He was only half awake when he reached for her. He’d woken drenched in sweat again and desperate to know that she was still there. He wrapped himself around her, his chest flush with her back as he wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands on her abdomen. It was flat and tight.
He breathed out relief, mixed with disappointment. She was there, but the baby wasn’t. He’d dreamt that she was in the later stages of pregnancy and was walking out on him. In his nightmare, he’d chased her bulbous waddling figure but never caught her. He’d heard the cry of his newborn child but not seen the baby. And he’d yearned for them both.
He’d woken shaking, sweating and on the verge of tears. Having her still here had only partly satisfied the void in him. He wanted the child. He cradled her belly as he remembered what it had felt like in the dream holding her heavily pregnant with his child. That was a feeling that he remembered even though it wasn’t real. He wanted to feel that again and this time with a living, growing and kicking infant inside her.
He’d been dreaming this all week, even since he realised that they’d had sex without protection. There were three condoms on the side table, but there were six others that had fallen under the bed and not been found. The third condom had come off during intercourse, and after that, he hadn’t bothered. He’d planned on taking her for the morning after pill, but once that deadline was past, he started thinking about it.
He’d rolled the idea of ‘what-if’ around in his head until it sounded like eutopia. He’d mapped it out. She’d grow ripe with his child, marry him, and together they’d raise their family. If there were a child involved, then she’d be less willing to leave him, but it also meant he’d have more to lose if she did. Hence the nightmares.
His fingers made little circles on her skin under her belly button. She wouldn’t do that to him or their child, he rationalised. She’d promised him, and she wasn’t the type who would do that to her child. She would stay with him for the sake of the baby.
He just needed to ensure that she was pregnant now. That shouldn’t be a problem if last night was anything to go by. He’d emptied himself into her, and she’d welcomed him.
The sex had been every bit as good as he’d remembered it, and possibly even better if that was possible. She’d taken him within her tight enclosure, and it had felt like he’d slid on a glove. She’d wrapped around him and squeezed him to the point of oblivion, and that was before they’d started to have sex. His cock felt like it was in heaven.
Then he’d started to move it within her, and things had gone from fantastic to unbelievable with the first thrust. He couldn’t believe how good she felt. He felt like he was being stretched with each movement as her tightness had gripped him. He’d had to grind his teeth to keep from coming instantly. He’d fought for control, but after the first time she’d climaxed on him, he knew he had no hope. He’d barely hung on to himself as he rammed himself into her with no finesse, only desperation to push himself harder and deeper inside her than he’d ever experienced. He’d become a sexual beast.
He didn’t want his cock out of her and having her seeping with his discharge had only made the experience that much better. He was on cloud nine and wanted to stay there. Then when she’d orgasmed that final time, his world had unravelled. She’d screamed out, and simultaneously steel bands had tightened around his shaft. His balls had emptied themselves, but she wasn’t allowing that. His ejaculation was halted by her steel grip midway along his length. The high of the orgasm was almost painful as the pressure built up, his semen blocked and backed up in his shaft and all the blood in his body rushing into his groin. He felt like his cock was about to explode with fireworks and sperm all mixed together. He’d been about to beg her when she relaxed her muscles. Then he’d spurted his load, and his brain had imploded instead. He’d never known an orgasm like it.
He’d fallen back to the bed, and then it had taken all his effort just to remember how to breathe. She’d scrambled his balls, milked his cock with her muscles, and curdled his brain forcing him to wonder if he was going to have to be fed through a straw as a result. He’d never known satisfaction like that. He felt drained and washed through with absolute bliss at the same time. And he was sure that his cock was an inch longer from the stretch.
It had taken him ten minutes to remember how to talk and another two minutes to realise that he needed to do that again. Unfortunately, she’d fallen asleep during that twelve minutes and instead he’d just held her and listened to her breathing. While this might have annoyed him with any other woman, this was Jen. He listened to her and kept his rapidly re-hardened erection from poking her with its desire to recreate that orgasm.
God, he loved this woman. She was fast becoming his world. He could still feel the memory of Kay festering in the back of his brain, but for the first time in a long time, he didn’t want to compare Jen to her. Jen was something else. With her in his life, he was beginning to believe he could let go of the coat of thorns he wore around his heart. She was the salve that would allow him to finally shut his memories of Kay and her betrayal of him away forever. He wanted Jen to replace Kay as his ideal woman.
His fingers crept down between her legs. He ran his fingers along her pussy enjoying the wetness that was still there. That was him, his juice, his seed, and the stuff from which his child would grow. He was hard. As usual, he’d woken like this, but now his finger was gliding up and down her, coated in the milky fluid, he was throbbing with need. He wanted to be inside her again.
She groaned softly in her sleep as his finger dug deeper, and her legs opened allowing him access. Her breathing was still deep, and her limbs were still heavy with sleep. His fingers ran a figure eight over her clitoris as he wondered if it was fair to wake her or if he should just count the seconds to dawn instead.
“Drew,” she groaned, her muscles stretching, “You’re awake?”
“Hmm,” he murmured from his position wrapped around her back, one his hand still between her legs the other wrapped around her and resting on her abdomen.
“Let me guess,” she sounded half asleep, “Bad dream? I’m not leaving, Drew.”
“Good,” he gently pinched her slippery clitoris between his thumb and finger and then spun it within his hold, “Are you awake?”
“I am now,” she turned in his arms to face him. Her hands ran down his back, “What’s the time? You’re dripping wet?”
“I’m not the only one who’s wet,” he couldn’t see her, but he instinctively found her lips.
He didn’t wait for her reply, and he didn’t need to prepare her for him. She was already wet, and he slid into her without any resistance. She gasped as he completed his downward thrust and held himself inside her. Heaven, absolute, undeniable, heaven.
“Drew,” she breathed his name which only made him hotter for her, “What are you doing?”
“I’m making love to you,” he withdrew and slammed himself back into her as if to demonstrate.
“Now?” she groaned her objection, “You should be asleep. You have to dance tomorrow or today, what’s the time?”
“Need to dance now,” he knocked himself forward and back with fast motion against the spot that he knew would give her the most pleasure, “Sleep later, I need you to know how much I love you.”
“Drew,” she might have meant to use his name as a rebuke, but instead it came out as a groan.
He’d had enough talking, he wanted to concentrate on what he was doing instead of speaking. He closed his eyes to the darkness and allowed his body to take control. His hips flew as the sex became his world. He breathed and made love to her and did nothing else. She was just as tight as he remembered as his erection pushed its way between the slippery walls and then was pulled long as his cock’s head was caught as he dragged it out. He could do this all day.
Then she rotated her hips, and he was lost. Her nipples became hard knobs against his chest as she clung to him, her body spasmed as she ground herself down onto him and her muscles clenched around him. It was almost too much to handle. He forced himself to breathe and hold himself still as she lurched, and her passage became wetter.
Her muscles released his erection as the climax made her limp and then he was flying. He forgot about breathing, all that mattered was the sex. He had no choice but to ram himself into her hard and fast. He had no control. His muscles bunched, all working for his cock’s benefit. He knew nothing but the need to empty himself into this woman.
He lost time, beads of sweat formed rivers down his back, and his whole body screamed at him. His head felt light from the lack of oxygen and the fact that all of his blood was all in his engorged cock. There was no thought process in his actions, he was just an animal. There was nothing he could do to slow down or prolong this. His balls were on fire, and he wasn’t dancing anymore. He was just fucking with no rhyme or rhythm.
His body was about to give out when his balls exploded, and he thrust his cock as deep as it would go as the hot seed burn a path along his length and shot itself into her depths. He breathed. He sucked in the air as her muscles tightened to draw out the last of his come. He was still hard inside her as his head nudged his output encouraging it to swim the right way.
God, he really did love this woman. He collapsed rolling with her onto his side. She completed him.
“I’m not leaving Drew,” she whispered her own breath haggard, “You’ve got a busy day, you should be asleep.”
“No, I should be making love to you,” he smiled, “I love you, Jen.”
“I know,” she sighed, “And as much as I want this, your friends aren’t going to be happy with me if you can’t dance because you’re so tired.”
“They will survive,” he laughed.
“Maybe,” she huffed as she held him, “But I get grumpy if I’m tired, and you don’t want that.”
“Alright,” he felt himself softening as he slipped out of her, “I’ll behave.”
“We have time,” she snuggled her head into his shoulder, “You don’t have to do everything now.”
“Jen,” he whispered as he felt her relaxing, “How much time do we have?”
“I don’t know,” she murmured her body becoming heavy, “Forever, I guess.”
He listened to her breathing change as she fell asleep.
“Jen,” he whispered knowing that she wasn’t hearing him, “Marry me?”
“Hmm,” she twisted her head but stayed asleep in his arms.
“Marry me and be mine forever?”
Her breathing was deep and regular.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he kissed her forehead as he smiled at his joke.
He knew that it wouldn’t be as easy as that. Jen wouldn’t let him get away with railroading her into marriage. She would need more than a declaration of love to commit to him. He knew what she needed. Trust. He’d have to get over his jealousy and show he trusted her. He didn’t know how to do that, and he doubted he’d be able to bluff his way through it. She’d was bright enough to see through him if he tried to pretend any trusting behaviour.
His problem was that he didn’t know if he had it in him. Even though his love for her was lessening Kay’s hold over him, it was still there. He could lock Kay in a back room in his mind, but he couldn’t ignore the damage that she and her predecessors had done. It had been so long since he’d trusted a woman that he’d forgotten how it was done. His experience had given birth to the jealousy that festered within him and had taught him that trust was for fools. He couldn’t disregard all these years of pain just because she was now in his heart.
Then again, what choice did he have but to try? He rested a hand on her waist again and remembered the child. He longed for a family of his own. The stability and love that only a family could give, was missing from his life. He needed that just as much as he needed her.
If trust was the key to achieving this, then he had no choice. He had to do this. He couldn’t be without her, and that meant he needed to conquer all his fears for her. He’d done well at the performance last night. He’d put a leash on his temper, held his envy within him as he’d watched men drooling over what was his, and he’d controlled on the need he had to throw her over his shoulder and get her and that skimpy dress out of that venue. And for his restraint he’d been rewarded with sex. He figured that if he could continue like this, then she might forget about how he’d reacted to Sam’s flirting and Reed’s pursuit of her. Then she’d love him enough to want to marry him.
It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was all he had. The next stumbling block would be convincing her to give him more time. It was Saturday and his week was almost up. He needed to distract her and convince her to stay with him. If he didn’t play his cards right, she’d be wanting to head back to Trenton, and he couldn’t let her do that. His plans for dealing with that problem had gone out the window when he’d met Reed. Now he only had planB, and for that, he needed more time.
He closed his eyes as he tried to think up excuses why she needed to be here and not there when sleep found him.
He woke to reach for something that wasn’t there. The sunlight was streaming in, and the bed was empty. He grasped at the bedsheet as he lifted himself to search the room. He was about to jump out of bed, throw on clothes and track her down when he heard the shower. Closing his eyes, he exhaled his panic. She was still here.
He opened the bathroom door and breathed in the steam. The shower cubical was fogged up but her outline was visible, he didn’t bother introducing himself. His heart was still beating a fast, painful tempo in his chest and he needed to feel her skin next to his to reassure himself.
She twisted, covering herself as he opened the door. Her face showed her surprise, shock and fear at the intrusion. One arm was in line with her breasts, the other was fanned out in front of her groin. Then she recognised him and closed her eyes, keeping her defensive stand.
He didn’t wait. He entered the small tiled area and had her pressed against the cool white ceramic wall with one step. He dropped his lips to hers and kissed her while the water ran down his shoulders and back. Freeing her arms from her chest, she wrapped her hands around his shoulders and put enough pressure on them to indicate that this wasn’t what she needed.
“Jen,” he groaned his frustration.
“You are insatiable,” she laughed, “And I’m a mess. I just need a couple of minutes to clean myself.”
“Why bother,” he pushed himself against her while lifting her, “You’ll just need to rewash yourself.”
“When are you going to get enough?” she chuckled as he kissed her down the neck and manipulated her legs to his waist.
“Never,” he whispered as he pivoted his hips upwards, “With you, never.”
He pinned her against the tiled wall as he reconnected with her. He stood there with her hanging off him and impaled on him. The bright lights, steam and cascading hot water dripping off them both, made the situation that much more erotic. He bounced her, sliding her body up and down his. The expression on her face was priceless. He laughed as he watched the surprise in her eyes as he’d let her slip downwards only to catch her with his upwards thrusting erection.
He pushed her shoulders against the wall with his chest, pinning her in place and freeing his hands. He felt the water dripping off him, flying in droplets, as his pelvis began to slap against her undercarriage. The water made it harder to hold her and the shower cubical amplified the sounds they were making. He didn’t care. He increased his frenzy as she moaned her approval.
She was sitting her weight on him, slipping up and down the wall with each thrust, as his legs and ass muscles did all the work. He could feel them burning but didn’t care. She arched herself into him filling the space with her cry as he groaned a long expletive. He was leaning back with her arching so that only her shoulders and head were on the wall, everything else was being supported by his cock which was releasing itself into her.
His hands came down to catch her before she bent him in a way that wouldn’t cause him pleasure. He slowly set her feet down and held onto her as she grounded herself.
“Good morning,” he kissed her as he whispered the greeting, “Let’s do this every morning.”
“You wish,” she laughed, “Some of us have real jobs and don’t get to have shower sex midmorning.”
“Midmorning?” he realised that he wasn’t aware of the time.
“Yes, we have somewhere to be in an hour,” she laughed at his disappointed face, “And no we can’t miss it. Sam would kill you, and he’d probably blame me. Which means that we are going.”
“It’s a luncheon party in the gardens,” he gave her a calculated look, “It means another dress, wouldn’t you rather stay here wrapped only in my sheets. I might even let you wear your work-boots to bed if you say yes?”
“No,” she rolled her eyes at him, “Even though I have to wear a floral dress that Belinda claims makes me look pretty, we are still going.”
“Floral Dress? Pretty?” his eyebrow lifted, “This I have to see.”
“First and last time,” she huffed, “So don’t get any ideas.”
“Me? Ideas?” he acted innocent, “I don’t get ideas.”
“And don’t look at me like that,” she narrowed her eyes at him, “No more sex. I might be wearing a dress to this thing, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to frolic with you in the flower beds. I’m already leaving puddles everywhere I go, I don’t need any more of what you’re giving if I’m wearing that flimsy thing.”
“I’m not having sex with you, remember?” he laughed as he stepped out of the cubicle and grabbed a towel, “We’re making love, so you’re alright with that? I can back you into a secluded corner and make love to you in your floral dress?”
“No, you are going to behave. And you’re going to have to put your libido to bed, we’re already late. Sam will kill us if you delay us again with that thing,” she splashed his re-hardened erection that was begging for more, and then went back to washing herself as he grumbled his frustrations.
She was right, they didn’t have much time. He’d had plans to spend the morning in bed, but he’d overslept, and now they needed to rush. He wished he nothing on this weekend, but at the same time, this event was another opportunity to show her his love. He just had to harness the control he’d had last night again. He wished he wasn’t so tired.
“Jen,” he grimaced as he watched her rubbing her body with the white towel, “Last night, you said you’d stay with me forever, what did you mean by that?”
“Did I?” she turned to him, “I suppose that means that I’m prepared to do what I need to do to make this work.”
“Do you mean that?” he lifted his head and looked at her.
“Yes, I want us to be a couple,” she shrugged.
“Then move in with me,” he said the words quickly.
“You know that I can’t do that,” she laughed like he was joking, “I have my work. I can’t commute from here to Trenton every day.”
“I don’t want you to go back to work there,” he dropped himself on the bed and looked up at her, “We can find you a different job within the Four Horsemen, if you want to work.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she turned to him, “I’m a diesel mechanic, what can I do for a dance group? I can’t service your vehicles, you contract Reeds company to do that, what else is there to do? And don’t even consider magicking up some pretend job for me, I wouldn’t accept it. I have a job.”
“Do you?” he looked at the floor, “Ian was threatening to fire you last week, do you really want to go back to that? I will give you everything. I just don’t want you to go back to that toxic place.”
“That’s not your decision,” she said with warning in her voice.
“You just said that you’d do what it took to stay with me,” he reminded her, “In a couple of weeks we start our next tour. We’ll be doing the West Coast before we hit Florida. If you’re in Trenton, I’m not going to see you.”
“Weeks?” she looked shocked at how close the next tour was.
“We have a busy schedule,” he shrugged, “This is our downtime, but from March to December we have back-to-back bookings. I’m travelling continuously.”
“Oh,” she frowned.
“I can’t do a long-distance romance,” his face contorted in pain as he put down the ultimatum, “I need you by my side.”
“I don’t want to be a kept woman,” she bit her lip, “I’d be giving up everything for you.”
“Then marry me,” he whispered, “Marry me, and then you wouldn’t need to feel that way.”
“Marriage?” she forced a laugh, “We can’t get married.”
“Why not?” he lifted his eyes to her, “I love you, and I want to spend my life with you.”
“You don’t even know me!” she took a step away from him, still wrapped in her fluffy white towel, “Marriage is a serious thing. You can’t propose to me after one week.”
“When can I propose to you then?” he asked, “What time period do you need?”
“It doesn’t work like that,” she shook her head, “We have a long way to go before we’d be ready for that commitment.”
“Why?” he asked, “Because you think I don’t trust you? Because I get jealous when other men flirt with you?”
“Partly,” she frowned, “But that’s not the only reason.”
“What then?” he pushed her, “What else do you need me to do?”
“It’s not like that,” she sighed, “Drew can I ask you a question? You listed your ex-girlfriends before, how many months between each, were you single?”
“What’s that got to do with this?” he bit back.
“It’s just a question, Drew,” she watched him carefully, “Why are you getting so defensive?”
“No reason,” he dropped his eyes.
“And what about Kay?” she asked her face showed her uncertainty.
“What about her?” he tried to act casual as he looked at his watch, “We’ll talk about this later.”
“Drew, don’t put up the mask,” she whispered.
“I’m not,” he grit his teeth wishing it wasn’t a lie, “Jen, I am serious about us. I need you. You’re my girlfriend, my lover and the woman I want to be with, and none of that works if you’re absent. We’ll not survive that.”
He took a deep breath as he paused at the apartment door. They needed to go, but he needed to say one more thing before they left.
“I will do what it takes to make this work,” he looked her in the eye as he said the words.
She grimaced as he watched her face while he repeated her promise as his own. He knew he was throwing it back in her face. He shouldn’t have done it, but he was angry.
That didn’t go like he’d hoped it would. He was secretly hoping that she’s swoon, accepting his hand and pivot into his arms. Then everything would go all fairy tale, with church bells, carriages, a sweeping musical score and a big white dress. He knew better, but it still hurt that she’d not accepted him. He wanted to shove her against the wall of the elevator in full view of the security camera and prove to her that he owned her.
His whole body ached for that reassurance. He knew it was going to be a long day and that he wasn’t going to find it easy to control his demons today. He felt them coiling and hissing inside him as he wondered how he was going to keep from ripping that floral dress from her. Belinda was right she did look pretty in it but not as beautiful as she’d look out of it.