Chapter Thirty Five – Anger
When I saw Zaeem after two years I hated him for hurting me so much but with time I am started to feel something for him. The love which I thought is no more started to resurface my heart. why him? what is in him that my heart just can’t move on from him? He looks so unfazed by me. How can be so normal around me like I am just an employee nothing else. How I wish I can be just like him and think of him as only my boss? It’s not like I have forgotten what he did to me. no..I have not. I still have not forgiven him for his infidelity but I got to know one thing that even after all the situations my heart still loves him and carves for his love which I received only for few months. May be that’s the reason I never asked for divorce. Sometimes He makes me doubt myself Does I am lacking. May be I was not good enough for him. May be I did something which made his heart to go out for Zaiba but how can he so easily move on from me? Did he love me ever? I loved him with my whole heart. He was my world. I was ready to do anything for him. I loved him like crazy but where had that brought me now?
My life is a mess. I can’t see my son. I am not married but leading a life of married women. Samar is very nice man. he was always with me but he can’t take Zaeem place nor pari of Zohaan. He has no feelings for me. We are just friends. We both are broken and had no thought of starting over.
This is not how I imagined my life to be. I always thought My husband will love me Wholeheartedly. We will have a beautiful family together. I live my life loving, caring, helping and understanding each other.
when I met Zaeem that night and married him. I had planned my whole life him. I thought he is the one who is going to fulfill all my wishes. I gave my 100% to be with him, to make him mine but his infidelity was the biggest shock to me. I think even though I tired to ignore it and thought of supporting him but I didn’t give my 100% here. I didn’t made much effort to understand his situation. I was so busy in consoling myself that I never thought about how he must have felt or what he is going through. May be that is what caused the rift between us and forced him to love Zaiba.
Does our love was so weak?
Coming here was bad idea. All the thoughts which I blocked are resurfacing. When I saw Zaeem and Zaiba together the hurt and pain I felt I can’t describe in words. It broke my heart again which I had collected back with lot of effort. He is happy even though he is the one at fault. he is happy. he has Zohaan, Zaiba and his family. when I have no one to call of my own. I have Samar and pari but I always feel like they are not fully mine. once the girl Samar loves comes to claim her right I have to leave their lives. Samar never talks about her but I see in his eyes the love he has for her.
Today When I met Zohaan. I was so happy. I felt like I found missing part of my heart. I felt at peace. We had good time together. He told me about his school, his friends, his likes and dislikes many more. I lost the track of time. After we had lunch which was very awkward as no one was speaking. Zaeem was in deep thoughts. He looked upset. Once we are done He excused himself saying he has some urgent work but we can take Zohaan with us and he will pick him up at night. We had lot of fun but I saw sadness and longing in Zohaan’s eyes. I asked him but he refused to tell me but I kept on insisting atlast he told me that ‘he want me and Zaeem to be together. He want both his mom and dad like other kids. He want everything to be like before When we were a family but he knows we can’t be together. Zaeem made him understand that so he doesn’t want to talk about it.’
At 8:00 pm Zaeem picked him up from my house and left. He didn’t spoke a single word. Something is wrong with him.
Next day When I went to office. Sabah came to me and gave me a envelope. She told me that Zaeem asked her to give me that.
Once she left I opened the letter and it was my transfer orders. he had transferred me to main branch which is handled by Naeem dad. How can he do this without even asking me.
I went to his cabin and said,“Zaeem What is this? ” and slammed the paper on his table.
He looked up and said,“Mrs.Malik you forgot to knock the door. ”
I said,“That’s not important. Why are you transferring me to other branch?”
He said,“it is Mrs. Malik.you should knock before you come into my office. go out and knock.”
his voice was cold and sharp.
I went outside and knocked the door. I said,“May I come in”
for that he replied,“No..I am busy.”
What the hell?
I barged into his room and said,“What the hell is wrong with you?”
He said,“Language Mrs.Malik. This is not your home. I am busy. I don’t have time to answer your stupid queries. it’s my company and I will decide who will be in my branch or not. I am not handling your project anymore so you are not needed here. My father is looking after it so I transferred you there. All the arrangements are made. you can leave now. ”
I said,” Why are you doing this?”
He stood up from his place and said,“That’s all from my side. if you have any queries then please feel free to contact Sabah. I have to attend a meeting so I am leaving.”
He was about to leave when I got hold of his hand. I said,“Zaeem..What happened to you? Did I do something wrong?”
He said,“My wife is not happy that I am working with you. I can’t hurt her so please leave and don’t show me your face again. My wife is so precious to me I don’t want to lose her over a misunderstanding.”
His words were like a stab to me. I immediately removed my hand from his and he left without a second glance at me.
My knees felt weak. I fell on my knees on ground. Tears are flowing non stop from my eyes. His words ringing in my ear. I don’t know how long I cried but after I composed myself. I packed my stuff and left the office. it’s good in a way. I don’t have to see his face everyday.
Days passed and I got busy with work. Date is approaching and there is lot to do. I hope everything goes fine. Naeem Dad was very happy to see me again. I went to meet them at house as well. I missed Humna mom as well. We had good time. Me and mom went for shopping, cooked food together, Watched old movies much more. They never brought up Zaeem or Our past. They didn’t even ask me any reason or explanation. I met Zohaan as well when he came to visit his grand parents. From their talk I got to know that Zohaan was staying with them but recently moved in with Zaeem so not only me but he neglected my son as well. He don’t deserve him. I am going to take him with me. I can support him now.
I talked to Samar about this and he told me that before I decide anything I should ask from Zohaan and Zaeem. He is right.
I tried contact Zaeem but he is not ready to talk to me. I had no choice so I asked mom and dad help. I don’t know how they managed to do it but they arranged a lunch tomorrow. They told me to come with Samar and Zaeem will come with Zaiba. we have discuss and decide with whom Zohaan will stay.
I can do this..I have to do this for my son.