here. I strongly believed that sex is an outcome of unconditional love. We must cherish one another to make love to each other. Sex is not just fucking, it should be the combination of love, lust, respect and care you have for one another. Of course in arranged marriage you can’t get these on the first day itself. So, you give one another some time to understand and fall in love with each other. That’s what I thought… that he will give me TIME. it was about 11 pm, the door opened again. It was him. He came inside without even able to stand properly. I believe he went and had some more to drink. I was scared to see him again. What if he tries that again? But he didn’t seem to notice me. He went straight to bed and slept. Now I don’t even have the strength to cry. I lay there like a fetus in the womb folding my legs, bending my back and folding my hands. While I lay there crying and lost in my own thoughts I drifted off to sleep.
I don’t know how long I slept there like that, after some time I feel like I was floating in the air. I feel someone’s touch. I don’t think I am dreaming So I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t because of all that crying. I can feel my eyes burning and it’s puffy and my head is throbbing with pain. I can feel someone is carrying me. I tried really hard and opened my eyes. The image was blurry at first because I was sleepy and I cried all night. I close my eyes to adjust to the light and opened my eyes again. Even I can’t believe what I am seeing right now. My husband… he was carrying me in his hands. I was not able to fight against him. I am half sleepy and half tired to push him away. So I decided to do nothing and let him carry me wherever it was. I was not even in the right mind to think what’s he gonna do to me. I looked at his face to find any reason why he is carrying me and where to. Now that I am awake he looked down at me with concern. For a second our eyes locked with each other. I was staring at his eyes until he reaches the bed. He smiled at me and said, “I AM SORRY”. He then puts me down on the bed, caressed my cheeks and kissed my forehead and said “GOOD NIGHT”. I drifted off to sleep as if I was dreaming.