Twelve: The Lover’s Diary
Puff. Pass. Puff—coughing fit.
Jonny drops the pipe as his body convulses from the hit he’d just taken. I roll my eyes and pick it up, taking my turn before passing it to the next person in the circle.
I’m at a party that has more bodies than the high school. It’s not really my scene, or I guess it hasn’t been since I started seeing Arnie.
Our time together is always amazing, he’s amazing... And I really wish I would have realized that a long time ago. Maybe then I wouldn’t have wasted so much time from delaying Arnie and I’s relationship.
I had my qualms that kept me from pursuing him. He was different. He stuck out in his own shiny, good way. I guess I felt... dirty by that and even more after I realized I had a thing for him. But it was clearly my insecurities futile attempts at holding me back, because Arnie and I are together now.
As the rest of the stoners in the circle pass around the pipe I glance up that clock, then curse. It’s just past midnight and I had told Arnie I would see him later—meaning after a dinner with my parents that I didn’t even go to.
I head away from the noisy circle and pull out my phone from my pocket, unlocking it immediately. The screen has notifications of a few dozen missed calls from him, and a message from my mom.
I open hers first.
Hey sugar, I take it you’re spending the night with Arnold? Wish you would have told me but have fun. Call me in the morning. XO
Part of me wants to scoff at that. She knows why I’m not talking to her right now. Of course, she doesn’t know that I know what she is keeping from me.
My frustration on the matter is easily pushed aside with the comfort of the good old marijuana in my system. Times like these, it’s the only thing that distracts me from what’s going on.
I open Arnie’s messages next, there’s a list. Of course there is, I laugh to myself. Skimming them quickly, I find that they’re an array of are you okays and other over the top concerned messages that make me shake my head in amusement. I go straight to calling him once I reach the end of his messages.
The dial tone rings and rings, but he doesn’t pick up. I glance back at the clock while I wait and am reminded that it is really late. Arnie is more than likely sleeping for school tomorrow, and probably fell asleep thinking that I stood him up.
I’m such a bitch. I groan aloud when an image of Arnie waiting up and growing disappointed as each hour goes by fills my head.
I make my way back to the circle in the middle of Jonny’s living room floor and as soon as I’m sitting, snatch the weed pipe out of the hands of the guy sitting a few people away from me. He does the smart thing and doesn’t give me any shit for it.
I’m not a temper tantrum queen by any means, but right now, I need this outlet. As I breathe in the green substance, some of my stress dissipates, and my mind still wanders to things that have it coming right back.
This is not how I intended for the night to go. I had every intention of coming here to blow off some steam and then heading back to Arnie’s afterward with a better mindset. I don’t want to hurt him and it’s for that reason that I am here.
If I would have gone straight to Arnie, I would have thrown myself at him and used him as a distraction. He wouldn’t have known the difference. I couldn’t use him like that, it would have just added on to my stress.
In the past when I needed to blow off steam I would just go to Tommy and we’d get drunk at parties, which is where I met Jonny in the first place. But, Tommy has been doing his own thing, so this was my only other option.
With Arnie, things are almost perfect and I don’t want to sabotage that. So, if I can, I’ll keep this stressed, agitated part of me as far from his as possible.
My mood continues to take a nose dive as the minutes go by, frustrating me beyond my limits. Sighing, I toss down the pipe and go upstairs to lay down in one of the guest rooms.
The truth is, I wasn’t ever going to have dinner with my parents, not after what I found. It had been like a slap to the face, surprising enough to have me writing about it—something I haven’t done in almost three years.
I’m going to get straight to the point since we both know I’m not a fan of this.
I got home from Arnie’s today after a really good couple of days with him. Long story short, I went to use mom’s computer for a school assignment and ended up opening her browser to a listing for house nearly halfway across the country.
I knew instantly what it was. Yet, it was just so over the top even for her. I know she and Jeff haven’t been doing as well since the wedding, for whatever reason that could be, but she didn’t tell me a thing. And after everything, every breakup, I thought that wouldn’t be the case any longer.
My step father, Jeff, is a nice guy. A stark difference compared from the losers mom has been with, and I’ve even started to admire him. Though, I guess it’s just a lost cause now that we’re going to be out of here as soon as I graduate, from what that listing told me anyway.
That’s only months away. After my time with Arnie and how we just clicked I... I don’t know how I feel about that.
It’s been a day since I found out and however many since my mom placed the bid on the house. She has yet to tell me about it.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. It’s just that the other times, watching her shrink into someone I didn’t know were so different. The simple fact that she married Jeff is plenty indication of that.
After so many breakups and new towns, I can’t just sit back and watch the life we’ve put together fall apart all over again. Especially when this time, she’s making a mistake.
The thought of leaving Arnie behind and moving away again, only for the same process to start and repeat is devastating to think about.
That is why I’m here, getting high and distracting myself in another way that doesn’t involve using the guy I care for.
I only wish I hadn’t lost track of time. Arnie deserves better.
I roll onto my stomach and groan into the bed. My calm inducing high is wearing off as every minute passes and guilt is sinking its claws into me deeper. But, good. I should feel like crap.
And maybe I should have just told Arnie what was going on. He would have been supportive, understanding even. Except, things like that aren’t easy for me to get out.
I roll onto my back and sit up. After running my hands down my face in frustration, I see Jonny standing in the doorway of the room.
“Trouble in paradise?” He jokes, his hazel eyes twinkling.
I roll my eyes and then give my best glare before kicking my shoes off. It’s midnight, I’m still partly in the grips of a cannabis high and I’m way too tired to be driving anywhere. Besides, there is a perfectly good bed beneath me.
Stopping by Arnies tomorrow after school is a must, since there is no way I’m going to be able to keep my head up in class at eight am.
“Sticking around?” Jonny asks, throwing himself onto the foot of the bed.
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can.”
He shakes his head. “You know you’re more than welcome to stay as long as you like.”
“Yeah, well I’ve got things to do, and a stoner den isn’t exactly my number one choice of places to reside.”
Jonny chuckles. “Duly noted, princess.”
I shake my head at the acquired nickname and sink into the silence that falls between us. My mind returns to thoughts of Arnie, and Jonny stares off into his half asleep stoned stupor.
Often times this is how it usually went between us. Whenever I’d accompany Tommy to things like this he’d end up drunk before the end of the night was through. Jonny and I would exchange a few jokes, light chats, and then call it a night. He’s an easy going guy and almost reminds me of the stoner version of Arnie in some ways. Except, between him and I things were always platonic.
That’s why it’s so shocking when Jonny suddenly closes the distance between us and kisses me. Not just a peck either. It’s the kind of kiss that has too much tongue and saliva to be sexy; The kind that says, ‘I want in your pants.’
His lips on mine are so different from Arnies that I almost feel disgusted. Especially because Arnie’s face, touch and everything about him was just on my mind. I push on Jonny’s chest lightly and he sits back, his stoner eyes crinkled as he frowns in the most adorable way.
“I’m seeing someone,” I disclose, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my sweater.
Jonny pouts, but flops back onto the bed without another word. “That Tommy guy?” he sighs.
My shoulders shake as I laugh. “No. We’ve never been serious, it’s someone else. I don’t think you’d know him, he doesn’t exactly hang in places like this.”
“You’ve snagged yourself a pretty boy, haven’t you?” Jonny mock glares.
“No,” I snort. “If we’re going with stereotypes, he’s a nerd.” A nerd with a really big cock that knows how to use it. And the head on his shoulders, too because as every second passes, I find myself longing for his presence even more.
“So it’s serious then?” he asks, fiddling with the blankets.
I nod, smiling because admitting it out loud feels good.
“Huh, well why are you here and not with him?”
“I needed to blow off some steam,” I sigh.
Jonny chuckles. “And does he know you’re here?”
Dimples appear in his cheeks at my revelation, and he grins. “Well, good thing. If I were him I’d be carrying you out of here hours ago.”
I shake my head and laugh, then kick him out of the room before he can talk even more, because he will. Stoned Jonny talks a lot, sober Jonny? Not so much.
As I lay beneath the covers of the bed my thoughts run rampant with Arnie. Arnie and how he kisses so differently than stoner Jonny, and even better than him. Arnie and how he holds me while we sleep next to each other and makes me feel so warm. And how hard it’s going to be to lie to him all over again tomorrow.