How could life be that harsh? How could life be that unfair? Why always me? Why me God? Why am I suffering so much?Don’t I have the right to be happy? Is there no one in this world who would love me and care about me?
These were the questions that remained unanswered and I think it always will. My life is nothing but a living hell.
There’s no one by my side. There’s only loneliness and sorrow around me.
If someone asks me to describe my life in one word then that one word would be MISERABLE!
My parents left me in front of an orphanage when I was very small. Why did they even decide to give birth to me in the first place? When I asked our head ma’am about why they left me, she said ”probably they never wanted you. You were a mistake. So they left you“.
My orphanage days were ridiculous. As far as I could remember, I always struggled to become a part of them. Since, soon enough I accepted the fact that they were my family. Even if I accepted it, no one their accepted me. I don’t know why? I was a part of them! Eventually, I left trying. I stopped caring about them.
I somehow managed to pass middle school. During this time I understood one thing, if I want to come out of this place I have to work hard. The orphanage was not ready to invest any further in my studies. For them it was a waste of time and money. My teachers kept requesting them to let me study as they believed that I was a very bright student and I had that potential to become a very successful person in life. But the orphanage didn’t change their decision.
One day, one of my teachers told me about a scholarship. The scholarship offered admission in a very reputed school and that to without any fee. That scholarship became very important for me. It was a very good opportunity for me. I studied very very hard. Most of the time I was found studying. After 2 months of constant effort, I finally got that scholarship.
It gave a boost to my confidence. I felt happy. I felt proud. With that, I moved out of that orphanage into the real world. I knew, it was not going to be easy at all. But I had faith in me. And it was not like I had any other option.
I shifted to my school’s hostel. I would definitely admit that it was not that great but was way better than the orphanage. Atleast I felt free. Now I was able to breathe freely.
But the loneliness never left me.
Now I had to think about my personal expenses. I thought of doing a part time job after my school hours. I got a part time job in a bakery shop. It was perfect. It’s starting time was just half an hour after my school ends. It’s closing time was great too as I got enough time to do my personal stuff after returning from the shop. The shop fairly paid me as well.
It was all perfect but obviously I was being delusional.
My high school days were better than the middle school. I made some friends too. Though they were not that close to me but they treated my well. But there was a girl named Amy whom I could address as one of my closest friend.
In High School, there was a thing that I never had to try to become a part of them. Because I was a part of them. Everyone accepted me. That was a relief and made my days go smoothly.
After all these things still my mind was not stable. Not happy. All of them had families. I had no one whom I could refer to as my family. I had no one.
Then I met Nick. I met him in our fresher’s party. Everything about him was so good. His way of talking. His contagious smile. His personality. Everything about him was so perfect. Everything! I fell in love with every inch of him. This feeling was new to me. Whenever I would see him, I would feel a my stomach churn. These goddam butterflies!
We became good friends soon. My feeling for him never stopped. Never did it lessened either, but only grew more and more day by day. I always felt happy when I was with him. I made a theory that maybe whatever God has ever done to me, now He was regretting it and so he sent Nick to make up for everything
Life was going great. Me and Nick came closer to each other. We spent most of the time with each other. He used to pick me up from school. After that we would spend half an hour together. Then he used to drop me for work as well. Sometimes he would call me at midnight and would ask me to look out of my room’s window, as he would be waiting for me to come out so that we can have midnight ice creams.
He used to be silly sometimes but I loved his silliness.
One day suddenly, I decided to confess. I was damn nervous but I thought how long am I going to suppress my feelings for him. I texted him to meet me at the park where we always used to go.
We were sitting next to each other in the park’s seat. He was waiting for me to say and suddenly I burst out.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and said
“I love you Nick. I was in love with you from the very first time I saw you and this love continued to grow. I will always love you Nick like I do now.”
When I got no reaction I slowly opened my eyes only to see that Nick was looking at me with wide eyes.
"It’s okay if you don’t love me. That’s perfectly fine. We could be frien-” I could not complete my sentence as suddenly Nick placed his hand in the back of my neck and pulled my face towards him. Before I could even react he attached his lips with mine.
I was astonished. His lips felt so soft. He deepened the kiss. His addicting fragrance was driving me crazy and his touch was not helping at all.
He pulled away and attached his forehead with mine and said “Took you long enough to say these three words. I love you too idiot” he said softly.
With those words coming out of his mouth, my whole world changed. It was the first time that someone said that to me. I finally believed that I also had the right to be happy, to be loved.
But this happiness didn’t last long...
I didn’t know that after so much happiness there was so much sorrow waiting for me.
My world shattered again. I came back to where I started. It felt like life slapped me hard. But I guess, Life's just being life.
Again sorrow and loneliness accompanied me.