After Jonah ranted and ranted and laughed and ranted, he passed out. He was walking to the door while giggling like a little girl and then took a detour to a chair and . . . Passed out.
He slept the whole night through without waking up once and me? Well, I didn’t get a wink of sleep.
I was up all night, trying to teach myself how to get along with no problem. How to walk without having to stop for air and how to have control over my body.
However, after about the fourth time that I fell from suddenly losing strength, I got back into bed and stared at Jonah for the rest of the night.
Creepy, I know.
It’s just that knowing how easily he can leave and control me, scares me. It makes me realize that even in his drunken mind, he was thinking about me and he wants me.
Yet, I drive him away. Why is that? I try not to and he always asks about me yet, I am the one who pushes him away?
What the hell?
How does being sick and in hospital make you lose your mom, best friend, and boyfriend? They act like I have a choice.
I snort at that and look down to my hands as I nervously fiddle with my hands “all I want is to tell him.”
I then hear a groan come from Jonah and still don’t look up “I love you, Jonah.” I finally say it out loud and then I hear a hard thud.
My head snaps towards the chair and I see Jonah awake on the floor. He fell out of the chair?
He slowly surveys his surroundings in a confused manner before putting a hand to his head and groaning in pain.
Hangover’s a bitch.
Slowly he looks around a bit more and as soon as his eyes meet mine he flies up from his position on the ground and grabs his head as he nearly falls again.
Once he is stable, he looks at me uncomfortably and clears his throat “h-how did I get here?” He closes his eyes for a moment and then lets out a strangled sound “never mind.”
His ears turn pink and I find myself curious however, he just turns around and starts walking to the door and I find myself deflating.
Are you really just going to let him walk away again? So that you can bitch and moan about it to a stranger again?
Wake up Averly!
“Jonah!” I stop him as he is about to walk away and I see his body tense for a moment before he turns around and looks at me “yes?”
“Did you hear what I just said? Before you fell on the floor?” He looks uncomfortable for a moment and it is silent as he debates what to say “no.”
I look down as sadness fills me again. The one time that I have the guts to say it, and he didn’t fucking hear it.
“Do I really make it all about me?” His face falls and he turns pale before face palming “fuck,” he wipes his palm down his face slowly and looks to the ceiling for a moment.
“What the fuck did I do last night?” I look down to my lap. Of course he didn’t want me to know what he really thinks.
“It’s not like that Averly,” the room falls silent for a moment “I think we need to sort our shit out. It’s clearly taking a toll on you.” I then hear the chair being pulled closer to my bed and look up through the hair in front of my face.
“You actually still want to be in the same room as me? Even after what I did?” He raises an eyebrow and grabs my hand “I will always.”
“But I was wrong, and I was rude and unthankful . . . Unreasonable.” He nods “Was. Past tense. Now is the present and now we are going to talk.”
He is smiling softly at me and I feel him give my hand a small squeeze “we had a difference of opinion and that turned into me overreacting.”
I shake my head and he smiles “oh but I did my dear, I should remember that you don’t want what little bit you have left of your dad to disappear and I apologize for not thinking of that.”
I smile “I apologize for being rude to you and telling you to leave and never just asking about your day or something.” he nods and purses his lips “now, about yesterday.”
I let out a giggle “you apparently had sweet flour.” he groans “I was so fucked up. I got smashed, and I hate alcohol! And then they gave me . . . That when I was drunk and ugh. However, I want to know what exactly I said to you.”
I shake my head “you just said that you want me to stop thinking about myself. In a less kind way.” he shakes his head “please excuse my asshole twin brother.” I let out a hearty laugh.
“Seriously though, do I make it all about me?” He takes a moment and thinks it over “no . . . It just started feeling like all anything ever was about was you or your dad and I just wanted once for us to care about my day too.” I nod “I’m sorry”.
“It’s alright, dolly.” I smile “is your mom alright?” I look down for a moment before shaking my head “she has lost all hope on me getting better.”
“My stomach started to reject all the medication and I was in intensive care for three days.” his eyes widen “you were in intensive care and I was feeling sorry for myself?”
“N-no, you were being reasonable besides, I survived.”
“This time.” I smile “every time.” he looks deep into my eyes and nods “so where to now?”
“You don’t want to-”
“No.” he cuts me off “don’t think that way!” I immediately go silent and feel him lift my hand in his shaky one before he kisses my knuckles “stop thinking that way! I am going to be here.”
Tears fall from my eyes “really?” Slowly he leans up and kisses my forehead “I love you.”
I love you too.