"Will you marry me?" Cooper said. I stood there in front of the bridge facing the ocean. Cooper was on one knee holding a beautiful ring. My eyes were wide and my mouth was hung open. "Sweetheart?" He said. That's when tears fell down my face.
"Yes Cooper, yes." I said. He put the ring on my finger and I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you Cooper." I said. He pressed his lips against mine. Five months ago I found out that I was pregnant. My whole world was new to me and it still is. Things are the same. My memory's of my old life are still none existence. My new life is turning out to be the best thing I could of ever asked for. Cooper is so excited about becoming a daddy. Debbie, his sister was so moved by the whole thing that she went home to convince her husband to move here to be closer to us.
He agreed and I can't wait till they are closer. My family may be small, but I love them all very much. It's going to be nice to have another mother closer to help me out. Cooper went out and got me books on parenting and I've been reading them like crazy. Cooper is such a good man. Every night he lays next to me and talks with the baby. It's one of my favorite things. He shares his secrets and fears and happiness and even though he knows I can hear him. It never stops him.
I'm five months along now and I'm really starting to show. I've taken up nesting like crazy around the house. I've completely made Cooper move the entire house around. I've also started gardening. I'm on an eating healthy kick. Cooper still likes to do all the cooking, but ever since I've been on this health food kick. He has a hard time planning the meals. I just laugh as he tries to figure out how to cook eggplant. Other then that my life is great. Even though I know how I feel about Cooper and my life. There's still this really small part deep inside me that tells me something is off. I know its my brain trying to remember things from my past, but nothing as come into play. I still see my therapist two times a week. She reassures me that if my mind wants to remember it will.
She is also happy with my new life choices and thinks its a good idea to only start seeing her once a month. She is really happy with progress and doesn't think I need her as much anymore. That makes me happy. I'm not as afraid of strangers as much as I used to be. Cooper has asked me a couple of times if I'm ready to maybe search for my family because of the baby, but I'm just not to sure about it just yet. I've still got my worries about it. What if it turned out they were bad people? Or what if I had found out that I was alone? These types of things make me second guess it. I don't want anything bad to come into my life right now.
Cooper gets worried that maybe my mother or father is out there that I might be sorry wasn't around for the baby or my wedding.He is always so concerned about my feelings, but because I don't remember them it doesn't worry me. I think maybe he gets worried that I might resent him for it some day. I told him I could never feel that way about him. He has always been my choice and he has never pushed me to do anything that I didn't want to do. That's something that I will always remember even if I get my memory's back. I will never forget how much I love Cooper.
"Baby, I'd like to get married before the baby comes. Before I'm to big to fit into a pretty dress." I said one night sitting in the living room. Cooper was playing with Hank on the floor.
"Whatever you want sweetheart."He said. We had decided on very small wedding here at the house. With his sister and her family. They got a house in town and Debbie is always out here with me. Her daughter is only five and I love it when she is around. Its great practice for me. Plus she loves me and calls me auntie. Cooper also has a secret honeymoon planed for us and won't give me any details what so ever. No matter how much I beg, he wont tell me a thing.
'Coop are we traveling far?" I asked him.
"What do you mean traveling?" He asked me.
"You know for the honeymoon?" I said smiling at him.
"Could you knock it off. I'm not telling you anything." He said. I just stuck my tongue out at him. He smiled and went back to playing with Hank. I watched him and started feeling frisky. Ever since I got pregnant I'm on Cooper like crazy. I'm always in the mood and he is always happy to help me out. I crawled onto the floor on all fours and started to make my way towards him. He looked over at me and caught that look in my eye.
"What are you doing sweetheart?" He asked me. I bit my lip and kept moving closer to him. Once I got next to him I pressed my lips against his and straddled his lap. I know he knew what I wanted and he wrapped his arms around me. "Tell me what you want Lily." He said.
"I want you." I said.
"How bad do you want me?" He asked. He always likes it when I ell him what I want and how I want it.
"Very bad." I said. He started to kiss my neck and it set me on fire.
"Tell me what you want me to do to you." He said in my ear.
"I want you to bend me over that coffee table." I said. Cooper sat back and looked at me.
"Fuck that's hot." He said. The next thing I knew he had me over the coffee table and my dress was lifted up. I gripped onto the sides of the table. I felt him go between my legs with his face and his tongue found my sweet spot. I started to move my hips against him. It was all driving me crazy and I didn't care who heard me.I was moaning and calling out his name. He loved it and proceeded to eat me from behind. I love it especially when he added his fingers and pushed them deep inside me. He started to kiss up my back and took his other hand and placed it around my neck. He then moved my hair to the side and started kissing the back of my neck while his fingers did wonderful things to me. I was getting out of control and I could feel myself getting ready to explode. He slowed down and I heard him remove his pants. I knew what was coming and I was full on ready for it. This was always my favorite part.
He slid inside me and he gripped my shoulders. I held on tightly as he started to pound in and out of me. I was going crazy as my second orgasm slammed into me. Cooper came out of me and picked me up and sat me down on the couch. I laid back as he entered me again. This time I was facing him and I just loved his facial expressions. It turned me on even more. He ripped my dress open and broke most of the buttons. Soon my orgasm slammed into me again and it caused Cooper to cum right along with me. He pulled out of me and laid his head on my stomach. He was breathing heavily and I was playing with his hair.
"Your amazing." He said. I just giggled. Hank always leaves the room when Cooper and I get into it. It cracks me up every time. Over the next couple of days. Debbie and I started to get things together for the wedding. I found the perfect dress and we started to cover the outside in flowers. The wedding was only two days away and I was getting excited. I couldn't wait to be Coopers wife. I was also excited to find out where we were going afterwards. I found out that Debbie knew where we were going. So I tried to get it out of her, But she was worse then Cooper. I guess I was just going to have to wait and see. Debbie and I were working like crazy to get everything ready outside. Cooper was on my ass about taking it easy. I just ignored him and kept working. I promised him if I felt tired I'd rest. Mike, Debbie's husband was helping Cooper with the bigger things.
The day of the wedding my stomach was in knots. I wasn't sure why I felt so nervous. The wedding wasn't for a couple of hours. I was sitting on the back porch just watching the sun rise over the woods. I couldn't shake the feeling deep inside myself. I knew I loved Cooper and I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, but I couldn't help but feeling like something just wasn't right. No matter how much I thought about it. I just couldn't get it to go away. Nothing was coming to me. I felt like I was searching for some sort of answer as to why I woke up feeling this way. All of a sudden I felt a tear fall from my eye. I took a deep breath. What's wrong with me? I asked myself. Maybe this was just my pregnancy hormones acting up. I just didn't know. All I knew is something wasn't right and I couldn't shake it away. I remember the first night I was in this house. The only time I had some sort of flash back, I remember seeing two kids playing bubbles. For the longest time I thought to myself that maybe they were my children, but that thought never truly felt right. It was the only sort of memory I had. I knew it had something to do with my old life, but I just didn't know what.
I think about that feeling all the time. It's hard to let it go when its the only one you've got. My biggest worry is that all my memory's come flashing back to me and I lose Cooper. I promised myself that f that ever happens. I wont let Cooper go, but how can I truly promise myself that? Only god knows what's out there that is mine. What if I'm in love with someone else? I've asked that question to my therapist time and time again. How would that even work? Would I be stuck being in love with both of them? Or would I only truly love one? I don't know all I know is I'm about to marry and have a baby. I'm about to do this with the man I know I love right now. I needed to let this feeling of despair go. I can only deal with that if it had ever turned out to be true and right now this is all I knew.
I stood up and took a deep breath. I'm sorry to whoever might be out there. I said to myself and went back inside to wake up my sister inlaw. I neede to start getting ready for my wedding.