Chapter 4 ~ Forced Into Crazy
That fucken asshole, I mean I was pissed when I woke up and his car was gone, I swear to god he called me Butterfly that night, and that alone brought up more than just small flashbacks, no, it had opened the floodgate of memories and I was collapsing under the sheer volume of them. But now, to leave me alone for two whole fucken days, to not answer his damn phone and leave me, unable to know what to do in this situation? I was going to kill him.
Dad refused to eat anything, he continually cried, begged for death, bargained to receive some relief from the torturous agony and when I was so exhausted that I had drifted off, he escaped and high-tailed it up the road, waiting for a car to come and run him over, because he was so distraught with the utter ravishing loss of Mum, that he just wanted to end it all.
Stupid love, all it ever does is fuck you up in the worst way possible.
I swear I muttered all the way to King Dickhead’s office, the whole one and half hours it took to drive there, cursing his very existence, I was ready to murder that sonofabitch. I didn’t even care that I looked like a crazed lunatic, he was going to answer for why he left me alone to deal with this. I hadn’t seen Dad in seven years and now he was lost in a vortex spiral of depression and suicide, I hadn’t showered in two days, or slept in just as long and I was on the verge of driving myself to the mental clinic just to reclaim some semblance of sanity. I was losing every ounce of control to my emotionally broken heart, I needed help.
I stomped in with a fire blazing in my belly, my plan – rip that mother fucker from limb to limb. Suddenly, I was thwarted in seeking my vengeance, by a short Islander looking security guard and another one that looked like he had just hopped a boat from Scandinavia, all pale and possessing strikingly similar features to what I presumed a muscle-bound Viking would look like, though, I really should have paid more attention in history.
“Excuse me, Miss? Identification please.” Oh, he isn’t Islander at all, hmmm, I wonder what nationality that is then? “Miss… ID?” He requested again, derailing my thoughts as he waved his stumpy fingers about like I was deaf.
“I don’t need fucking ID to see my worthless piece of shit brother,” I snapped.
“Who is your bother Miss?”
“The wanker that owns this company.” I looked at him as if he were an idiot, but really, if I was in a calmer frame of mind, I probably would have realised these people have no clue who I am.
My disturbance was causing leering eyes as people rushed in from their lunch breaks. “Excuse me? I’m sorry… did you say… sister?” This middle-aged woman interrupted me with a look of curiosity and a twinkle of happiness.
“Yes, sister, well, sort of – it’s a long story – but yes, sister. And that prick has left me alone to help heal our father’s heart, organise our mother’s funeral and try to grieve all on my own, I want answers. I’m going to rip off his balls and shove them down his pompous arrogant throat.”
“So it’s true, his Mother did die?” She questioned me like I had just handed her the most precious gift she had ever received.
“Of course she did, would I be here otherwise?”
“Mr Panga, please allow Ms Hutchinson through.” She winked at me, instantly I knew something had happened between them, it shouldn’t have been this easy to get in. If he bothered to post security at the entrance of his building, then he needed to keep out undesirables and the crazed, smelly woman that stood in front of these people certainly fit that description.
As I practically burst past the entry gates, I yelled back and pointed, “I know that look, I know he’s done something to piss you off, just know I appreciate you.”
She chuckled to herself as she entered another elevator opposite me, with the group of people I noticed were standing behind her through a little exchange. The ping finally signalling my arrival at his floor, breaking me from my seething state, it wasn’t hard to decipher which one he was situated on, as his god damn name was engraved above his floor button. Dickhead.
I kind of paled once I got up there, not knowing which of the four doors I was confronted with, that I should enter. By now, the other elevator pinged and that’s when I noticed the walls were lined with antique vases on pedestals. This arrogant ass, vases really? It was an odd choice of decor but whatever, it’s not my company so I don’t care.
Out walked the same group of people with that woman, who just smiled brightly at me and began to count backwards. The group were staring tensely at door number three, some even held up phones ready to record. My eyes flitted back and forth as her count grew louder, “and 3… 2… 1… open door.”
Just like precise clockwork, the door opened, and people in fancy suits filed out from door three. At the very back, towering over the small cluster was him – the ass – the wanker – King of Dickheads, my brother and the only one I hate more than anyone else in the world right now.
“You asshole,” I screamed so loud, that instantly there was almost dead silence, all except for a printer making noise in the background somewhere. “How dare you?”
“What the fuck Danny?” He was more shocked to see me, than anything.
I was so beyond furious, I grabbed one of those precious, pretentious antique vases and aimed it for his head. How convenient and handy they were there. Of course, he ducked, which made me ropable and I grabbed another, hurling it across the office in his direction.
“You left me alone to deal with this shit…” I threw another vase, “he is our father, ours, yours and mine dip-shit…” this time, I really tried my best to clock him with one. “Alone, to organise the funeral for Mum…” another vase found flight, “keep him from fucking killing himself…” I spat, only this time the vase careened off course, almost hitting an innocent bystander in my volatile tirade. ‘I’m sorry’ I mouthed in regret at the shocked onlooker before continuing. “I’m not prepared for this shit, you useless…”
“Daniella, calm the fuck down, this is my workplace.” His order boomed out and bounced off the walls, he just what? He just told me to what? Did he honestly think I would listen? I pulled my boots off and as he trudged towards me, clearly unamused by my childish, two-year-old, antics. I heaved my boot and knocked him right on the head. Elated by my aim, I jumped up and down on the spot enthusiastically, but that didn’t stop him. He gripped both wrists and twisted them behind my back as I tried to turn and run away.
I began to kick and thrash about but the asshole wouldn’t let me go, instead, he hauled my temper-tantrum throwing ass into his office and slammed the door shut. I could hear him ordering everyone to ‘get this mess cleaned up’ and then he opened the door again, slamming it with inhuman force behind him, squaring his steely, penetrating aquamarine eyes at me with burning fire.
“What do you think you are doing here?”
“Well obviously, I’m making chocolate cake Axel, what do you think I’m here for?”
“I’ve had enough of your smart-mouthed bull-shit, you don’t come into my business…”
I stood up on the coffee table so he couldn’t tower over me and my 5ft 5 shortness, screaming louder than him, “you left me, you left me. I don’t know what I’m doing…”
“You left me well before I left you with Dad, I don’t see the difference.” His tone was dangerous and deadly low but I heard it, how could I have missed it even through my screeching? I heard every single point and intent behind the way he remarked, I had left him, but not because I wanted too, because I had too, so now he was seeking revenge anyway possible.
More tears escaped my eyes, this time from hurt and not anger. I climbed down from the coffee table as he leant forward against his desk with his head hung low. “I need help Axel, I can’t handle this. Please, will you please, just organise the funeral? I’m having trouble keeping Dad from committing suicide, please, just help me a little,” I practically whispered, begging for mercy.
“Okay,” he responded as his hands clenched on top of the glass desktop.
I moved to the door but before opening it, I spoke clearly. “I left because it was wrong Axe, I left because it hurt too much to love someone I could never be with.”
Getting into Mum’s old pick-up and realising I had left behind my boots, I could feel the fire for blood had well and truly dissipated. What I was left with was the sad reality that we would never work out, we were never meant to be. There was just too much hurt, distance and the fact that we had been adopted into the same family and all of it was just so wrong in society’s eyes. As I drove home, all I could think about was the memories, our memories, of a time when we were at our happiest.
~*~ Flashback ~*~
Axel was holding my hand tightly as we wandered through the thick bushland. I loved when he did that, he was the only person in the world that made me feel safe and secure from a singular touch.
“… and then when Rob sat down next to Rita, he asked her to be his girlfriend. It was the cutest thing ever, Rita turned bright red and just nodded a yes.” I was talking a mile a minute, because there had been a burning question in the back of my mind, and I was nervous about how to bring it up.
Axel and I were kissing all the time, we were holding hands and even though we usually spent most of our time together, we were together every night as well, we acted as if in a relationship but we had never solidified anything, I needed clarification, even if it hurt.
Mum and Dad never minded, they knew we were best friends and we had always been very close, right from day dot, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for us to be affectionate. What was though, were the continuous blushes and lingering looks, the holding hands under the table and the pecks on the cheek in front of them - that’s what I needed to sort, are we something more?
We sat down under an old Elm tree as Axel pulled out our water bottles from his backpack, still listening to me jabbering on and on about anything and everything I could think of, only pausing to rehydrate.
“What do you want to do when you grow up Axe? We never discussed it.”
“I don’t know Butterfly, what do you want to do?” I gave him a disapproving glare, he always did that, switch so we ended up talking about me and not him.
“You already know what I want to do for the rest of my life, tell me, what do you want to do when you get older?”
He sighed leaning back against the tree trunk. “I know I want you in my life, always,” I couldn’t help but swoon at his words, nipping at my bottom lip.
“Well, that will be inevitable, even when I’m travelling the world as a famous performer.”
He grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap, eliciting a squeal followed by a giggle as my legs rested either side of Axel’s hips and I faced him. He cupped just below my ears, running his thumbs along my cheekbones, “and I will be in the front row of every concert you dance in.”
Heat burned from my core, this was a very dangerous position to be in. I dipped my head and captured his lips softly, I loved to kiss him, I loved the way it made me feel. “Axel? What are we?”
He looked at me with knotted brows, “what do you want to be Butterfly?”
I huffed in annoyance, “dammit Axel, why can’t you just give me a straight answer?”
“Alright Danny, what do you want my answer to be?”
This time I rolled my eyes, he wasn’t going to answer me and I was tired of not knowing what the hell was happening with us. I knew I was in love with him, I always had been, from the moment he came home to live with the Hutchinson’s. “You know what Axel, just forget…” I replied dejectedly and motioned to slide off him but he cut my words and my movements off.
“Don’t move Dan, I like it when you’re close.”
I feigned surprise, “what? Was that an actual admission from the one and only, Mr Axel McKnight?”
“You’re a pain in the ass sometimes,” he narrowed his steely eyes at me and quirked his brow.
“Do you love me?” I began to move my hips atop him, remembering what Jenna, a classmate, had said about her and her boyfriend rubbing against one another eliciting pleasurable friction.
Axel’s eyes rolled back and he moaned, moving his hands to grip my waist firmly. “Dddaaaannnnnnyyy,” he ground out loudly.
I could feel his bulge, despite us both wearing jeans. The action of rubbing along the length of him felt amazing, it made my entire body heat up as pleasure rose from my core, tightening my nipples to points and his fingertips began to dig into my sides. “Do you love me?” I prompted, hoping this little jut of ecstasy would cause him to open up some.
“Of course, I… love you… Butterfly, you are… ooohhhh… the only girl… for me.” He leaned forward and bit my nipple through my shirt.
I groaned loudly, loving the exquisite feeling of everything we were doing. I upped my pace, really grinding into his hardened bulge as the joined stitching from my jeans rubbed against my centre as my body began to quiver. It felt as though I was heading for a cliff face, climbing higher and higher. “Oh shit,” I heard him cry out, just as I reached my own peak and he thrust his hips up with a growl.
A wave of pure unadulterated relief washed over me my and insides felt as though I had imploded, “Oh, Aaaaxxxxeeelll,” I moaned, suddenly feeling weightless and lost in a euphoric space.
His lips found mine and his tongue delved deep into my mouth, worshipping every bit of that ecstatic moment of undeniable and wondrous tingles that swept through me with explosive force.
Axel held my head firm, causing me to focus my collapsing mind. “Be mine Dan, be my girlfriend, no matter what they say, no matter how wrong they think we are, I love you.”
I lopsidedly smiled, still shuddering from pleasure as it whizzed through my nervous system. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” I whispered.
“Forever, Butterfly, you and me, forever.”
I blinked furiously, trying to will away the tears that now splashed against my cheeks. That day, was the first time I ever orgasmed, although I didn’t know it at that stage. We had made a promise, it was him and I forever, I was going to be his and his only, until the day we died.
As I merged onto the highway, I realised, it didn’t matter what promises we had made in the past, we were strangers now and the man I loved, was nothing more than an apparition that lurked in the depths of my wild fantasies. We would never be that way again.