Xavier's Confession

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16. Save me, dear God

Alex was still fighting me off as I dragged her out of the back door.

“Calm down, Alex. Calm down,” I told her and set her down far enough from the house at the back yard.

Without waiting another moment, she was striding back towards the house the moment I let go off her, still intending to devour Alana. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back again. She turned back and looked at me accusingly, her green eyes blazing like a house caught on fire.

“Why did you stop me?!”

I chuckled, “She didn’t mean anything. She doesn’t know.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

She started walking back in. Again.

“Hey. Hey. Hey,” I grabbed her again. “It’s not her fault. I made her say it. I teased her and I made her say it.”

“Hmm.” She raised her eyebrow and gave me the look, the look that said she was studying me.

“She’s Alana,” she stated.

“Yup.”

She frowned, “Where did you learn to crush on a bitch?!”

“Hey,” I said, reminding her that I really liked Alana and she shouldn’t really talk crap about her.

She knew about it.

“Sorry.”

I smiled and assured her, “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“I’ll let her go this time only because you said she didn’t mean it and also because . . . Fuck,” she deadened in annoyance, “You have a thing for her.”

I laughed.

What do I do with her?

Alex and I were best friends but we were more like siblings. She was just as screwed as I was. She knew exactly how much I hated it when people call me the thing Alana called me just a minute ago. She knew what it meant to me so, she exploded.

She raised her voice again, “But if she repeat that again, know that I’ll skin her alive at that spot. I don’t give a fuck about how you feel for her. Me personally, she’s given me the bad impression so,” she air quoted, “I don’t like her.” And crossed it off.

“Oh. Come on. You’ll like her. You just happened to be at the wrong time.” I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to my side.

Alex liking my girl counts a whole lot.

She’s my brother.

“Your breath stink when you talk about her,” she muttered angrily.

I laughed and hugged her even tighter, “I love you.”

“Get away. I told you that you fucking stink, asshole.” She groaned, pushing me away.

She was not happy with me for stopping her from beating Alana black and blue. But she was even more unhappy that someone called me a pervert. Damn. I hated to see her unhappy. I treasured Alex so much.

“Let’s go for a ride,” I suggested, knowing she love night driving and that was the only way to cool her down.

“Don’t bribe me.”

“You don’t wanna?” I pushed my lower lip out, “But Charlie’s waiting just outside for you.”

Charlie is my car. She love it so much she even named it. And I was so damn sure that she would lose to my offer anyway. She simply can’t resist it. Yup. I could see the tempting excitement barely hidden beneath her scowl.

“Please.” I put my hands in my pocket and tilted my torso towards the right, trying to catch her eyes.

She tried to look away.

“Please.” I tilted to the side even lower, tempting her. “Please,” even lower, “Please,” and even lower.

“Pleeeaas . . .”

“Okay!!!!” she barked, acting as if she agreed out of my annoying insistence.

Cute . . . and yet Scary. I have a Tiger for a brother.

Nobody messes with THE ALEX.

I flashed a huge grin and pulled her close to my side. We walked to the car and she was more than excited once she got in. I went round the front and settled in my seat.

She looked around and said, “Shit. I should have brought a pesticide or a sanitizer. Alana’s been in here. You’ve been driving her to school, right?”

I frowned at her.

She laughed and ruffled my hair, “You do like her, don’t you?”

“I do.” I smiled even as I thought of her, my Mongrel.

“She’s lucky,” Alex said as she looked out of the window.

“Awe . . . You like me too, don’t you?” I teased her as I pinched her cheek.

“Go fuck yourself in hell.” She slapped my hand and gave me a dead glare.

I groaned as I started the engine and drove out of the parking lot, “Ahhh . . . Why does the girls I like never like me back. I should probably go be with Megan then.”

“I’ll castrate you.” Alex boxed me on my face.

Surprised and shocked beyond comprehension, she had me laughing out loudly. She’s got balls that many boys don’t have.

“What the . . . Alex!! For the love of God, you didn’t do that,” I guffawed loudly.

She chuckled along.

So she hates Megan even more.

We both didn’t like the fact that Megan was everywhere I was and how she always clung onto me. She should know that she was nowhere near my Mongrel. She was beyond crazy tonight. She even dared to sit on my lap. What a pain in the ass.

After a crazy night drive along the empty highway out of town, we drove back. By now, Alex was good as hell. Mission accomplished.

When we got back to Hunt’s place, Scott was waiting for us at the parking lot.

He jumped down from a car and exclaimed, “Dammit, man! Where the fuck have you been?!”

“Driving.”

He pulled in a deep breath and dropped his shoulders in relief, I guess.

“Never in my life have I been so happy to see you.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked closing the car door.

He chuckled, “You gotta see this, man.”

Scott led us inside. We walked through the crowded rooms and the blaring music until we reached the corner where I previously was. I stopped short when I saw Alana wailing like a baby on a couch, clutching some tissues in her hand. Brittany was beside her. For a split second, I just stood there staring at her, stupendously stupefied.

Matt smiled widely, “You can stop crying now, Alana. Xavi’s here.”

Forming a tense frown, I strode on towards her asking, “What happened?”

If anybody hurt her, I would fucking screw that person to the point that even hell wouldn’t want him.

Matt was sitting on another couch with Hunt. He stood up and said, “She wouldn’t tell us anything. She only said you’re the reason she’s crying.” He was barely forcing back a laugh.

So that asshole is me? Very funny, Xavier.

Alana sprang up from the couch the moment she saw me. Then she ran up to me and threw her slender arms around my neck. My body suddenly tensed up as I felt her body wrapping me.

Save me, dear God.

She had never hugged me before.

I gulped and wrapped my arms around her waist to steady her as she threw her weight down on me. And God, have I told you that I felt like I was flying to be holding her that way, without her fighting me off, and being held onto.

She breathed deeply and groaned, “You’re back, Mr. Arquette. You’re back, back and back.”

Is she drunk?

No.

She doesn’t smell of alcohol.

But staring into her eyes, I noticed that her pupils were dilated.

“Why are you crying, Mongrel?” I asked her softly.

She nestled into my chest like a baby and whimpered, “Life is so unfair.”

I could feel my heart beat starting to race. I knew that she was drunk or something but it still counted a lot; the way she was falling into my arms.

Only God knows exactly how much I’m crazy about her.

It took me another minute to ask her another question as I stayed flattered and imbued by the warmth of her soft body, “What’s wrong?”

She pulled back and glared at me accusingly, giving me the adorable Alana-glare.

“It’s you,” she said.

“Me?”

“Yeah you.” She began to cry again. “How come you always look so good without any effort while Brittany had to give her best shot to make me look any better than a lizard. It’s just not fair!” She sobbed, burying her face in my chest.

Oh Alana. You clearly have no idea how beautiful you are, do you? How just one look into your eyes can make me go crazy and lose count of time, of everything. Well, you’re pretty clueless most of the time but that makes you even more adorable.

I embraced her tighter and told her what I’d wanted to let her know, “You’re beautiful, Alana,” I whispered into her ear, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.”

I heard our friends awing and hooting from the corner where they sat watching us. It was awkward with numerous pair of eyes falling on us but I really wanted her to know.

“Really?” she pulled back and grinned happily at me.

“Really,” I smiled down at her.

She giggled delightedly, so happy to know she was pretty too.

Fucking adorable.

"You see whenever I do this, half of the boys in East Port wants to kiss me,” she said.

“Do what?” Damn curious.

She closed her eyes and formed her soft lips to a seductive pout.

All of our friends who were watching us from the corner cracked up. Hunt’s laughter was the loudest of all as always. I couldn’t keep myself from chuckling either.

“Why you laughing?” Her hazel eyes looked up at me sadly as though she was hurt that I laughed.

“Nothing. It’s . . . Nothing.” I cleared my throat and forcefully swallowed my humor.

“You wanna kiss me too, right?” She narrowed her eyes to me slyly, “I know you do.”

Mercy, please. If you keep on being so cute, I’ll sure as hell kiss you tonight.

“Have you been drinking?”

She craned up her neck and giggled again like a little rascal caught red-handed and nodded back and forth giggling. “Yeah. Water.”

“Or . . . she ate something wrong?” Hunt grinned excitedly.

I looked back at Alana and asked her, “Did you eat anything?”

She shook her head.

“Oh yeah!” she suddenly exclaimed and nodded, still giggling.

“What did you eat?”

“Brownies. It was so good.” She closed her eyes and smiled as though she was remembering the taste, “You know, I made a new friend tonight. He gave me some Brownies and I ate ALL OF IT!” she proclaimed victoriously.

Hmm. So, where’s that asshole now?

I looked around.

She ate HASH BROWNIES.

God only knows how many she ate.

“I knew it!!!” Hunt exclaimed loudly and rolled on the couch laughing.

Dammit Alana.

“Who gave you the Brownies?”

I’m gonna fucking screw him.

“His name was,” she looked up at the ceiling, pausing and thinking hard and then she shook her head looking back at me, “I, I don’t remember. Wait. I think it was Johnny. Jack? Jock? Josh? Jenny??” She giggled again. Then spoke calculatingly, “I think he’s going to be my new best friend.”

I sighed, “Come on. Let’s get you outta here.”

“No. I don’t wanna leave yet!” She sighed sadly and fell into my chest again.

I had to take her out before she do anything she would regret the next morning.

“Your new best friend is waiting for you outside. Let’s go meet him.”

“Really? He might have some Brownies left, right?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I led her among the crowd holding her hand.

“No. No. No.” She pulled back and refused to go on the way. “He won’t have any more brownies. I told you I ate all of it.”

“Well, I’ll buy you some. Come on.”

“Okay!” she jumped excitedly.

“Alana!” someone from among the crowd called out.

We turned.

Alana immediately jumped and shouted over the music, thrilled, “Xavier! That’s my new best friend! You got more brownies?”

“No but we can go get some together.” He grinned as he came toward us.

No doubt he had taken the Brownies too.

Come closer, pretty boy.

The moment he was within my reach, I threw a hard punch on his nose knocking him down and breaking his nose.

That’s for messing with My Girl, Pussy.

“Hey, that’s bad!” Alana chided me.

“Come on. Let’s go get those brownies,” I said.

“Yeah.” She beamed.

Half way among the crowd as the music got louder, she squealed, “I wanna dance!”

You wanna what?

She led me among the people who were dancing. Oh is she really going to? Dance? I’d never seen her dance. Easily without any hesitation, she wrapped her arms around my neck and began jumping to the music.

And then she suddenly stopped. “It’s so slow,” she said. Then pulling me down to her by my neck, she whispered close to my ear, “I’m floating. I’m in space.”

“You are?”

“Yes. I can catch time,” she, smiled tiredly, her eyes glassy and all from the effect. Then she started to catch time on the dance floor as though time was floating around like bubbles. “It pops,” she said lowly as she stood quietly and stared ahead passively.

I couldn’t help but laugh a bit there.


Holding her close to my chest, I led her out of the house. She’d caught enough time. She was already exhausted.

“Xavier,” she called resting her head on my shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“You’re . . .”

“I’m what?” Curiosity got the best of me.

“Are you bad?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re . . .” She stood in front me and sluggishly wound her arms around my neck. “Scary.”

I froze inside. It was pretty saddening to know the girl you’ve ever wanted was afraid of you.

“Are you afraid of me, Alana?” I asked, lightly caressing her face with a hand.

She nodded adorably, “Yeah. Sometimes. But lovely sometimes,” she added with a smile, “You look lovely when you’re with David.”

I gazed and gazed and gazed at her playful hazel eyes as she gazed back at me. For all I knew, I was under her magic.

“Carry me,” she said, reeling me back to consciousness.

I put an arm under her thighs, one around her back and picked her up bridal style. She wound her arms around my neck and began to sing as I walked down the parking lot to my car.

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seems to whisper I love you

I wondered how she knew such an old song, my grandmother’s favorite.

I looked down at her and smiled. She was looking up at the star spangled sky, her eyes reflecting the pretty lights.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Her sleepy voice flattered me so badly. With the crooning voice and the lyrics, I was loosing grip on my self control. I clenched my jaws together as tight as I could. I wanted to kiss her right then. But I knew that I shouldn’t. Not when she was not sober or willing. She would think I was taking advantage. That way, I can kiss goodbye to ever getting the chance to love her.

She looked back at me and sang.

Sing nighty night and kiss me

And then she giggled.

“Kiss me,” she said.

I halted my footsteps. It hit me like a knock on the head with a flower pot.

Don’t, Alana.

Don’t ask me to because I will.

"Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.”

Wild sparks burning inside her bewitching eyes, she smiled, planted an index finger on her lips and pressed that finger on my lips and she giggled, “This is our first kiss.”

Aww Alana.

“Let’s get you home,” I whispered.

“No. I don’t wanna go home.”

“Why not?”

“Dad will be mad at me because I drank. I can’t go home. I can’t can’t can’t can’t.”

“You have to go home Alana. I’ll drive you.”

“I said no,” she whined, “It’s no going to be fun at home. The best night of my life will be ruined if I go home. I can’t can’t can’t can’t.” She shook her head from side to side vigorously like a kid.

“Where do you wanna go then?”

“Anywhere but not home,” and she nestled into my arms.

I really thought of taking her home but she protested whenever I mentioned the word home like it was some plague. Besides, having grown up as a nerd, I seriously had no idea what her father would say.

“You can’t take me home, Xavier. You can’t can’t can’t can’t.” Those were the last words she said before she slowly passed out in my car.


I carried her up to my room and laid her down on my bed. I removed her shoes and the jacket and...

“Dammit!” I swore.

She was so beautiful.

Get a fucking grip on yourself, Arquette.

She moved a little and huddled her body together like a child as I pulled the blanket over her.

I changed back to a pajama. Usually, I sleep in my boxers alone but she would freak out first thing in the morning if she find me sleeping next to her in just my boxers.

I checked the time on my watch as I removed it from my wrist. It was 1:30 in the morning. Taking one more look of her sleeping face, I slid under the same cover next to her. Breathing deeply, she moved and closed the distance between us, one arm falling across my stomach. I rolled on my side and stared at her sleeping face, gently caressing her cheek.

Damn, I was so crazy ’bout her.

When she moved in one inch closer, I pulled her three-inch closer to me and wrapped her in my arms. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes, wondering . . .

What happens when she wake up tomorrow?


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