Chapter 3 ~ Haunted Memory
I hung my head in my hands as tears prickled at the sides of my eyes. I had promised myself years ago, that I would not surrender, she had single-handedly ripped my beating heart out of my chest and squeezed any life out of it. But now, as I sat on her bed, my stone-cold heart began to beat again. The first time in seven years it came roaring back to life because of one sentence, a sentence I’m not even sure she comprehended herself saying.
I couldn’t, I couldn’t risk my heart again, I couldn’t fall.
~*~ Flashback – 15-years-old ~*~
Danny was dancing around me as I lay on my bed reading, well, trying to read. She looked incredible spinning about, through the sun’s rays as they beamed through my bedroom window. Tiny specs of dust particles flipped carelessly through the air as she twisted and turned, it was as though they were all moving in sync with one another.
I tried to focus back on my book, but considering I had read the same paragraph three times already, I highly doubted I would progress any further with her parading about the room. I placed my book, open and face down, on my bedside table, tucked my hands behind my head and closed my eyes. I was trying to grasp at anything to calm my racing heart and painfully hard erection, which seemed to happen a lot when she was around.
I felt the bed dip and she climbed on top of me, her legs tucked in either side of my hips, as she lay forward against my chest. We had always held a close relationship, always cuddled and had sleepovers in each other’s rooms, at school we would walk hand in hand and lean on each other, this was our norm and it was as natural as breathing.
I wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled in more. “Axe?”
“Have you ever kissed a girl?” My eyes grew wide, where the hell was this going?
“No Butterfly, why?”
“Jenna was talking the other day in social studies about her boyfriend. She said that when they were kissing, they began to rub against each other…”
“Oh god Dan, do I want to know?”
She lifted her head and looked at me with a pink hue spreading across her face. “Sorry,” she murmured.
I gently grazed my thumb against her soft cheek, taking note of the heat that radiated from her embarrassment. “I know you haven’t kissed anyone,” she scrunched her face.
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“What? No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”
“Then why do all the other girls get asked out and not me?”
Maybe because I threatened to kill them, I reminded myself. Shit, out of jealousy one day, I had overheard the boys talking in the locker room about how beautiful my Butterfly was and how they were going to ask her out. I threw one asshole against the wall with my elbow buried in his throat so he couldn’t breathe and warned all of them that I would kill them if they even spoke to my Butterfly. I thought for a moment, “because you’re special Danny, you’re not just anyone, you are made to be worshipped by the right one.”
She held my eyes with an innocent and unsure gaze, “will you kiss me, Axel? Will you be my first kiss?”
My heart was beating so hard and fast as the words left her plump lips, and I tilted up, resting on my elbows. Dan did too, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. From the moment we connected, I could feel a flood of emotion as fizzing tingles sparked between our locked lips.
It ended quickly and I lay back down lost in the entrancing beauty on top of me. “There Butterfly, now we’ve both been kissed.”
“Not that kind of kiss Axe, you know what kind of kiss I mean.”
“Please Axel… I trust you, I feel safe with you. I just want to know what it’s like.”
I sighed, this was all I ever wanted, dreamed about, but we had been adopted into the same family, surely this was wrong on some level? Hell, I even felt guilty for having these feelings towards her in the first place. But she is so beautiful, so kind, loving, coming here was the only good thing to have ever happened in my life and she was a major player in why I had been so happy. I could see the way her eyes pleaded with supplication, “okay, but I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
“Neither do I.”
Once again, I rose to my elbows and leaned forward, just as she did. We pressed our lips together gently and softly moved them against each other. The sensational warmth that spread across my face was consuming, I could not focus on anything else, but when I felt her tongue glide against my own – the way they rolled and danced – it all sent a wave of shivers down through my soul. I knew, at that very moment, I would never crave another’s lips again. My heart was tattooing a rhythm in my chest but then she moaned. A soft sweet enjoyable moan, a taunting and tantalising moan, calling forth the feelings for her that I tried to keep buried and hidden, I felt her core press harder against my cock as it painfully throbbed in my pants. All my senses were exploding, I loved her, I knew I did, I knew I always had, but people would judge us, how could something that felt so right, so good, be seen as wrong?
I pulled back in desperate need for breath as my lungs burned from lack of air. We were both, panting heavily, staring wide-eyed as the realisation hit me at full force – I couldn’t deny my love any longer – completely focused on the other’s reaction, I felt vulnerable, what if this feeling was not reciprocated? Did she enjoy it as much as I did? I saw her front teeth nip at her plump bottom lip, the way it does when she finds something pleasurable. I crookedly smirked, feeling suddenly shy but relieved about our intimate experience.
She put her head back down against my chest, I couldn’t stop the smile as happiness that crept over my face, I was thankful she could not see me grinning away. “Thank you, that was wonderful. I love you Axe, I have always loved you.”
My heart was in danger of exploding, we had crossed that line, there was no turning back now. I wanted more, I want her to be mine completely, but could we, could we be something more?
“I love you to Butterfly.”
Nope, this shit was dangerous. The memory of our first kiss came flooding back at an unrelenting pace and I was helpless against it. No, I needed to get out of here, her being here, Pam passing away, Travis heading straight for the loony bin with a shattered heart, no – no – no, this would not be my undoing. I would not succumb to her ruthless clutches again.
I got up and walked straight out of her old bedroom, there were too many memories in this house and it was all fucking with my head. I locked the door and jumped in my car without a single look back. I needed to forget her, I needed to let her go, to gain back my control.
I pulled out my phone and dialled Candy’s number, she had been after me for months and right now, I didn’t care that she was repulsive, I needed a hole, any hole, I needed to forget and I definitely needed to erase Danny.
…Axel? Why are you calling at seven in the morning? Don’t tell me you’re finally thinking clearly?…
“Get in the shower and clean yourself, then I want you on your bed, on all fours. I’ll be there in an hour.” My growl was deadly, she knew not to defy me.
…Yes Sir… she purred with a thick lusty lick, I had to force back my gag.
“No lingerie Candy, I want to be in and then out. No fucking around. God knows I don’t really want to touch you in the first place, but desperate times and all...”
“One hour Candy.”
She was nothing but a slut and a slut was exactly the tool I needed to get off on. She didn’t deserve my respect, honestly, who the fuck in their right mind would just spread their legs on demand? Dan would never allow me to talk to her like that. “Aaaarrrggghhh,” I screamed out, that’s who I’m trying to forget. Shit, this was all too hard.
Okay, get in, bury my cock in Candy, release and then go to work. That is what I needed to do, in that exact order. And absolutely, under no circumstances, am I to think about Daniella.