Say Anything Else
The letter sat there as I couldn't help to just stare at it. I didn't want to touch it, but I knew that I would have to read it. The dress I thought was enough. Didn't that bring back the memories that were so dear to us? Was a letter necessary on top of that? I slowly walk toward it and hastily picked it up. It was a delicate letter that had little flowers around the border. I wondered where he would have gotten such stationary, much too feminine for him to have unless it bought it especially for this. I turned it over and gently tugged it seal open. I could imagine him licking the envelope before putting it in his pocket to bring it over here. I wondered what his expression was. My room was so dark I could barely see what it said, but I didn't want to turn on my lights. If I did, I was sure that Aly would rush up here and ask what was going on. His handwriting was one that I could recognize anywhere.
I can't say sorry to you, can I? I know an apology wouldn't nearly cover all the pain that I have put you through, so I just am writing you to explain myself. After all that happened, I couldn't leave things how they were before you left for school. You are the most beautiful person that I have ever met in my life, and I'm sorry that I can't allow myself to marry someone as amazing as you. I'm sure you don't want to hear anything from me, but please just let me get this out. You have shown me what love is and what it feels like to be loved. Every time I was around you, I could feel what true love was. We had the love that we couldn't describe to anyone else.
So, I returned the dress to you that we wore when we set in stone how true our love was. All the times we had were amazing. However, you deserve so much better than me. I had to tell you that I didn't love you because I knew that you shouldn't love me. You may think that I make no sense, and it may be true that I don't. You love me, but you don't know who I truly am. I will never be able to tell you anything about the true me. Our relationship was real, but I was always holding back parts about me. I couldn't do it to you anymore. So you must let me go. This dress and letter were just given to you to help you remember our good times together, final memories. Hopefully, you can remember them, but at the same time move on into the future. You have such a bright one ahead of you. I hope to never cause you anymore pain.
I felt like I was sitting in a puddle after I had finished reading the letter. As I was reading his words, I could hear his voice so perfectly in my head. It was almost as he was whispering the words straight into my ear. I felt like my tears would not be stopping anytime soon, and I looked down on the sheet of paper only to see the words starting to smudge. If anything the letter only made it worse. He didn't make any sense; he was my rock. I always believed that we could make it through anything. What was I supposed to do with the dress now? I glanced over to it, and it seemed to be calling me.
I'm going to put it on one last time, then I am getting rid of it, I thought. I slowly slipped out of bathing suit top and threw it on the floor. When I touched the dress again, the memories didn't flow back this time. I would try to put this behind me. I quickly got into it and didn't even try to mess with the zipper. His scent was overpowering. I couldn't help to break down and cry. I flopped onto my bed and decided just to let the tears flow. I promised myself this would be the last time I cried for Henry Owens.
The silky dress gently fell from my fingers onto Estelle's bed. I softly placed the note I wrote her on the dress making sure that she would see it. I knew that I had to do this; however, something inside of me was telling me it was the wrong thing to do. All around me I could smell Estelle. I felt slightly creepy being in her room without her here. Actually, I'd only been into Estelle's room once before in the whole time that we were dating because her parents were so strict, and her brother so overprotective. The one time was when I had snuck in, and we got caught. There was a growing pile of school supplies for college in the corner, but other than that it hadn't changed a bit.
All of the sudden, I heard giggling and whispering. I rushed over to the curtains over by the balcony window. Thankfully, Estelle's room faced out toward the street, so no one would shout up at me from the party. I could teleport away, but I wanted to see her reaction. My obsession once again getting the better of me. The giggling abruptly stopped as she saw the pink, fluffy dress lying there on her bed. I was wondering all the thoughts that were running through her head, but I wasn't able to read her mind. I wondered if they were the same as mine. If she smiled, I probably couldn't stop myself from going on there and kissing her. However, then I noticed someone I hadn't before. She wasn't alone. A very disoriented, half-naked Ethan standing in awe in the doorway. His lips and cheeks were still red from them kissing. I was more jealous than I ever had been in my life.
Ethan, however, somberly walked out of the room. First, he gave her a peck on the cheek. I wanted to follow him, tell him to leave her alone, but I knew that was no longer my place. He wasn't the one that had hurt her. He was completely innocent other than the weird association with Estelle's dad. My attention quickly shifted back to Estelle, who was grasping the dress and sobbing. I saw the note sitting on the ground. I was honestly surprised. I hadn't predicted that she would act in this way. Every time I saw the dress, even after we broke up, all I could do is smile. I will never forget the way she looked on that day. It could be classified as the best day of my life, and to top it all off we found the spot that we shared only a thousand more amazing moments.
I was caught out of my thoughts as I heard a scream only to be followed the dress to be flown across the room. It must have been with such force that the lamp on her bedside table was knocked down with it. I would be surprised if the sound wasn't heard from the open window. I looked outside and didn't see anyone rushing to their cars. The music was still pumping as much as before. Aly sure knew how to throw an awesome party. Instead of letting Estelle enjoy it, I was making her go through more anger and misery. It was the most stupid thing that I have done to date so far. I should stop getting involved.
If I was smart, I would have left her alone a long time ago. I couldn't even watch her read the note. Of course, I wasn't hoping she would never have to. I imagined her wearing the dress, and we could dance around her room together. It didn't bring back the good for her, only the bad. I wanted for us to be normal, but I should have known we could never be. Not with super pills, not ever. Just then she slowly slipped out of her bathing suit top. I couldn't help but to stare at her one more time. I remembered every curve that she had as her body as glowed in the moonlight. She slipped on the dress with what seemed to be pain in her face. It still didn't even begin to zip up, and she didn't even bother this time.
Tears once again started to flow her. I had never seen her crying because of me. It hurt, and maybe if I had seen this a little while ago I would have left her alone. As she laid there bawling, I stepped out from behind the curtain. Again, whenever she was upset, I felt like I had to comfort her. I gently touched her open back. Her sobbing only slowed down slightly as she looked up at me. By the look in her eyes, she must have believed that I was only a hallucination. Her voice cracked, but the words were clear. "Goodbye, Henry." Several tears fell from her eyes, and then there was a knock on the door. I quickly ran behind the curtain.
"Come in." Estelle tried to brush away her tears, so it looked like nothing had happened.
Aly walked in and paused once she got inside. She stared down the dress, and Estelle's tear-stained face. Aly had a slightly disappointed look on her face.
"Don't worry. It was the last time I will ever..." Her words trailed off, as Aly still shook her head.
"Estelle, I mean-" She was speechless as well. "I organize a huge party for you to just blow off and sit up here and cry. Everyone is worried sick about you. You are making a fool of yourself and you know-." Aly was angrier than I had seen her in a while. I didn't realize that this was also putting a strain on their friendship.
Estelle interrupted her. "Aly, he brought me a note." Aly stopped her rant.
She walked over to Estelle. "He never seems to stop leaving you reminders, does he?"
Estelle just shook her head and burrowed her head in Aly's arm. "Shh.." Aly tried to calm her down like a child. "As you said, this is the last time you will ever even think of that bastard."
Hearing this I knew it had to be. I could never see her again.