Chapter 28 - A Heart That Has No Respite
I seethed in anger when all the wedding necessities were prepared the next day, but when the matrimonial ceremony was held, I only watched in helplessness as Sarah and her destined man exchanged vows.
Every word she uttered not only pulverized me to the core, but also condemned me into the darkest, loneliest days of my life. Sarah and I are bound to be together. Supposed to be, I am the one who gives her all the happiness and the loving she deserves, but it seems destiny really weighed me down and pulled me out of the picture.
But even as she had rejected me, here I am still, watching her from afar.
As she tears my heart open with her matrimonial vows for another man, no, I didn’t feel any hatred towards her. I still love her with all of my rotten heart. I still didn’t regret loosing my status as an archangel and becoming a Fallen One.
Why should I regret it when I had chosen this life for myself? Her pure soul was a treasure worth fighting for, worth surrendering my divinity and worth to be condemned about for all eternity.
But like I said before, I won’t go down without a fight.
Tonight, I will slice the husband’s heart before he takes her to bed and when he dies, I will claim Sarah again for myself.
Tobias will be my only hindrance. He will be my only wall that keeps me away from my beloved. I will sever their interconnected red strings and I will make a new one for me and her; pick up where we left off and spend an eternity together.
Screw Raphael too. A battle would be inevitable between us but that will not happen for now.
I just need to ignore him and sooner or later, he will be called back to the Heavenly Realm, consequently leaving me and Sarah alone in our own bliss.
There was merriment at the banquet hall after the ceremony ended. Everyone seemed to be in a jovial mood, totally forgetting Sarah’s so-called curse in just a day. It was probable that Raphael was the reason why their fear had disappeared. Yes. Most likely, that’s the reason why.
Still watching Sarah from afar, I saw that she looked happier. Unlike her previous marriages that seemed to be a death sentence, she was all smiles, blooming, and beautiful beside her new husband.
She must have forgotten about me already, but I have a feeling this was either Raphael or the destiny string’s power in motion, not her own will and choice. I bet I sound too desperate based on this but even me can dream right? Even if it sounds too pathetic.
By late evening, the party ended. My hands began to itch, looking forward to spilling this man’s blood. So far, I haven’t seen Raphael in the party disguised as Tobias’ right-hand man, and I haven’t also seen him as his golden self guarding me endlessly.
Probably he has finished his duty and maybe went back to Heaven? Probably he doesn’t see me as a threat anymore since Sarah and Tobias are finally bound by marriage?
No matter the reason, I want him away anyway. He’ll be but a nuisance in the picture. His presence, an eye sore. Good riddance to him if he really did went back to Heaven.
I watched the newly weds in the shadows of Sarah’s bedroom. I hate to see that the marriage consummation would be spent in the bed we used to share. This was our sanctum for crying out loud! This was our love nest!
However, much more important than the bed, to see Sarah with another man was what I hate the most!
I curled up my hands into a tight fist as I continued to watch them. Sarah and Tobias knelt at first in front of an altar and said their prayers.
It pricked my heart because she prayed for Tobias’ safety tonight. I could feel her fear of loosing her new husband. She prayed to the Creator but it seemed as if the words were directed to me. It seemed as if she knew that I was near and watching them.
Tobias, in the other hand, prayed for Sarah’s courage and love, and for all her fears to be washed away. I heard it all and yes, every word felt like a hot dagger being plunged into my rotten heart. Repeatedly.
Before they lay, Tobias stood up and pulled something from inside his satchel. I thought that it was a first night wedding gift for his bride, but as I stared at the objects, it made my skin shiver. In his hands were a precise cut of fish liver and heart. I knew instantly what they were exactly for: to drive me away.
I bet Raphael taught Tobias about the weakness of Fallen Angels. Damn bastard.
I stepped backward a few inches, enough that I can call safe. The smoke from the fish liver and heart would be my repellent. However, the smoke will rise after a few minutes, and a short minute was only what I needed in order to kill this man.
After tossing the objects into the hearth, Tobias joined Sarah in bed where she was just waiting for him, lying silently but with blushing cheeks. He smiled and she smiled.
Tobias tenderly ran a hand on Sarah’s bare shoulder. I roughly ran my sharp, pointed fingernails on the wall. Tobias softly caressed her face with his lips. I gritted my teeth in anger. No one should touch her like this but me!
I poised to pounce on the unsuspecting man, readying my nails to dug a hole deep in his heart, but as soon as I zeroed in on his back, I fell stunned and became a stone, rooted in place as I saw them sharing their first kiss.
Tobias moved his lips with finesse on Sarah’s red, plump ones. He did so while shoving the straps of her nightdress down her shoulders. What surprised me was how she reciprocated Tobias’ kiss; the same way she kisses me, ever so wanting.
I felt my rotten heart started to beat abnormally.
My eyes quickly widened when I saw Sarah’s body brightened with pure energy. No. Not just any energy but the energy of truth!
No! This is not happening! This is not the truth! I quickly denied the blinding bright reality.
My murderous intent was quickly subdued by the way she looked. Yes. She looked at peace; free of any dark chains that used to hold her down to me.
I knelt down, shaking my head as I eyed the two caressing their bodies in a slow steady fashion. I wanted to vomit when I smelt their passion filling the air. It was pure and untainted.
Sarah let out a light moan which should have been music to my ears if not for the man on top her, sucking her breast like a husband should on his fresh bride.
I was focused on watching the scene unfold before me that I didn’t notice one particular thing; the smoke arising and covering the whole room.
It smelt like fucking incense in a holy church. It smelt to me like a thousand beautiful roses of the Virgin Woman. It would have been fragrant for a normal folk, but for me, it was like a pesticide and I am, unfortunately, the lowly insect.
This kind of smoke wasn’t enough to shoe me away though, but I frantically stood up anyway and bolted out of the room, teleporting myself to the rooftop.
No. It was not the fish liver and heart that drove me away, it was seeing Sarah’s body fill up with the beautiful white light. This only means one thing and it was that she truly had given herself to her husband, that she truly wasn’t tied down to me anymore. Their strings were officially bound in a knot that even I couldn’t untangle.
My heart, if it was rotten in the beginning, it was even worse now.
It felt like it was being trampled continuously by a stampede of elephants; chewed and mauled down to every vein by sharp, jagged teeth; drowned in the Red Sea and afterwards, thrown into the blazing fire, or in my case, the unending fire of Hell.
I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt suffocated seeing her give herself to another man willingly; more willing than me.
The white light became a Holy Barrier. It widened, enveloping the whole room. When it touched my skin, it stung immensely. It drew out my dark energy and I felt weak without delay.
I had hoped that the flicker of light I saw in her eyes yesterday night was enough to bring her back to me, but now, I believe that she won’t be mine anymore. She belonged to another man and that truth...that truth alone made me insane.
Without a choice and with the Holy Barrier filling Sarah’s room, I flew myself up in the sky and teleported to where I know its barren land would recharge my depleted strength: Egypt. The cold, cold desert. Somehow, the place fucking empathized with me.
“It hurts,” I moaned with agonizing emphasis, clutching my sore rotten heart. “It really hurts... Why does it feel so painful?!”
I staggered weakly on the sand. Supposed to be, I should feel refreshed by coming here, but why do I feel a lot weaker?
My hands gathered as much sand as it could when I knelt on the ground. Droplets of tears, actual tears, began to show itself on my dirty knuckles.
Betrayed. That’s what I felt. So betrayed by her. Forsaken and left to comfort myself. Left in the darkness. But even with this, I still love her. Still, still love her.
“Why does it hurt so much Raphael?” I painfully asked when my hazy peripheral vision caught sight of my ex best-friend particularly observing me in my sorrow.
So there he is. Good timing I must say. I bet even though he is an archangel, he is snickering deep inside while watching me like this.
“Aeshma, you know I can’t answer that,” he stated. For some reason, I can sense sadness in his voice.
I clenched my jaw. I never wanted to be pitied. Never. Sneer for me angel! Scorn me! Do not pity me!
“Understand that everything that has happened is according to the will of the Creator. She is destined for Tobias. She will be happy with him. She is safe with him,” Raphael stated again, trying to make me see sense, but I blocked the words out of my head. I know that already, but I just don’t want to accept that reality.
“Sarah, my Dear Heart. She will be happy without me...” I cringed in the thought that that fact somehow pricked my heart more than seeing her with her destined man. “I won’t see her smile anymore! Her lovely, beautiful smile! I...I won’t be able to feel her warmth...”
“You are not supposed to feel that to begin with,” Raphael remarked matter-of-a-factly, but I made myself deaf to his words again.
I straightened and darted my eyes towards the night sky, and shouted, shouted like a mad man with my despair a thousand folds more than the present beaming stars shining down on me.
“Curse you God! Curse YOU! Why do you give me this heart! Why did you make me her Guardian Angel when you knew that I would love her more than myself...?! More than You!!! Why did you create me like this?! I do not want this! The ecstasy! The pain! The pleasure of being with her! Take it back! Take it back... aaaahhhh!!!”
“Aeshma!” Raphael screamed angrily. A flash of light and a loud swoosh thereafter, I saw he already held a great sword.
Yes. Kill me. I want to end my existence, but if only it is that easy.
I broke down again, but this time, I felt utter emptiness inside me. I willed myself one final look at the sky and closed my eyes.
So be it. If this is my fate, then Hell it is.
“I will not tolerate your blasphemy against our Creator! Repent and accept what it is and should be. He is still willing to accept you. He is waiting for you!”
Raphael really was trying to make me come back to the Brightness, but no. It was already too late. Brightness had long ceased to surround me. Sarah was my light. She was my reason for everything. And now that she’s not mine, I might as well wallow in Darkness for good.
A black, thick smoke surrounded me then. It was quick to make a wall barrier between me and Raphael. I took a last glance of my ex best-friend’s face before I was engulfed by all the blackness and I saw that he was thoroughly alarmed.
I felt my energy rejuvenated to a great degree. It was like I am being submerged in water charged with high volts of electricity.
My cells spasmed and my nerve endings felt being severed but I didn’t feel any pain. My stomach churned and I felt a heartburn coming up in my chest to my throat, but it felt sweetly ticklish rather than acidic.
I felt two ram-like horns grow in my forehead, but the splitting of my skull didn’t so much as deliver any shooting headache. My eyes did burn but it felt so brief, so fleeting, it made me feel that it was just a bite of a miserable ant.
My back? My back felt like it widened even more, making room for two more glorious midnight wings.
So this is what it feels like to transform huh?
I never thought this was what it felt like for a Fallen Angel to finally accept the other side of Brightness.
There was a soft sound that lingered in my ears and I immediately nodded knowing what it meant. This is the new me. A demon. An archdemon to be precise. The soft sound told me so.
When the thick, black smoke dissipated, I stood up regally. The feeling was definitely better than what I felt before. I felt a whole lot bolder, wiser, and more confident.
I turned my focus on the still awe-struck archangel in front of me and I grinned. Grinned devilishly.
“Suck it, Raphael... To Hell I will be,” I lashed.
“Aeshma!” he immediately called. He took a few steps backward and assumed a guarded position. I could see our opposite auras pushing each other away, but neither was winning the invisible battle.
I inhaled the cold, stale air of the desert before proceeding to speak, “Hmmm... I just heard the call of my Emperor. Do you know what He named me now?”
Raphael had a tensed look on his face. He must have found my new appearance rather...threatening. His head shook slowly, not believing what I had just become. “No... you can’t side with the Darkness!” he yelled, “Aeshma!”
“ASMODEUS! Call me by that name!” I quickly interjected, clenching my hands into a tight fist and glowing my eyes red. “I am Asmodeus! Demon prince of Lust. The Archdemon of the Second Circle of Hell.”
Raphael shook his head again, this time wildly. “No. No! Aeshma!”
His eyes glowed gold and his bright wings stretched widely in his back. He raised his great sword in front of us, pointing the tip to where my rotten heart hid. Since I am a demon now, I can easily be scarred by his Holy Sword. I felt threatened by the weapon, yes, but just a bit.
I hissed at him. For an archangel, he sure does accept the change so fast.
“I would love to chat more but it seems I have a mountain of charges waiting for me in the Demon Realm. Catch you later, ex friend?” I said in a cocky voice. Testing my new-found power with this high-and-mighty archangel would be a good choice, but I am not in the mood to spar with him right now. Actually, I am not in the mood to do anything at all.
I didn’t wait for Raphael to reply. I turned my back from him and stretched my now four-layer black wings and teleported out of sight. The last thing I heard before I was fully out of the desert was Raphael’s angry voice calling out my name... my old name.
Alone was what I wanted to be, so I decidedly chose to teleport in a place where it provided exactly what I want: the cold cliffs of the South Pole.
True enough, I felt like a new-born being as I stood on top of an icy cliff. I am the ruler of Lust; the bringer of desire and passion in its vilest way. I can finally control this intense emotion; the emotion that once became my driving force to claim a human.
Yes. The pain and the agony in my heart were long gone, but there was still one emotion that remained...
Love for my Sarah.
Although I had turned into a demon, I could still feel it beating inside my rotten, deceased heart and blast it, I fucking didn’t want to let it go.