Chapter 39: Perfect
Unravel Him Playlist on Spotify.
Song; (Kings and Creatures- Burning Castles) & (Tomme Profitt- Can’t help falling in love)
Growing up, I’ve always wondered how’d it felt to have a happy family, to have a happy childhood.
I suppose I should be grateful.
I had most of that when I was younger.
Albeit it was still fairly early when shit hit the fan but it was no excuse.
How could I ever compare to the ones that had it worst then I did?
How could I ever compare to the ones that lay sick, dead, dying, right now?
Because that’s how I felt.
I felt like dying.
I felt like I just did.
Every nerve in my body, every vein beneath my skin... it was frozen, shriveled, stuck.
I was stuck.
Stuck in this moment.
Stuck in this present.
And I wanted an out.
Slowly, very slowly, the metallic glimmer by my side catches my attention.
Calling, beckoning me.
“You know what to do.”
I know what to do.
I lunge for the gun, barely grazing the cool metal before it’s kicked away and I’m forced to a stand, Jonas’s warm fingers biting deep into my shoulders.
“Come on,” He hisses, leading me off the platform in a ferocious struggle.
I have to go back.
I have to go back, let me go back.
Then I’m struggling, I’m kicking, sounds are coming out of my mouth, neither recognizable nor human.
I have to go back.
“Come on!” His strength is a mountain against me as the crowd moves in a blur.
We walk quickly, dodging walls and hallways, making a seamless escape from what just transpired.
“Marvin,” I hear him say as we venture into a closed corridor where a red door awaits.
“Dump the body two blocks from here by the corner.”
“Over at Avenue?”
“Yeah,” He huffs. “That’ll take a while for anyone to find him.”
Why didn’t he just leave?
Why didn’t he just walked away?
It would’ve been better wouldn’t it?
So why didn’t he?
“What are you going to do to her?”
A door is unlocked, I’m pushed through the red door and there I stand, un-moving.
Why didn’t he?
“I’ll deal with it.”
The door closes, followed by a lock and a jingle of keys.
Jonas streams past me to flip open several switches along the walls. The light buzzes alive, its glaringly disorienting.
“Tell me... that wasn’t you...”
I crane my head to the side, fingers digging hard onto my neck.
He didn’t recognize me, not in this state, was that why he pulled the gun? Was that why he threatened me?
“The attacks, the killings, tell me that wasn’t you!”
I was supposed to get him out.
I was supposed to save him from Jonas.
I should’ve saved him from myself.
The reality of what I’ve done knocks me off balance. My whole world teetered.
I should’ve have saved him from myself.
Shaking my head, I try to turn my attention over to something, anything, just anything.
I needed an out.
Christmas lights shone above, they glowed red and white. A dingy couch sat in the corner and along the walls peeling wallpapers can be seen, drooping lower.
There’s a small crack in the ceiling.
I focus, I try to focus on it.
“Put you’re weapon down or I will open fire!”
I’m away from prying eyes and voiceless whispers, yet I still feel trapped, caged, confined.
“Red Devil you are under arrest,”
“Do not resist.”
I told him to stay down.
He should’ve stayed down.
Jackson why didn’t you stay down?!
Then a dam breaks. It breaks and breaks and I feel my heart collapse on itself, I feel my lungs cave, I feel my throat clog.
Four walls and a roof.
It was a prison.
“Don’t do it.”
Jackson is gasping. He’s begging, pleading me not to pull the trigger.
Don’t pull the trigger.
I pulled the trigger.
The gunshot is loud. It’s so loud. I can still hear it. I can still hear it echo.
It’s not enough. I can’t make it go away.
It needs to go away.
The door is in my view, I make a break for it, fingers gripping the knob in a hasty attempt to escape.
I’m desperate, crazed, I have to go back.
Jonas’s words do not reach me.
Not as my nails began to rake at the wood. Not as my fingers began to punch and tear at the paint.
It’s locked. Why is the door locked?
I have to go back.
I have to go back. I have to go back. I have to go back-
“Enough!” He pulls me back, two hands wrapped around my waist.
I kicked and screamed, pushing everything inside me to fight him.
I was supposed to save him.
I was supposed to save him.
The screams turn into sobs, the sobs turn into whimpers.
I hold myself tighter, arms curled as though it would protect me from the horrors of what I’ve done.
Jonas settles us by the couch and I sink into the plush material, defeated, subdued, limbs frozen, just like my soul.
I’m so, so vulnerable.
“Let me go back,” My voice is a deathly plead. “Let me go back, please...”
He scoffs, ignorant to my begs. “So you can blow you’re brains out? Not a chance sweetheart.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, unwilling to succumb to the darkness that so easily welcome me in their arms.
“Here,” He gives me something.
I don’t know if it’s alcohol or water.
I drink it anyway.
The liquid doesn’t burn. It’s tasteless. I can’t taste anything. My senses have gone numb.
Jonas leaves my side to explore the room, he flicks a stack of magazines and CD’s in the corner before gently stroking the string lights above us.
His green eyes are dark, his posture calm and relaxed. “You’re in shock.”
How can I not be in shock?
After what happened, after witnessing the events.
Slowly, I drag my gaze over to the red door, a multitude of emotions thudding in my chest.
Jackson’s dead body.
“Why did you make me do it?” I whisper, scared to go any louder. “Why did you make me kill him?”
Jonas tilts his head, frowning at my choice of words. “I didn’t pull the trigger, Vanessa.”
“No!” Standing, I threw the glass across the room, nearly hitting him with the shards.
The world spins and I stumble, confused and light headed, dazed and scared.
I’m not in control.
I can’t be.
Look at me.
Everything I’m doing is wrong.
Everything I’m supposed to do is wrong!
“I don’t...” Grasping my head, I try to focus, I try to clear my head.
I’m scared. I’m so, so scared.
Tear stream down my cheeks, painful burning tears.
“What’s happening to me?”
I can’t focus. I can’t concentrate. My lungs burn, my heart aches, my brain pulses.
“Shh, it’s alright,” Jonas gently caresses my cheek and we fall back on the couch, my body too weak to resist as he pulls me closer.
“It’s the adrenaline, love.”
“No, I’m scared!” My voice comes out raspy, croaked, filled with undeniable fear.
What have I become?
“Scared?” He drags a finger down my right ear lobe, chuckling silently at my confession.
“You shouldn’t be scared. You did perfect, love. Just perfect.” He muses in awe, going to cup my cheeks.
I refuses, instead scooting to the far side of the couch, hands wrapped around myself in an effort to slow things down.
How could I have been perfect?
I stared down at my palms, finding them stained in blood.
Dark, deep, blood.
“This...” Inhaling slowly, I blinked several times, unable to voice my words.
“This isn’t right... all of it... it’s wrong. It’s so wrong.”
“Enlightened me,” He taunts, uncharacteristically sarcastic. “Why is it wrong?”
Twisting, I rest my arms on my knees, keeping my back hunch as I took the mask off my face.
“Don’t you see? I... I can’t control myself... Something’s wrong, with me.”
I run my fingertips beneath the edges of my mask, finding the wood coarse and grating.
“I... I would have never-”
His name is like a bucket of ice cold water.
I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Oh Vanessa...” Jonas sighs, sounding sympathetic.
“But you did shoot him. Point blank in the chest. Just like how you killed Travis, just like how you ordered the attack on the Danivels.”
Gripping my hair in my hands, I tugged at the strands, desperate to make it stop.
Desperate to make it end.
“Jonas please,” Risking a look at him, I don’t know what my expressions entails but within seconds, he’s at my side, hands around my neck, fingers feathering my cheek.
I don’t want this anymore.
I don’t want to do this.
I just want it to end.
Let me end it.
“No, baby.” He kisses my cheek, grazing his lips with mine softly. “I know what you want. I’m not giving it to you.”
I shut my eyes, willing for it all to go away.
I can make it go away.
It was simple, easy, I won’t feel a thing.
I won’t feel a thing.
“You’re not leaving me, Love. I won’t let you,” He confesses, pouring the emotions he’s kept guarded in his heart for me to inspect.
“I need you, can’t you see? If you kill yourself, who am I left with?”
Reopening my eyes, I find him staring at me, his eyes sparkle with remnants of desperation and need.
“You belong to me, Vanessa.”
He’s close. He’s so, so close.
I smell the cologne on his shirt. I feel his skin beneath mine.
It makes my heart pound, it makes it ache, ache for all the bad reasons.
The bad reason that this is wrong.
This is all wrong.
“The others should be scared of you,” He continues, delicately gentle as his fingers began their tracing down my neck to my chest.
“Not the other way around,”
How can I not be scared?
After what I’ve done, after what I just did.
How can I not be scared?
Jonas pries my lips open and slips a thumb in. He fishes the mask from my fingers and tied it around my face, caging my title forever.
“You’re going to be on a throne Vanessa. You’re going to rule.”
I’m laid down, his weight sliding over the length of my body in a smooth yet sinister manner.
His lips are kissing my neck, my cheek, my collarbone.
I’m still beneath him, face neutral for the simple reason that I no longer feel anything anymore.
I’m a stone, a mask, a front.
“I’ll be right beside you, guiding, whispering, telling you to do things for me...”
One of his hand caressed my throat while the other slid my leg up to wrap around him.
“You’re going to be perfect.”
Like a puppet on strings.
Too weak to disobey. Too weak to say no. Too weak to fight back.
Images of my future flash behind my eyes. I see it all as thought I’ve already experienced it.
It’s horrible, it’s terrible, it’s the end.
By the time I’ve come too, I’m trembling, every square inch of my body shaken by what will happen.
“This isn’t what I wanted.”
Simple yet meaningless.
Jonas breaks away from my skin, long enough to view my eyes. Something swirls in the depths of those green orbs.
Something like triumph, victory, success.
“No,” He agrees. “It’s what I wanted.”
His mouth covers mine and I let go.
He only wanted my body. He wanted my title. He wanted my physicality.
He didn’t want my soul.
I’m cold anyway.
The kiss turns frenzied, desperate, crazed. Jonas pushes his fingers into my waist and digs his nails in, hard enough for bruises.
The pain is fleeting.
It reminds me that I’m still alive.
And I didn’t want that.
He hooks a finger on my bra strap and slips it off, allowing more area for him to explore as his lips began their journey lower, the straps along my hips unbuckled.
Every touch is unloved.
Every touch is uncaring.
Every touch is a reminder that I am nothing.
My vision tunnels, I’m sinking, sinking into a black hole.
Darkness scatters along the very edge of my peripheral plane as I float further and further, away from anyone’s reach.
It’s comforting, cold, lonely.
I reach out to touch it only to feel the emptiness it provides.
Where else could I go?
Reality where pain greets me or darkness where nothing does?
Jonas groans as he grinds his hips onto mine. I feel his erection hard and ready.
He wants me. He wants me so, so badly.
Now that he has me, he’s got nothing too lose.
I’m back to being his prized possession.
His to touch and play with.
I’m nothing but a doll with no soul.
Then something truly beautiful happens.
It’s like slow motion in movies before the desecration, there’s a warning, a hold breath, an expectation, a motion that something will go down.
Nothing like that happens.
This isn’t a movie.
So when the door came flying off its lock, thudding hard against the wall, Jonas tears himself away, his body stature rigid and his eyes sparkling in maddening fury.
“What the fuck is it now?!”
His anger is terrible, rolling off his body in tremendous waves.
Only the music from the bass playing upstairs can be heard.
Jonas twists, his body poised and locked. “Marvin, I’m getting real tired of you’re shit.”
I followed his gaze down the corridor, down the halls, down the looming passage.
All I see is darkness.
But somehow, I don’t know how, I know it isn’t just darkness that stands waiting in the shadows.
I know it’s something else.
And that makes me sit up, my hair tumbling down my shoulders, my voice in my throat, air stuck in my lungs.
This... this is familiar.
The hair at the back of my neck stood to attention, the nerves in my veins buzzed alive.
Something is standing in the shadows.
And it’s not Marvin.
Jonas slowly de-tangles himself from me and positions to a stand his eyes flaring at the intruder that refuses to make themselves known.
There is no answer.
“What the fuck do you want?”
Jonas's tone is raising.
And still, there is nothing.
It must be the universe’s sick joke.
Memories of what I did to Daniel flashed through my mind.
The rolls are reverse.
I’m the one kneeling on the floor, I’m the one being torture and I’m trying to understand what’s making me so uneasy.
I’m trying to understand what’s waiting for me.
But I can’t.
Because I’m terrified of who stares back.
The shadows move, giving way to the person that walks in, clad in all black, leather buckles with criss-crossed motions running throughout his torso.
“Someone’s been a bad girl.”
Goosebumps erupted all the way up my neck as I fold in on myself, fingers digging hard against the leather couch.
"A very, bad, girl."
Raven black hair.
A smile set as thin as paper.
Blue green eyes.
“Did you really think you could get away from me?”
This isn't possible.
How was it possible?
The figure tilts his head, expression menacingly dark.
“I thought we promised not to lie to each other... Ginger.”
A/N It took a while, but I'm back. *Waves*