“What’s her levels?!” Everything is blurry as I slowly blink my heavy eyelids and looks at the lights passing as they rush me through the halls in the hospital bed with an oxygen mask on.
I can feel how pale I am and I know what I look like . . . A mess. I have no energy and can feel the blood as it rushed through my veins at a slower pace than usual.
I hear shouts coming from many sides, but they all get blurred out by my brain and I don’t hear a thing except for my mother and Jonah shouting and in tears.
They were stopped by the doors again.
I blink again and this time . . . I fight to open my eyes again with the little energy that I have in my body.
I see no point in staying awake anyway. So with that thought in mind, the next time that I blink I don’t bother to fight in opening my eyes again.
My fingers are intertwined and my elbows are leaned on my thighs, as I sit with my feet bouncing up and down.
I watch as tear by tear, the floor between my feet gets wetter and wetter with each passing second.
I bought her a puppy. To say sorry for being a drunkass jerk. I told her that I have a surprise for her after we played monopoly and left to go fetch the little French bulldog from her house.
However, when I got back and saw the door to her room, they were rushing her out of the room and yelling things everywhere.
I handed the puppy to a nurse and ran to her side as fast as I could. Her mother ran to be on the other side next to the doctor.
When I got a look at her she was so pale, she struggled to blink and had an oxygen mask helping her breath.
All I wanted to do in that moment was hold her close and tell her everything will be okay. I have no idea what happened or what was wrong and I also have no idea what to do with myself now.
All I can think about is the way they stopped me by the door and I saw her try to lift her arm a little before it went limp.
The image keeps replaying in my mind over and over and over again. I love her so damn much!
I remember how her mom grabbed onto me as if I was her support structure while she was crying. How her mom ran off to the nurses station to find out what is going and hasn’t left once.
Now I am sitting in this oddly depressing waiting room and I have nothing but my tears to comfort me. Even my thoughts have turned against me and I can’t help but wonder if it is fatal.
My poor baby. She must be in pain.
Again, I stare at the tears on the floor in front of me and I don’t know how to handle anything. I was such a jerk to her and things have just started to come right again.
Now I can’t even see her. She can’t see her puppy which I hope the nurse is keeping safe.
I can’t even remember what nurse I gave it to!
Let’s hope that when the doctor comes, it will be good news and I will be able to give her the pup.
“Jonathan?” My head snaps up so fast I think I might get whiplash and then my eyes fall on the doctor who treats Averly.
I jump up from my seat and stand to hear what he has to say “Can I see her?” He gives me a look of sympathy and immediately I know what he means and the world starts spinning.
I catch my balance and listen to hear what he has to say “you can’t see her, she is in ICU.” My eyes meet his again “what happened?”
“Well, her pancreas stopped giving her insulin and her sugar dropped extremely low. Her pancreas didn’t want to work for a while and that was the result to let us finally see why she has been so tired. She doesn’t get enough sugar.” I nod in understanding “she will probably be back in normal care tomorrow, I just want to monitor what happens when she wakes up and has some ice cream.” I nod and sit down on my seat again.
My tears have dried on my cheeks long by now, I am just happy that my baby is alive and she is okay.
“There is another thing.” I raise an eyebrow at the doctor and he seems almost uncomfortable to tell me this “what?” He looks down at her file.
“I noticed that there is a change in both her mental and physical health with you.” I raise an eyebrow in confusion “excuse me?”
He takes a seat on the chair next to mine and thinks for a moment before speaking again “well, her mental and physical strength all relies on you basically . . .” With confusion still inside of me, he takes a second and thinks of a way to explain it
“When you two are not together, she has to see a therapist because her mental health decreases. She thinks very low of herself and feels like she is keeping you away from living your life, and when she doesn’t have her mind giving her strength, she allows her body to give in to what is happening; she just doesn’t know that it happens. When you are around, her condition increases to the point of her almost being, under circumstances, healthy” I raise an eyebrow.
“So her health changes as our relationship does? Isn’t that a bit messed up?” He nods “It may seem so, but you need to understand that it isn’t her heart problem that is doing this to her, it’s what it does and then because something fails the other starts to fail as well, she needs mental strength and well, when she sees strength in you, she sees strength in herself . . . It’s very complex actually.” I nod in understanding and he stands up and fixes his white coat.
“You two are either each other’s lifeline or each other’s kryptonite and right now, you need to make sure that you are each other’s lifelines. We cannot afford another setback like this. We nearly lost her today, if you didn’t make amends with her a week ago we probably would have.” then without waiting for my answer or anything, he walks away and leaves me to dwell in my own thoughts.
Hope has never killed anyone.