These are the only letters I have from the past which tell me something of who I might be. These letters explain somewhat to me where I came from and everything that has since happened in my own life. The trafficking of myself and my sister into some sort of servitude and slavery has made us the unique caseload whom everyone must see. What does happen when children are brought into the world only to be consumed in some flesh eating manner? The thing is when I was young somehow this nearly happened. We as the exact mirror image of a wealthy happening but no legal ties because nobody would own us come to us and be within the confines of us made me the villain I am today.
That we do not matter to anyone but that our labour is the only thing that counts towards the costs of our upbringing we are still paying.
Post marked 1953 in Cyprus between the two houses which crossed the frontier. An over worked doctor and a maid who did all sorts of work.
My dear Sue this is what happened is it not strange?
They came in the dark when there was no lamp post and left in the dark and nobody robbed them nor murdered them but the little house with not much money got robbed and broken into all the time. It does not make sense does it?
Mother is well in fact other than that you are away. I am in that stupid hospital doing the incurables. I have no other worry. But come back to come back in one peace and the quietness of the nights might be forever loud.
My dear it is over for us here in this little town there is a murderer a madman running wild adding to the uneasy feeling that we are all doomed. It is no longer the Greeks and the uneasy situation between them and the Brits but the whole town is gone mad. I have seen so many cases of knife crimes and they tally a lot adding to the workload. My darling give me a photo something to please my eye and make me forget the whole damn sceptic feel.
Posted marked Janurary 1954.
Dear Doctor little my man the apple of me and the core of me.
The stranger things have happened here but there is no way it could be happening is there that auntie had been done in her throat slit and her tongue ripped? I think it must have been a mistake a misunderstanding what could be the reason? I am sorry the thing is too cruel the thing is such cruelty and disdainful I am sorry to burden you with the details of such mad acts of inhumanity.
Yes I agree there is a madman around what to say when there is not enough to speak about the nightmares continue I keep on having these every night that we might not be right for each other that we might never become one.
I am writing you this letter because you asked me to because my grammar is atrocious. Look how well I speak now thanks to you. Your mother has talked about adopting me when I graduate from college and I do my homework all the time now. I am learning to read in French and Turkish is the language of the other and I am thankful that music has entered my life. I think I can safely say that by next year I might be able to be proud and good. Hope to see you your little angel.
Post marked early Feb 1954
Dear little girl,
I am working so hard. What strange thinking what a strange thing to believe now behave there is nothing going to happen that is not right we have done nothing wrong robbed nobody and given no cause or hope. You belong to me and that is how it shall be. I am tired my dear there is so much to see to. In the surgery and at the hospital where there are many many patients and only two doctors. I cannot get rid of the pangs of sorrow that I am not enough for them all. I worked in the last week seventy hours. It is enough to drive me mad. I am often called when women go into labour no midwife there is not enough midwives and the doctors do not take to that job. I am beside myself how to deliver babies safely.
Post marked late February 1954
Do not despair it is enough to bring me to my knees. Look take yourself out have lunch with your tardy friends and make them understand. It is always wise to make them understand people are never unreasaonable. They have reason by their side.
Your loving angel.
Post marked the next day.
Darling do you think it is wise to do such a thing to me as I am the lad the jack the lad and my table manners are not that good. The thing is how innocent you are how honest. I am a pig my dear it is unusual so no more saying that I have lunch outside of them eyes.
Post marked early march 1954
My dear it is me again.
I am here for you if ever you need me to say something but be other than amusing. At your mother’s Ladies were gambling away when they begin to talk and that is it they always talking they were heavily talcum powdered. I felt their gel and their envy at my youth. It has been so hot with the heatwave. For a fact in Cyprus and all these ladies were in some cohorts with the presidents. Bored women wives bored to their core. I will rather die than be bored. Eventually their boredom led them to say things which they were not in the style of saying and they did things which they should never ever have.
The end result was they did a prank. I do not know what unkind thinking is but there is nothing more distressing than to be a brunt of such prank. They dressed me up and educated me to behave like Eliza. Who was Eliza I could not find out. Until too late. I am in love and nothing will change that. Even if we do not marry we have each other.
Post marked early april 1954
Your mother found out I am serious about you. She found your letters when she was searching my room. I told her not to come into my room in the future I will bury them in a box so that she might never find them.
Post marked early april 1954
My darling my mother should never have done that. I am very annoyed but that is mother becareful in the future. Must dash there is a meeting to train more midwives and there are a few possible candidates.
Wear your little lace and I will come again to untie them.
Darling april 1954
Just a note.
After last night I am all yours.
Marry me make me the happiest man alive.
May 1st 1954
Darling I found out that it was all a prank a joke they played us to make their boredom go.
Found out who Bernard Shaw was Pymallion and that sort of thing what a fool I am we are.
May 29 54
Darling it has given me grave concern my career can be unmade in a instant this is not nice this is not right. I had to think feel my way round of course what is done cannot be undone and we must now show our love openly to the world so that we can mature in it. The time is not right for me to wed because I am already married with two children but have spoken to her and she agrees it is over with that marriage and I am a free to be with you.
May 30 54
I have done impossible deeds to be with you and now my reward is this that you give up your rich wife for me? What will we live on? Who will worry about the money I have no money and nor do you it has been so foolish to have been found out.
June 12 54
I am coming and there is no mistaking my intentions it is over your virginity and there is nothing the matter with the reward.
June 13 54
I have nothing on offer my darling there is not much of me left I was a servant remember and that is what I am a whore.
June 14 54
I do not believe you.
June 30 54
My darling my dear I am yours if ever you need me to behave but that I do have a past and no future I am being honest now totally honest.
Then I will show you what everyone knows I am not a virgin I had not been one for years there. I was educated in order to amuse and that is what I am.
July 1 54
An educated whore there is this trifle I am not a man to be made mocked or had fun with I know you are honest and innocent mother cannot have brought such a witch as you.
July 3 1954
I am this innocent naive your mother runs a gaming house and that is a fact you know how does she get them in?
Have you thought about that how she brings in the clients? Did it ever occur to you that education is expensive that the house you have is expensive to run and all on that pension which your dad has and the club he lives in? Are you destitute of sense and reason?
July 30 54
Darling? You are a romantic whore.
Ps We will get married because you are pregnant.