Oakleaf Academy For Boys (BxB)

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nine

“You’re kidding.”

Benji shook his head, still trembling from the recent experience. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Diesel had hugged him. Everything he’d heard about the ruthless beast had completely disintegrated in those short moments of intimacy. Diesel had a heart, and however black and rotten it may be, it was still beating.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Benji murmured. He knew he was acting pathetic, but the experience had set off a trigger within him. Despite not having to actually do anything too scarring, his entire body shook with the memory of his father.

Lucky nodded in understanding, taking a loud sip from his juice. “Hey, Steel finally let me move my mattress out of the bathroom.” He announced happily, his mood picking up. “I don’t have to listen to that dripping tap all night long anymore.”

Benji smiled faintly, but his mind was elsewhere. Just as he was about to craft a halfhearted response, a pair of hands were being slammed down onto the table. Diesel towered above them, his stony mismatched eyes watching them menacingly. All of the warmth Benji had experienced back in that storage cupboard had disappeared. He was cold and intimidating once more. The entire table had vibrated with the force of his weight, sending their food jumping a millimetre into the air.

“Hey, next time, maybe you could just say hi instead of—ah!” Lucky winced as Benji’s foot collided with his shin beneath the table.

“Who’s the smurf?” Diesel scoffed before turning towards Benji, “You got something for me, Pup?”

Benji nodded stiffly and handed over his pudding cup. Diesel smiled sweetly; the fake, artificial smile Benji hated. Not the small, genuine one he’d seen earlier. He then leant forward to ruffle both the boys’ hair before nicking Lucky’s pudding too and taking off.

“Hey! I was gonna eat that!” Lucky called after him in annoyance, pouting stubbornly. Benji watched Diesel walk away, his vision fogged over, his mind blurry with confusion. Lucky just stared at his friend, his brows furrowing with concern, “Dude, are you like...dissociating or some shit?”

Benji blinked and forced his eyes onto Lucky, “N-No.” He breathed out timidly. “I think I’m gonna go.”

Lucky grabbed his sleeve roughly before he could make a move to stand up, “Hey, Pup, I don’t think you should be alone right now. You’re freaking me out a little.”

“I’m fine.” Benji made another move to get up, but Lucky’s firm grip remained.

“No, you’re not.” He snapped. “Benj, you’re always weirdly chirpy and optimistic and now you look like you’ve just seen someone murder a kitten. What’s going on?”

“I just need to lay to down.” He uttered.

“Is this about Diesel?” He questioned, his hand not leaving Benji’s wrist. “It’s not like he actually made you do anything, right? He let you off, Pup. That’s a good thing.”

“You don’t understand—”

“Benji—”

“Please.” He begged desperately, tears starting to well in his eyes before he could stop them. “Please, Lucky.” He whispered. “I need to get out of here.”

Lucky’s striking grey orbs widened in alarm and he hastily loosened his hold. Before he could even process the situation, Benji had fled, his head bowed in defeat. Lucky watched him go, his lips parted, his eyes wide and concerned. He decided he needed to get out of that stuffy cafeteria too and neglected the rest of his food. After clearing both his and Benji’s trays, he exited the canteen with a sullen expression, heading straight back to his dorm room.

His roommate was absent when he arrived, so he occupied himself with a book. He hated reading, but him and Benji would usually hang out in the evenings between supper and lights out. He contemplated going over to his room to check up on him, but thought better of it. Whatever was going on with him, it was clear that he didn’t want Lucky’s help. Plus, he had Kit, and however scary the boy seemed, he was always there for Benji, like a protective older brother.

When the door swung open, Lucky leapt up in excitement, “Thank fuck, you’re here!” He exclaimed. “I’m bored as hell.”

Steel snorted and slammed the door behind him, “Did you forgot the part about how we’re not friends?”

“But we live together.” Lucky tried to reason.

“So? My parents live together and they hate each other.”

“Oh c’mon, Steel. Entertain me, I’m bored!”

“Fucking hell, you sound like a toddler.” Steel rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Go bother someone else.”

“I can’t! Benji’s all depressed and miserable because Diesel tried to get him to suck someone’s cock and now he’s—”

“Wait, what did you just say?” Steel froze, his dark eyes narrowing suspiciously, “He tried?”

Lucky shrugged, “Yeah, I guess he changed his mind or something at the last minute.”

Sebastian shook his head, a strand of hazel hair falling into his face, “Diesel doesn’t just change his mind.”

“Does it matter?” Lucky asked quizzically. “Either way, Benji’s distraught. Have you ever sucked a dick before?”

Sebastian’s entire body tensed as he cast his eyes onto Lucky, shooting him daggers with his threatening glare. ”What?”

“I’ve only ever gone down on girls before. I didn’t realise cocks were so terrifying. I just wanna gain an understanding, so I know how to help Benji.”

Sebastian took an unconscious step forwards, his fists clenched at his sides, “What makes you think I’ve ever had another guy’s dick in my mouth?” He spat.

Lucky’s gaze flicked to Steel’s bed involuntarily before returning to the looming figure above him. “It was just a question.” He replied innocently. “It’s not anything, y’know, specific to you—”

“Well, stop asking dumb questions.” Steel barked.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I just meant—”

“Jesus, Blue, stop forgetting the fact that we are not friends. Alright?”

Lucky grunted in frustration, “Why not?” He complained like a small child begging their parents for ice cream. “Can’t you at least pretend to like me since we live together?”

“No.” Sebastian scoffed.

"Why?”

“Because I don’t like you, Blue!”

“And yet, you have your very own nickname just for me. So, yeah it’s pretty clear how much you obviously despise—”

Sebastian slammed him against the wall, his rage bubbling over. He wanted to hit him. And if Lucky didn’t remind him of Alex so much, maybe he would. He’d have beaten him until he couldn’t stand. Until blood drenched his clothes and bruises littered his body. But he couldn’t. Because all he could see was his dead boyfriend.

“Why aren’t you doing anything?” Lucky spat through clenched teeth, watching the figure above him freeze up and zone out. “Just hit me. Do it.”

“Fuck it, Seb. Just do it!”

Sebastian stood over the bed, tears streaming down his cheeks, his fingers knotted into his boyfriend’s curls. He’d withered away to nothing. His skin was pale, his lips were chapped, his cheeks were hollowed. “I can’t!”

Alex squeezed his eyes tightly shut, before opening them once more, revealing sharp green eyes. They hadn’t dulled a bit. “Please.” He begged, his voice worn down to a mere whisper, “Please, Seb. It hurts. Everything hurts, you have to help me.”

“No.” Sebastian growled angrily. “No, I’m not helping you kill yourself, Alex!”

Alex sniffed and buried his face in his hands, rustling the tubes stemming from his arm, “You don’t understand.” He whimpered. “I’ll be dead by the end of the week anyway! Just help me make it painless!”

“No!”

“Sebastian—”

“I love you, Alex.” He whispered, “I love you so fucking much and I’m not about to kill someone I care about.”

“You won’t be killing me!” Alex promised. “I’ll do it myself, I just need you to get me the pills. They’ll put me to sleep.”

“They’ll put you to sleep forever.” He corrected bitterly.

“It’s better than letting the cancer do it!”

“How?” Sebastian snapped. “Alex, I could go to prison for this, euthanasia is fucking illegal.”

“It’s not like we’ve never broken the law before.” He pleaded, wincing slightly as he tried to move into a sitting position. “I’ll make sure it can’t be tracked back to you, I swear—”

“You can’t promise that.” Sebastian hissed. “And I don’t care. I’m not doing it.”

Alex reached out to grab Sebastian’s wrist, forcing their eyes to meet. Both boys were deflated and pumped with sadness, their eyes red, their cheeks wet. “Please.” Alex uttered. “If you loved me, you’d let me do this. I’m suffering, Seb.”

Sebastian watched his boyfriend with foggy eyes, his heart pulsating agonisingly. He wanted to help. Whatever Alex wanted, he’d do it. But kill him? He wasn’t sure. Alex was miserable, his pain was unbearable and sticking around for the mere sake of it was pointless. If he wanted to die and get it over with, then Sebastian couldn’t object. He just couldn’t bring himself to play a part in it.

But he got over it. The next day, he arrived at hospital with a bottle of pills tucked into his back pocket.

And he watched his boyfriend die.

“I’m not gonna hit you.” Sebastian murmured, pulling back and drifting away.

“Why?” Lucky demanded. “Why do you always do that? You just love intimidating me, but I know you’d never really hurt me. You’re too scared.”

“I’m not scared.”

Lucky snorted, “It doesn’t matter anyway. I already know you’ve sucked dick before.”

Sebastian’s jaw clenched, his stony eyes focussing on Lucky threateningly, “Excuse me?”

Lucky’s eyes, once again, flickered over to his roommate’s bed. “The boy in the photo. He doesn’t look like your type but hey—”

Sebastian snapped. He lunged forward and grabbed onto Lucky’s shoulders, sending them both tumbling to the ground. Lucky tried to break free from his grip, but there was no escape, he was pinned down, Sebastian’s weight forcing him onto the floor. “Don’t ever mention Alex again.” Sebastian ordered, his voice laced with sorrowful hatred.

Lucky was struggling to get out of the situation, starting to feel extremely trapped. His breathing was shallowing, his chest rising and falling erratically. But he forced himself to stay calm and pretend he wasn’t scared. “Oh, he has a name?”

“Shut up! You know nothing!”

“Let me guess; you fucked up, did something stupid and your relationship couldn’t survive. I mean I get that everyone likes a bad boy, but when you’re locked up in here with no phone or way to—”

“He’s dead.”

Lucky froze, quickly slamming his mouth shut. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Sebastian wordlessly pulled away, sitting back on his heels as Lucky scrambled to get off the floor. He sat with his legs crossed, his back leant up against the chest of drawers, opposite Sebastian. “I didn’t mean...”

“Stop.” Sebastian whispered, his brown eyes cast down to his lap thoughtfully.

“Sorry, I just—”

“I swear to god, Lucky—”

“It’s Felix.”

Sebastian’s eyes darted from his shaking hands onto Lucky’s face, watching him with an intense amount of curiosity. “What?”

“Felix Waters. That’s my real name. Y’know, unless you cared, which you probably don’t, but—”

He was cut off when Sebastian grabbed a handful of his crumpled shirt and yanked him forward, their lips crashing together so hard, Lucky groaned in pain. Neither knew what was happening, or what they were doing, but neither cared. Lucky just kissed him back without hesitation, wrapping his arms around the back of Sebastian’s neck and pulling him closer.

They’d both been put under a deep, irreversible curse. Like they were puppets in a game, controlled by invisible strings, forcing them into reckless situations. The next thing they knew, they were back on the floor, kissing each other fiercely and gasping for air. Sebastian’s tongue was invading Lucky’s mouth, the latter’s hands tugging at the buttons of Sebastian’s shirt.

Sebastian was the first to regain his senses. He roughly shoved Lucky away, and fumbled to stand up, his eyes wide with guilt. His mind was racing, his heart pounding, his veins pulsing with regret. Only one thought surfaced in his mind.

Alex.

“What the fuck, Blue!”

Lucky blinked away his confusion, sitting up and rubbing his face, “Huh?”

“What was that?” He spat.

“Are you serious?” Lucky asked dryly, still stuck in some sort of trance. ”You kissed me.”

“Well, why did you kiss back?” He ordered, starting to panic.

Lucky did the only thing he knew how to do. Laugh. He untangled his limbs and stood up, chuckling deeply, “You are a confusing guy, d’you know that?”

“This isn’t funny!”

“I mean...it kinda is.”

Sebastian grunted loudly, “Okay, this is fine. This is fine.” He muttered to himself in agitation. “We can fix this.”

“You homos really know how to—”

“I’m not gay.” Sebastian assured him aggressively.

Lucky rose his hands in surrender, “Whatever, man. Considering you’ve been in a relationship with a guy and just initiated a kiss with a guy...well, you can see how that might be a little hard to believe.”

“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this, understand?”

“Fine. On one condition.”

Sebastian’s eyes flamed red with anger for the briefest moment before nodding, “What?”

“Tell me why you did it.”

Sebastian let out a loud, disgruntled sigh before continuing, “You remind me of him.” He mumbled indistinguishably. “I...I don’t know. It’s not like I actually like you or anything and it’ll never happen again, it’s just that...”

“You miss him.” Lucky finished. “And here I was, reminding you of your dead boyfriend, so you did it.”

Sebastian nodded sadly. “Exactly.” He breathed.

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