Black Sorrow In Disguise

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Chapter 38

I wake up and I couldn’t see anything properly. The vision was blurry and my head was paining badly. After some time my vision comes back. I fell someone’s hand intertwined into mine. I look over and see Sarah beaming at me.

“Congrats, you survived. How are you?”

she asks laughing.

“Good, but my head is paining and I am hungry...”

I say.

“You would be, you were asleep for a whole week.”

Sarah says.

“I was?!”

I say as my eyes widen. She nods.

“The doctor said you have to be here for two months under medical supervision before you can be discharged.”

Josh says as he is standing on the door.

“What will I do a whole month here?”

I ask bored.

“We are here, you won’t get bored...”

Rebecca says.

“Wow...how long was I gone for?”

I joke. Sarah tells me the whole story of how Rebecca came at the perfect time and donated me blood.

“How do I thank you?”

I ask.

“You don’t need to. I hurt you, it is just an apology...”

she says.

“I forgive you sinner, now you are the saint.”

I say and we all laugh. Josh goes to make porridge and comes in few minutes.

“Here taste...”

he says and I eat a spoonful of it and immediately regret it. But I keep eating without saying a word. It was the first time he cooked, I didn’t want to hurt him. Sarah takes the spoon and tastes it. The look on her face tell me that she regrets it with all her life.

“What the fuck is this?”

she asks Josh.

“Porridge...”

he says making puppy eyes.

“This is crap. You added sugar in this and it tastes like shit. How the heck are you eating this?”

she asks me. I look over at Josh. He was sad.

“Come on it was not that bad...”

I say to Sarah I see Josh smile.

“You need to get your taste buds checked.”

Sarah says and we laugh. The days go on like this. With Josh’s Porridge to Sarah’s Jokes to Rebecca’s talks. But there was something missing. I never thought of Noah or that I didn’t wanted to. I said that I hated him, I don’t know but maybe just maybe deep below in my heart I still loved him. But after what he did.... I couldn’t.

Noah’s P.O.V.

Lettie was happy with her life. She was happy without me in her life. But I missed her. I missed her so much. She was on my mind all the time. I wanted to run to her and tell her how much I loved her but then her words came into my mind ‘I hate you’. I gave her a reason to hate me. I was walking in the park but then I found myself in the hospital. I didn’t know why I was here as she surely didn’t wanted to talk to me or even look at me. I take a look in her ward and it is empty. She must me somewhere. I think and I walk towards the doctor’s office when I bump into her.

“Sorry...”

I mutter as I continue walking.

“You think a sorry would mend what is broken?”

she asks. I feel my eyes water. I don’t turn around I just stand there. She goes away and I finally go to the office. Doctor tells me that it will take her one more month to recover. I thanked him and went home. I was in the park when Scarlet came.

“Hello baby...”

she said and kissed me. A tear fell down my cheek before I could even know. I had ruined everything. I was playing with Scarlet’s feeling. I was playing with Violet’s feelings. I broke her heart. Scarlet thinks that I like her. I can’t break her heart too. I lost my friendship. Everything was destroyed. But in the meantime I and Scarlet had been good friends. She wasn’t just hungry for kisses or something. She had a good side. Maybe just maybe she gave me the money to save Lettie’s life and not to use me.

“What is wrong Noah?”

she asks holding my hand. I shake my head and pull my hand away. I turn around and walk away.


I don’t leave the house next day. I stay there. As long as I was in the house, I was free from outside’s problems. I still missed Violet. I still love her. I never stopped loving her. But I don’t know how it all turned out like this. Why did I do it? Now it can’t be fixed. There is a knock in the door. I open the door and see Scarlet.

“I am not in the mood of making out, I am sorry...”

I say as and am about to close the door when she stops me.

“You think I was with you to make out with you? Noah what is wrong with you?”

she asks.

“You want to know?”

I ask.

She nods.

“It will hurt you...”

I say. The last thing I would want is to hurt someone I had no feelings for.

“I am ready to listen to it.”

She says.

“Fine”

I say and we both sit on the couch. I take a deep breath and start.

“Scarlet, you know that I don’t love you and I can’t love you even after what happened. I have loved Violet from the first sight and will love her till my last breath. I had to save her life that is why I agreed to you. I never liked you and you know that very well. I can’t keep doing this. I had hurt Violet and my friends. It hurts every time I kiss you and I know it will hurt you as I can never like you. My heart will belong to her. If it wasn’t for her surgery I would have never agreed to you. I know you like me, maybe even love me but I can’t love someone else than Lettie, I can’t like you back just because you like me. Things don’t work like this. It hurts me so much that I broke her heart and my heart breaks every single day thinking about it. I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t do this Scarlet. I am so sorry. I swear I will pay you your money back, but I can’t do this I am sorry....”

I finish as I bury my face in my hands. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t. She stands up and hugs me. In a friendly manner.

“You look up in my eyes...”

she says. I look up in her eyes.

“Noah, I liked you from the first sight. I wanted to be with you. But you were with Violet so I became jealous of her. It is actually my fault that I made you do all that. I just wanted to be with you. I was so in hunger for your love that I didn’t realize what I was doing. You think I made that bet to make out with you? No Noah even though I like you I didn’t do it for that. It hurt me every time I saw you with her. I did that to make her hate you in which I succeeded and I regret it so much. Now I realize that being loved back by someone you love forcefully is not everything, it is making sure that they don’t get hurt. But I made you break her heart. Then yours was broken and then mine. I made you break your friends’ hearts too... In the end everyone ends up broken but you know we can fix it. I loved you Noah but you know what I don’t deserve you. I realized the way look at Violet is what people call love the care you have in your eyes for her. I always wanted to be in her place but I ruined everything. I broke everyone’s heart. I can’t continue doing this. It will ruin everything that is left, now I realize that you two are meant to be together and to force you into this is the biggest mistake of my life. I am sorry Noah....”

she says as she is still hugging me. This was the first time we had been this close without any desire of her to kiss me. It was just Scarlet and me. Friends. Just friends. But none of us cry. Then I stand up.

“Pancakes?”

I ask.

“Sure...”

she smiles. We eat pancakes.

“How do I mend everything I broke?”

I ask her.

“I will help you in mending as I helped in breaking everything...”

she laughs at herself.

“How?”

I ask.

“I will talk to Violet...”

she says.

“She will never believe you or me...”

I say.

“She would.”

“How?”

then she takes out her phone and plays recording. It was the talk we had a few minutes ago.

“Oops my phone was recording all this...”

she smacks herself.

“You are sooo evil, this recording is so embarrassing...”

I say.

“I know sometimes the truth is embarrassing....”

she says.

“When will you talk to her?”

I ask.

“Now”

she says and heads out.

“And about that $70000...”

she stops.

“I don’t want it, I stole it anyways.”

She finishes and I laugh. I sit there thinking about what all I said. This was the first time I let all my emotions out to someone I think I hated. But it was relaxing to get it all out. Now I had to wait.

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