“If you could change one thing, what would it be?” I sit deep in thought after hearing this.
What would I change?
I would change only one thing without a doubt. I wouldn’t change that I am sick or that Jonah hasn’t spoken to me in six days, granted, it is my fault.
I wouldn’t change my doctor or anything, nope. “I would have my dad here with me while I fight this.”
Bella smiles gently at me after finishing the adjustment on my drip. Over the past few days nurse Bella and I have bonded quite a bit and she is my friend now.
She is only five years older than me and she has a little son who is 2 and lives with his grandmother while she works.
I enjoy her company and she is really nice “you wouldn’t change your health?” I shake my head.
“Nah, I am going to live. However, my dad didn’t. So if I could change his death, then I would have him with me when I get out of this place.” Understanding passes her eyes while she takes a seat next to me.
“What would you change?” She sighs and looks down at her lap before saying “I would give little Sammy his daddy back.”
I look at her in shock and she nods with tears in her eyes. Sammy is the name of her little boy.
“His dad, Michael, passed a year ago in a car accident which happened while he was taking Sammy to his grandmother.” She shakes her head and wipes away a tear which slipped.
“He jumped in front of Sammy’s baby seat before the airbag went off, since the car seat was in the passenger side so that he could see him. Sammy didn’t have a scratch, but all the impact and the roll of the car killed Michael while he was protecting our son.” she sniffs and stands from her seat while she grabs a tissue and blows her nose composing herself.
“I am so sorry Bella, I had no idea . . . If I knew I wouldn’t have asked.” she shakes her head and sits by me again.
“It’s not a problem, I would have told you some time anyway, but yeah, that is my soppy little story.” she rolls her eyes at herself and I smile softly.
“So I guess that you guys were high school sweethearts?” She nods and a smile falls on her face “you and Jonah?”
My smile fades a bit “I love the guy, but I am angry with him. He says he is going to marry me one day and I agree though, we will work it out just like always.”
She smiles and places her hand over mine “hold on to him, he loves you more than anything.” I smile and nod “I will don’t worry. I will after he has learned that being the better person is important.”
Understanding flashes through her eyes and I can immediately see that she admires our strength in a way no one does. She understands though, she sees me on all my days the good ones and the bad ones.
Just then, we hear a knock on the door before it is opens and I fall silent. “I should go.” Bella gets up and leaves with a few betraying tears and I stop her “Bella, could you please help me with my pillow?” She nods with a sweet smile and helps move my pillow before giving me a hug “it’s okay.” I whisper in her ear and she nods before going to the door and then leaving.
I then realize they I still have company. Silent and observant, I stare at him as he walks in and sits on the seat next to my bed.
My eyes fall on his biceps which are fighting for freedom from his shirt.
He clears his throat and takes a deep breath before speaking “how are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you.” is my curt reply and I can see in his eyes that he is getting frustrated “what is your problem? I came up for you.”
“I understand that.” I go silent after that and the silence then reigns in the room for a moment.
“And your problem is what then?” My glare reaches him and I take a deep breath “You don’t understand and I am not in the mood to explain it.”
Then an irritated sigh and then . . . “Do you think it is easy?! Being the freak who fell in love with his sick best friend?!” My eyes snap to him and he has anger mixed with hurt in his eyes.
“Do you think it is easy having the girl you love almost dying and she doesn’t even love you back?!” I love him.
I feel a lump in my throat “do you think it is easy to have my girlfriend confined to a room and HURT?!”
I glare at him when he starts to shout at me “AND I HAVE IT EASY?!” his eyes snap to me.
“CAN WE FOR ONCE JUST FOCUS ON ME TOO?!” Sadness fills me when I realize what he means.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME JONAH?! IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST GET UP AND LEAVE!” I take deep breaths in anger and he glares while shaking his head
“YOU CAN AT LEAST TRY TO ASK ABOUT ME TOO! IT’S NOT EASY NOT HAVING A FAMILY!” I HAVE YOU AND YOUR MOTHER, BUT YOU ARE NEVER THERE . . . And I can’t stand the empty chair at dinner.”
I can see that there is more to what he said than an empty chair however, I can’t place my finger on it.
“I CAN’T CHANGE THAT!” his eyes snap to mine and in them I see one thing . . . Hopelessness. “I AM DONE! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND AND IT IS GETTING TO HARD!” he is angry now.
“IF IT’S SO HARD THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” he falls silent and there is silence for a moment before I speak “YOU CAN LEAVE! LIKE YOU JUST SAID, I AM CONFINED TO A ROOM SO HOW AM I GOING TO STOP YOU?!”
“I don’t leave because I love you Averly!” He is filled with frustration “get that through that stubborn head of yours! All I am saying is that you chase me away when I stand up for you and you don’t even love me back, you don’t even thank me!”
“THEN LEAVE JONAH!” Silence falls upon us and his eyes squint as he starts to back away “maybe I will ...” he then opens the door and slams it as he leaves.
Then I sit and stare at the door for about five minutes on end “what did I just do? I lost the most important person to me.”
Then my tears start to spill and I find that I cry myself to sleep with nothing but his face of pure hurt flashing in front of me.