Xavier's Confession

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17. Sick of all the lies and fake love

Waking up the next morning, I pulled Captain closer to me as I snuggled up in my bed. But even with eyes close, the thing under my arm, oddly, didn’t feel so much like Captain. Nevertheless, I pulled him closer and then he made a weird moan in a female voice as he moved in my arms. I shot my eyes open, frowning in shock.

And there was my Mongrel, not Captain, spectacularly sleeping in my arms to my surprise.

Sweet Lord of Hell, how the fuck did this even happen?


Have I lost my virginity?

I peeked under the cover.

Oh. I guess not.

I had a pyjama on and she was dressed too.

It took me nearly five seconds of intense staring at her face, recollecting the events of the night before, to finally understand the whole situation.

I mean, waking up to the face of my crush and then realizing that she was actually sleeping in my arms on my bed was quite a lot to take in. It was like an alarm had gone off in my head.

I’m quite surprised that I hadn’t screamed out like an excited teen girl.

She was still in deep sleep, breathing in and out in calm repetition; her face turned away from me, the long brunette of her hair spread across the pillow. One of my arm was beneath her neck and the other, loosely stretched over her stomach.

I quietly moved in a bit towards her, careful not to wake her up. She smelled so good of lilac and vanilla. Relaxing my head nearer to hers, I took my time staring at her face, watching her sleep; those eyes, that nose, those lips . . . So inviting and yet untouchable.

She was always just this close to me and always so far at the same time.

If only she was mine. I was feeling so much for her it was almost uncontainable and frightening.

But then, she was not mine. I didn’t have the courage to even pull her closer, afraid I might wake her up. This was as close as I could get to her.

I stayed with her for about twenty more minutes then placing a light kiss on her head, I quietly moved out of the bed to take a shower. It was six in the morning by then. She was still sleeping soundly when I came out of the shower, wrapped up in a towel. I walked inside my closet, wore my jeans and when I came out, drying my head with a towel, I found Captain climbing up on the bed.

“Hey! Captain! No no! Get down!” I whispered shouted at him, waving a finger and signalling him to get down.

He looked up at me as if he was puzzled to find me out of the bed since I’d never had anybody on my bed before.

He quietly moved down and came towards me.

I scooted down and took him in my arms. “Morning, buddy. You see that girl on my bed? She isn’t my wife nor my girlfriend. I’m still the same single bastard you love.”

He licked up my neck.

“Umm. Yeah that’s enough,” I said, craning my neck away from him. “Come on.” I beckoned him to the door and we went downstairs together. He hung around me as usual as I made coffee and some Nutella sandwiches. I had my breakfast while chilling with Captain and then I went back up to my room with a bottle of water and some sandwiches in a tray.

Captain stayed back in the living room.

I placed the tray on the bedside cabinet, open the curtains over the glass wall a bit and slumped down on the bed next to her.

Few seconds later, she moved a little and slowly opened her eyes daintily like some princess in a fairytale. That is until she came face to face with my ceiling and her eyes shot open like she’d encountered a monster.

She whipped her face towards me. Lying on my front with my arms folded beneath my cheek, I smiled at her groggily. “Morning, babe.”

And then she legit screamed, bulleting up from the bed and gathering all the fabric she could find on this planet towards her chest.

I immediately jumped up too and grabbing her head with one hand, I clamped the other hand over her mouth.


“Are you crazy?!”

She stared at me wide eyed for more than one minute and eventually, she composed. Only then did I let down my hand. I couldn’t risk to have her scream again. Claire, Grammy and Elaine were in the house for Christ’s sake.

“What am I doing here?!!” She asked in shock, her eyes growing bigger by the second.

I rolled my eyes and replied nonchalantly as I moved down from the bed, “You came with me last night.”

Grabbing the towel from the cabinet, I went over to my dresser pushed against a gray wall and looking into the mirror, I began drying my hair again.

I was in my jeans alone, shirtless, and the waistline was clinging onto my hips just below the waist band of my Calvin Klein underwear. My body was pretty good for my age. I had packs and muscles all over almost like that of an adult. Maybe it was the trait I inherited from my dad. He was pretty ripped himself but now, he’d stopped maintaining his body. I also had a tan. Thanks to my latina mom.

I quickly glanced over at Alana through the mirror and found her looking at me. I suppressed a smirk and acted as if I hadn’t seen her, continuing to dry my hair. I hadn’t intended to but I thought it was good enough that I was in full display for her to see, since I wanted her as much to the point of corrupting her with my features.

Let her have all she wants. As long as it works.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t proud of my body. This was probably the only thing I wanted to inherit from my father. Otherwise, he sucked.

Alright. That’s enough staring. In the end, you’ll be falling for me due to all the wrong reasons.

At least I wanted something genuine.

Sick of all the lies and fake love.

“Stop harassing me with your eyes.” I winked at her in the mirror with a naughty smirk.

She immediately ripped her eyes away. Then looking down on her lap, chewing on her lips, she sighed and face-palmed in utter frustration.

“What happened last night?” She asked, peeking through her fingers.

I turned back at her and gripping the edge of my dresser, I leaned back, composing and coming up with a notorious scheme in my completely twisted mind.

Pulling on a serious face, I answered, “Last night,” I smiled a bit to add emotions and conviction as if I was reliving the wonderful night before, “You gave me the best night of my life.”

I will never stop being an ass around her.

Obviously, that wasn’t the best news for my Mongrel. Her mouth instantly fell over and she stared at me as if I was her murderer.

“Are you serious?” She asked timidly.

“Mhmm. I am.” I nodded with my best serious expression.

She turned her face down and slowly huddled up like a baby, pulling her knees to her chest. She was quiet. For real, I had expected her to literally jump out of the bed to kill me but she legit remained quiet.

I remained silent too, giving her time to let the news sink in and waiting for her strike. But then, she never jumped up. And as I stared at her I figured she was silently crying. And that led me actually realize she was a virgin too. I mean, I’d never thought about that before.

“Are you crying?” I asked, starting to feel a bit amused that she actually believed it.

She looked up. I pressed my lips together to hide my smile.

“Why are you laughing? Are you crazy? It’s not funny!!” She shouted with tears in her eyes.

Oh, Mongrel. I love you.

Seeing her like that, I felt a sour punch kicking up on my stomach to my heart like acid. It was adorable how much her first time meant to her.

I thought I should probably stop torturing her with the fake news. Seeing her cry was enough to make me guilty about it.

“Stop shouting, Alana. Nothing happened,” I said.

“What?” She looked up again, blinked rapidly.

“I said nothing happened,” I said again, sincerely.

“What do you mean Nothing happened?” She questioned back, trying to make it things clear.

Damn. She really believed it.

“It means nothing happened. Or did you want something to happen?” I said again, teasing in the end.

“Stop messing around,” she glowered at me sulkily.

Sighing, I ran a hand over my hair and went to her, crawling up on the bed.

I gently cupped her chin, angling her face to meet my gaze and then I spoke solemnly and softly, so that she would really believe me, “Nothing happened. Nothing at all. Do you really think that I would do that while you were not in your right mind? What do you think of me, Alana?”

I waited for her to answer, dying to know what she thought about me, but she didn’t. She just met my gaze, quietly and vulnerably as though she was finally merging into my world. Silence fell between us and for the first time, I felt like we connected. I felt like I was falling in love.

Oh, God. I’d never wanted anybody so much. There were so many things I wanted her to know, so many things I wanted to do to her. So many things, Alana. So many things.

I breathed deeply and pressed my forehead against hers, taking in her scent and her presence. I was literally craving for her as though I would die of thirst without her.

“Mongrel,” I said, “I won’t deny that I like you, also that I want you. But I wouldn’t take advantage of you. You understand that?”

She slowly nodded in response, composing and relaxing.

“Then why did you say that we . . .” She asked lowly, bashfully; getting those crimsons on her cheeks.

“Had sex?” I completely the sentence for her with a grin.

“Shut up!” She shouted out of embarrassment, throwing a pillow at me. I didn’t duck. I let her get me. She’d suffered quite enough this morning.

“I was fooling around.” I chuckled.

“You jerk!” She shouted again and punched me thrice on my chest.

This time around, she was actually laughing too and it was fucking adorable. She was actually behaving like a toddler who was relieved to hear the legendary lie that tooth fairy actually exist.

Fuck it.

I grabbed both her wrists and pushed her down on the bed beneath me. She gasped in surprise and watched me move up on top of her.

“You know what, Mongrel?” I said, keeping eye contact with her.

“Wh . . . What?” She was nervous.

“Last night,” I said, interlocking her fingers with mine on both sides of her head and inching closer to her, “Last night,” I repeated seductively, teasing her, “You asked me to kiss you. Shall I?”

She didn’t answer a single word. She didn’t look like she wanted anything from me either.

“Tell me, Alana. Do you want me to?” I whispered over her mouth.

When I saw her close her eyes, I moved over to her neck, grazing along her cheek with the tip of my nose and then I buried my face in the crook of her neck, allowing myself the simple pleasure of getting drowned in her scent, in everything about her.

Craving for more and just more and more and more and more, I let my lips slowly graze along her skin, over her neck and behind her ear, burying my face further into her hair. And then I felt it. My boner hard against my jeans.

I immediately pulled away, probing my weight up on my arms and shouting, “God! Alana. I thought I was teasing you but I’m losing.”

She looked just as lost as I was. Her hair spread across the pillow, she stared up at me beautifully. At this point, my breathing was erratic and heavy. I had completely lost myself.

“I really wanna kiss you. Say yes, Alana,” I begged.

For once, I didn’t care if I sounded like a fucking idiot. I couldn’t help it.

Exhaling slowly, she replied, “Xavier. Stop. You can’t. Please.”

I closed my eyes and pulled back. If she didn’t want it, I really wasn’t going to forced myself on her. But then, my chest was hammering in protest and I couldn’t hold back.

“At least this,” I said and planted a long, lingering kiss on her forehead; hoping it could let her know just how much I was feeling for her.

“Don’t let me come this close next time. I won’t be able to contain myself,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers and then I rolled out of the bed.

I wore my shoes and walked into the closet again; picking out a jacket. When I came out she was sitting up on the bed and she looked pretty messed up; her hair was basically sticking out everywhere in every direction. Maybe it was everything to do with her crying and fighting my spectacular hormones. Not that I mind. I’d be head over heels for her no matter what she look like.

“There’s breakfast on the table.” I said while wearing my jacket and motioning towards the cabinet. “Drink the water. You might feel dehydrated. And the bathroom’s over there.” I pointed towards my bathroom one the left, “Come down when you’re done. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

She nodded obediently. I smiled, scratched the back of his head a bit in infatuation and exited out of the room.

[Alana’s POV]

“Argh,” I groaned, face palming my heated face and rolled over on the bed, burying my face in a pillow and... biting down on my lip not to let the goofy grin stretch too far.


Why am I even having this grin?

No. No. Alana. No.

You’re not falling for Narcissist!

The moment he was out, I peeled off the blanket and went over to the dresser to take a look at myself.

Holy Cow!

I shrieked and jumped away from the mirror a little.

“What’s wrong?” Xavier barged in.

I quickly shook my head, “No... Nothing,” and quickly finger combed through my hair.

He smiled and closed the door. I looked back to the mirror.

I’ve been looking like this the whole time?! Xavier surely must be crazy to want to kiss someone looking like this.

My hair was a mess, making a brown nest on top of my head unlike his magnificent tousled hair and my eyes... You won’t find anything nice to say about them even if you try searching seven times across the globe for one nice word that would fit them. I looked like a wasted girl high on drugs. I quickly finger combed through my hair again just in case Xavier barge in again.

What am I doing?

I’m not supposed to care about how I look like in front of him.

Oh Alana.

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