“Guess who is turning 18 in two days!” A smile graces my lips while Jonah starts dancing through the door and all the way to the chair that is next to my bed.
“I don’t know, you tell me.” He gives me an offended look before rolling his eyes and then giving me a small kiss “hello my dearest Jonah! How are you today?” He mocks a greeting from me.
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I let out a giggle along with “someone is in a good mood.”
Jonah smiles and nods while popping out his butt and dramatically falling into the chair.
“Whew! You know how it goes, love. Oh my word.” He sits in the chair as if he is too exhausted for anything and then suddenly jumps up.
“I am so excited for your birthday!” He almost shouts and I give him a smile that even I know is not real.
I have been considering something extremely personal and if I do it today then it will work out to taking effect early on my birthday.
I know I had a dream about us being happy and I held on to hope, but maybe I must accept that not everyone has a happy ending.
After all, everyone expects every story they read, watch, hear or even live to have a happy ending.
I think it’s time that I face the music! Or maybe I should wait longer? I don’t know.
“Hello, Ava?” I see Jonah clicking his fingers in front of me as I snap out of my thoughts and look at him.
“What were you thinking about?” I watch him for a moment, ignoring the newest pain of them all, in my heart.
“I was just thinking about us and Cat and my mom and everything.” Jonah nods and smiles “I was thinking about pickles.”
A laugh then bubbles out from me, from my belly and I can’t believe him “you little joker.” He smiles at himself and then starts to laugh “I was only honest.”
“Goofball.” He turns and winks at me with a goofy smile before he brings his hand up to his forehead and salutes me.
“So let’s talk,” he suddenly becomes serious “the doctor gave me a big speech on why I cannot take you out of these hospital doors again. So I will be doing something special here for you. Is that fine?”
At first, I find it strange that he is actually asking my permission to do something for me, but then I realize that he is doing it to show me that he cares.
I nod and he smiles and quickly claps his hands “yay!” Suddenly he becomes serious again and looks at me longingly.
He brings his hand up and puts a piece of my hair behind my ear caringly “are you really in so much pain?”
I process his words as my smile slowly falls and then I close my eyes to hold back my tears and take a deep breath before nodding “yes, yes I am.”
It’s constant, the pain is constant and only gets worse and worse, even though I keep a smile for Jonah and my mom; it’s still really hard when I am alone and can’t sleep.
I cry myself to sleep thinking of the world that I am missing out on and the young adult life that I am missing out on, and I know that I can no longer escape this.
I need to start accepting what is right in front of me and that includes either hurting the people close to me or hurting myself.
I just don’t know . . . Screw it! I choose the one that hurts me.
“Hey Jonah, I am feeling a bit tired. Would you maybe go check on Cat and my mom for me? Then I can get some rest.” Jonah’s eyes flicker to me and across the room before he slowly nods and then places a kiss on my forehead before getting up and walking to the door.
“Please call the doctor!” He turns and gives me a strange look before nodding and leaving the room.
I then immediately move and clutch my stomach while taking deep breaths. I clench my fist and lay my head back on the hospital bed as I let out a scream.
It suddenly feels like my stomach is literally tying into knots. How much of this can one person take?
Maybe I should just go with the decision.
I nod to myself and try to take deep breaths to get some air while I struggle to hold in the screams of pain.
I feel my stomach moving when I put my hand on it and I just know the doctor will show up soon.
Speak of the devil, in walks Dr. Dimitri and immediately he looks alarmed and runs to my side.
He sees that I am clutching my stomach and rushes to see what’s going on while calling a nurse.
He tells her to give me things and up some things and eliminate some things. Next thing I know, the nurse is busy injecting something into my drip and in an instant, I start to calm down.
The pain slowly starts to subside and the nurse leaves as Dr. Dimitri starts to relax and soon smiles at me “wow, what a rush!”
I nod and he takes a look at my file in silence and while I am waiting, I know that I want to do this.
“Now, what did you want to speak to me about, Averly?” He looks up at me and I give him a weak smile.
“This is all my choice and if you don't want to, I will fight because you said I ca do this. So work with me now.” He nods in curiosity at my words and cautiously listens to what I have to say.
My next words shocked him to the core and I could see on his face that he didn’t want to, but he knew that I know what it means.
“I want you to stop all of my treatment when I turn 18.”