Chapter 41 - Remembering You My Love
Although I strongly held myself, after I read the letter, a drop of tear slowly escaped my eye. I immediately wiped it dry with my bare hands, but the driver of the limousine broke his silence and told me that a tissue paper can be located below my seat. I gave him a thank you nod and went to pull the tissue out of the hidden cabinet.
“You shouldn’t be crying Ms. Andrea. It is your big day today,” he advised with a worried look shown in the front mirror’s reflection.
I smiled meekly at him and said, “Yeah, I should probably stop these emotional thoughts now. I wouldn’t want to look like a crying drag queen when we arrive at the church.”
I pulled two more sheets of tissue and lightly dabbed it in my left eye. A light retouch would be what I would surely need when I get there.
“Oh, I tell you Ms. Andrea, you are no drag queen,” the driver spoke again with a jolly voice. “Mr. Winner is a very lucky man to have you for his wife!”
Oh. I think this is the second time I have heard this sentence. First it was my mother and then him. Quite ironic isn’t it?
“That is so kind of you to say that Sir Dean,” I replied, giving him a warm smile this time.
Our eyes met in the reflection and we shared both an understanding of the situation.
“I am just speaking the truth Ms. Andrea,” he said and then chuckled. “Well, anyway, just one more turn around this road and we will be there on time. I believe your groom is very anxious now.”
I diverted my eyes on the road and saw that we were indeed close to our destination. I could actually see the green and blue rooftop of the St. Michael’s Parish Church; the church where Auntie Marcella and Uncle Michael was wedded.
“Thank you,” I said and inhaled a deep breath to calm my sudden raised heartbeat.
My car ride turned out to be a little slower than before when we reached the front garden of the local church. Or... was it only just my imagination?
But as sure as the bouquet I held in my hands, the same goes to my nervousness. It just felt so real. I don’t know if it was just cold feet but the feeling was so intense I seemed to take in deep breaths more than necessary.
I saw my entourage already lined up outside the entrance door. My bridesmaids wore royal blue and crimson gowns. They were my closest girlfriends here in Luxembourg. Clara was included in the batch, who looked ever more stunning as I had remembered her to be. The groomsmen were mine and Lorde’s male mutual friends. Raver was with them too who was partnered up with none other than his girlfriend of course.
I saw a cute boy as the ring bearer, standing in the front of the line. Lorde told me days ago that the boy was one of his business associate’s youngest son. There were five flowergirls in line too and they were some of Auntie Marcella’s friend’s young nieces.
Everything was perfectly in order as what I can see from the car’s tinted window. However, what caught my eyes and drew my attention stronger than the beautiful awaiting entourage was one that instantly choked my breathing.
It was the statue of the Archangel Michael, lifting a sword high in his hand, and a demon lying on the ground. This was basically the depiction of the last fight between good and evil, wherein the Archangel Michael won.
As soon as the word archangel and demon lingered in my head, I blanked out. I felt a sudden jolt of headache radiating from the occipital area up to my forehead. It was so intense that I had to cringe in pain.
I don’t know why it was a trigger, but just looking at the statue alone, a million flashbacks of memories came surging continuously in my mind - from my past, down to my present. From me being Sarah, and the woman that I am now.
So my dream the other night wasn’t just a dream in the end, it was truly a memory of my past life. If it was fate for me to remember, then I am happy that I have. At least now I know what I feel exactly towards the two men in my life.
I felt my heart radiate a deep ache in my chest. I don’t know if I was having a cardiac arrest, but it sure seems to feel that way.
Dropping the bouquet and clutching my chest with both of my hands, I immediately leaned on the window and tears continuously streamed down my eyes. I don’t care now if my make-up gets all smudged because hell, there won’t be any marriage ceremony taking place.
“Sir Dean, take me back to the mansion now,” I requested in sobs to the driver.
“Pardon Ms. Andrea?” he instantly asked turning his face towards me while appearing very confused and surprised.
“Take me back now. To the Winner Mansion. Please.”
“But your-your wedding Ms. Andrea?” he asked, hesitant to follow my instructions.
“There will be no wedding,” I stated and cried softly, closing my eyes and letting the tears fall harder. “Now step on that pedal Sir, please...”
“Ye-yes, Ms. Andrea. As you say so,” he confirmed and faced the wheel.
The car sped out of the church garden and into the street. I dared not make a backward glance on the holy building or my entourage who was still oblivious of my change of plans. I have a feeling that if I did so, I would feel guilty and bad that I just made a fool out of Lorde and my family.
I couldn’t undergo this wedding process, not now that everything was revealed. The emptiness in my heart had been lifted finally. I am not lost anymore.
Now that I remember me and Aeshma’s past, and me and Eriol in our present together, everything that had happened made complete sense.
Yes. Eriol. Him... My bastard demon prince!
The nerve of him! Leaving me so suddenly and erasing my memories!
I remembered our tryst that day when he stole me away from the gazebo garden and how I cried in the end. I remember how he coerced me into doing something sinful, and fucking me like I am just a casual fling. No tenderness. No warmth.
I felt the anger seethe inside me, but then I saw his penitent, guilt-ridden face. He was sincerely remorseful of what he had just done to me and that immediately washed my anger away. I couldn’t in my heart hate him forever.
When we arrived in the mansion, I hastily returned to my room and tore off the wedding gown out of my body and changed into a dress that my hands just hurriedly took out of my wardrobe: a yellow sundress.
The whole time I changed, I thought of what I had to do. My mind suggested that I should go to the penthouse hotel where Eriol’s suite was located. Auntie Marcella had already fired him as per Lorde’s order weeks ago, so I expected he wouldn’t be around in the mansion at all.
I seriously need to talk to him. I wanted to berate him, sermon him, or any other way just so I could express my disappointment. The bastard! He had the gall to show himself to me last night in my bridal shower and he had me thinking that he was just an insignificant stranger. He had the audacity to say goodbye to me in my dream and yet he didn’t do it in my front!
I took my phone from the vanity mirror and texted my mother about my decision and where I was. At least, this way, I wouldn’t be able to give her a heart attack. I didn’t wait for her to reply. I just left the phone and off I went out of my bedroom.
As soon as I flung the main door though, a man greeted me in the front with a very disappointed face. This man however was exactly who I wanted to see; the perfect entity to displace my anger.
“Ra-pha-el,” I uttered, my voice acidic.
Yes. I remembered this angel from way way back. Judging from Eriol’s demon form now, my bargain with this holy supernatural didn’t go through according to our terms.
“Andrea... Sarah... you remember me now?” he asked crisply, lifting a brow higher. He wore a dashing tuxedo, probably waiting inside the church with all the other guests, but decided to sneak out after noticing my unusual absence without leave.
If he was here now, then I would expect Lorde would arrive soon. I already have an inkling that my childhood sweetheart was the reincarnation of my past husband, Tobias. I guess history repeats itself huh?
“I wish it is possible for me to forget that golden face of yours. Though you have a shorter hair this time, you still look like the angel I once saw in my dream. My memory of you didn’t change.”
I eyed the now small portal for my exit, but I knew that my escape would be futile when this archangel was already doing his best on blocking me. I won’t, however, just give up. I will find an opening sooner or later and he will let me out whether he likes it or not.
“You seem to be lost, Andrea. Aren’t you supposed to be in church now?” he asked, putting up an air of authority. His arms were crossed on his chest and he stood with an intimidating glare. I refuse to be affected then.
“Are you blackmailing me again, Raphael?” I asked, straight-to-the-point. I have no fucking extra time now. I badly need to go to Eriol’s penthouse before Lorde comes.
“I am just guiding you Andrea. Marrying Lorde is what Destiny has written,” he reasoned.
“Ahhh... so you are using the Destiny thing again,” I mocked. “Exactly like how you told me before, with Tobias.”
Like I said, I am no damsel-in-distress. With my new-found past memories, I have a better view in life now, especially the life concerning my future. No amount of divine intervention would persuade me into doing something I do not want to do.
“To remind you Raphael, you didn’t keep our bargain in the first place. I thought I pleaded Aeshma’s case to you. You gave your word!”
“And I kept my word!” he immediately butted in. “However, the darkness enveloping Aeshma that time is too strong for my power to break. He has already accepted the baptism of the Adversary willingly and he could never be accepted as an angel again because of that. It is not my fault why the bargain wasn’t met in my end.”
My brows furrowed as I gave him a look of disgust. “What kind of an archangel are you then?”
“I care for your future Andrea. And Lorde’s too. You do not belong to Aeshma in that timeline or in this. Go back to the church and continue with the wedding!”
Finally fed up with his bullheadedness, I gathered myself and darted off to the available opening, but he immediately spread his white wings and covered the entire frame of the door.
“You can’t do that!” he stressed.
I pushed his chest in reaction, but he didn’t so much as move an inch.
Flushed and angry, and feeling hopeless, my eyes started to water again. I do not want to look frail now. I don’t want to be powerless, but remembering how I rejected Aeshma in the past, it opened up the great scar around my heart.
“Then tell me why?” I voiced out, putting a hand in my chest. “You can’t possibly order me again to reject Eriol! It has taken a toll on me in the past! You don’t know how much I have suffered!”
His jaw pressed into a hard line. I had to step further away for caution. Angels couldn’t harm humans, but they can choose to be a Fallen Angel whenever they like it.
“Demons don’t know love Andrea. Angels, Fallen Angels, Demons and any other entities, we aren’t worthy of a human’s love. That is how the Cosmos made us.”
I lifted my chin in an act of defiance. “If there is no exception, then to hell with it,” I said and attempted to exit the room again.
His wings, in response, spread wider and he glowed like a natural angel would.
I stopped, giving him a cold, wet-eyed glare.
“I won’t let you go Andrea. I have already exhausted all of my effort in this mission,” he said sternly. “I have showed myself to humans which is against the rules of the Heavenly Realm. I have used my powers to tweak Lorde’s memory in the gazebo garden and gave him a new one with car blasts and you running away. I have done everything I could so that everything is according to plan. I definitely can’t lose now.”
“You are a sick angel,” I declared, clenching my teeth. “You can’t expect me to walk down the aisle willingly! I care for Lorde, true, but I don’t love him enough to sacrifice myself and my happiness!”
“You will be happy once you tie the knot with him,” he immediately corrected. “The destiny strings power will heal you just like before.”
By those words, I instantly remembered how it felt when I finally gave myself up during my marriage consummation with Tobias. I felt a warm light inside my body that time and it glowed brighter as it erased all of my worries and my love for Aeshma away. This must be what he was talking about.
But even so, to hell with destiny strings and whatnot. I have abandoned my Fallen Angel that time, but in this timeline, I will not do it.
I stood on the bell tower of the church, waiting for the bridal car to arrive. I had already resigned myself into a life without my Dear Heart. I had already tossed myself in a life full of regret and pain.
I love her with all of my heart, but I know that she will never be happy with me when I am a demon. I am a monster, a beast. I have promised myself not to harm her, not to cause her pain, but it seemed this nature of mine overrules that. I did the opposite, unable to control my darkened lust, and I deeply regretted that. Regretted it so much...
I don’t wish to stay with her if my jealousy remains uncontrolled. I am a demon unfortunately and this dark emotion will always be present and ever so potent, so I already expected that I would never have her by my side again. No. I can’t drag her in my darkness. I can’t put her in an agonizing pain again.
I thought, better be me suffering than her, who deserves a lot more life than I am. And that life includes Lorde with her side. I had accepted that fact although it was very hard for me. He was her destined man in the first place, so they would be happy together.
For the final time, I was able to talk to her last night. I almost couldn’t contain myself when we were so close in the balcony. I almost embraced her that time but luckily, I was able to stop the urge. She looked so blooming last night; so beautiful, so full of love, and I was happy that I made the right decision of erasing my memories of her. I don’t want to bring her despair if I let my memories inside her ran wild. I don’t want for her to remember too, the appalling thing that I had done.
Yes. It is better this way. Her life without me.
Now, as the clock ticked by, I noticed that the entourage got more and more anxious. I heard their thoughts complaining that the bride was already late. Apparently, twenty minutes of the supposed wedding time had already passed and yet, she still hasn’t arrived.
Realization immediately hit me and I quickly teleported myself back in the Winner Mansion, specifically in Andrea’s bedroom.
I would have planned on making myself invisible, but as soon as I arrived there, I found my Dear Heart talking to the least entity that I expected.
What is he trying to do now? And Andrea? Why isn’t she wearing her wedding gown?
“You are a sick angel,” I heard her say and that immediately gave me a clue that they were arguing. “You can’t expect me to walk down the aisle willingly! I care for Lorde, true, but I don’t love him enough to sacrifice myself and my happiness!”
My rotten heart briefly stopped beating. Was I really hearing her words right? Did she just cancel the wedding? Why? Why? I really wanted to know.
“You will be happy once you tie the knot with him. The destiny strings power will heal you just like before,” Raphael stated which made me furious.
So that was the reason for the bright light that time. The light of truth so to say. It wasn’t Sarah’s light, but the light of the destiny strings mending her broken heart and tying their strings together.
Raphael noticed my presence as I stood a couple of feet behind Andrea. His human eyes rested on me gravely that she had to turn around too, no doubt curious.
I heard her gasp then. It seemed she didn’t expect me to come here at all.
“Eriol...” she cried forth softly when our eyes met.
“Andrea...” I uttered tenderly, hoping it wasn’t as pleading as it sounds. But oh Cronus! I really wanted to hold her now and shower her with kisses!