Chapter 18: Distraction
Unravel Him Playlist on Spotify.
Song; (Taylor Swift- Don't blame me) & (Henry Auguste- Hymnos)
The door closes behind us, the silence echoing.
I curled my arms around myself and view the bed with nervous eyes.
The same bed the two of us did more then sleep on.
His stare is heavy at the back of my head.
I feel and hear his breathing.
Then a click.
The door locking.
I whirl around, facing him head on.
That was a mistake.
The look he gives me is enough to scorch every flammable item in here.
It’s hot and heady, filled with need and lust.
Its a calling to my libido.
Slowly, I licked my lips, confused as to why I’m so nervous. “So...”
"So,” He steps forward, hands in his pockets, chain clinking against his neck.
What was he doing to me?
It was like every part of my body is abruptly aware of what it wants.
Swallowing hard, I struggled to maintain my resolve and straightened my spine to keep a cool gaze. “I told you to stop looking at me like that.”
Thomas raises one eyebrow. “Are you nervous?”
“No I’m not.” My tone squeaks.
“Sure,” He’s sarcastic this time and as he walks deeper into the room, I follow his every step, not wanting to be caught of guard.
This only allows me to trace the fine muscles beneath his shirt to which I feel the swirl in my chest deepen with need.
I pull back, horrified at what I was doing.
“Thomas, we need to take things slow.” It takes everything in me to spit that out when every pore in my body wants nothing more but for him to rip my clothes and have his way.
“We can go as slow as you’d like,” He tells me, stonily. “But the look you’re giving me says otherwise.”
“What?” I feigned confusion.
At least until I see his knowing expression.
He saw right through me.
Guilt slowly makes itself known in the pit of my stomach.
It crawled and gnawed its way to the surface, sending jolts of pain down my wrists.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Getting it out of my system this way is unhealthy.”
That’s what he called it.
He wanted to distract me.
For some reason that makes me guilty.
My feelings are shit right now and they needed to sort things out on their own.
Getting them out like this wasn’t going to help anyone.
Because of what happened last night, some part of me has shifted drastically in my feelings towards him.
Everything is different now.
More deeper. Harder to comprehend.
Intimacy never bothered me but this? This was something I had no idea how to handle.
“Look at me,” He orders, his voice ringing in finality.
I obey, feeling my heart thud heavily against my chest.
Thomas frowns at my expression but doesn’t let up as his right hand clasp my chin and tipped it back. “Don’t over complicate this,”
“You’re not using me.” He shakes his head and cups both my cheeks silencing me at once. “This isn’t anything you think it is.”
I pull away and vigorously shake my head.
Using each other.
That had done nothing but brought confusion and lost.
“What’s Mason got to do with this?”
Fuck. I said that out loud.
“Nothing, it’s nothing.” Before I can attempt to fix my lapse, Thomas’s entire aura darkens in a cloud of black.
“Not, nothing.” He hisses darkly.
I should’ve just taken his offer.
“Let me repeat myself before I do something I regret.” The threat rang loud and clear. “What does he have to do with what’s happening right now?”
Opening my mouth, I snapped it closed before opening it again. This happens for several more moments before I bite my lip so hard, the skin breaks.
Reaching for my lip, he tugs it down and slips his thumb in so he held my stare. “Did he use you?”
I’m surprise by the amount of venom in those four words that my words stumble over one another.
“Did he use you?”
"I used him.” Breathing deeply, I tore away from Thomas and stumbled back, due to the heady atmosphere.
It’s so closed in that I have to put a hand to my forehead to stabilize myself.
Meanwhile the heir of Graymoore waits for an explanation, fists clenched impatiently.
“We both did.” I let go of my arms and glare helplessly at him. “We used each other.”
Dragging two hands over my temple I take a deep breath. “These feelings, Thomas, I don’t know how to control them. I-I never...”
Why was it so hard to explain?
“I never been here before. I don’t know how to handle this. Physical pain I can take, but mental?”
It was so out of place for me not to have a handle in everything and yet here I was, two hands off the wheel.
If I wanted this to work-whatever it is we had-I had to cooperate.
I had to do something.
Tell him something that would make him understand.
Isn’t that how it works?
So with a bitter roll of my eyes, I launched into what I hope is a detailed version of my feelings.
“A few months ago, back when things were still confusing between us, Mason took me to the Oro.” I began, watching Thomas expression go from curious to wary.
“We just started kissing and I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t want it to stop because in my head, I was kissing someone else.”
Cautious now, I peeked at his expression and relaxed when he gave nothing away.
“Knowing you’re name was the one that killed my father, kissing Mason was easier. It was harmless. I wanted something I shouldn’t have.”
“You just wanted release.” He concludes, brows furrowed in understanding.
For a heartbeat, I though he might recoil in disgust at my words but I’m grateful he doesn’t.
“When Mason confronted me about it, we kissed again but I stopped. I stopped because he wasn’t kissing me, he was kissing her and I... I was kissing you.”
There I was, lost between what I wanted and what was easier.
How could I continue with Mason knowing he was only doing it for his own benefit?
“Thomas, you want to make this work.” My own insecurities were bubbling to the surface. “The truth is, I don’t know how that’s supposed to go. Am I supposed to act this way? Am I supposed to act that way? I don’t know-”
“You think I know any of this either?” Thomas frustratingly runs his hands through his sandy blond hair and tugs it angrily. “It’s up and down with you. One moment I want to punch something and another moment I’m kissing you.”
I’m breathless by his confession but refused to let him see how much that affected my well being. “Nobody asked you to kiss me.”
“When two people are in a relationship, certain things happen. If I recall, we are in a relationship, which means this applies.”
“Is that you’re haphazardly attempt of trying to hide the fact that you, Thomas Moore, can’t keep it in his pants?”
“Yes,” He strides forward and swoops down on my mouth, hands tangled in my hair.
The kiss is soft and gentle.
Then his mouth begins to rotate, forcing my lips open, wider.
It isn’t long until I feel his tongue swiping over my bottom lip and plunging in, forcing my tongue to mix.
It’s hot, warm, liquid fire pools over my lower region, clenching forth desire.
Raking my fingers down his back, I pull his shirt closer and managed to wrap my leg around his.
A low moan slips through our covered lips and I feel his chest heave with exhilaration before he pulls away. “Shower.”
The older male by passes me before unlocking the bathroom and disappearing inside for a few seconds.
In those few seconds, I hear the shower flipped on and steam eloped out in the open room.
My curiosity gets the better of me because I step forward, into the view of the golden bathroom.
He stands, barefoot, dark eyes blazing with coursing intensity.
My feet starts moving and soon I’m in front of him having shut the bathroom door behind me with the lock in place.
Thomas stares down at me from his height and the searing heat he gives me almost takes my breath away.
Steam is rising from the shower.
Sounds of water hitting the tile floors are loud.
My bare feet is getting wet from the moist atmosphere. My clothes are glued to my body.
Boldly, I pull my shirt over my head and threw it across the room. My pants are pulled down mere seconds later and he helps by practically ripping them off, allowing him free access to whatever bare skin he can find.
“Is this your idea of a distraction?” I mumble, trying hard to catch my breath when his hands ghost up my hips.
He grins and bents to kiss my navel before journeying lower only stopping to kiss the center of my panties. “Ask me to stop.”
Not even as his warm tongue circles the clothed area, swirling round and round, teasing, just barely grazing.
My fingers find his hair and I fists them before throwing my head back, eyes shut, mouth parted.
Pulling away, he rises so we’re eye level and I see his lips glistened before he’s kissing me again, harder this time, almost bruising.
When he unlatches himself from me, I feel my lips sting in apparent pain but don’t complain when he tugs me towards the shower.
Warm water instantly cascades down my back, wetting my hair and washing away all sense of worry and doubt.
“Take off your bra.”
I turn around, finding him beyond the threshold, un-moving.
Carelessly, I unhook my sports bra and let it fall, leaving my underwear on.
My breasts spill from the cups and my wet hair clung to my skin.
He’s staring at me in awe, lust and a hell of a lot more.
Without warning, he takes off his shirt and pulls down his sweatpants. His boxers comes off right after, revealing his hard erection.
I backed further into the shower as he steps forward, the cascading water sliding over his hair and body making every square inch of his skin glisten with sheen.
We’re nose to nose, close yet not touching.
The soap bar lays on the rack and he reaches for it, intertwining it with the sponge prepared.
All the while his eyes are on mine.
Burning, swirling, demanding me to back away and tell him this is not what I want.
This is not what I need.
This is, what I need.
When he was satisfied with the lubrication, he puts the soap back. “Try not to squirm,”
He reaches for my right arm and gently swipes down, the sponge exfoliating my sensitize skin.
I don’t move as he does this but when he draws the sponge under my armpit and my collarbone, I let out a breathy gasp.
“Don’t move or I’ll stop.” He warns.
My need for him forces me to obey his words no matter the agony.
The sponge slides down in between my breasts, his knuckles grazing the hardened buds.
My body folds in his touch, comforted by what he’s doing.
“You’re so beautiful,” He murmurs in awe as he continued his delicate washing all across my body, even kneeling to wash my thighs and legs.
I take note that he hasn’t touched the apex of my thighs yet and each second that passes only draws heat.
“I think you’re clean enough, baby.”
No, no fucking way.
“Don’t want to be too long in the shower,”
He was not going to leave me wanting more.
The sponge clings to my neck and before he can remove it, I closed around his hand.
We locked eyes.
Seize the day.
Swallowing hard, I glide it down my chest, down my stomach and finally, in between my thighs.
Thomas clamps his other hand over my waist, forcefully holding me in place.
I’m panting at this point.
The sponge hovers just above my aching core and I tilt my pelvis up, needing friction.
His eyes are darker then they’ve ever been, swirling with intentions beyond even me.
“Someone’s needy...” He sings, his voice music to my ears.
Just like that, I feel his hand move and the sponge goes up and down, caressing the flimsy underwear I wore.
My stature falters before I’m against the wall, one leg hooked around his hip as the water runs down on us and washes the soap suds off.
Everything is slippery and wet, hot and cold.
The sponge is stroking and stimulating, building up a high that starts achingly slow.
It’s like he wanted to watch me come undone, slowly, leisurely, at his own doing.
I tip my head back, eyes shut.
A smirk fleets on his lips. “Did he hold you like this?”
My eyes open, confused.
He rubs harder, deeper, a finger gliding through the underwear and dipping in the slit.
“Touch you, like this?”
Mason. He’s talking about Mason.
Thomas leans unbearably closer, mouth against my ear with his teeth tugging the lobe.
“You’re not answering me, baby.”
The sponge goes lower, following the line of my backside before he palms me.
The jolt of pleasure makes me dig my fingers into the wall behind me but I can’t hold on only balancing with one leg.
Slowly, he lets the sponge go and slips my panties off, the material neatly falling by my ankles.
His hand glides down my leg that was wrapped around him and pulled so I was flushed up against him.
Water continue to cascade around us, steaming the glass and obscuring my vision.
The tips of his sandy blond hair rested above his forehead and I reach forward to swipe them away, revealing his hooded gaze.
A wicked smile brandishes his expression. “He never did got to make you come.”
I let out an incoherent mewl as his erection enters, the new type of pleasure striking my lower spine in static patterns.
Thomas begins to move, not bothering to wait.
The rough fucking makes my limbs strain and my body pleading for mercy.
It’s intense, raw, filled with emotion.
This was primal.
This was need.
“Thomas, sl-slow-” I’m barely keeping up, my hips meeting each of his powerful thrusts.
Digging hard into his shoulder, my nails scrap against his skin.
Thomas shifts his grip and lets go of my leg. In an instant, I’m turned around, my chest pressed up against the wall.
He enters from behind and I gasped, head tipped back.
“You are, mine,” He snarls, pushing all the way in, his length stills inside me.
His hot breath is on my neck, his hand is on my waist.
Thomas slides his forefinger and thumb in between my core and presses down.
“Shit!” The pleasure is insane, it sends a direct calling to my belly which continuously clenched in both excitement and desire.
“Not Mason’s, not anyone’s, mine...” He circles his finger and the pace is picked up, going faster and harder.
His other hand slides forward to meet my hands that are braced on the wall before lacing through them and forcing me upright against him.
I feel his lips on my ear, panting, breathless.
Thomas is pounding into me relentlessly, a rhythm I’m forced to follow with each insane thrust.
Then it builds.
From my belly down my core.
My legs shake, unable to withstand the intensity and challenge he forces on me.
The deepening hits me deep in my underbelly, like a writhing coil.
I let go, his name leaving my lips as his front meets my back.
Sparks of pleasure travel all across my core, rippling my skin with need and tranquility.
I’m burning higher and brighter, further and longer.
My eyes haze over and I slump against the wall, feeling my limbs tremble with aftershocks.
Thomas slows his pace, his lips kissing both my shoulder blades.
He does this slowly, gently, taking his time to nibble the flesh with care.
What is it about this moment that makes my heart twist in aching warmness?
It’s like he was taking care of me, washing away all the doubts and worries.
I surprise him by twisting around and throwing my arms around his neck.
He halts, our gazes locked.
“My turn,” I say.
Holding onto his erection, I sink back down, pausing to close my eyes to relish in the delicious fullness of it.
He hisses, teeth gritted. “Shit,”
I start moving, pulling him in, deeper, harder, quicker, taking control.
This time, it was all about him.
His body is mine to care, his needs are mine to tend too.
It isn’t long until I feel his length tightened inside me and his fingers mark my hips. “Oh baby...” He moans.
I continue the rhythm, my body lost to its own devices.
Thomas’s groans grow louder and I kiss him hard before he climaxes, spilling warm liquid inside me.
He holds onto me as we go slack against the wall, distraction fulfilled and the shower long forgotten.
On a scale of 1 to 10, just how fancy is BourneFell Hospital?
The bathroom has a bathtub and a shower.
If that doesn’t convince anyone I’m not sure what else would.
“You know you’re ugly when you frown,” He tells me, his tone indicating he was only joking and what he really wanted was for me to pay attention.
“Hmm,” I mumbled, shifting my limbs so the water lapped over the tub.
After showering, we decided to take it to the bathtub which was why after almost half an hour, neither of us moved from our positions.
“I should frown more often then, would stop you from coming after me.”
His arms raise themselves so they hung over the edges of the tub. “Maybe file a restraining order, less damage to the face.”
Twisting my head, I side glared him before parting my wet hair back up on my ear. “With my luck, you’d probably find a loop hole in the restraining order.”
Thomas traces a finger along my collarbone, blue green eyes glowing with ease. “You know me so well.”
“Spoken like a true heir to a billion dollar company.” Flipping over to my back, I laid against his bare chest and relaxed in his hold.
In return he raises the sponge in the corner and begins rubbing it across my neck and chest. “Say what you want, but despite all the fucked up-ness in my name, it’s easier being rich than poor.”
His confession makes me frown and although he only voiced out what most of society have grown up to believe, I can’t help but feel something was up.
Rich means no problems.
Poor means problems.
“You know that’s not what I want right?”
“The money.” Taking the sponge away from him, I twisted my torso and mirrored the same action he did earlier on. “I don’t want you’re money,”
“Of course not.” He rolls his eyes and tips his head back so it rest against the tub. “If you wanted my money, you would’ve opened your legs sooner rather then later.”
Dumping the sponge into the soapy water I threw it at his face making him shout in shock as the suds burned his eyes.
“Careful Moore,” My tone is venomous.
Rubbing vigorously at his eyes, he squinted at me before scowling. “It was a joke.”
"Sure it was,” Ignoring his explanation, I maneuvered around the water so I no longer sat on his lap rather I sat opposite him, my feet just grazing his shoulder.
“I’m not a womanizer.” He growls, still mad that I threw soap water at him. “Unlike some people, I actually keep my dick in my pants.”
“Sorry,” Batting my eyes innocently, I flicked the water, sending it spraying. “I don’t speak dick.”
“But you had one inside you.”
Before I can splash him, he grabs my wrists, drawing me forward so I’m on my knees, with my hair covering my breasts.
Thomas traces his gaze along the groove of my exposed navel before appreciatively humming out loud. “I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you.”
I pulled back and sunk down the water, making sure my arms are crossed over my chest. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Mad?” For the first time since we’ve been in here which was an hour, I think, Thomas looks up at me, the ease evaporating.
“You disappeared for almost a month Thomas.” I explained sarcastically, wanting nothing more but to throttle him.
Did he forget about that?
“Oh,” Blinking rapidly, Thomas pushes himself up, so we were eye level. “I thought I made up for that.”
“What, with sex?” Snorting, I gave him a glare. “We had a moment Moore, and unless you fix you’re mistakes, these moments we share are no longer applicable.”
“Using sex as a weapon,” He whistles and if I wasn’t so annoyed I would’ve said he looked almost impressed. “This is a first.”
“Get used to it.” Rolling my shoulders, I inclined my head back. “If we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing, you have to promise you won’t keep anymore secrets.”
“Then you should make the same promise,” He warns me, getting upset.
Scowling, I held my breath and counted to ten before letting go.
If we kept hitting heads no one is going to stay happy.
“No more secrets,” I swore. “I promise.”
He tilt his head to the side and thought for a while before hesitantly nodding. “Fine, no more secrets.”
“Good.” Uncrossing my arms, I gave him an indecorous grin. “Why did you leave?”
Thomas chokes by my abrupt question. “This was a trap, you wanted to back me into a corner.”
“Hey, I made the same promise, so my obligations are the same as yours.”
He doesn’t look happy. In fact, he’s annoyed. “I left because it didn’t feel right.”
“What, staying with me?”
“No,” Shaking his head, he runs his hands across his hair and slicked it back. “I wanted to stay. I did, for a while-”
He freezes at my words, caught off guard. Before he can ask what I meant I was already explaining.
“Most times I would be awake. It would be dark though. No light. The only thing I could do was listen.”
I nod. “At first, the words were unfamiliar. It was like a raging fever had overtook my body. Thoughts and memories, got jumbled up and I didn’t know what was real.”
Thomas tries but fails to keep the haunting expression of his face and it takes good restraint from my part to forget about the memories I experienced while sedated.
“I... I don’t want to talk about that,” Sitting up, I curl my knees and hugged them close to my chest, eyes staring vacantly at the reflection before me.
Thomas sighed heavily before sitting up so we’re nose to nose. “Believe me when I say I didn’t want to leave. But I had too. You know, I had too.”
I don’t bother asking for an explanation when I already know his reasons behind it.
His Queen had fallen, the King wanted blood.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” I ask bleakly.
He gives a half sided smirk that tells me more then what I needed. “That, and a hell of a lot more.”
“I won’t ask for details then.” Swiping the edge of the bath, I sprayed droplets across the tile floor. “You’re not satisfied at all.”
Thomas gives nothing away to what entails in his head. It was driving me nuts. That same blank look I’ve come to know since I met him was back in place and I hated it.
It just made me angrier that I didn’t see it in the first place.
That’s why he was always so difficult to read.
“Look, whatever spree you’re on, put a pin in it. I want my own piece too.”
He raises an eyebrow, surprised by my declaration of wanting my own revenge. When he replies, it’s taunting almost. “Didn’t think you were about that life,”
“Oh please,” Scoffing, I feel my sarcasm grow. “Neither of us knew who the other was. It was the Universe sick sense of humor that brought us here.”
“When did you know?”
Tilting my head at his question, I thought back about the signs. The small missed signs I had happily ignored.
My suspicion on Thomas early on in the tour.
How his hair was black back in Karen’s party or when the boys tried to warn me.
“So that’s what that was about,” Stopping for a second, I’m reminded of the events and instantly shook my head in disbelief. “Wow, we really were two different people.”
Thomas frowns as though thinking that was meant for him.
It was meant for me.
How long did the boys tried to warn me? How long have they tried to steer me away because they thought I didn’t know what I was dealing with?
It was funny that they didn’t realize I was the same thing they were trying to protect me from.
Was I really that different when I’m in the Ring compare to when I’m well... me?
“I guess I always knew, I just didn’t see it clear enough.” I answered as honestly as I could.
“Neither did I,” He agrees, nodding as though he too had made the same startling realization. “I guess it started from when I went to you’re apartment.”
“You mean when you were drunk?”
“We don’t... talk about that...”
Despite the air of seriousness between us I managed a laugh. The corner of his lips, lift.
“I woke up when it was morning with a killer headache. There was a mask on the table.”
Now that I think about it, I never did put it away. I was too distracted trying to make sure he puked in the trash can and not on the couch.
“My hangover self swore it looked familiar but didn’t think too much of it because only specific people had those masks-”
“His fighters,” I finished for him. “Despite leaving him, you still kept his mask, used it even, why? As a reminder? As a tribute?”
Thomas narrowed his expression onto the water, confronted with unbelievable circumstances. “Is this the part where we come clean to who we are?”
A surge of dread filled my chest. I didn’t want to open that topic. I wanted to leave it be.
Who knows what could go wrong?
“No...” Sighing, I can’t help but feel cowardly. “Not yet... at least.”
How could we sit, mere inches away from each other, our bodies tangled and our hearts full yet we barely knew each other?
The little bubble we created over the last two days was slowly evaporating.
Problems that were left in the dust were going to come back and haunt us and there was really nothing we could do about it.
Nothing we could do to stop it either.
“So... what now?” Peeking at him with unsure motives, Thomas sees what I see.
A million different events flashed in his eyes and I had the same feeling he was seeing it in mine too.
The both of us had our own demons to deal with.
“I didn’t know you have a daughter.”
“Had, I had a daughter.”
“You don’t know what happened after you left. You don’t know what I did to get sober. To get clean. I wanted to see you. I wanted to do everything I could, to get back to you but you were already gone.”
“What are we Mason?”
“We’re everything we can be.”
“Allies, friends, lovers... We can be anything for each other at any time.”
Thomas breaks me out of my trance when he releases a breath in trepidation.
He mouths three words, unsure and as scared as he’s ever been.
“I don’t know.”