Shattered Moon

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I’m full of energy. I have a purpose, and I have a plan. I have not felt so focused for years. The image of Kiri disappearing when the car turned the corner to the main road, is etched in my mind. I’m pushing myself just to focus on what the future will hold for us.

I miss him desperately. The thought of his touch makes me stop in my steps and ripples of pleasure flash through me. His eyes, his candid innocence, his profound sadness and fiery passion. I want it all, and I can’t contain my happiness at the thought that I can really have it all, soon.

‘Okay. Well, I totally understand where you’re coming from. And it’s your life to live. As for me, I have an excuse for a top holiday, so it’s cool. Did you talk to dad? Is he okay with it?’

That was Lucy’s blessing. That is all I really needed to feel free to take the plunge.

I hit the ground running as soon as we got back. The storage for excess furniture is organised, the agency for renting out our house has been commissioned, the bank has been notified that I will be drawing money from abroad and all bills have been settled. All I need to do now is sort through all our things. The bits that nobody really wants to deal with. Ben has taken his, Lucy has moved all she wanted to her new flat, so whatever is left in the house is either mine to deal with or “nobody’s, really” and can be better redeployed somewhere else. So, this is my task for the next couple of weeks. Daunting as it sounds, it feels good to clear things out. Today is the day I make a start at it.

But first, I hit the pavement with a spring in my feet. I go out for a walk as I need to clear my head before I tackle today’s task.

The sun is shining high, and the contrast of the blue with the tall trees in the park is a stark reminder of the power of nature. The warm rays of the summer sun form long shadows all over the fields. I love University Parks. The explosion of colours from the manicured flower beds hits me every time, and everything brings a smile to my lips. It’s so beautiful!

The swans are cooling in the river while people are spread out on the lawns, basking in the warm sun. All benches are occupied with people reading, listening to something, talking, or just contemplating life.

Runners pass me by. Humans and their canine friends seem to have been let out for an hour of air time. The four-legged creatures bolting as soon as the leash is off, only to then look completely lost and dash back to their companions. Squirrels chase each other around and escape with dexterity the assaults of both dogs and crows.

Everywhere is alive with that powerful positive energy that comes only with a hot summer day.

I walk on, a smile plastered on my face.

Kiri has again been an ever-present companion. Despite the enormous distance that separates us, we are in contact every day. He is out fishing during the day and that worries me to death. I know how mighty that ocean is and how flimsy those boats are. I long to hear from him every evening so I know he is safe.

My days start with his messages greeting me, good morning honey, which still makes me warm inside.

‘Want me to come over and help you make a start with it?’

I know Cindy means well, but I think I need to do this alone. There is a strange grieving process brought along by reminiscing when, where and with whom objects were bought. I need to go through this so I can process my feelings and let go. I will tackle the living room today. It’s a bit less personal than my bedroom and certainly less painful than going through Kyle’s stuff.

After a full afternoon of determined work, my knees are aching, and my back is stiff, but I look happily at the two black bags full of charity items and the one ready for the dustman. The shredder has also been working overtime. I will finish this room tomorrow. I’m proud of myself!

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